Straining the relationship

[stickman7755]

Hello,
I was just diagnosed with CD a month ago. I've been trying to stay as positive as I can. My Girl friend has had a really hard time dealing with all the stress over the past month. She was under a lot of stress before I was diagnosed and I feel bad adding even more stress to her life. She tells me that all I talk about is Crohn's even though I try not to. It is hard though because I'm training for a half marathon in December and have been doing a lot of fundraising. Also, Im on predisone so I can be moody at times and she doesnt seem to understand that it is the roids (I think) that are causing the mood swings.

To add injury to insult, I just found out that I will probably need to have resection surgery, and it has really scared her.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much.

 

[kenyasolovely]

Hi there,

The only thing I can suggest for you to do is make sure right now that you stay focused on your needs and getting better. I'm definatly not saying to neglect your girlfriend, as I'm sure she truly does care for you. A lot of people react out of fear, its not due to indifference or insensitivity. But when a person truly doesn't "understand" something they fear it. And that means they instinctively withdraw from it. Being newly diagnosed is a new thing that brings about a wave of emotions. I didn't have mood swings from being on Prednisone (a lot of people do however).

Continue to try to find a support group, I found being on this site helps me a lot. I'mable to come here during the day and engage with others who understand what I'm going through. If I have a question or concern I ask it and someone always responds, which makes me feel better. I don't talk about Crohn's with my Fiance', he ask about it more than I bring it up. I've already told him my limitations and that's that. When I can do more, I do. When I don't feel like doing anything, I don't.

Also give your girlfriend more time. One month is a very short period of time for her to deal as well. She probably doesn't know anything about Crohn's. All she knows is the man she loves is not well....and she's helpless against it. And for women, we are nurturers -the worse feeling in the world is when we just "can't make it all better". She will get more understanding but right now...focus on you and what you need to get better. The best thing you can do to help her right now...is to help YOU feel better...or at least the best you can for the time being.

 

[stickman7755]

Kenya,

Thanks a lot for the advice. I just started looking on this site yesterday and posting today, and it has already helped out a lot.

 

[kenyasolovely]

You're most certainly welcome. There was a lady who posted in the Support Forum about being the girlfriend to a guy diagnosed with Crohns two years ago. If you can find it and read it, you'll see what I'm saying. She even states how hard it is for her being so helpless to aid him. My fiance' is the same worse, and with him being a guy it's a position he doesn't like to play...but my Crohns is just a part of me, that lucky for me....he knows about and accepts. But I think I got super lucky with me, his last serious girlfriend before me had MS...so I know he's an angel from God

Best of luck and hopefully we'll see you around!

 

[Shay]

Hello!
I just wanted to say your situation sounds familiar to mine. My fiance and I had a hard time adjusting to the change. I was pumped full of steroids and always moody, and my fiance is in the process of getting a phd. So the stress ran pretty high. To top it off, i was running a benefit for my niece who passed away from SIDS.
My fiance (who was my bf at the time) and i seemed to bump heads, could never see eye to eye, and found ourselves enjoying solitude seperatly.
It passed with time, it probably only lasted the first 2 months. It was a scary change, that neither one of us understood, and we both had our own lives and stress to deal with.
If your girl friend loves you, which from the sound of it, i am sure she does. She will stick it out, and soon things will be back to normal. Just give it time.
Hope things begin to smooth out, and best wishes to you guys!
Also i pray your surgery goes smooth as well!
~Shay

 

[stickman7755]

Shay,
Thanks for the advice, it really helps to know that what my GF and I are going through is normal. Im gonna try to focus on getting better and go from there.

Shawn

 

[archie]

hiya, I can relate to the 'roid rage' it was so out of character for me but none the less it was there. My family and husband just kindoff ignored me when I was going of on one!!! anyhows the 1st month is pretty scary and yes all you do talk about is crohns as it's all new to you but as time goes on this becomes less and less and 'normality' resumes. I'm a year and a half down the road and although we all still talk about it from time to time it doesn't dominate my world, it's on the back burner so to speak. Give yourself sometime to adjust to things and educate yourself about it, you'll not be on the steroids forever thankfully and your sanity will return. Once you get the correct treatment plan be it meds or surgery you'll hopefully get into remission. Good luck with the marathon by the way I run although my max is about 3 miles but I find it really helps my energy and tummy. Good luck

 

[stickman7755]

Archie,
Thanks for the advice. I have found the best way to deal with CD is humor. I'm lucky to have a real good friends and family that have been super supportive. It is tough though sometimes when you go out to a restaurant and you have to eliminate half the menu as soon as you look at it.

There are a couple positives that I have noticed about the steriods, I have a ton of energy and I can eat like I never have been able to before!!!

 

[stella_luna]

Awww, of course you talk about it a lot, it's only been a month, and living with Crohn's is a big thing to process. My poor husband and child---after I was diagnosed it really was talked about every single day, for at least a year, and it's still a regular topic now, 2 years later. We have friends we get together with in which the husband has Crohn's, and when we get together all he and I do is talk about our bowel issues, medications, diet, etc, while our spouses talk about how awesome it is to talk about bowel issues every day . . . but it's at the point where we all just find it humorous.

Your girlfriend is scared for you. Who can blame her? But in time, as this becomes the new normal, it'll be OK. Even if you need surgery. I had to have surgery soon after my diagnosis, and I was scared out of my mind, but it was really nothing, not a big deal at all, just had to get used to the idea.

Also, if she really can't take much more Crohn's talk, come here and talk about it! Heck, we all LOVE to talk about Crohn's. Obviously. :ybiggrin: