What's your funniest crohn's related Incident?

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steph_irish

Joined
Dec 21, 2013
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Hi all!!!
I've been posting and having so much fun on a thread, we decided that laughter although not a cure is definitely the best medicine. :ylol:

We exchanged stories and funny pictures...alot of witty banter.
I'd like to know WHAT'S YOUR FUNNIEST CROHNS INCIDENT???

My crohns is finally in remission and I had my 2nd visit back to the gym,
Picture the scene...
I decided to give the 'Total Ab Crunch' machine a go, as I engaged in my first crunch, I let out huge fart.....CRINGE :shifty: (no warning it just happened) thankfully it was just wind.
I quickly scanned the room :blush: waiting for shocked reactions, thankfully no-one heard
My cue to leave :eek:utahere:
 
My funniest is that I asked the doctor to look for my lost keys at the last colonoscopy. He looked so shocked, kidding... dude?
 
Who's the Boss?
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The brain said, " I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, " We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, " We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the rectum spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the rectum being the Boss. So the rectum went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.
Eventually they all decided that the rectum should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and stank.
 
durwardian said:
My funniest is that I asked the doctor to look for my lost keys at the last colonoscopy. He looked so shocked, kidding... dude?
Click to expand...

:ylol: you gotta laugh at that one, where was his sense of humor!!!
although he's clearly not expecting someone with a camera shoved in their ass to be cracking jokes. ha ha ha!
 
Doctor's Visit

Doctor: "What seems to be the problem today?"
Patient: "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"

The Doctor nods, "Hmm."
Patient: "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times."

"Hmm," says the Doctor, as he picks up his pad and writes out a prescription. The patient is thrilled "Thank you Doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"

"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses, it stinks like a fermented diaper in here. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."
 
My most embarrassing moment and I guess funny after was when I just had my stoma I had got up early to get ready for church and must have been kind of groggy as I was getting dressed as I forgot my stoma belt that I never left home without. Anyway, I had to go to the bathroom during services so I snuck out and went to the can. As I was standing over the toilet I unbuttoned my pants and somehow hit the bag just right. It popped right off into the toilet splashing poo all over the place. I did have my emergency kit with me so I was just going to replace the bag....Not, had the wrong size wafer and bag in the kit so I had to do an emergency wafer and bag swap right then and there. Thank goodness everybody was in the service. I can laugh about it now but that day I was in panic overload. LOL
 
superzeeman said:
My most embarrassing moment and I guess funny after was when I just had my stoma I had got up early to get ready for church and must have been kind of groggy as I was getting dressed as I forgot my stoma belt that I never left home without. Anyway, I had to go to the bathroom during services so I snuck out and went to the can. As I was standing over the toilet I unbuttoned my pants and somehow hit the bag just right. It popped right off into the toilet splashing poo all over the place. I did have my emergency kit with me so I was just going to replace the bag....Not, had the wrong size wafer and bag in the kit so I had to do an emergency wafer and bag swap right then and there. Thank goodness everybody was in the service. I can laugh about it now but that day I was in panic overload. LOL
Click to expand...


Hi superzeeman!
OMG!! panic overload is an understatement there. I can just imagine the fluster trying to fix that blunder :eek: Well done for improvising (I have to admit that made me chuckle) sounds like a scene from a comic sketch.
Cheers for sharing. :emot-waycool:
I hate when I need to use a public loo, there's always a que, it's often compromising, especially when I know it's going to be LOUD!
Get some funny looks when I emerge, must be written all over my face.
'Yes ladies that was me' :ylol:
 
It's always fun to have a joke around with your gastro doctors.

During a flare up I was riding my bicycle to work when a sudden sharp pain in my guts caused me to cringe, look down and hold a hand to my stomach. This caused me to get the wobbles and nearly hit a 4WD, so I hit both the brakes and myself (not the bike) got a little bit airborne only for my jewels to come crashing down into the bike seat.

The women in the 4WD was crying tears of laughter.
Thanks Crohns!
 
Blaino said:
It's always fun to have a joke around with your gastro doctors.

During a flare up I was riding my bicycle to work when a sudden sharp pain in my guts caused me to cringe, look down and hold a hand to my stomach. This caused me to get the wobbles and nearly hit a 4WD, so I hit both the brakes and myself (not the bike) got a little bit airborne only for my jewels to come crashing down into the bike seat.

The women in the 4WD was crying tears of laughter.
Thanks Crohns!
Click to expand...

b6UEF7w.gif
 
I was @ the Chiropractor complaining of lower back pain
This was before I knew I had Crohns

The Chiro started adjusting me & I let go an ear shattering fart that made his framed diplomas on the wall rattle

I wanted the floor to open & just swallow me & was so stunned by what had happened that I never excused myself

I couldn't bring myself to face him again, so switched to another Chiro & limit my adjustments to my upper body only
 
OMG GUYS!
What are we like? Excellent laughin my ass off :ylol:

Blanio, Blanio Blanio!
You poor guy (still laughin though :lol2:), hope your still intact and functioning after that. No offence but I'm imagining a bucking bronco gone seriously wrong. All I can say is OUCH!

DPIG
clearly a man of few words but I've got to admire your smiley.

and Droopy drawers I've got to say, I've had some near misses when it comes to tooting but your encounter made me hysterical, I've got a crazy imagination that gonna make me giggle for quite some time, :ylol: I love the fact you were so stunned you didn't excuse yourself....
I mean what can you do? just pretend it never happened :blush:
 
steph_irish said:
OMG GUYS!
What are we like? Excellent laughin my ass off :ylol:

Blanio, Blanio Blanio!
You poor guy (still laughin though :lol2:), hope your still intact and functioning after that. No offence but I'm imagining a bucking bronco gone seriously wrong. All I can say is OUCH!

DPIG
clearly a man of few words but I've got to admire your smiley.

and Droopy drawers I've got to say, I've had some near misses when it comes to tooting but your encounter made me hysterical, I've got a crazy imagination that gonna make me giggle for quite some time, :ylol: I love the fact you were so stunned you didn't excuse yourself....
I mean what can you do? just pretend it never happened :blush:
Click to expand...

LOL to the pretending, denial goes a long way. :lol2:
 
1st and only time i've used my RADAR disabled toilets key (it's a UK thing, worth looking into if you live in the UK, basically a key to get into disabled toilets at train stations etc):

I come out feeling drained and in pain, yay crohns, and theres a man outside waiting for me. He's a toilet attendant and he starts shouting at me, like not screaming but certainly raising his voice etc. Tells me i'm breaking the rules, asks me if i think im clever for having a key, rhetorically asks me what would happen if a 'real disabled person' needed to use the toilet and it was being used up by me instead.

Anyway, i didn't say anything the whole time - he didnt really give me the chance to get a word in edgeways, just went on and on and on for about 2 minutes. I just waited for him to finish, and then when he was done i handed him my NACC 'can't wait' card and watched him slowly realise how badly he had ****** up.

I walked away chuckling to myself about the change in his facial expression.
 
My wedding day!! 2 mins until the music is going to change for my girls to start walking down the aisle and BAM! The crohn's urge hits and I have to go NOW! I had a huge heavy poofy complicated dress that my bridesmaids all had to rush me out of and I hurry up and poop - all the while the church is waiting for us to walk down the aisle! Thankfully someone ran up and told them to stall while I was hurrying, but you can't always rush pooping nor getting back into a big ole' wedding gown!! I made it up to my hubby only 10 minutes late... We got a good laugh out of it after!!
 
kristihelene said:
My wedding day!! 2 mins until the music is going to change for my girls to start walking down the aisle and BAM! The crohn's urge hits and I have to go NOW! I had a huge heavy poofy complicated dress that my bridesmaids all had to rush me out of and I hurry up and poop - all the while the church is waiting for us to walk down the aisle! Thankfully someone ran up and told them to stall while I was hurrying, but you can't always rush pooping nor getting back into a big ole' wedding gown!! I made it up to my hubby only 10 minutes late... We got a good laugh out of it after!!
Click to expand...

To quote my grandfather who just passed away last month.... There are some things in life that CANNOT wait.. and that's one of them.
 
I told this story on one other thread:
During my first colonoscopy, back when I was in my early 20's and having my own sexual revolution, I remember coming too a little bit during the procedure due to pain and exclaiming "Wait! Wait, (Hubby) you have to go in slow!".
 
steph_irish said:
Well done damnitcrohns, what a PR__K!
Hell think twice before attacking you again.:blush: Don't you just love waking away and being the bigger person. cheers for sharing :emot-waycool:
I'm in the UK how do I go about applying for RADAR key?
Click to expand...

Haha i know right? I got mine from http://disabilityrightsuk.org/

You can get them elsewhere for cheaper i think, but this way the money supports disability rights uk rather than just going to some random person.
 
kristihelene said:
My wedding day!! 2 mins until the music is going to change for my girls to start walking down the aisle and BAM! The crohn's urge hits and I have to go NOW! I had a huge heavy poofy complicated dress that my bridesmaids all had to rush me out of and I hurry up and poop - all the while the church is waiting for us to walk down the aisle! Thankfully someone ran up and told them to stall while I was hurrying, but you can't always rush pooping nor getting back into a big ole' wedding gown!! I made it up to my hubby only 10 minutes late... We got a good laugh out of it after!!
Click to expand...

Hi kristihelene
At least you made it to the :poo: on time that could have been a disaster :ylol:
Crohns announces it's presence at the most inconvenient times, especially having a huge complicated dress to deal with. I see your in a flare hope you feel better soon
 
mish2575 said:
I told this story on one other thread:
During my first colonoscopy, back when I was in my early 20's and having my own sexual revolution, I remember coming too a little bit during the procedure due to pain and exclaiming "Wait! Wait, (Hubby) you have to go in slow!".
Click to expand...

OMG mish2575, you naughty minx ...haha can imagine consultants face :eek:
 
kristihelene said:
My wedding day!! 2 mins until the music is going to change for my girls to start walking down the aisle and BAM! The crohn's urge hits and I have to go NOW! I had a huge heavy poofy complicated dress that my bridesmaids all had to rush me out of and I hurry up and poop - all the while the church is waiting for us to walk down the aisle! Thankfully someone ran up and told them to stall while I was hurrying, but you can't always rush pooping nor getting back into a big ole' wedding gown!! I made it up to my hubby only 10 minutes late... We got a good laugh out of it after!!
Click to expand...

To me that sounds like a nightmare! I'm so glad you and your husband could laugh about it!
 
My most embarrassing moments (funny to everyone else, embarrassing to me ;) ) have been when I come round from general anaesthetic and the drugs make me loopy. I hate being in hospital, so before I'm even fully aware what's going on, I try to leave the hospital... in those backless gowns they dress you in. Every surgery, and nurses are having to stop me leaving the ward. Sometimes I have no memory of it and nurses or family members tell me afterwards. One time I decided it was a good idea to take the gown off entirely to inspect my latest stomach wound. The only times I haven't either undressed or tried to leave the ward undressed following surgery were one that was so minor I was pretty much with it when I came round and one where I was too sick to leave the bed or do anything at all. But it's happened so often that even my surgeon has started joking about it, and prior to each surgery now he tells me he's alerted hospital security that they'll need to look-out for a naked girl determined to leave the hospital. :redface:

Do anaesthetics do this to everyone? Sometimes I've been given morphine too which I know makes me high and uninhibited, but I've also done it with no morphine and just the anaesthetic.
 
No, LOL. I just try to go back to sleep when everyone is trying to get me up.
Morphine makes me talkative but that's about it.
 
UnXmas said:
My most embarrassing moments (funny to everyone else, embarrassing to me ;) ) have been when I come round from general anaesthetic and the drugs make me loopy. I hate being in hospital, so before I'm even fully aware what's going on, I try to leave the hospital... in those backless gowns they dress you in. Every surgery, and nurses are having to stop me leaving the ward. Sometimes I have no memory of it and nurses or family members tell me afterwards. One time I decided it was a good idea to take the gown off entirely to inspect my latest stomach wound. The only times I haven't either undressed or tried to leave the ward undressed following surgery were one that was so minor I was pretty much with it when I came round and one where I was too sick to leave the bed or do anything at all. But it's happened so often that even my surgeon has started joking about it, and prior to each surgery now he tells me he's alerted hospital security that they'll need to look-out for a naked girl determined to leave the hospital. :redface:

Do anaesthetics do this to everyone? Sometimes I've been given morphine too which I know makes me high and uninhibited, but I've also done it with no morphine and just the anaesthetic.
Click to expand...

You've got to fill us all in on the magic concoction given to you by the hospital. Heck, I've had Morphine and the crap is worthless. My last hospital visit was due to kidney stones obstructing my ureter. Took three shots of morphine and I was still yelling. Most morphine did was make pain tolerable enough and I was finally just able to "sleep"

Pain meds only make me tired.... LOL my mom's like you. She gets Loopy, though Never Striptease Free Spirit Loopy.
 
Wow! Unxmas thats some crazy S__t,
I've never been under general anesthetic so I can't comment, I know my partner talked crazy after his op. Cheers for sharing that :ylol:
 
steph_irish said:
Well done damnitcrohns, what a PR__K!
Hell think twice before attacking you again.:blush: Don't you just love waking away and being the bigger person. cheers for sharing :emot-waycool:
I'm in the UK how do I go about applying for RADAR key?
Click to expand...

Hey steph_irish, you should be able to get them from your local council from the customer services department, they should all have them. :)
 
Justin1982 said:
You've got to fill us all in on the magic concoction given to you by the hospital. Heck, I've had Morphine and the crap is worthless. My last hospital visit was due to kidney stones obstructing my ureter. Took three shots of morphine and I was still yelling. Most morphine did was make pain tolerable enough and I was finally just able to "sleep"

Pain meds only make me tired.... LOL my mom's like you. She gets Loopy, though Never Striptease Free Spirit Loopy.
Click to expand...

I'm pretty sure it's just morphine. But I have this odd reaction to opiates. I take codeine regularly because it makes me feel so energetic. My doctor swears it's a sedative and should make me tired, but it definitely energises me. And morphine's related to codeine so I guess it's a similar process. It definitely makes me lose my inhibitions and say things that I would normally think a bit inappropriate, and I just get really high and chatty. I never drink alcohol but from observing others I'd say it's a pretty similar effect to people who get happy and over-friendly and uninhibited when tipsy.
 
UnXmas said:
I'm pretty sure it's just morphine. But I have this odd reaction to opiates. I take codeine regularly because it makes me feel so energetic. My doctor swears it's a sedative and should make me tired, but it definitely energises me. And morphine's related to codeine so I guess it's a similar process. It definitely makes me lose my inhibitions and say things that I would normally think a bit inappropriate, and I just get really high and chatty. I never drink alcohol but from observing others I'd say it's a pretty similar effect to people who get happy and over-friendly and uninhibited when tipsy.
Click to expand...

Might be! Everyone has a different tolerance. Mine is just sleepiness and constipation from opiates. I'm chewing down oxycodone from the stent / kidney surgery 3 weeks ago. The pain is unreal as the stones sit up against the stent.

By the way, when I was admitted to Hospital for complications and hawked up on Morphine, the guy next to me is coding (dying). They have the crash cart out and full brigade. Can't see that was very uplifting. I ended up getting ejected and knocked out from my room into the hall.
 
UnXmas said:
My most embarrassing moments (funny to everyone else, embarrassing to me ;) ) have been when I come round from general anaesthetic and the drugs make me loopy. I hate being in hospital, so before I'm even fully aware what's going on, I try to leave the hospital... in those backless gowns they dress you in. Every surgery, and nurses are having to stop me leaving the ward. Sometimes I have no memory of it and nurses or family members tell me afterwards. One time I decided it was a good idea to take the gown off entirely to inspect my latest stomach wound. The only times I haven't either undressed or tried to leave the ward undressed following surgery were one that was so minor I was pretty much with it when I came round and one where I was too sick to leave the bed or do anything at all. But it's happened so often that even my surgeon has started joking about it, and prior to each surgery now he tells me he's alerted hospital security that they'll need to look-out for a naked girl determined to leave the hospital. :redface:
Do anaesthetics do this to everyone? Sometimes I've been given morphine too which I know makes me high and uninhibited, but I've also done it with no morphine and just the anaesthetic.
Click to expand...

When I woke up out of anethesia from my colonoscopy I guess I was really loud and asking my dad what was on his head. (I don't remember this, and he insisted there was nothing on his head.) Then I started yelling at the doctor telling him he had to tell me what was wrong with me before he left my room. (I remember this a little, but I don't remember screaming at him. My dad said I certainly did and I guess he was pretty embarassed.) I've had other non-Crohn's related surgeries before and I don't remember waking up like that for any of them. Not for sure what they gave me for my colonoscopy, but my dad said he doesn't want to go with me to do my next one. :ylol:
 
Maybe we all do and say embarrassing things when we come round but just don't remember them? A lot of mine I've had no memory of, and only know because others tell me. Plus the doctors and nurses don't seem the least bit surprised or concerned by what I do, so it must be fairly commonplace.
 

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