Totally hanging off the edge of the proverbial cliff by my fingernails...

[rapid_reader]

...The sad truth is, in all honesty, I'm not even angsting about tumbling to the bottom straight into the arms of defeat.

I've been in a flare for three months now and I'm Miserable. At first I thought it was C Diff but those test results came back negative. I don't think my family understood why I was on the verge of tears at that good news. I don't think my thought process was messed up with that, I mean if it were C Diff my doc would give me antibiotics and that's it. So yeah I cried over the fact things couldn't be that simple.

I cried more because I realized the vacation my U.C. had taken finally ended. I'm determined though if nothing else and I aim to will myself back into remission if that's what it takes.

My neighbor down the street has I.B.D. her son also. So I went and talked to her. She understands why I didn't want to contact my GI. I mean what can they do for me that I can't do at home? Plus I am in no way willing to go through the entire ordeal with my doctor only for him to try and sell the idea of steroids. I will never take those again. They'll have to kill me first.

So basically I'm doing exactly what my neighbor does during flares, waiting for it to just pass. Things are starting to settle down finally. It's slow but, I suppose it's better than no progress at all or just constantly getting worse.

I did however make a appointment with a new GI for mid November, it was the earliest they had. The fact of the matter is I haven't had any contact with my current GI in two years. So calling him now would just be awkward. Plus It's time to move on with a GI doctor that treats adults. I comfort myself with the knowledge that I'm seeing the guy my current doc wanted me to transition to. I might as well do this while things aren't going great because I know Ill have no desire to get a new GI doctor when I'm feeling good. It's true, I've been saying I would do this for years and I haven't. Really, I only started thinking about making this move as of late because I feel so crappy. So while it is a day late and dollar short, I figure I might as well have someone at the ready for future problems with my stomach.

Barely anything in my life is stress free right now. Things at home have been terrible. I'm just gonna leave it at that. I finally had enough and am now staying at my aunt's house. Surprise, surprise, my stomach flare isn't nearly as bad as it has been. I think that says something.

I really could cry and I never cry! I can't though because I'm not by myself long enough. I really don't want anyone to see my cry. For some reason I feel that crying makes me weak. I can't explain it any other way. I'm tempted to put on a heart wrenching movie and use it as an excuse if someone asks me why I'm so upset.

I don't know what to do though. At this point I think my focus needs to be on getting better. I'm just so overwhelmed that feeling better doesn't even seem to be a possibility…

 

[kllyeve]

Some days this disease is very hard to deal with on top of everything else. I, too, had a home where things did not go well - alcoholic dad. It is probably good for your flare to be living somewhere else right now.

I would encourage you to continue to seek a new GI and try to be open to all they suggest. I am doing steroids right now - Entocort - whose effects are limited to the intestinal tract and give way less side effects than others. My only side effect seems to be some moodiness. Medical treatment will help you feel more in control as you would be taking some steps to improve your health. It will also help decrease damage to your intestines that may be happening even if you feel fine.

As someone who has combated depression a few times in my life, I would encourage you to tell the GI or your GP about your feelings and mood. Many people on this forum have added a anti-depressant to their regimen. I have considered it myself as I am also struggling with low mood due to the decrease in my health these last few months.

Hang in there! Lots of us have been where you are. And by the way - no one can see you cry in the shower, but it may get you more support to let those who care about you(besides us) to know exactly how much you are struggling.

Have a better day soon!

 

[Spooky1]

Hi there,

i too tend to let the flare have its outings and not complain. yes, what can the specialists do. if there was a cure they'd give it, but when the flares fluctuate so much its difficult to even manage meds. And, me too, no more steroids, they made me quite paranoid, lol. i was awake forever and the mood swings. besides they seem to stimulate the intestines and i go loo even more. yes, i also get depression. i thinks its pain and fatigue that bring me down. i would love to get out and about and do normal things. its not easy though