Being defeated vs. feeling too tired to be bothered

[McStew]

I'm trying to figure out in myself, if I am feeling "defeated" by this disease, or if I am just too tired and feeling unwell to be bothered being involved in things...I can't seem to tell the difference, except feeling defeated makes me feel a lot of guilt and feeling too tired makes me angry.

For example, I have my graduation for my Master's next week. I just don't really feel bothered going - to pay for an expensive academic robe to rent, which I don't really agree with, then to go out for food and drinks - two things that I LOVE to do, but can't at the moment. So, I just don't feel like even going. Am I letting the disease get the best of me? or am I just too tired?

Also, we're planning a big Fakesgiving dinner with friends this weekend. We make it a yearly thing and go all out. Again, I just don't really feel like being surrounded by lovely foods and fantastic wines that I can't really have. Defeat, or just tired?

 

[xX_LittleMissValentine_Xx]

I know how you are feeling.
I think it is probably a mix between the two.
I think you have to think about how you will feel if you don't go, and If you actually think you can. When you are so tired everything feels like such a big effort.
But are you feeling so bad that you cant get out of the bathroom? Or that you are in so much pain you can't move? Coz there may be other times when you do feel this way and really cant go to something.
If I were you, I would push myself to go, especially for your graduation, which you have worked so hard to achieve.
Last week, I was feeling so tired that I didnt eat. I didnt feel like I could even make myself food. This week I have come home to my parents and after my mum has cooked me a few meals my apetite has returned. So was I really so ill, or just tired?
You have to keep fighting

 

[Sarahjh]

Hey, i get like this all the time. 1 minute i have energy to get up and do something, then the next i really cant be bothered. I think sometimes you just have to overcome the disease. As i get told, you control the disease, dont let the disease control you. When i am tired and feeling crap with my Crohns, i always just think of these people with cancer who run marathons, it soon gets me going. I understand the food and drink bit, my friends are always going out drinking and i can't. It hits me big time the next day. If i was you, id go to the graduation, thats a positive outcome. Plus that means you graduating, you havent let the disease take control!! You've passed everything.

Just hold your head up high and think 'i can do this' xx

 

[littlemissh]

Sorry you aren't great at the moment. I understand where you are coming from with the food thing. It is our Christmas works party in 3 weeks and I am on liquids. I want to be with the friends I have there but not do the food/ drink thing- so I have asked at what time the meal finishes and will go then. Could you just do the graduation and not the meal?
We are planning Xmas celebrations with the emphasis off food this year - just close family-so I don't feel so odd and excluded...until we decided this I was dreading Christmas, now I am looking forward to it.

 

[McStew]

Thanks for posting. Your words of encouragement helped me feel so much better. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way at times. Holly, I think you hit the nail on the head - I actually am in a place where I could go to my graduation - I'm not in significant pain, or having to use the loo 100 times a day, so I could be much worse (and I've been there), so I really think I would regret it if I didn't go. Sarahjh - yes, you're right, I didn't allow the disease to take control of me while I went back to study, so it is worth celebrating this. Littlemissh - I could do without the food and I think I'll just wait to see how I feel on the day and figure out where to go or what to do then.

I did end up having a big dinner last night, my husband encouraged it (and helped make the food), and I'm so glad I did it. For the first time in months I felt at ease about what I was eating, I worked my best to eat what I think would be easiest to digest (although sometimes I feel I should be eating a purely liquid diet), I felt much better today than I have been feeling most days...amazing!

 

[ameslouise]

Hi McStew - glad you are feeling a little bit better. I do hope you decide to go to your grad - you can't get it back, and you don't want to regret not going. Celebrate this big accomplishment!!

What's a Fakesgiving? Are you not eating meats? I was vegan for a year thinking it would help my very active Crohns at the time. I had fun actually planning things I could eat but it was a bit tough. My husband made a gorgeous turkey that looked and smelled amazing. It was really hard to resist!

Good luck. Glad you are feeling better today and hope things contineu in the right direction!

-Amy

 

[McStew]

Hey Amy,
Fakesgiving is a name my friend uses when she celebrates thanksgiving on a day other than the traditional Thursday in November. So I had "fakesgiving" yesterday, as the time and day suited me better. hehe.

How did it go doing the vegan thing for a year? Did you find that it made any kind of difference to your symptoms?