So Frustrated!

[Roxxane885]

I feel like i'm at the point where i just want to throw my up and give up.
This disease has ruined my life. Even though Im not diagnosed (currently going through all the tests) I hate how it affects me.
Everything i eat or do has to be 'special' for me. Somethings i cant eat certain foods anymore cause i know they will just make me sick. I cant go out like i used to cause my body cant handle it, or im just too sick . I cant even drink anymore, and being 19 when every person around you gets drunk every weekend it makes you feel extremely left out. Sitting at home every weekend is no fun. I hate leaving my house cause i know theres a bathroom there, i know its close and i know no one else is there. I cant be away from a bathroom for a long period of time.
I hate all the pains I get. I hate the nausea. I just want 1 day to go by where i feel normal! Im sick of spending my nights in my bathroom , or just awake cause i cant sleep. I miss sleeping like i used to.
I hate that i cant work, i hate how i dont have enough money to cover everything. If i wasnt sick i would be fine. I wouldnt have to worry about money or anything. But thats not how it works. I feel like as soon as i got sick everything fell on top.
I dont want to answer to everyone, everytime they say "oh you dont look good, they still havent found anything?" or " how are you feeling?" I just want to say ' No, im all better. cant you tell by my pale face and surges of pain ? "
I cant even keep my emotions in check - i cry all the time. And i cant help it. I just cry. Sometimes i have to leave the room when im with people cause im going to cry.


There was no real point in me typing all this, im just so frustrated of how i feel and how it affects me that i needed to vent.
Thanks to everyone who reads and replies Its appreciated

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Hi Roxxanne, I'm sorry to hear that you're not doing so well. I can certainly relate, I'm not diagnosed either. I have also had many days where I just cry and cry - during particularly bad flare-ups I cry at the drop of a hat. I have cried at TV commercials and just at hearing my mom's voice on the phone. Being so ill all the time, especially with no answers, can really get you down and put you in a dark place. Believe me, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes you have to fight and go through endless frustration and exhaustion and emotions you never knew existed, but things will get better one day. Keep fighting for answers! You need answers and proper treatment so that you can get some relief and get back to living your life. It can happen, really - although I'm undiagnosed, my doctor decided to treat me as though I have IBD, and as a result I'm now in remission and things are so much better. So I've been there, though those dark days, and I'm on the other side now - it can and does get better! Just keep hanging in there, and keep fighting. Big hugs to you and I hope you get some answers very soon.

 

[liv]

Believe me there are a bunch of YOUNG people all in the exact same situation as you and hopefully that will help you knowing you're not alone. I'm sure a lot of people on this forum will be quick to tell you how much they support you and understand including myself! I spent my 21st birthday sober, how fun right?
I hope you get diagnosed soon and that they put you on the right medication as soon as possible. Don't be discouraged if the meds don't work right away, they take a while but it will get better, and you will have your disease under control!
I hope you have a great support system like I do that provide lots of love and care and LOTS of financial assistance. Do not rush to get back to work! Take this time to focus on yourself and realize how much everybody loves and supports you.
I know it's annoying for people to wonder every five minutes how you're doing. We know they care but they don't realize that they will never understand so the best thing you can do is just let them know that you appreciate the support but unless you want to discuss it they need to find something else to talk about. You are more than your disease and should be treated so.
Sending all my best wishes and that you get better!

 

[Roxxane885]

Thanks for the advice Cat. Its always good to know there is greener grass on the other side , but then again anything feels better at this point. I've got my scopes in 1 month, So i have high hopes for better results and treatment after that.. i hope.

Hey Liv: At least im not the only one left off the booze bus... & thankfully i do have an amazing support system. I feel like i overwhelm them with being sick, Or its not fair to my boyfriend though. But then i remind myself - i didnt ask for crohns. Most people around me are wonderful, and id probably be alot worse if i didnt have them there. Thank you so much for your support.