Some questions...

[chronsgf]

Hello,

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half now. He has Chron's and an ileostomy so wears a pouch on his hip. He was very upfront about all of this since the very beginning of our relationship and it has never been a problem for me.

What I'm concerned about is his diet. He had a resection about two years ago (when he got his ileostomy) and two weeks ago we rushed him to the ER because of sharp abdominal pain. They thought it might be a bowel blockage but it turns out it's about 5 inches of intestine right near his stoma that is ulcerative. They decided not to operate and see how things go.

He does not eat very well. I get on his case often because even though he doesn't have a large intestine and he says that as long as what he eats doesn't cause him pain, I still believe that a healthy diet can help him stay away from the emergency room for longer stretches of time. He tells me that I don't understand the disease, and I probably don't. I have done some research and am doing more, but is he right? Can he eat hamburgers and fried Chinese food and ice cream milkshakes all the time without it affecting his condition?

I love him and care about him and it was very distressing to see him in the hospital in so very much pain but he doesn't seem as concerned about it as I am. Any suggestions as to how I should approach his disease? I don't want to be overly motherly or meddlesome or pretend to know anything that I don't know.

Sorry, this was a long post. But any suggestions are more than welcome. Thank you.

 

[Suzy]

Well, it's difficult to say that people with Crohn's "can't eat this" or "can't eat that" because a lot of us have quite strange things we cannot eat. I know someone who has to be rushed to ER whenever she eats parsley..

A healthy diet is good for everyone - everybody needs things like vitamins and fibers - but for some of us it is harder because they can't eat some healthy food. I don't know what your boyfriend can and cannot eat, but fastfood isn't healthy for anyone. It doesn't actually cause flare ups, but obviously a bad diet has influence on his general health. I've experienced that when my general health isn't very good, I'm more vulnerable to Crohn's problems.

I'm afraid he'll be angry if you talk about it too often, though. He'll probably has to find out himself what he can and can't eat and which food affects his Crohn's and which food doesn't.

 

[ruthymg]

Hi, I've had an ileostomy for almost 2 years now after having a bowel resection. Thankfully, I have recovered really well and have been in remission and med free for at least 6 months. I believe I reached this point with lots of rest, as little stress as possible and the right foods. Its true, us crohnies don't like to be mollycoddled and its also true that what works on one occasion may not work the next time, if you know what I mean. This illness is so unpredictable and what works for me may not necessarily work for your partner. I can however advise. I know for a fact that certain chinese foods like chinese stirfrys and vegetables should definately be avoided when you have an ileostomy as should, mushrooms and sweetcorn. This is simply because they are foods that do not digest in the small bowel and therefore can cause blockages. I, by the way, have experienced 2 episodes of temporary bowel blockage due to eating these types of foods when I first had my stoma fitted. Its also important to chew the foods well, eat smaller portions and drink plenty of fluids. As far as hamburgers/red meat and milkshakes go........well I don't touch either of them purely because they are crap and they give me chronic stomach bloating and pain. I used to like junk foods before I was diagnosed with crohns but I now appreciate that its far better to eat foods which agree with me and have no problems than foods which are junk and taste great but will definately give me pain later. I understand it must be difficult for you to try and understand, my husband was in the same situation you are, and I used to tell him to leave me alone constantly when I was in pain. I felt frustrated because at that time I didn't know what I was doing wrong and I felt useless. I needed to figure it out for myself if you know what I mean. Is he a member of this site by the way? Show him my post, I'd be happy to chat to him.........one chronie to another and all that. Hope things improve for you both, I know how difficult it can be.....just give it time.



Ruth

 

[vickyoddsocks]

If i eat more processed foods, my crohns tends to appear better. But im always very aware that i need to be getting a correct balanced diet, so i try to have fruit and veg as much as i can tolerate. Although i generally always avoid nuts and seeds!
My dietician gave me some info that said 'we'(us crohnies) should have no more than 2 portions of veg and fruit a day! - I dunno how true this is, coz ive never heard it again.
If your worried about his 'nutrirional' levels, try suggesting some supplemental drinks like ensure, these will have everyhting he needs, and dont tend to aggrivate crohns.
I have them when im not well and the energy thay give you make you feel LOADS better!
Hope that helps! Good luck!

 

[Kev]

Man oh man... I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. Dealing with a crohnie AND a male.... Lots of luck. We men can be sooo stubborn... and we often only hear what we want to hear. So, if he 'heard' that he can eat anything he wants since his surgery as long as it doesn't cause him pain... I don't know what the chances are of getting him to listen to the 'truth', no matter how far you research it all. And as for getting us to listen to reason, or face reality... I won't even begin to go there. Think it may take a few more episodes of visits to the ER, or MORE surgery, to get the ol b/f to wake up and smell the coffee.
Meanwhile, efforts on your part to change him.. his eating habits... Well, and I speak only for myself... there may be some men who don't feel this way.. but I always 'felt' that when women were trying to 'help' me, in actuality what they were trying to do was 'fix' me, or 'change' me. Is your b/f any different? There is a fine line between forcing or insisting someone do the right thing for them selves... Vs enabling them (passively or otherwise) to continue destructive behaviour. Do you eat healthy? If so, then prepare only healthy meals when you cook for yourself and him... if he doesnt' like it, then, as we used to say at home... then he's big and ugly enuff to cook for himself. If you go out to eat, and he takes you to a place WHERE there are no healthy options on the menu, just keep walking. He can eat where he wants, what he wants, BUT you CAN choose to go someplace where there are healthy options, even if just for you.
Even if it means solo. Its not a case of being passive, aggressive or both. He is still free to punish his system, but it doesn't mean you have to be a partner in crime. And, like, if he does mend his ways, ENCOURAGE it privately, whatever way is most effective. And if he does occasionally slip back, let it pass quietly.
We are talking free will, options, encouragement, rewards, no punishment. It might work. Forcing the issue any other way is fraught with male pride/ego issues. Lets put it this way, don't think theres too many things a woman can't get a man to do if she approaches it right; and we can be 'trained' if we don't immediately clue in to what's what. That's just my humble opinion on this, OK?

 

[My Butt Hurts]

While hamburgers chinese food and milkshakes may not be so good for his heart, it's hard to tell what it will do for his gut. If his appetite is lacking, it might be good for him to eat anything he's craving at this point. Believe it or not, when I am feeling my worst and don't want to eat anything, about the only thing I ever want is Wendy's hamburgers - and they make me feel so much better. I don't know if it's the protien or the fat or what, but they are great!
Crohnie's diets vary so much. Some of us can't even touch red meat without big problems, but I'm fine with it. Many of us can't drink milk without huge problems, but I tolerate dairy fine.
Half the time I can't even figure out what bothers my belly. One day an orange will almost kill me, and the next day I won't even notice it.
You might just have to let him figure it out for himself, or maybe a dietician can help? Stay caring though, I'm sure he appreciates it. (If not - tell him he should!!)

 

[Creepy Lurker]

I thought it was quite funny when I was told that all of the 'healthy' food I had been eating was, infact, making me worse! No more veg for me anymore

 

[BWS1982]

Well, maybe you might not be able to convince him to amend his ways due to Crohns (or at all) but perhaps mentioning it due to general health will work? I don't know...as Kev said, we can be stubborn. It would be hard for him to argue that his heart/general/overall health is affected by poor eating, that's common sense, can't argue as much there....don't know if it'll help though.

 

[chronsgf]

Thank you!

Thanks for all the great advice and opinions. I know it's going to be tough road to haul because he is stubborn (only when it comes to his Chron's...he's very flexible otherwise!) and I think still so angry about the diagnosis and surgery.

I try to just be patient and understanding and not overbearing...Kev, thanks for the male insight! He'll usually eat what I cook so if when make a healthy meal, he'll enjoy it. It's sort of my "sneak attack", and I'll usually let him choose the protein so that he feels like he's making the decision.

He's not on this site and I haven't told him that I am, I don't know how he'd react to it. I still get the feeling he feels kind of like it's his disease to worry about and when he's in pain, he reacts like ruthymg by telling me to leave him alone and not worry about it. It's frustrating because I want to help but I don't want him to feel trampled on.

Anyway, thanks for a wonderful support group. You guys have helped lots.