Bad Day

[Crohns08]

So I had a doctor appointment today with the GI. Basically this holistic approach that I've been trying because of my Dad hasn't been working. They want to put me on an iron IV but they are going to try and spread it out in an attempt to prevent side effects. I'm also going back on pentasa because I'm sensitive to a lot of foods right now and my stomache is really sensitive to everything. I was afraid of it, but deep down I knew it was coming. Honestly I'm kinda glad because right now I feel like I am eight years old and I'm only seventeen going on eighteen.

So I'm stressed because I have to come home and tell my dad about the appointment. I do and it just goes badly like I thought because while he told me that the disease isn't my fault he basically said it was when he said I wasn't doing all that I could to fight the disease, which is untrue. It really hurt me that he said that because I've taken all of the medication, even the ones that made me feel like s***. He was complaining because I'm a picky eater and when I say a vegetable or fruit doesn't do well with me he doesn't believe me. They're really scared, my parents, and I can understand how tough it is on parents who have children with this disease, but the fact that my parents are so scared I can't lean on them for support makes me so jealous of those that have amazing parents you can lean on. my dad actually made me cry during our fight because it just all caught up with me. The lack of support and always having to pretend things are okay when they aren't has taken such a toll on me and I'm so glad I have you guys to talk to. I might never be normal or cured, but at least with you guys I can be normal.

 

[hunniebunn88]

:hug:
i know what you mean about not having total support, and dad's aren't always the best with health stuff, since "most" were taught to never complain about health stuff. i'm a youngin' too that is going through much of the same stuff (veggies and fruit suck for me too), so me, and everybody else on the forum, is here whenever you have to vent.
never think it is something you did, as my doctor says "its genetic"
it sounds like your dad could be like mine, he gets in an angry mood when he is scared. he could very well just be really scared for what is happening to you and just doesn't want to believe that its true. until he can finally accept it, maybe just keep him in the loop for the really important things. another idea would maybe be is to print off information for him to read so he can really see what he is going through. i had to sit my dad down and explain that its not me being picky, its me controlling my diet.
hope it helps

 

[DustyKat]

Oh Toni how very difficult this situation is for you.

Ashley has made a very good point about the reason why your dad may be behaving the way he is. Fear can make many people go on the defensive and become angry, or they prefer not to talk about it hoping it will all just go away. Now how do you overcome this with your dad. Again as Ashley has already said, education. Provide him with information, speak with him, write how you feel and what you are dealing with in a letter. If he still does not understand, and unfortunately some people never do or they just can't deal with illness, is there someone else in the family or a close friend you can turn to? I know you said your mum is also scared but is she someone you can talk to? Can she be a go between for you and your father? I understand this is difficult at this point in your life because he is someone you need to keep informed as you are in his care.

I'm so sorry there are no right answers and I wish I could offer you more but I am here for you as is everyone on this forum. Keep talking to us and hopefully we can at least ease your burdens a little. We can't replace your family but we can offer a helping hand, a shoulder to lean on or a sympathetic ear.

Thinking about you.
Dusty

 

[reidyjo81]

Oh please don't be upset. I know how hard it is, and sometimes it takes a while for your parents to get a grip with what is going on. They probably dont' fully understand the disease. I remember just before I had my op my dad was nearly force feeding me and didn't understand that food meant pain, but he was only doing this as he hated seeing me soooo ill. You can lean on your parents, I am sure they just want the best for you and if you don't have Crohns then it is had to put yourself in your shoes. Chin up !!!!!! have you told your dad how you feel ?
Jo xx

 

[Crohns08]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I would love to do anything that would change this behavior and I would educate him completely on food and such, but he reads a lot and knows a lot about the disease and medication, about as much as I do. I agree that it might just be because he's upset and afraid for me, it sounds like soething he would do. I'm going to try the letter about my feelings because everytime I try to tell him about my feelings he tells me that they are inaccurate or just because I feel that way that doesn't make it true. He says the same thing about stress.

my mom is just as scared, but I feel like I can actually talk to her. I don't know if she could relay what I say to my Dad because he's very stubborn, but we'll try. I usually get along great with my dad, it's just when it comes to this disease we butt heads and he won't listen to me. For some reason he doesn't trust me to tell him the truth about how I feel about foods or my bm's after going to the bathroom. I have no reason to lie, I don't like being in pain.

I also really appreciate all of you guys here and this forum. Hopefully the letter will help us actually get soewhere, wish me luck.

 

[Silvermoon]

How about if I adopt you and you can come live with me? (lol...jk...trying to put just a small smile on your face... ((((((((( Toni )))))) )

Like Dusty, I so wish there was more I could do for you. My parents were very supportive when I was growing up with Crohn's... in their own way.... Mom fussed... and Dad mostly ignored, but was there when I needed him. So it's hard for me to imagine what you are going through.

As I have gotten older, my mom still fusses...and my Dad still ignores... but that is what they do best. I was lucky enough to find a mate who, I think, truly DOES understand... and someday you will too....

Until then, you have us...as much as we can be there.... it's not as good as the "real" thing...and it's hard because you probably love your parents anyway...because they are your parents.....

But for now...all I can do is ((((((((((((((( Toni ))))))))))))

 

[Crohns08]

Thanks Silver! :hug: I appreciate you guys and all of your ideas and support! Thankfully today my dad has been less in my face and I actually got to go and have lunch with a friend of mine today. I actually used to date him a few years back and his Dad is actually my GI and he's been really understanding and has always been someone I can talk to openly. So today hasn't been as rough. I guess I just have to take it one day at a time and try to get my Dad to understand somehow, even if the process is going to be painfully slow :/