Bit of a vicious circle...

[Novice]

When I was first diagnosed I spent a long time pretending that I was fine and tha lt everything would work out is be one of the lucky ones who wasn't often affected.

After that I spent so long building my confidence back by pretending I was confident...

You can see where I'm going I had it in my kid if I convinced myself of something it would work out...

I often wonder if I'm pretending to except this, cope and be happy. I don't know if I'm pretending or not anymore. I don't know if it should matter, but every now n then I just break down have a half hour cry or a fie minute pep talk to myself...

I've pulled myself out of many dark holes n I don't wana discuss anti depressants..

I don't really know the point of my post just my five minute melt down again lol it's probably just stress

I know it would be easier if people around me understood but I don't think they would, how do you explain crying for no reason or snapping at people n not knowing why etc

I guess I should really find a new way of dealing with stress :/

 

[SarahBear]

Hi, Novice!

Your situation sounds very frustrating.

Is there a reason why you're against anti-depressants? Would therapy be off the table as well? Have you had your vitamin levels checked recently (low levels can lead to depression)?

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I really hope things work out for you soon and you find a good outlet for your frustrations.

 

[Trysha]

Hello Novice
A diagnosis of Crohn's is enough to throw anybody off balance.
It is good to talk about it and you have come to the right place to discuss it..
A good way to try and recover from this shock is to study the things that can be done about it.
Diet is a good move and if you are not getting the right foods it can contribute to being in a dark place.
So open the windows and let in some light and see what to do about eating the right foods.
Then turn to the medical side and make sure you have a good GI who will see that you have the right drugs and approach to the diagnosis.
You also need to have the appropriate blood work such as CBC, ESR, CRP Vit B12 and iron levels established.
Do you have family members to help you along this pathway.
It could help.
You say you have previously pulled yourself out of dark holes so hopefully you will be successful with this one.
You have many friends on this forum and some of us have been in the same situation
so it is good that you posted.
A trouble shared is a trouble halved.
Feel better soon
Hugs and best wishes
Trysha

 

[Novice]

Thank you both.

I was diagnosed in 2009 and i get sick to the point of hospitalization every year. thats usually when i realise im kidding myself but then i go right back to oh it all be okay frame of mind.

The reason i dont really want anti depressants is because i dont really feel as though im depressed, i get sad, but everyone gets sad, im not always sad i guess im just sensitive and silly things upset me.

i didnt realise low vitamins etc could affect you like that though, i am definitely going to ask to get that checked.

i think my family members are the biggest cause to my frustration half the time lol most of the time they are very good to me, but (i still live with my parents trying to get through college) they tend to only take me seriously when either the doctor tells them something is wrong with me or they can physically see i am ill, i know its easy to forget but sometimes i feel like they forget i have feelings too.
its hard, but i guess it always will be.

I am lucky and i know i have so many more positive things going for me than the negative but you know how it can get.

i really appreciate having this place to let it all out
Thank you.

 

[CLynn]

Hi Novice! I agree, you should definately discuss with your doctor your moods and getting blood levels tested. I have Crohn's 20+ years now, and honestly, I do know exactly what you mean. My flares were almost constant the first 10 years at least, and I would hit those dark moods. I had 2-3 close friends who I could call and they would come over and listen to me vent, then before long have me laughing. I think you have let the sadness and frustration and fear it, and walk thru it so you can get to the other side of it, and it sounds like for the most part, you do get thru them. But there is nothing wrong with antidepressants when the moods get to be too much or constant or just more than you can take. And you always have us, Crohnies understand it all better than non Crohnies....

 

[Novice]

youre right, i always feel better knowin g someone understands.
i guess the hardest part is knowing if all this hard work is going to be worth it. im living at home still cos its the least stressful way to get through college, which is hard in itself but then half the time i worry, is it worth it will i even be normal enough to do the job i train for...
then obviously explaining to your friend who will never really understand, parents, family, partners, i think i just stress and over think too much and just wish someone would reassure me once in a while instead of criticize me

 

[CLynn]

Sounds like me, I was living at home and working full time to pay for my college when I got Crohn's. I did take me 5 1/2 years to finish instead of 4, but hey, I got there....you will have better times, you will. Hugs!

 

[Novice]

Thank you, for understanding. Thank you for letting me know its possible lol
I really appreciate your kindness

 

[CLynn]

You are more than welcome, we are all part of a Crohn's family. We shall lean on each other!