Relationship and crohns

[Carlin]

Ive been with my boyfriend for over a year now and he has crohns and psoriatic arthritis. In the begging our relationship was amazing. He lives an hour away and he would come over everyday, we would always do fun things, we had sex everyday. In June 2015 he got in a flair and was put in the hospital. Everything was still going fine, i was by his side for everything. He still had a very high sex drive and we still did a lot of activities. It seems since January things have changed. We have sex if that once every two months. He never wants to hang out anymore. We only see each other twice a week if that and for a couple hours only. It is really starting to take a toll on our relationship. He started on Stellar in January so I dont know if it is that. His doctors seem to be of no help and I am trying to be supportive and there for him but its becoming hard and I am finding myself depressed. At over a year into our realtionship i was hoping to be getting closer and it seems as if we are growing further and futher apart. Anyone else have this happening to them? I feel lost and i dont know what to do.

 

[smt]

Ive been with my boyfriend for over a year now and he has crohns and psoriatic arthritis. In the begging our relationship was amazing. He lives an hour away and he would come over everyday, we would always do fun things, we had sex everyday. In June 2015 he got in a flair and was put in the hospital. Everything was still going fine, i was by his side for everything. He still had a very high sex drive and we still did a lot of activities. It seems since January things have changed. We have sex if that once every two months. He never wants to hang out anymore. We only see each other twice a week if that and for a couple hours only. It is really starting to take a toll on our relationship. He started on Stellar in January so I dont know if it is that. His doctors seem to be of no help and I am trying to be supportive and there for him but its becoming hard and I am finding myself depressed. At over a year into our realtionship i was hoping to be getting closer and it seems as if we are growing further and futher apart. Anyone else have this happening to them? I feel lost and i dont know what to do.

Disclaimer: I have never been in any relationship at any point of time, so what I say may safely be neglected.

According to Sternberg's triangular theory of love, "the three components of love, according to the triangular theory, are an intimacy component, a passion component, and a decision/commitment component." (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love)

It seems the second component was very strong at one point in time, but has reduced now. If that is what is bothering you, then you might want to read the Wikipedia article. If the state of his health would not allow him to act strongly on the second dimension, and if that is what you dislike, one has to take a decision.

I think (my personal opinion and this is not a comment on anyone) that if the last component is weak/absent, there is no point in continuing any relationship. So, I have only one suggestion: Look at the three components, especially the last, of both of you, and if need be, call it off.

Again, my personal opinion (not worth anything) is that people who lack the third dimension would never be able to get into any sustainable relationship, even if they try for a thousand years.

 

[teeny5]

Have you told him how you feel...that you want to spend more time together? Have his symptoms recently gotten worse? This disease doesn't make me feel sexy and if I am having to use the restroom urgently many times a day, the last thing I want is sex. Maybe he has recent symptoms that are embarrassing or that he doesn't want to reveal to you??? If it were me, I would try to ask him questions to find out why he has pulled away. But, you need to find a way to ask that doesn't make home feel like you are grilling him or accusing him of anything...more that you are asking out of concern and the goal of bringing the relationship closer again. Is he always traveling to see you? Maybe you can make an effort to travel his way. Sex naturally is less frequent in long term relationships for most as well. Not always an indicator of relationship issues.

 

[MmeMagpie]

Excellent advice, teeny.

Totally second the not feeling so sexy when I don't know when I'm going to have to sprint to the bathroom, next.

 

[wild_one353]

Both of these inflammatory conditions can also cause depression, and withdrawing socially is a symptom of that. And it's not just the idea of the what they are going through, it's more then that, the depression could exist even when most of these symptoms of the disease have calmed down a bit. Also sex drive can be affected by the symptoms so it may be a while before he is exactly the same as he was before, things will get better but still may not be exactly the same as before so don't expect that.

Much of society expects men to be symbols of strength(whether conciously or subconciously) and when we can't even marginally live up to some of these demands, it can cause alot of shame, and alot of shame can be inflicted upon us as well from other ignorant old-fashioned uneducated people. IT sounds to me though like you are none of that and seem to be a great supportive caring person. My advice is to not come across as if you are babying him or anything, but still be supportive. When his brain and body makes him feel less like a man, try to find some way to help him feel well, still kind of manly. I could probably explain this a little better but that all I can do for now. I hope that helps.