Im so frustrated. Ive been in a relationship for almost two years now. Before we started dating I made it clear that I had crohns its a chronic illness it can make me a nasty person and i can get really quite sick, to the point that my last hospital stay lasted 4 weeks.
That was an indepth as i went before we started dating, over the course of the first year i wouldnt hide my crohns as such, i would carry a heat pack around with me id discuss my illness with his parents and sister in laws etc and hed be there hed listen, i never acted like i wasnt suffering from a chronic illness but i also didnt let it be my everything because at the time i was fairly healthy despite suffering a fair amount of pain.
Then this year i got quite sick, nothing major i didnt end up hospitalised but i kinda wish i was just to wake him up a little, i was having accidents followed by constipation where i was taking laxatives on a daily basis, i was in a lot of pain on a liquid diet all that lovely stuff that comes with pred like fevers and night sweats etc n i made it clear i wasnt up to socialising (which involved watching him and his friends get drunk) i wasnt able to eat out i was unwell i wanted to rest and be at home where i was psychologically comfy.
It didnt go well for a while, i had a massive blow up with him where i told him he had to educate himself about crohns about my illness and how it affected me, he needed to ask me questions and understand it if he was ever able to understand and support me and for this relationship to work!
He cried gave me a guilt trip that he hadnt tried hard enough hed make more of an effort etc and i waited and i waited and i waited for something to happen for one question yano. my mum said i was expecting too much too soon its been 3 months now and nothing, so unavoidably ive grown kinda distant. I am fed up of feeling fed up. on a daily basis i get messages such as "what you doing" every day. when i tell him my plans or anything its like he doesnt listen to me. i am so frustrated. so today i blew up big time. i am so angry that hes snapping at me for being unenthusiastic about our relationship but he cannot see that he has made no effort to understand my disease which to someone with crohns is like not making the effort to get to know me at all.
i made so much of an effort that he doesnt even see because he hasnt bothered, after our first chat i went camping of all things! but he doesnt get how big of a deal that is...
im so tired of justifying his behaviour and why i should cut him slack. i didnt have a choice but to deal with this disease so why the hell should i make it convenient for him just because he cant be bothered to educate himself!
im sorry for moaning i had to get it out there i dont know how much i can keep taking this. i understand a relationship is two ways and ive done my fair share of damaging it by pulling back and being distant but i honestly dont see that it was so unexpected from someone in my situation with an illness aggrevated by stress (am also still not yet in remission either!) i know i deserve more than this, and the fact that he no longer sees this obviously speaks volumes, i just hate being made to feel like this is my fault.
im not really looking for anything in particular from this post i just had to vent, it took me a long time to realize what i need to do, but just because i have crohns doesnt mean i deserve any less than someone who doesnt have crohns and we do not have to settle!
right now im thinking my life would be easier if i stayed single and selfish lol
That was an indepth as i went before we started dating, over the course of the first year i wouldnt hide my crohns as such, i would carry a heat pack around with me id discuss my illness with his parents and sister in laws etc and hed be there hed listen, i never acted like i wasnt suffering from a chronic illness but i also didnt let it be my everything because at the time i was fairly healthy despite suffering a fair amount of pain.
Then this year i got quite sick, nothing major i didnt end up hospitalised but i kinda wish i was just to wake him up a little, i was having accidents followed by constipation where i was taking laxatives on a daily basis, i was in a lot of pain on a liquid diet all that lovely stuff that comes with pred like fevers and night sweats etc n i made it clear i wasnt up to socialising (which involved watching him and his friends get drunk) i wasnt able to eat out i was unwell i wanted to rest and be at home where i was psychologically comfy.
It didnt go well for a while, i had a massive blow up with him where i told him he had to educate himself about crohns about my illness and how it affected me, he needed to ask me questions and understand it if he was ever able to understand and support me and for this relationship to work!
He cried gave me a guilt trip that he hadnt tried hard enough hed make more of an effort etc and i waited and i waited and i waited for something to happen for one question yano. my mum said i was expecting too much too soon its been 3 months now and nothing, so unavoidably ive grown kinda distant. I am fed up of feeling fed up. on a daily basis i get messages such as "what you doing" every day. when i tell him my plans or anything its like he doesnt listen to me. i am so frustrated. so today i blew up big time. i am so angry that hes snapping at me for being unenthusiastic about our relationship but he cannot see that he has made no effort to understand my disease which to someone with crohns is like not making the effort to get to know me at all.
i made so much of an effort that he doesnt even see because he hasnt bothered, after our first chat i went camping of all things! but he doesnt get how big of a deal that is...
im so tired of justifying his behaviour and why i should cut him slack. i didnt have a choice but to deal with this disease so why the hell should i make it convenient for him just because he cant be bothered to educate himself!
im sorry for moaning i had to get it out there i dont know how much i can keep taking this. i understand a relationship is two ways and ive done my fair share of damaging it by pulling back and being distant but i honestly dont see that it was so unexpected from someone in my situation with an illness aggrevated by stress (am also still not yet in remission either!) i know i deserve more than this, and the fact that he no longer sees this obviously speaks volumes, i just hate being made to feel like this is my fault.
im not really looking for anything in particular from this post i just had to vent, it took me a long time to realize what i need to do, but just because i have crohns doesnt mean i deserve any less than someone who doesnt have crohns and we do not have to settle!
right now im thinking my life would be easier if i stayed single and selfish lol