Ticking Timebomb

[Zalanicht]

Does anyone else think their disease is like a ticking timebomb waiting to go off?
I was diagnosed with severe Crohn's cause of how serious it got within only a few months. After my surgery I feel great now and I've started Imuran to keep it that way but I can't stop thinking about my gut and at any time dropping to the ground in pain . Like how do I get this off my mind.

 

[Jennifer]

I had my surgery 11 years ago without a flare since. Sure I've had issues off and on but nothing that sent me to the hospital or ER or anything super serious that needed to be checked out. Even my most recent scope came back clear. Problem with me is that I haven't been on any meds for 2 years now due to my insurance no longer covering my prescriptions and I can't pay $600 bucks a month. So for me its definitely a ticking time bomb. I constantly think about it and every time I eat something with a lot of red coloring in it, I freak out when I see the toilet and have to try and remember what I ate. Like yesterday I ate a large piece of red velvet cake and it looked almost like blood (I went to the ER years ago cause I forgot that I ate fresh beets ). I know I'll get a flare again, I just don't know when. After my move I'll find another GI and hopefully get started back on meds again so I can keep it at bay longer.

 

[Keona]

Ya, when your doc tells you you have strictures, (and especially when your told on the phone with little info) you start to wonder the same Zalanicht. I worry about obstructions, perforations, etc. Im sure I would be freaking out if it weren't for this forum - I know what to look for, what to eat/not eat, etc.

 

[kello82]

Does anyone else think their disease is like a ticking timebomb waiting to go off?
I was diagnosed with severe Crohn's cause of how serious it got within only a few months. After my surgery I feel great now and I've started Imuran to keep it that way but I can't stop thinking about my gut and at any time dropping to the ground in pain . Like how do I get this off my mind.

ive never really been in your situation so i cant say, but i wouldnt try to get it off your mind. the worry is there and it is natural and its human to do the 'what if' thing. we all do it.

but try to live in the moment. take each day hour whatever as it comes. say 'i feel awesome right now' and LIVE. live like you will never be in pain again.
ironically thats when you forget about the potential for pain.

 

[Claire617]

I'm always wondering when the pain will come back and I joke saying I dread the day it does return however i def agree with you there Kello, with all of us the whole 'i feel awesome right now' and live! So that's just what I do, at the end of the day it's something (excluding diet) we have zip control over, so why let it ruin the good days

 

[Regular Joe]

I agree with Kello82 100%. I've become so accustomed to living one day at a time. It's such an incredible way to enjoy life. I wouldn't trade it in for a hundred years of the future or 51.5 years of the past.

The BIGGEST reason for me to live this way is that I don't have a clue what happens when I stop living, and no one has been able to tell me what happens when living stops from their own experience. So if I'm alive today with Crohn's Disease, I accept it's probably better than the alternative.

But there are other reasons why today is so intrigueing:

Each one of us has the same amount of time to live our lives within - 24 hours

Any relationship that I have with any other person is limited to the time I'm awake - 24 hours - which means...

I can only love my dearest loved ones within the time that I'm awake - 24 hours

People who don't like me can only hate me when they're awake - 24 hours

I only have the time while I'm awake to enjoy anything pleasurable - 24 hours

Pain and suffering can happen only within the timeframe that I'm awake - 24 hours

I only need to "think" for 24 hours at a time - anything more is impossible - which means my thoughts are far more limited than I'd like to believe.

If I do "good deeds", the only time they're meaningful to anyone is within the same timeframe that everyone else has - 24 hours...in other words, I can't live "upright" today on yesterday's good works.

If I'm spiritual, I can only have a realtionship with any "God" while I'm awake - 24 hours

If I seek spiritual virtues, such as grace, forgiveness, humility, self-sacrifice, honesty, purity, unselfishness, I find only enough of these virtues to last me while I'm awake: 24 hours at a time.

Folks...this is how the world goes around for me...its how it works for me to find contentment. I only have my waking hours to find, peace, joy, satisfaction, and love. Man I'd better get a move on huh?

Incidentally it takes the same amount of time for your world to go around, too. Each one of us is given the same amount of time to fit in everything that makes life worth living - or to take out the things that we have the power to take out.

That boils down to one single thing: my attitude: The only thing I can change.

The BEST news is my attitude is the only thing I'll ever need to change. And I have more power than anyone else to do it. Does anyone truly realize how much freedom that can give you or me??

I LOVE ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!

Today...I no longer have a precancerous nodule. I don't know where it went or how it got there, and perhaps I shouldn't care.

Today I told the person that is most precious to me "I love you." She cried. She was the first person in this world that I ever made cry tears of joy. I mean has anyone else ever experienced such a thing? To have another human being, completely seperate and different than you, to cry because they were happy you cared enough about them to simply make yourself available to them? She cries anytime she stops for a moment...like that moment Kello82 just posted about...when she realizes that I'm alive today and that I love her with all my heart. Wow. That is LIVING to me.

So hey Zalanicht, lets put off thinking about that ticking timebomb until tomorrow, just you and me. And we can both figure out how to squeeze in something far more beautiful in it's place. How about it?

 

[Zalanicht]

I'm thinking good now I'm preoccupying my time with positive things.