Taking Advantage?

[AdmiralRuffles]

Hello all,

I'm an 18 year old male and I take advantage of my disease A LOT. First let me say that i'm not some dumb kid. I consider myself extremely smart, but lazy. This story will show you how I combine both of those.

As a kid I was never pushed to do homework, my mom knew I gave a damn about my marks so she knew i'd study. The thing is, I never really studied in middle school or early high school. I just understood it and did really well. When it came to grade 12 I had to study a little bit because I took every tough course my school had to offer. (Trig, Calc, All physics courses, all chem and bio.) The fact is I was so lazy that I would never want to study when I had to so I ended up missing my tests so i'd have time to study and ask people how hard it was..etc. I would just tell my Teacher that my Crohn's is acting up and I wasn't up for school. Basically, I did this a lot. I never actually wrote ONE single Bio 12 test on the day allotted. I ended up doing well and graduating of course.

For the record, I was actually having a flare up from Christmas until the summer, but I was perfectly capable of going to school and writing my tests.

Now i'm in university studying Engineering and I didn't think i'd be able to get away with it, but it turns out I can. It's my second semester and I've missed numerous labs and midterms and got them rescheduled and did well with most.

My question is, is this wrong? I tell myself that, "I was born with a terrible disease, so I might as well take advantage." My family disagree's but they don't question it (they don't have my illness so I don't really listen to their opinion.) I just feel bad about it sometimes and I need some opinions from my fellow Crohners!

Thanks in advance!

 

[Rebecca85]

Like you, I was a smart kid. Like you, I never needed or wanted to study. Unlike you, I didn't know I had this disease and so didn't have an excuse. I did well anyway.

My gut feeling is this will end up biting you in the ass. Like, if you really were too ill to do something, and you couldn't use the extra time that you've come to rely on, your grades would suffer and you would have no excuse. Whereas if you hadn't pulled the Crohn's excuse 52794269 times already, you would have that to fall back on.

I get what you mean about needing to find an upside, but I try and restrict that to 'sorry, I can't eat whatever healthy but unappetising morsel you've given me, can I have something I like instead' or 'no, can't walk the dog today, can you do it instead?' *pulls poorly face and holds stomach*. You know, stuff that doesn't actually matter.

But that's just my humble opinion.

 

[lorraine]

I've used my GI condition occasionally when a due date sneaks up on me for a project and I need the extra time in order to not fail, but I don't see that as any worse than when folks pull the, "I have a funeral out of town" line for the same reason. I just do it very infrequently, especially because there ARE days when I legitimately must miss school for my illnesses.

 

[AdmiralRuffles]

Like you, I was a smart kid. Like you, I never needed or wanted to study. Unlike you, I didn't know I had this disease and so didn't have an excuse. I did well anyway.

My gut feeling is this will end up biting you in the ass. Like, if you really were too ill to do something, and you couldn't use the extra time that you've come to rely on, your grades would suffer and you would have no excuse. Whereas if you hadn't pulled the Crohn's excuse 52794269 times already, you would have that to fall back on.

I get what you mean about needing to find an upside, but I try and restrict that to 'sorry, I can't eat whatever healthy but unappetising morsel you've given me, can I have something I like instead' or 'no, can't walk the dog today, can you do it instead?' *pulls poorly face and holds stomach*. You know, stuff that doesn't actually matter.

But that's just my humble opinion.

After reading this I realized I left out a crucial detail. I'm currently taking remicade (started last september) and it never lasts more than a week and a half to two weeks. So after a few weeks i'm back to feeling really crappy, but it's not a full out flare up kind of sick. So, TECHNICALLY, I am sick 50% of the time, but like I said, I could go to school and get this stuff done. It's somewhat like i'm taking advantage of my ****** situation (lol). There was one or two times that I was legitimately missing a lab or midterm because I was on the porcelain throne.

 

[Rebecca85]

Sorry, but I just feel that if you can do the work, you should. Like in my job, there's many days when I've felt awful, particularly before I started the aza, but I have been capable of working, so I stuck it out. I guess once or twice wouldn't be too bad (regular people pull sickies too) but not relying on it to that extent (by the way, I must be about the only person in the world who has never pulled a sickie. If I'm off work because I'm ill, I'm in bed or doctors).

 

[LadyVik]

I kind of agree. I think sometimes it's good to use it, if it's half true. Like when I was taking Remicade and mine didn't work for half the time, I missed going out on a Saturday night because I couldn't be bothered but I used the "crohn's card". I agree though, that it will become the boy who cried wolf. And your teachers will get fed up with it. I had this when I left school and went to 6th form. I was there for a year, my school wasn't so understanding and I ended up getting kicked out for using the Crohn's card too many times, but mine were all true. I missed too much, never got my A levels or even half an A level, wanted to go back but they couldn't accomadate my needs (needing to take 1 less course than needed and needing to leave during exams if I needed too [ I was very annoyed with this as I explained it probably won't have to leave but if I need to can I? Straight answer of no, as it's an exam blah blah blah!!]) So be careful. Once you get a job it won't be like that. Like someone said above, it's ok to use on, oh hon, can you let the dog out, my belly's sore! Or oh no, I can't eat pastry but I can eat ice cream etc... don't abuse it!!!! Also, I'm 21. I got diagnosed when I was 17 but suffered before and I did use it in little school when I didn't go in. We didn't know it was Crohn's then, Mum thought it was glands in my stomach or something, so I used to pull the odd sicky and stay home but well, when your 7/8, you don't like school! It's different when your older with responsibilities!

 

[katiesue1506]

I'm the same. I'm very smart, never had to study in high school or college... but I also never used my Crohn's in college to skip things. There were times I felt awful, but those times didn't usually keep me from being able to complete my work at home. I was able to write papers and finish labs just fine from the toilet. To me, it was more of a competition thing because I had friends who would skip class because they were drunk or hungover or had the sniffles and I was toughing classes out even though I had no sleep, was hungry but couldn't eat, and was in tremendous pain.

I actually had a professor tell me to go home one day during lab because I was so pale and sickly looking.

With me it was more of a pride and determination thing. I try my hardest to make it to everything I can, because I never know when I might actually be completely incapacitated. Plus... even though it sucks when its the truth, people do get sick and tired of other people pulling the sick card.

You are just very lucky you've never met a professor yet to question you. I got my worst grade ever in speech class because I was IN THE HOSPITAL during one of my speeches and the lady said I couldn't make it up and that it would be considered incomplete. Totally not fair, and wayyy before I knew about the office of the dean. I spent my entire college career making up for that D.

Oh and for the record... do you know how many times a week a professor has to hear from their students "im sick, i can't do ____" or "can I have an extension for this reason"? My husband taught classes during his doctorate education and the volume of excuses he got EVERY day was outrageous. I wouldn't want to deal with it. Especially now with email, he would get three or four emails a day on why different students couldn't just do what was expected of them in the class.


EDIT: I see you're a freshman in engineering. Just wait till you get to the more upper level courses. Professors are not as nice, and they usually don't care if you fail. You are most likely still in lower level 100 level courses... there the professor just teaches because they have to and they spend most of their time doing research that is more important to them. (usually) The further you get into your program, the greater the demands you will face (especially in engineering). And the greater responsibility the professors will expect you to take to get your stuff done how its supposed to be.

 

[Cookie]

Well, the fact that you're asking the question pretty much tells me that you already know the answer in your heart. You know what you are capable of and at the end of the day, you only have to please yourself. If you put in the minimum effort, you will get the minimum results. And even though those results might be acceptable by comparison, you will someday find yourself wondering "Imagine what I could have achieved if I had actually put in the effort..." Like Katie Sue said, it really is about pride. You were given a gift and it's up to you how you use it. And that doesn't just go for school, it carries on for your entire life...in you job, your relationships, your family. The satisfaction you will get back is proportional to the effort you put in. There are very few exceptions to this rule. So as long as you are satisfied, I guess that's all that really matters.

 

[Piatchi]

You reap what you sow.

 

[beth]

If you are blatently pulling a sickie, then yup, it's wrong and I hope it bites you.

Very occasional bending of the rules is a different matter.

 

[effdee]

I'm a pretty smart person, but I usually had to do at least some studying for most things. I've had the attitude of being happy that I feel well enough to actually do things legitimately and wanting to do so. Getting special treatment is just more of a reminder of the disease when you don't actually need it. When I'm healthy I want things to be as normal as possible, is what I'm trying to say. This would be one of the few instances where I would feel guilty.

 

[Mister_Hotspur]

Seems like a good idea, i never went to uni so i dont know, but i assuming the lectures arent compulsory? if not and you pass the exams anyway i dont see the issue and how theres any advantage gained.

My concern for you is that when you do qualify, youll need to remember that you cant carry across this way of thinking into employment otherwise youll never get a job. Obviously University lecturers dont care because youre paying to be there. Oh and when i was 18 i considered myself extremely smart too

 

[sawdust]

This post made me sad to read, especially knowing some members of our community here and what they might give to be able to work, go to school, or just even function, also read your post.

You're still a young guy, so please hear me out. Perspective is all about perspective. Don't "smart" yourself into bending rules and responsibilities because it won't get you far. I have watched someone I know with an outlook like this, and it leads to a victimhood perspective on everything. This means a miserable life where bad stuff continually "happens" to you of "no fault of your own." ...not to mention that you have a disease that can take your ability to choose much of anything about at any time.

You don't want to be that guy, do you? What happens when you are really sick and you've cried "wolf" too many times?

 

[ameslouise]

Yeah, I'm in the "you reap what you sow" category. NEVER, EVER fake what you don't want to be real.

I cite the story of my old friend Jim Reilly. Jim was tremendously hungover one day, and called in late to work. He told his boss that his fan belt broke and he needed a few hours to get to the garage and get it fixed. He went back to sleep for a few hours, then went in to work after "having his fan belt replaced."

The very next day HIS FAN BELT BROKE!!!!

Never, ever fake what you don't want to be real.

Grow up, kid.

 

[My Butt Hurts]

I've never once faked anything having to do with Crohn's. It just feels like lying. I don't get why people have to explain themselves about what they eat or why they don't want to go out. I do as I feel. I must have some very understanding people around me.

 

[happy]

AdmiralRuffles,
Perhaps it really has nothing to do with your illness. You mentioned that you are smart and didn't really need to do any work at school until recently. If you are bright/gifted/talented this might be a case of simple underachievement due to boredom. Many really bright people don't learn the usual study habits because the work comes so easily to them. Then as the work gets harder or more intense, they don't know what to do to get the good marks they used to. You obviously do enough work to get the grades you want or need, so somewhere along the way you have learned exactly what you need to do to get by. However, many bright people cannot get going unless the task is worth doing (uses more of their brain, fun, interesting) or there is enough anxiety (deadlines, fear of failing) or they want to please someone (parents, teachers, friends). Sometimes bright people are perfectionists and won't bother doing something unless they can do a really good job of it. This can lead to severe procrastination and ultimately underachievement. If this sound like you, try googling giftedness and underachievement. Perhaps you'll learn why you do this and how to start doing your work when you are well enough to do so.

 

[Crohn's 35]

As many have said in a simliar context... becareful what you wish for YOU might just get it!

 

[partlycloudy]

It sounds like you're just lazy because you've never been forced to work at school due to it being easy. I don't mean that in a critical way as I was the exact same way. I never had to study and was very lazy yet still made excellent grades. But when things got tough I had no good habits or discipline to fall back on. My laziness had become a lifestyle. Decades later I'm still struggling.

I see someone already said this above. I hope you have more success in overcoming yourself than I have.

 

[Rebecca85]

I was the same way. Difference is, when the going got tough, I relished the challange. I made it all the way to university without putting in an ounce of effort. When exams day came in my first year, I went home crying because the exams were so hard. I was convinced I failed. I got an A-. After that, I knuckled down. I didn't attend every lecture, no. But if I missed one, I got the work off the website and made it up. I revised for the first time in my life. I attended every lab and workshop I was supposed to. Every single piece of coursework was handed in on time. I got my 2:1 in the end. And if you knuckle down now, you can too, but more importantly, you'll learn life skills.

 

[Welsh-bird]

I really think this may well come back and bite you hard on the bum!
I, and others here, managed to get through Uni without playing my 'IBD' card. I felt as if I had something of a point to prove to myself, being diagnosed gave me greater dertemination to succeed. There was NO way my UC was going to rob me of all the years work I had put in to get to uni. I'm currently coming to the end of my Masters, again this is me trying to prove to myself that I can and will do this. I was upset that last year I had to put this on hold whilst trying to cope with a bad flare (the one I'm now coming out of), but sheer bloody mindedness will get me there!
Good luck with your future, but please bear in mind, that pulling this card, only makes it harder for those who's disease is not as managable as yours. We work hard to not be stuck with stigmas for being sick, and you are not helping our cause!

 

[DustyKat]

As a parent of two children with CD this makes me a little sad to read.

If it were my children I would have to ask why you feel the need to do this? It's not like you don't have to study and make up the exam so why the need to put it off? And let's face it, you aren't being lazy in the postponed time are you, you state that you study then.

I think it extends beyond laziness and you need to ask yourself why you are *lazy*. Is it really laziness or something else. Others have suggested issues associated with giftedness. Do you think this could be the case?

Are you milking your disease? Yes you are.

BTW, do have any siblings that are gifted?


Dusty.

 

[Terriernut]

Erm...http://www.crohnsforum.com/showthread.php?t=29768

I do hope this helps you to learn about life. I truly do. Please, take a good look at things, and know you can do soooo much better. So many, many of us suffer, and we still get by. There is no reason whatsoever you cant do the same. When I see someone like Welshy get her Masters with honours, while suffering bowel cancer, it kinda puts it in perspective, doesnt it?

 

[Angrybird]

Hi, I am defintely a person who believes in fate and if you do wrong there is always a way it will come back to bite you on the arse. I work and there have been many times that I have'nt felt great and still gone to work. My employers understand my disease and knew that I was still going to work whilst poorly, they 'paid me back' by not docking a penny of my wages for the 6 weeks I was off work for my op and never asking me to make the time up for the hours I am away from the office for appointments and tests. They know that if I take time off I must be really feeling rubbish. Never use this disease as an excuse to get out of doing something that you don't feel like doing right now.

 

[Emily]

This just makes me sad for you
I typed out a very long response, but deleted it because everyone has said it all and it's just rambling. good luck to you in life. when something actually happens, and you actually CANT go to school, enjoy the sympathy you will be getting (none). Nobody will believe you.