Single or marry?... how to manage your situation?

[zak]

hi :hello:

I'm 26 years old, so i have crohn since 12. I can live with this (try to have good environment ) but i m thinking about my situation. I'm single and I think to live alone because i don't want to share my situation.

I also think, to find a woman. Maybe in a relationship with a woman, it's better for me.

So, you can just share your experiences, have you had crohn before or after your weeding and how your wife or man reacts? Do you hide your crohn and symptomes or tell everything?

Thanks, I hope more hapiness for ALL .

 

[ronroush7]

I was married in 1986 . I was diagnosed with Crohns Disease four years later although I suspect I might have had it earlier. At first my wife didn't really understand about the disease. Six years ago, I had a blockage. They decided they needed to do a resection. While we were waiting for the date I developed pancreatitis and had to go onto the hospital early. My wife was at the hospital every day she could and then waited on me hand and foot until I was recovered.

 

[MissLeopard83]

My uncle married my aunt (aunt not related by blood) who has had Crohn's disease (moderate to severe) since she was a teenager. It didn't affect their relationship at all - in fact, I think it made them stronger. My aunt has had several hospitalizations during their 15 years of marriage when she spiked really high fevers. They had 3 children, too.

There are supportive people out there, so don't give up hope that you will find someone. It may take a while, but, if you find the right person, that person will provide incredible support and love during your illness.

 

[ronroush7]

My uncle married my aunt (aunt not related by blood) who has had Crohn's disease (moderate to severe) since she was a teenager. It didn't affect their relationship at all - in fact, I think it made them stronger. My aunt has had several hospitalizations during their 15 years of marriage when she spiked really high fevers. They had 3 children, too.

There are supportive people out there, so don't give up hope that you will find someone. It may take a while, but, if you find the right person, that person will provide incredible support and love during your illness.

Agree

 

[jcashen87]

I've been married six years and the whole time I've been having bad GI pains. The past couple months I've gotten 5 fevers, been very low in iron. Lost 15lbs I couldn't afford to lose. Today I had my colonoscopy and he could only get halfway through due to a stricture. My wife is the first and last person I see everyday and takes care of me through all this. When she is unwell I take care of her. The whole situation has brought us closer.

I would try to find that person you feel comfortable with and can share everything. Life can be lived single but for me it's better to have someone to share it with.

 

[eleanor_rigby]

I met my boyfriend when I was undiagnosed and 6 months later got a perforation. I was terribly ill until they did a bowel resection and even though me and my boyfriend hadn't been together long at all - I hadn't even told him I loved him yet! - he still visited me often in hospital and bought me cards and balloons etc. We have been together over 5 years now and I talk to him about my Crohn's all the time. The only time I think he struggles is if he wants to do something active - even just maybe going for a walk and I say no because I am worried it could lead to cramps or my stomach feels sore. I feel guilty that he could find someone healthy and be a lot happier leading a more active lifestyle. However I love him loads and feel like we complement each other so well, I would almost feel like I lost half myself if I lost him. Despite my guilt he seems to be happy with me and I feel like he loves me to pieces. I think he knows when I get back to remission we can be more active again. We have travelled the world together when I was in remission.

 

[hcrum87hc]

I was diagnosed three years into our marriage. My wife has been very caring and supportive for the most part. She's a NICU nurse, so my issues probably don't phase her as much as other people.

 

[Scared1]

hi :hello:

I'm 26 years old, so i have crohn since 12. I can live with this (try to have good environment ) but i m thinking about my situation. I'm single and I think to live alone because i don't want to share my situation.

I also think, to find a woman. Maybe in a relationship with a woman, it's better for me.

So, you can just share your experiences, have you had crohn before or after your weeding and how your wife or man reacts? Do you hide your crohn and symptomes or tell everything?

Thanks, I hope more hapiness for ALL .

My husband was diagnosed after we married, and it didn't change ANYTHING in my love for him. I mean, when someone will love you, they will LOVE you, not conditional, otherwise forget them. Because honestly, I am sure if you loved someone you would be beside them...so why wouldn't u expect the same? If my husband got an ostomy one day, lost a leg, etc...that wouldn't change anything, except I would do my best to keep him happy. And that is what you want to look for, because who has time for people who don't feel that way? Your time in life is too valuable

 

[JThorn676]

I was diagnosed after I got married. My husband is the only one who REALLY knows what I go through. I tell him everything. Crohn's almost took my life and he has been so amazing and my biggest support through all of it. He is the first one to tell me to take it easy when I don't feel well, forces me to go to the dr. when I don't want to, does my injections for me because I can't get myself to do them. I'm a stay at home mom and my youngest started kindergarten this year and he still doesn't want me getting a job because he knows stress is the worst thing for my crohns and with all my bathroom visits, he knows I would be miserable.

I would absolutely, 100% be a mess without my husband.

 

[Agent X20]

My view... don't think too much about it. Get on with life as best you can... like everyone else does. Make sure you get out and about and have plenty of interests (health allowing). The right person appears when you're not looking for them.

 

[shamrock15]

Married for 10 years here, one daughter. I had crohn's for almost 20 years before I met my wife.

Crohn's certainly kept me from dating much through my 20's. It was pretty easy to sit back and think "who would want someone like me?" Gas, puking and diarrhea are hardly selling points early in a relationship. It took me a long time to figure out that if I wanted to change that I had to be ready to deal with it, and the best way was to just be up front with whomever I dated.

I was a little ill at the time I met my wife, and let her know what was what. Took about 8 months to realize we wanted long-term, and my condition was that she needed to see me when crohn's was doing its thing. Didn't have to wait too long on that one! Got really sick on a trip to Europe and thought I wasn't going to finish the trip, but managed to get back home and headed straight for the hospital for a 10 day stay, soon followed by a second one. That same year we got married and I ended up in hospital for 40 days courtesy of two surgeries in 3 day that included an ostomy.

Things fortunately settled down. I went back to university and have changed careers, have my daughter, a job that I love even when it occasionally stresses me out. I have advanced as an artist, traveled to Europe and Mexico frequently, began camping again and am now cycling regularly. None of this happens without the support of my wife.

I would say to try dating if you are willing, and be honest with yourself about how it is going. I believe it is worth the effort.

 

[Megeraldo3]

Hello I have been married for a year and 8 mo. I have been dealing with a rectovaginal fistula with 11 surgeries for a year an 5 mo. Now an I feel like this is ruining my life an my relationship with my husband. I feel that i have no-one to talk to about all these problems, we can't have a physical intimate relationship the way normal couples do because of all this. I have an ileostomy with a para hernia an it's really bad. I have so many scars from all these surgeries on my legs around my butt an my vigina an I feel so unattractive. I wish i could be as positive as some of u on here but is so hard an the everyday pain physically an emotionally is taken over my whole entire life. I feel like a prisoner in my own body an my house because I'm to embarrass to leave. When u don't people stare at my stomach an wondering what's wrong with me. I look like I'm 9 mo. Pregnant with a huge tuner growing out of the baby bump from my hernia in my ileostomy. I pray alot an ask the lord to heal me but this process feels like it will never end. I do love my husband I just wish he would be more supportive.

 

[decotamed]

I was diagnosed with Crohn's in 1992. I didn't meet my wife until 2009. I was actually in the middle of a major flare up when we met. I was in and out of the hospital and wound up having 2 major surgeries within a year after we met. The bottom line is if you find the right person. They will stay with you and help you through all of it, no matter what. Its what they see in you that they are marrying, the disease is just some of the baggage that we all have. My philosophy is that we all have baggage, the trick is finding someone whose baggage you can live with.

 

[Cross-stitch gal]

As you can see here, I was originally diagnosed in 1996. But, my folks suspect I've had it since I was born. When my husband and I knew we were getting married, I wanted him to know what I had. He didn't understand till I got sick in 2010 and stayed sick till 2013. He was wonderful and even fought the doctors for me when I couldn't fight. I honestly don't know what I'd do without him. We've been married since March 2000.

 

[The Real MC]

I developed CD a year after my divorce. For reasons unrelated to CD I have withdrawn from the dating pool. The good relationship material are fewer and farther between and there are too many flakes. I used to think that CD made me unsuitable but it dawned on me that some of those flakes are perfectionists who don't want to deal with baggage or the burden of a disease thus they will never truly be happy. Not every mate abandons the relationship when faced with dealing with a disease, but they're getting harder to find in the US (perhaps not as hard in other countries).