@Grady'sMom - Sorry I missed your thread. It's both crazy and sad that so many are in the exact same situation, with the exact same thoughts running through our heads
I do find on the upside it is also good to have so many to people to relate and talk to. I will just give you my story in case it helps because it is similar to yours.
My son was dx'd @ 17. He had constant diarrhea and weight loss, labs were poor, but he didn't "seem" to be in pain. CT scan diagnosed it, colonoscopy showed massive inflammation of the terminal ileum.
His first course of treatment was Entocort (because like you, I just mentally could not get past the immunomodulator/biologic thing - I just literally told the GI I refused to discuss it). He backed off as you can tell from these boards, ours is not an unusual reaction.
A few months later, my son ended up with a perianal fistula (1 month before HS graduation - imagine his delight). He had surgery with a seton, and the GI told me that if I wasn't agreeable to remicade, we needed to try Imuran or he would continue to get more (and worse) fistulas. He knew I was scared to death, but he gave me the straight talk and said that we were in a situation where something bad was happening, and that we had to treat the bad thing that was happening vs. make a decision based only on the bad thing that might happen. I remember like it was yesterday sitting in the dark in the pharmacy parking lot talking to him about the options.... And whether or not I was actually going to go pick up the prescription...
For some reason, having my son take a pill felt "less bad" than the remicade, but that in hindsight, that was not exactly logical. I remember feeling completely ill and bawling my eyes out after I handed my son those pills for the first time.... But I knew that it was the only hope to help that fistula. So I reluctantly did it.
The Imuran healed that fistula in days - when the surgeon removed the seton, she said it looked beautiful and perfect, and that was a relief and I felt for a second that I might have done the right thing.
My son took Imuran for 3 years, and we managed to keep the Crohns relatively at bay. Unfortunately, it stopped working (slowly) over the past year. I tried a bunch of other stuff (diet, supplements, etc.) and nothing helped.
The GI said the "R" word again. I still couldn't do it. We submitted for the SSI trials in Vancouver but at that point, I knew he didn't have the time to wait. We went for a second opinion w/ a leading GI at Rush University in Chicago. Son had a colonoscopy and it showed that his ileum was a mess and now he had colon ulcerations with ominous signs that more fistulas may be forming. His labs were like the labs of a homeless person. The GI finally said - dude.... Remicade or 100% chance of a very messy surgery.
So last week my son had his first Remicade infusion. He responded well and for this week at least, is eating better, feeling better, etc. Only time will tell, but signs are positive. Ironically, he is still on Imuran to give the Remicade its best chance of working, so it is the double whammy treatment.
My experience - these decisions are by far the hardest you'll ever have to make. There is no right answer, and there is no way to know if you are doing the right thing. Trying Imuran first felt better to me, but that comes with it's own risks and side effects. Remicade scared the living crap out of me, but at some point, you end up between a rock and a hard place, and you have to go for the thing that will solve the problem at hand.
Everyone makes their own choices, based on their own situation at the time, and that is simply the best you can do. You will second guess yourself all the time, but you just have to review the options, and make the decision and pray to the universe that it was the right one. It does get better as you learn more, and get acclimated to the disease, the options and the process.
I guess I don't have any solid recommendations except to say that the worst decisions I made were the times when I decided to do nothing. At least in our case, this is not a disease that is very kind when you let it go on without intervention.
You are getting alot of good info from the veterans here. I am hoping and praying for you, and send you tons of virtual support as you go through this process. HUGS to you and your son and family.