Trying to support my husband with crohns

[jlanham]

Hi all.

I'm Jennifer. I have been married 16 great years to my wonderful husband. He has suffered for the last 19years with crohns. He is now at a point where nothing can be done for him. He has had 4-5 bowell ressections and has tried all the meds out there with no success. His doctors are treating his pain with pain meds at this point.

I joined because I need support. I have always supported David by trying to cook good foods for his belly and pushing him to see a physcologist due to his obvious depression. But I cannot make him do anything and he doesn't eat right all the time and is getting more depressed due to financial stress. So I need help in dealing with the feeling I have. I love him dearly and do not want to burden him with this. He has enough to deal with.

So is it normal for me to get mad at him for being sick? I feel horrible but at some point this disease it taking from me and my children the times we should be having fun as a family.

Sometimes I forget that he may be in a bad mood or angry because of the pain he has. And sometimes I also get angry as a result of his anger which doesn't help anyone.

I am not a selfish person. I have felt these feelings grow year by year.

thanks=Jennifer

 

[NancyHany]

Hello Jennifer,

I'm so sorry for what your husband and you are going through. It's okay to get angry at this disease, I have Crohn's and I'm very angry at it. It's not okay to get angry at the person for having the disease, he didn't choose to have it, no one will ever choose this. My husband once got very angry at me saying this disease is taking you away from me, I guess it's misplaced anger you are not really angry at him you are angry at the disease and his depression.

It's a struggle not to get depressed when you have Crohn's, I sometimes feel like I'm too much of a hassle for my family, I always have to cancel things because either I'm too sick or I need the money for medical bills. I take it day by day and I try not to let my frustration out on anyone. It's still not easy.

It doesn't make you a horrible person, it's just a very stressful situation to anyone experiencing it. What about just making simple family fun he can enjoy like movie nights or something and try to make just the two of you time.

You will find great supportive people over this forum, a lot of useful information also. I believe there's a sub forum "Partners, Family & Friends" under the support section where you can meet people who have wives and husbands with Crohn's. I hope you and your husband feel better soon.

 

[Gwen pippy]

Hi Jennifer and welcome to the forum.
It's sounds like you have so much going on, you, your hubby and your poor family are having to deal with so much right now that it is normal to have all the feelings you describe, from your husband feeling of depressed to your feelings of being overwhelmed with it all.
I am the crohnie in my relationship, with my hubby 11 years diagnosed 25years. I have gone through all the emotions and come back to the start on many occasions.
You are a great woman to give such love and support, what you need to do is take just a little step back right now and do a little something for yourself. My hubby steps in when I am struggling but I know he needs to be able to switch off as well at times.
I hope your hubby gets some sort of help or even just a break.
But please know you are doing a great job and no one here would ever think for second that you are selfish, I am here for a chat if you need it.

Gwen xxx

 

[madferrit]

Hi Jennifer
sorry to hear Crohn's is ruining your family life :frown:
I have Crohn's disease and for the whole of my 20's i was very ill. I'm married and have 2 children but i found it very hard to cope. My poor husband practically did everything- cooking,cleaning,working so on and so on. He feels like you do- frustrated, angry, resentful, guilty. but these are all natural reactions to this awful disease. Most people who have the disease feel exactly the same but we are able to seperate the disease from ourselves.

Your coping very well believe it or not- but like other members have said you need to take time out for yourself (without the children) and do something that you enjoy- you need this time to be able to cope.

Keep talking with your husband and im sure he will understand, i bet if he feels anything like most of us Crohnies is that you dont want to be a burden on your family.
Its ok to feel angry just try not to take it out on your husband (punch the crud out of a pillow or something to help release it )

If it all does seem to be getting too much find someone to speak to a counseller or even just a good friend who will just listen and reassure you.

i wish you all the best and that your husband finds some relief
Donna x

 

[jlanham]

Thanks everyone! I do feel much better and will find something to get into for "me" time!!