Can I get prayers, good vibes ect

[lookame]

Can I get prayers, good vibes ect **updated please read**

I mentioned on here a couple of times that I am going through a divorce and I need some good vibes, prayers whatever you can think of to come my way. My ex and I have been separated for 5 years now, he has a child and lives with his girlfriend and her daughter as well as their son. They've never had custody of my son and actually treat him very badly(with hold food from him, make him sleep on the floor, put him in diapers and call him a baby wouldn;t treat a lice infestation). For 3 months before I filed divorce my son completly did a 180 turnaround. He quit peeing the bed/his pants, he started acting like a normal non violent child he even started becaoming a much happier child as well. Anyway after I filed divorce and when I went in for my temporary orders hearingmy attorney and his attorney basically forced me into agreeing with a shared parenting plan and then they forced a divorce that day as well. I was sick that day and told my attorney I wasn't feeling well could I have a continuance for a day I felt better...she wouldn;t allow it. So I got a new attorney and we're doing a stop divorce motion based on my illness.

That sounds all good and everything but now my ex feels that if I was to sick in court then I'm to sick to have my son in general and he wants full custody and only let me have title 27 visitation(every other weekend one day a week) I have done everything for this child. I moved into a more expensive home so he could have 2 rooms(his bedroom and a playroom) and so he could be going to a good school district, I buy him clothes and food keep him well fed(even though I feel he may have crohns as well) take him to all his doctor appointments and I have him set up with a therapist because of the trauma he goes through seeing his dad. He gets so upset and worked up about going to his dads that he holds onto me for dear life and won;t let go and he'll refuse to eat because he's so anxious about going as well. He makes up excuses to not go too like he tells me he has a headache and wants to lay down or he tells his dad he wants to come home. Yesturday when I picked my child up he told me he had to sit outside in the pouring rain because only the adults were allowed in the house.

The funny thing is...I've taken care of my son when I've been extreamly sick and I still did a better job than my ex when he was healthy the entire time. I'm not even that sick right now, yes I still have days where I just don;t feel good but it's mostly before I have to use the bathroom and if I'm allowed to eat then I am fine (I was locked in a little room from 9am to 2 pm without food) I still make good descions unless I'm thrown into a situation that I have to make fast descions but when it comes to my son I'll always make a descion which benefits him not hurt him(even though obviously seeing his dad hurts him)

Anyway please send your thoughts and prayers my way. Pray that he doesn't get custody.

 

[Keepingfaith]

Awwww HUGS!! ) I always pray for my fellow Crohnies & will keep you especially in my prayers. This disease is horrid and can break up the best relationships. You are a good mommy for having your child's best interest in mind. You being sick, shouldn't matter. You've been healthy enough to take care of him & he needs his mommy! You can't help you have Crohn's & the love you can offer your child is more powerful then any love your ex could offer. :hug: Whatever happens will make your son & yourself stronger.

Take care & bless you!

 

[SarahAnne]

Melissa, please don't lose heart. In the middle of my messy divorce, my ex tried all of the same, "you're sick, unfit mother" garbage. I don't know how things work in Ohio, but here in Florida the judges will usually side in the case of the mother unless there is gross negligence going on that can be proved.

He's trying to scare you, but don't let him. Even if you are sick, the courts usually look out for the best interests of the child, and if it is obvious that he has a loving, safe, caring home with you it will be that much harder for the ex to carry out his threats. You may be forced into a visitation or custody sharing plan that you don't care for at first, just be as cooperative as you can (definitely not to the point of endangering your son of course!).

I have read your story before as it is so similar to my own history several years ago. My ex was raising another child as his own and about to get remarried when he was trying to force me into all sorts of custody arrangements. I am happy to say that he eventually cut his losses and beat it. I haven't had a single penny of child support since it was ordered (to the tune of 5 years ago and over $35,000 he owes me now), but I don't care as we haven't seen or heard from him in all that time. He can keep his money and stay out of our lives.

I'm praying for you and your son. Being sick doesn't make us worse moms. It shows our children how strong we are and that even when things aren't the best with us, we will always continue to love, care and fight for them. The courts won't ignore that. Good luck to you.

 

[lookame]

Thanks keepingfaith and sarahanne. Deep down I know he won't gain custody. He hasn't had custody for 5 years and he hasn't paid child support for 3(it wasn't ordered) and the only reason why he has paid recently(after 7 months of non payment) is because we're in the court battle and he's trying to make himself look better than he really is. His text essages have since said he's only looking for his sons best intrests after complaigning about this and that. He refuses to buy his son a new pair of glasses even though they were damaged at his place he feels I need to spend the money and get him a new pair everytime my ex breaks them. In all reality I'd prefer to have custody or for him to disappear since it seems it's be best for Zach but I know that will be a very hard battle since Ohio beleives a shared parenting plan is best and unfortunatly mental and emotional abuse and neglect don't really matter. *sigh* I wouldn;t even care if he stopped paying child support if he disappeared but to me you can;t have it your way, which he's already tried to manipulate the "agreed upon plan" already.."oh can you pick him up earlier I have to work" "I deserve makeup parenting time because my child refused to go with me for half an hour and kept running away from me" "oh I don;t get my child until later today at 3pm not 10am" You don;t get to pick and choose what you want to follow especially since I can;t pick and choose

 

[EthanPSU]

Hey, Just sendin some good vibes your way, I can't stand messy relationships and couldn't imagine if a child was involved so it must be tough. I always find being the bigger person and not letting negativitly affect you if always the best way to deal with something.

 

[Trysha]

Hello Lookame,
So sorry to hear of all these negative things happening to you. It is especially concerning about your young son.Is there no family court child welfare officer available to talk to you and especiallly your young son about this parental abuse by his father.
Hard to believe any court would award custody to him.
It must be such a terrible worry for you., try as best you can to frequently think "Let go! and let God" not easy but can be done.
Many prayers and good wishes for you and young son
Trysha

 

[shazz]

Hi lookame
I am sending you all the good vibes I got right now. They are yours hun.
I hope you can find the strength to stay strong and know you are a good, great, wonderful and fabulous mum.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[lookame]

Thank you all I really appreciate the warm wishes and prayers and good vibes.

Trysha unfortunatly the attorneys forced the divorce through on temporary orders day. Two days after a remicaid infusion and I was still bleeding and wasn;t allowed to eat until 2pm. I was locked in a room with my attorney, his attorney and him from 9am-2pm without any breaks ect. Anyway I was sand unable to concentrait and they kept telling me I had to agree to thngs or I had to pay his attorneys fees ect. I asked for a guardian ad litem but my attorney denied me that right even though I was concerned about the living sitation, the abuse ect. Unforunatly my son is 5 years old and the court doesn;t take into account what he wants or how i affects him. he only thing they consider is if he has some sort of physical or sexual abuse. I can pile tons of posts by my exs girlfriend saying shes mean to my son and gives whiskey to her 9month old but when it comes down to it the court doesn;t take it into account just like the court didn't care that my ex brought a drug trafficer around my son(he let this person sleep on his couch for 11 months before she went to jail and she posts all the time about how she's higher than a kite) My son goes to see a therapsit and she told me today seeing his father is making him completly fall apart. I'm sorry Ohio seems backward they prefer shared parenting and one parent gaining full custody is very hard :/ I've been told even getting less visitation is very hard to do unless it was agreed upon. *sigh* I have an uphill battle

 

[Trysha]

How absolutely awful for you and your son.
Lots of prayers and positive vibes
Hugs
Trysha

 

[Irene3]

Wow lookame, that sounds very difficult. I got so upset when my ex of 12 years even mentioned custody of our 8y old little girl. No one can love a child more then their biological mother in my opinion. We as women are caring, and sensitive to our Childs needs, even when we are unwell. My ex said 'because I'm sick, my daughter didn't want to stay at his house one night' and that alone made me so angry. As if crohns makes a mother incompetent?!?! I actually think, I worry more about my Childs needs, her aches and pains, ten fold more, because iv been sick. I really wish you the best. Xoxo

 

[lookame]

Hey just a little update on how court went today. Thankfully the judge threw out the final orders and made them temporary allowing us to go in with a guardian ad litem and do a full discovery and basically redo the divorce over properly.

The unfortunate thing is my ex may still file for full custody or he may get more visitation than he already has and the thing which worries me the most is he'll put on a big show in front of the guardian ad litem so he won;t get his visitation reduced...then after the divorce is final and whatnot then things go back to the way they've always been. *sigh* I still need your prayers and good vibes and whatever you can think of that things go mine(and of coarse my sons) way. I could also use some prayers that he doesn't file for full custody. It's kind of stupid though because I guess the judge was going to rule that he have overnights on Weds and then his attorney cut in saying he didn;t want that because they'de have to find a sitter and such. Soo why file for full custody??? I don;t know it's a mess :/

 

[lookame]

Oh and the hits just keep coming. I feel like I swore to protect my son and yet I can;t protect him ffrom his father and his girlfriend. This is aweful...his son comes down and gets into the car, looks up at his poor excuse for a father and says"I don;t want to go with you" So what does his dad do? He straps him in and tells me he's taking him for 2 weeks at the beginning of august. He then proceedes to tell me that I'm not allowed to take a vacation with my son on his weekends and tells me what vacation days I'm allowed. WTF!?Your child doesn;t want to be with you so your forcing him to stay with you for two weeks. You have got to be kidding me!!! I'm so upset I feel like I'm letting my child down, I feel like there is nothing I can do to help him...I feel so trapped my child deserves so much better than this and yet all I can do is argue with my ex about how he's not thinking about his child. My son is a human being not some item you can keep or give away according to what you want to do.

I'm sorry I'm pretty upset right now. I don;t know what to do I'm so lost al I can do is pray that the guardian ad litem can stop it somehow or something I don;t know...

 

[lookame]

And now not only is my ex threatening me with "contempt of court" but his little girlfriend shoved her nose into the situation and started threatening the same on me about medical stuff. Saying she's going to let his attorney know that my child said he has to take certain medicines at night and so I have to send that stuff over(he takes over the counter claritin). She also said I need to stop telling my son his dad needs to get him new glasses because they pay cash medical (child support) and that covers his glasses so thats contampt as well. I sent over perfectly good glasses, my ex didn;t like them so he dug deep scratches into them so I'd be forced to buy a new pair...funny thing is my attorney said he owes for glasses since he scratched them himself(my ex scratched them)

 

[norma123]

I'm sending my best wishes to you lookame. It'll get better.