Aiding a partner with Crohns

[BigMike]

I have recently met someone who it would appear, will be in the rest of my life in either a platonic capacity or a romantic one.

I care very deeply for her and am asking this community what are things that I can do in any way to help.

Are there any toiletry items I can keep on hand, OTC meds, vitamins/supplements, absolutely anything you can think of in which to make this person more comfortable at my place as opposed to home base?

I could browse the web all day for experts to repeat the same things, or I can turn to the people that have to live the life. Your suggestions could range from store bought goods, to emotional support. Basically, tell me everything I need to know to be as helpful as possible!

This is new to me, but she is her own rock. She is plenty strong enough, I just want to help in any little way I can.

I thank you for your time and answers, and offer up a prayer for all of you.

 

[Clash]

Wow! I can read the sincerity in your post and I think that is awesome! I'm sure plenty of members will be by with advice and experiences! I think it is really great that you are taking the time to learn about IBD and the ways you can support her!

 

[BigMike]

Wow! I can read the sincerity in your post and I think that is awesome! I'm sure plenty of members will be by with advice and experiences! I think it is really great that you are taking the time to learn about IBD and the ways you can support her!

Quite honestly I feel like an asshole because you guys have to deal with so much. I have heard about the disease prior in my life but never read up on it. "Intestinal" was about as much as I knew.

She is one of the few people you will meet, regardless of sex, that you know you were meant to know.

Cloud Atlas type of shit!!! :rof:

 

[BigMike]

I just remembered her saying something about probiotics in her diet. Are ALL probiotics good, or can some be triggers?

I've only scratched the surface on this one folks.....gonna be a while!

 

[Clash]

If you click on probiotics in your post(as it is highlighted) then it will take you to our wiki forum which will give you information about probiotics in general and then at the bottom of the page will display threads that have been posted about probiotics. Also you can look through the diet/supplement forum to check out what other members have had experience with.

 

[Laura Dawn]

Not much advice but you just coming on here and asking is really supportive! Maybe get her some cheesy magazines for the bathroom and scented spray.

 

[Cross-stitch gal]

I think it's so sweet for you to be willing to help out so much! I'm afraid that unfortunately, you can prepare as much with this and still be surprised at times. The people are wonderful on here for answers, help and such. But, I think that your best bet would be to ask her what she might need or would like to have around the place to make her more comfortable. I know that I've stocked up the house here the best I can. The thing I've really appreciated though with my husband is a loving arm to hold me the times I've needed it. I do have a feeling you'll do just fine

 

[SarahBear]

Just make sure you have toilet paper.

Like everyone else has said, it's fantastic that you're so caring and supportive. Your best bet is to ask her if there's anything that would be useful for you to keep around. Does she stay over often? Does she experience a lot of pain, or other symptoms? If she brings vitamins / supplements or OTC medications with her when she comes or stays over, you could ask if it would be easier on her if you kept some around. A heating pad can be useful for pain - and it's something that you might need sometime, anyway.

 

[Laura Dawn]

Sarahbear- the heating pad idea is a great one. Helps a lot.

 

[ChristineinDenver]

Dear Mike,
Wow. Youre awesome for helping her through this however it shakes out.

The perfect go-to bathroom stash would include soft tp, some gentle wipes, some A&D ointment, and a People magazine too!

But honestly, I too have an amazing boyfriend whom I met right when I started a flare and ended up having surgery. Having him by my side, telling me how awesome I am, how pretty I look (quite a stretch Im sure on some of those days), being affectionate with me when I felt icky, just being there for me. That was the best. He's a keeper. Sounds like you are too!

 

[BigMike]

Thank you all for your kind words!

After reading your responses I realized that Crohn's is a very individual condition. There isn't any cookie-cutter solutions. As of right now, She has only stayed over once. I have a feeling that will be changing however.
I am gonna be going shopping today so I will be picking up:
Soft TP
Wipes (also should I get medicated wipes like Tucks?)
A&D ointment
Spray
Candles

I feel like this list should be longer!

I would like to buy double of these and make a travel bag to keep in my truck.

Many of you have said to ask her about all this stuff, and I will. I just want to have what many of you consider to be "essentials" before I even start broaching the subject.
Luckily she is the kind of person that would answer any question I ask about it.

 

[Cross-stitch gal]

I'm not sure about Tucks. Have never used them. But, I just get the wipes they have over with the regular toilet paper. They have the brand, cottonelle and there are often others of an off brand type over there that don't seem to make a difference which ones you choose for me.

Over in the travel/sample isle usually they've got smaller packs like what you can keep in your purse or vehicle and if you're not interested in having something as big too. These come in packs (I think) of 10's. Also, a lot of times if you go online some of these brands will send you samples that may have coupons with them that could also help you in the future. Some of these samples will also have other items you/she might be able to use. Good luck & take care.

 

[Cross-stitch gal]

Here are a couple of places for you:

www.cottonelle.com

www.charmin.com

These two may send you samples like I suggested.:goodluck:

 

[BigMike]

I was distracted by all the hordes of people bracing for the impending hurricane.

I've been on vacation for the last 3 weeks and finally going back to the REAL world tomorrow, but I've been on media blackout so like an idiot, went to the grocery store today around noon!

I forgot candles and air spray, but got everything else I mentioned.

Aside from that, I have motorcycle magazines, but guess I should get something slightly more topical:lol2:

 

[BigMike]

I feel like I got a good starter kit for the house. Don't exactly look forward to her needing to use the supplies I got as that means she won't be feeling well, but I'm glad I'm prepared!

I will be checking in on this forum frequently to get my knowledge up to snuff

 

[lola99]

I would say these are my essentials:

Flushable wipes
heating pad
acteaminaphine
candle warmer (for the stinkies lol)-i like the wax melts at WM
vaseline or prep-H if i was having a bad crohns day

 

[BigMike]

I would say these are my essentials:

Flushable wipes
heating pad
acteaminaphine
candle warmer (for the stinkies lol)-i like the wax melts at WM
vaseline or prep-H if i was having a bad crohns day

I got flushable feminine wipes....same thing?

Also, got Tucks medicated pads which I assume are kind of the same thing. I really need to get that heating pad though.

Was also thinking I would get a speaker system in there like my Bose Soundlink so she could play music loud if she thinks she will be loud :wink:

 

[Cross-stitch gal]

Don't worry, the wipes you got will be fine! We just mention other types like: Cottonelle, Charmin or store brands because usually there's more in the package and sometimes are less expensive.

 

[ndw0317]

In addition to Lola99's items:

huge insanely soft fuzzy blanket
A comforting lap to lay in

*for my really bad UC days (like today), I have nitroglycerine ointment for my bottom...but that's by Rx only.*

Nicole

 

[BigMike]

I'm a 6'3 250lb walking teddy bear.... got the comforting lap thing covered:ladysman:

What about vitamins/supplements? I think its great that you guys/gals have them listed in your signatures! Aside from allergy worries, should I start stocking this stuff? Do you take them because they aren't easily absorbed thru food?

 

[Cross-stitch gal]

I'm a 6'3 250lb walking teddy bear.... got the comforting lap thing covered:ladysman:

What about vitamins/supplements? I think its great that you guys/gals have them listed in your signatures! Aside from allergy worries, should I start stocking this stuff? Do you take them because they aren't easily absorbed thru food?

Better be careful as far as the walking teddy bear thing! Might have a few jealous girls wanting to snag you! :rof:

I think I'd wait on the vitamins/supplements to see what she takes first. Some of the stuff I take was mentioned by my doctor. Others were added after doing a bit of research.

 

[ndw0317]

at the moment I'm on a really bland diet so I can't eat much. supplemental recommended by my registered dietician and my GI. Calcium because the Prednisone has wreaked havoc with my joints and bones and fish oil to reduce inflammation since I can't eat fish.

 

[sickofcrohns]

What a great thread.

I just want to add my 2 cents -- don't forget to tell her that she's sexy and that you will continue to be there for her, even if she or you or both of you are frustrated and/or feeling crappy. It's OK to be frustrated and it's good to express frustration in a positive way, rather than keeping it inside or taking it out on each other. Make sure you can do some frustration-killing activities, like doing things to make each other laugh, or going to a firing range, or whatever turns both of your cranks, because this is a very frustrating disease at times and you will need to find a way to blow off steam in a non-harmful and preferably fun way.

As for the "sexy" comment, Crohn's really can do a number on a person's body image, so it's helpful for her to know that you still find her attractive even if she's feeling bloated or weak or smelly or whatever. You want to care for her, and she probably wants you to do that, too, but, ultimately, you want to be boyfriend-girlfriend as well. Focusing on that aspect of your relationship is also important.

Good luck!

 

[BigMike]

What a great thread.

I just want to add my 2 cents -- don't forget to tell her that she's sexy and that you will continue to be there for her, even if she or you or both of you are frustrated and/or feeling crappy. It's OK to be frustrated and it's good to express frustration in a positive way, rather than keeping it inside or taking it out on each other. Make sure you can do some frustration-killing activities, like doing things to make each other laugh, or going to a firing range, or whatever turns both of your cranks, because this is a very frustrating disease at times and you will need to find a way to blow off steam in a non-harmful and preferably fun way.

As for the "sexy" comment, Crohn's really can do a number on a person's body image, so it's helpful for her to know that you still find her attractive even if she's feeling bloated or weak or smelly or whatever. You want to care for her, and she probably wants you to do that, too, but, ultimately, you want to be boyfriend-girlfriend as well. Focusing on that aspect of your relationship is also important.

Good luck!

It's funny you should mention going shooting. I am quite the firearms enthusiast and she has shown an interest in going to the range :tank::banana::headbang:

As for her being sexy and being told such, I got that covered I've never met someone whom I've had such a mental boner for!:lol2: I'm gonna surprise her Friday night and show her my bathroom that I have outfitted for her

 

[ndw0317]

It's funny you should mention going shooting. I am quite the firearms enthusiast and she has shown an interest in going to the range :tank::banana::headbang:

As for her being sexy and being told such, I got that covered I've never met someone whom I've had such a mental boner for!:lol2: I'm gonna surprise her Friday night and show her my bathroom that I have outfitted for her

That's SOOO awesome! Keep the faith no matter how bad it gets...she's worth it!!!

Nicole

 

[Kiwi-Fiona]

Just wanted to say that you are one amazing guy and your special friend must be amazinbg to.

Fiona

 

[afidz]

Crohn's is definitely an individual expierience, and you are being so sweet by caring so much. I know when I am flaring up I just need to be surrounded by heat, whether its with the heater blasted in my car, laying on a heating pad, wrapped up in an electric blanket or just soaking in a hot bath. Just be there for her. In anyway you can. Ask her what comforts her in a flare.

 

[BigMike]

Crohn's is definitely an individual expierience, and you are being so sweet by caring so much. I know when I am flaring up I just need to be surrounded by heat, whether its with the heater blasted in my car, laying on a heating pad, wrapped up in an electric blanket or just soaking in a hot bath. Just be there for her. In anyway you can. Ask her what comforts her in a flare.

From what I can tell, she manages it very well. Nausea is her most common symptom that I am aware of. I did hear her mention that her last flare was in February, so I would assume that's doing pretty darn good.



She is staying over tonight, so if anybody has a time machine so I can just fast forward thru work today, that would be great!

 

[BigMike]

My friday night went amazing, though it was almost cancelled due to a complication.....

I had thursday off and had spent it with my lady friend (lunch, then hung out thursday night). I didn't know it at the time, but She was a 5 of 10 on the pain scale as the night drew to a close and she left.

I texted her Friday morning and she told me that over thursday night, She felt like She was at a 13, her "kidney feeling like it wanted to secede from her body/maybe a ruptured ovarian cyst". She said she cried all night, while writhing in pain ale:
This was the first time that I had experienced her having any other symptom other than nausea. I was really scared/worried, but I was at work (deliver for UPS) and was about to leave the building and start my route.
I asked her if she was able to make an appt with her GI, or maybe go to ER. She was thinking about it..

I was too busy to text, so I went thru my morning worried as shit, going as fast as I could to get out and get to her. Luckily my supervisor was understanding, and he said I could skip my lunch and breaks so I could get out earlier.

Over the course of the day, she said she was getting slightly better. She was able to find a possible cause: coffee is free at her work, but they only had the "rot-gut" type stuff left. She had some Thursday morning, I then took her to Panera for lunch, where she got a latte, and thursday night she got another latte when we were out.
She thinks that she possibly had too much espresso/caffeine/coffee in one day.

When I did see her Friday night, she was still in a decent amount of pain. She ended up needing to lay down around 8:30pm, so I layed with her and we just talked til 2:30am. She felt incrementally better as the night went on, of course She is so tough that I'm sure she was still in enough pain to make me whine.

She really appreciated me outfitting my bathroom for her. So far she hasn't needed any of it and quite frankly, I hope that crap gathers dust!

This woman, is so unbelievably awesome. BigMike has found what he wants in life: as much time with her as I can get!:hug::wub::highfive::yoshijumpjoy:

I owe all you guys my thanks for helping me understand her condition, and how to prepare, as well as how to be emotionally there for her. So far I have, and will continue to be as long as she wants me around.
THANK YOU!!!

 

[Cross-stitch gal]

I'm sorry to hear that she wasn't feeling good this time around. But, glad to hear that we all were able to help you. I have to admit that even though my husband and I have been married over 12 years, the best evenings for us both are the ones when we just lay next to each other or sit together and talk.

Keep up the good work I'm sure you'll have more special nights like these. Take care both of you. :hug: