To school or not?
- Thread starter CJMom
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I'm not a parent but as a student I have found the best thing for me is some sort of flexible schooling so attendance doesn't turn into such a huge issue. For me it was online courses combined with in person to minimize the amount of classes to go to. Easier to make myself go to 2 or 3 classes a day than 5 and if I missed a day I missed less classes.
Also make sure you have a 504 or whatever is is called where you are, plan. Basically recognizing your Childs disability and saying teachers will send work home for absences, not penalize absence etc. I'm sure some parents will be by soon to talk about that.
Ultimately you know your kid. Some kids will try and tough it out when they really should stay home others have a dash lf the sniffles and don't want to go to class, once you know your kids 'style' it is easier to figure out.
Also make sure you have a 504 or whatever is is called where you are, plan. Basically recognizing your Childs disability and saying teachers will send work home for absences, not penalize absence etc. I'm sure some parents will be by soon to talk about that.
Ultimately you know your kid. Some kids will try and tough it out when they really should stay home others have a dash lf the sniffles and don't want to go to class, once you know your kids 'style' it is easier to figure out.
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Ds has a 504 but we have a rule
Unless he is actively vomiting ( more than 2 times that morning ) or has a fever
He is expected to go
Like it or not he has this disease for life and will have to cope with college and work etc..,,
He can go to the nurse and rest for most of the day if needed but.....
School tends to distract him
There have been days when the abdominal pain or arthritis were too bad for him to function ( crying a lot not just miserable )
He has a 504 plan with provisions to eat during the day as needed .
He also uses a tens unit to take the edge off the pain without pain meds .
In the end unfortunately it's something they have to learn to push through
Unless he is actively vomiting ( more than 2 times that morning ) or has a fever
He is expected to go
Like it or not he has this disease for life and will have to cope with college and work etc..,,
He can go to the nurse and rest for most of the day if needed but.....
School tends to distract him
There have been days when the abdominal pain or arthritis were too bad for him to function ( crying a lot not just miserable )
He has a 504 plan with provisions to eat during the day as needed .
He also uses a tens unit to take the edge off the pain without pain meds .
In the end unfortunately it's something they have to learn to push through
My daughter is determined and doesn't like missing things (school, church, dance, etc.). Honestly I wish I had that level of strength and perseverance! Occasionally I try to limit our activities so she can have a chance to just rest (particularly right before infusions), but mostly I let her do what she feels able to do. If she wants to stay home I know things are bad.
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I have a hard time with this too. My daughter doesn't sleep well, so she often wakes up feeling grumpy and unwell. It's hard for me to tell if she's actually hurting, or just tired. If she doesn't feel like going even after eating breakfast and waking up a bit, I will let her stay home for an hour, and then encourage her to try school after that, letting her know that she can call me to pick her up if she really doesn't feel good. Like mlp, I find that school generally is a good distraction for her, as long as she's not feeling too crummy.
Looking at her attendance, so far in the first month of school, she's missed her first period class on 3 days, missed 2 full days, and come home early once. So not great attendance, but she hasn't had trouble keeping up with things so far. (She's in middle school--high school would probably be a different story.)
Mixed into all the decision-making this year is some angst left over from last year before her diagnosis, when she would complain of pain frequently, and we didn't take it seriously enough until she was quite ill.
It's hard to find the right balance sometimes! You don't want to send them when they're so sick that school is actually a stress on them. But then if they miss too much, keeping up with things is also stressful. We had to take E out of school last year for a semester and homeschool her, to avoid that dilemma, and it was a really good choice for her at that point.
Looking at her attendance, so far in the first month of school, she's missed her first period class on 3 days, missed 2 full days, and come home early once. So not great attendance, but she hasn't had trouble keeping up with things so far. (She's in middle school--high school would probably be a different story.)
Mixed into all the decision-making this year is some angst left over from last year before her diagnosis, when she would complain of pain frequently, and we didn't take it seriously enough until she was quite ill.
It's hard to find the right balance sometimes! You don't want to send them when they're so sick that school is actually a stress on them. But then if they miss too much, keeping up with things is also stressful. We had to take E out of school last year for a semester and homeschool her, to avoid that dilemma, and it was a really good choice for her at that point.
Thank you all for your comments. It is hard to know. You want to push because they will have this and thy have to try to push through. My son also doesn't always sleep well either. The 504 is great but I find you still need to push to get work. I actually meet with the VP and guidance counselor about this. Some teacher think by not sending work home when he is out a day or a few is helping him. I explained that some days he can do work just can't physically be in school.
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My daughter also had issues with mornings - she has arthritis and would be in a lot of pain and very stiff. If she had diarrhea, it also tended to be worst in the morning. In high school, she was able to arrange her schedule (with help from her guidance counselor -- she had a 504) so that she had study hall in the morning, so if she missed it, it wasn't a big deal.
That said, she is also hated missing things and would go to school even when she was in a lot of pain. I sometimes got phone calls in the middle of the day, with her in tears about being in too much pain to concentrate. She would either go to the nurse and rest, or if it was really really bad, she'd come home. She was so stubborn and determined to go to school like everyone else and did everything possible to stay in school, that I trusted her and let her decide when she needed to be home. She was 16-18 years old by then, so I understand that might not work for younger kiddos.
That said, she is also hated missing things and would go to school even when she was in a lot of pain. I sometimes got phone calls in the middle of the day, with her in tears about being in too much pain to concentrate. She would either go to the nurse and rest, or if it was really really bad, she'd come home. She was so stubborn and determined to go to school like everyone else and did everything possible to stay in school, that I trusted her and let her decide when she needed to be home. She was 16-18 years old by then, so I understand that might not work for younger kiddos.
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My son is the same with morning issues due to joints, more so when he was in high school. He had a 504 at his original hs but it was a military prep school so some physical demands that had to be met couldn't while he was symptomatically flaring.
We looked at several schools but chose a flex school based on C's explanation and concerns. So he has stated that even though he may physically go an make it to sit (his joints gave him the most trouble in this regard) for 8 hours he wasn't actually working to any type of full potential. He couldn't focus on the teachers or lessons if he was also dealing with symptoms of pain, cramping etc. ALeo he felt to go and just lay in the nurses office was allowing for attendance but wasn't a situation where he was optimizing learning time. His counselor agreed and said many believed that even without a chronic illness the traditional education setting didn't fit all students learning style.
So we chose a flex school where his learning was done as independent study. He had the option to come to class or learn independently and only tests and projects were mandatory at school. Thursday of every week was set aside for tests and projects. He graduated with honors this past year and said for him this was the best learning environment at the time.
Once at college with the help of the disability office he arranges all his classes for noon and later to help with the stiffness he feels in the morning when symptomatic.
There was definitely a time that he could've transitioned back into a classroom setting. But he liked the way things were set up and since he could still participate in all the social activities and was working a part time job he left the setting the same.
This isn't for everybody, there were struggles. The main one being understanding that there was no teacher to make sure you are on schedule to meet deadlines. Once he really understood this it became much easier. But still sometimes having a teenager set his schedule can lead to alot more gaming and alot of all night cram sessions or project sessions! There were times I just had to bite my tongue and let him learn the hard way.
We looked at several schools but chose a flex school based on C's explanation and concerns. So he has stated that even though he may physically go an make it to sit (his joints gave him the most trouble in this regard) for 8 hours he wasn't actually working to any type of full potential. He couldn't focus on the teachers or lessons if he was also dealing with symptoms of pain, cramping etc. ALeo he felt to go and just lay in the nurses office was allowing for attendance but wasn't a situation where he was optimizing learning time. His counselor agreed and said many believed that even without a chronic illness the traditional education setting didn't fit all students learning style.
So we chose a flex school where his learning was done as independent study. He had the option to come to class or learn independently and only tests and projects were mandatory at school. Thursday of every week was set aside for tests and projects. He graduated with honors this past year and said for him this was the best learning environment at the time.
Once at college with the help of the disability office he arranges all his classes for noon and later to help with the stiffness he feels in the morning when symptomatic.
There was definitely a time that he could've transitioned back into a classroom setting. But he liked the way things were set up and since he could still participate in all the social activities and was working a part time job he left the setting the same.
This isn't for everybody, there were struggles. The main one being understanding that there was no teacher to make sure you are on schedule to meet deadlines. Once he really understood this it became much easier. But still sometimes having a teenager set his schedule can lead to alot more gaming and alot of all night cram sessions or project sessions! There were times I just had to bite my tongue and let him learn the hard way.
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Because our daughter was diagnosed before school age, she was able to start her first year of school this year having been used to the disease. Even at 4yrs old she was so sick of being sick that she won't miss school unless she feels really awful. More her choice. She had a day where she was getting a virus and it worsened her Crohn's symptoms and she asked to stay home.
She takes formula (like ensure, boost, etc) to school along with food so if the food makes her feel rotten, she can just drink her calories. It helps her a lot.
I think it's good to be flexible but they do need to get used to living with it.
She takes formula (like ensure, boost, etc) to school along with food so if the food makes her feel rotten, she can just drink her calories. It helps her a lot.
I think it's good to be flexible but they do need to get used to living with it.
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Mine is also a young one!
We have a good relationship with the teacher. Unless a fever or screaming pain, Grace has to go. I then leave it up to the teacher to call if she's getting worse.
Thankfully Grace's attitude is as tough as nails. She wants to get the job done!
That's one blessing about her being so young......
She doesn't know what it's like to be "normal".
which suits her personality:wink:
We have a good relationship with the teacher. Unless a fever or screaming pain, Grace has to go. I then leave it up to the teacher to call if she's getting worse.
Thankfully Grace's attitude is as tough as nails. She wants to get the job done!
That's one blessing about her being so young......
She doesn't know what it's like to be "normal".
which suits her personality:wink:
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We kind of do what MLP does, except since I'm a stay-at-home mom, DS knows that he can call anytime and come home when he needs to. I think that provides some comfort to him so even on bad days, he still gives it a try. A lot of times seeing his friends and getting into his daily routine distracts him. I'll be at home worried sick all day and he'll come home happy as a clam!
I have noticed when he is out for more than 3-4 days in a row, he starts to get anxious about going back, so I do push a little on the days after a stretch like that.
I never thought about it before, but it might be a good idea to set standards. Kids really do like rules/guidelines (though they won't admit it!), so maybe having a list of what warrants a sick day would help. Fever, vomiting, pain at a four or higher, etc.
I have noticed when he is out for more than 3-4 days in a row, he starts to get anxious about going back, so I do push a little on the days after a stretch like that.
I never thought about it before, but it might be a good idea to set standards. Kids really do like rules/guidelines (though they won't admit it!), so maybe having a list of what warrants a sick day would help. Fever, vomiting, pain at a four or higher, etc.
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Ugh. It is so hard. I make mistakes both ways. Letting him stay home when he could have pushed through, and sending him when he was too sick to learn. School nurse is awesome about letting nap/toilet. And he's got to learn how to cope. Dang it is hard. He naps every day when he gets home. 504 gives a little flexibility when he is done for the count. Grades aren't great.
