Ridiculous euphemisms used by doctors

[Weatherwax]

Not sure if this thread exists already, but I thought it needed to! A place to document all the wonderful euphemisms our doctors use to discuss our 'little problems'...

I'll start off with a few I heard this weekend. A surgeon who was unusually embarrassed about doing a rectal examination telling me he was going to "get a scope of the geography down there"...

Another surgeon, every time he referred to my lady parts: "the...the OTHER area"

My gastroenterologist also constantly refers to my butt as "the tail end". I am hoping that with a degree and PhD in medicine he doesn't genuinely expect a tail.

Oh, and the notorious "some discomfort" which I'm convinced is a doctor's polite phrase for "agonising pain worthy of a rectally-focused session with the Spanish Inquisition"

 

[vonfunk]

I've never had a doctor who has used euphemisms on a regular basis, almost always the proper medical terms (rectum etc).

The only time I can think of is just before vacation one year when I was admitted for an emergency blood transfusion and they did a scope. I believe I heard the phrase "top up the fluids and look under the hood".

 

[rrhood1]

While the nurse is putting an IV needle in - "just a little poke". Yeah right.

 

[Absentminded]

The nurses I see always say 'just a sharp scratch!' Yeah, yeah whatever.

 

[valleysangel92]

The only one I can really remember, was as a child , I was being anesthetized, and the doctor told me that the 'butterfly was going to land on my hand and have a sip of blood ' .. Well butterfly missed and hit my bone not my vein.

Oh and being sedated is 'being away with the fairies '