Being alone

[MissMtns]

being alone

This is my first post here, just started having a flare up yesterday, spend all of last night puking and sleeping in my bathroom b/c i was too tired to walk back to my bedroom. i'm feeling better right now, just painful cramps that come and (thankfully) go. So here I am all alone in my apartment trying to relax but i'm thinking...

i've always been a very independent person and it all started to make sense to me why when i was diagnosed with chrones when i was 18. since then (i'm 25) i've come to accept that i prefer to shop alone, travel alone, and really only do group activities when i know i'm feeling well, or when i know that i can get away to the bathroom a number of times unnoticed. or when we are all at my house.
Very few of my friends know that i have chrones and for those that know don't know any details because i really don't like to talk about it and most of the past years i've been in remission so there was no reason to make a big deal about it. but things seem to be getting gradually worse this past year, and i'm having finding myself spending SO much time alone, and growing more and more distant from my friends. i need to start talking to my friends about chrones so that i can hang out with them again but i don't want to be a downer. i don't want to be the 'sick one' although i guess thats what i am. But usually when i hang out with my friends we are drinking or hiking or rockclimbing, things i can't really do right now. how can i ask my drinking buddies to hang out with me when i'm sick without feeling like a loser? where can i find some new friends who don't drink but aren't in AA?

any random thoughts on the subject? you don't have to answer my questions, i'm just wondering if anyone else has had similar thoughts...

much love for you all

 

[Guest]

hi sm, aww i'm really sorry to hear crohns is getting to you so much just now. You may be pleasantly surprised if you do confide in your closest friends - they probably think there's nothing wrong and assume you cope well with everything, but given the chance, they may come round and have girly nights at your place, and let you lean on them a bit. its worth a try.

also, there may be a crohns/colitis/ibd support group in your area, which hold meetings or have a friends connection facility - and there you could talk to people in similar circumstances.

anyway, hi and welcome. this forum is fab, there are loads of lovely people and some really good info in here.


dingbat.

 

[Kev]

Hi SM. Yeah, making the transition can be tuff. Took me a while to adapt/accept that I could go out with the gang, just couldn't eat or drink what they do. As for the conversation thing... one thing I do is avoid or limit my conversations about my health in public... Like, if it comes up when we're out together as a group, then I laugh it off or change the subject. In private, then I'll answer any questions in full, sometimes in graphic detail just to educate my friends. This way they are up to speed, but when we're out and about, I'm not the 'sick' one. One of the great advantages is that, since I drive but don't drink I can be the 'designated' driver, and as such, my non alcohol beverages are free at most clubs, restaurants, etc.. It really is a win/win for everyone, and I don't wind up home alone feeling sorry for myself. Fun can be the best medicine

 

[jawny]

Hey sm you are not alone. Im in an anti-social rut as well with my Crohn's and I used to be super active snowboarding and skateboarding with all my free time. As of late I have been staying in a lot and when I do go out its by myself as I tend to need to leave at a moments notice. This does take its toll on me and I really should be more depressed than I am but I know that at some point things will get back to the way i want them its just a matter of time. I also get the wierd looks when I say I don't or can't drink and people always ask how I have "a good time" truth is after a while you can replace going out to bar's and clubs with other things and other people. Being a downer should never be an issue. I find that only people who understand are really worth being around...

-johnny

 

[Shane]

I find that only people who understand are really worth being around...

-johnny

Never a more true statement written, spot-on Johnny.

Shane

 

[MissMtns]

thanks

i think the hardest part is admiting to myself that this is something that i can't hide anymore. its as if i tell my friends, its more real, more permanent and maybe thats what i'm scared of most.

thanks for the replies! it really helps to get outside perspective. and now that i've written down my problem, well, i'm thankful to even be having this problem. I know it can be so much worse. but thanks for your kind, true words. i look forward to reading on.

party on

sm

 

[rhapsody86]

One of my good friends has crohn's and to be honest, when he didn't want to explain, I googled it. I also registered here, and read books. my suggestion is, explain a bit and maybe give them an internet link if you become uncomfortable. or sit down at the computer with them and show them one, then partially explain/partially let them read.

I think jawny was spot on with the "the ones who understand are really worth being around" comment. if they can't accept it, maybe it's better to find someone else who can?

 

[D Bergy]

Most people do not really react at all, when I tell them i have Crohn's. Most people have something wrong with them whether it is a disease or some other issues.

I don't advertise it or hide it, no one has ever reacted negative to me as a result of this disease. If you do not treat it as a big deal, neither will anyone else.

Just do things you can with your friends. If you can't do what they are doing sometimes just tell them why and make alternate plans for yourself. There is a million ways to occupy yourself.

The disease is just something you have. Don't confuse that with who you are.

Dan Bergman

 

[katiesue1506]

Hi! I was diagnosed at 18 as well (nearly 20 now), but I can understand what you are going through. The college life isn't exactly a great fit for us Crohnies... drinking alcohol (is a NO NO), staying up all night (How would we function?) and having to find a private bathroom (is ANYwhere on campus private?) But yeah I understand the lonely, aloneness. Last year I was always asked to go to a party here or hang out there, but I was so tired and just didn't want to be out at all... people probably thought I didn't like them, which wasn't the case at all. I just didn't feel good. What's more, is I always seemed to have time for my boyfriend, which made a lot of people mad, but you know what? I wasn't comfortable being around my friends in my condition, with my boyfriend, I could sit in comfy shorts and a t-shirt and just watch tv or play a game or just enjoy each others company without feeling like I had to keep up appearances... I could look how I felt around him (like shit... no pun intended).

I just had to tell my friends I wasn't feeling well, and that if they wanted to hang out, maybe they could come to my place and we could do something low key like watch a movie... otherwise I wanted to be by myself. Also, all of my friends know that I don't drink... its not only Crohn's Disease (which is the most common reason I give), but with a long line of alcoholics in my family... and the fact that I don't really even like alcohol... I think I'd rather just pass.

I dunno... the whole drinking thing has always gotten on my nerves... what with seeing how its affected my family, and how utterly stupid it makes people. I can understand social drinking, if you actually like alcohol... but when you are living for the weekends (in college time thats Thursday night to Sunday) and only drinking to get completely obliterated... I just don't understand. I don't know, maybe I'm not meant for college... but I'm very atypical when it comes to drinking. I just don't.

I guess I just don't get why someone would want to lower their decision making abilities and turn themselves temporarily stupid. :confused2:


Ok... lol my schpeil (schpeel? schpeal?) is over now....

basically... no one is worth having around unless they understand you.... like someone else up there said..

 

[TammySue62]

Good speach katiesue 1506
We have something in common (ALCOHOLICS) my father whom passed my mother still is, my brother was until he had a brain anurism (sp?) and then a stroke which ended his addiction cause he cant remember that he was. Now he is in a nursing care home at the age of 50.This happened to him about 9 yrs ago. My oldest brother whom I have not seen for years is still an alky but somehow still holds a job .Then I have the younger brother 48 whose wife just left him after 23 years of marriage because of his drinking. I used to live with him just this past summer and seen him in action on his days off. That is one of the reasons why Im not there now. But my daughter stayed there. WHY because he has no rules so she can come and go as she pleases. Nowing this she still stays. I just pray to god she dosent become a victim of this horrible addiction. She is a teenager and thinks she knows everything.
Live and learn i guess.Oh yah my ex husband was also a drinker. That is why he is my ex . LOL

So yes i see your point quite well on drinking.