Can't Fight in Anymore! Just need to vent

[AndiGirl]

I fought the Crohn's and the Crohn's won! I thought I could ride this one out, but it looks like I'm really in a flare-up. Yuck! I'm nauseated and need to stay near a bathroom. Even eating crackers makes me want to go! To top things off, the acid reflux is back in full swing. The anti-acid medications all push the pain to my lower half, so I'm tempted not to take it. I guess I have a choice, have the reflux and be okay with the CD, lower cramping; or be reflux free and have terrible lower abdominal/intestinal cramps. I've explained this over and over and over again to my doctor. I don't think he gets it.

Updates. . .

The Good- I have only five more days of playing hostess with my MIL. Yay! Celebration time! I got five of my teeth fixed and it cost less than expected.

The Bad- Scott and I are fighting more. You can tell from many of my other posts that I adore my brother Randy. We've shared a lot over the years, and he's a good big brother. Randy is butting into my business, and while I can understand his concern, but he needs to mind his own business. He's made several comments on how Scott and I seem to be having trouble. He went as far as to say that he isn't treating me very good. I have dealt with Randy's meddling before, but he said some things to my parents. My parents are concerned now. I don't want them to get involved, or to have them think less of Scott, or even treat him differently. I want to work things out, and keep them out of it.

For the record, most of our difficulties stem from household and parental duties being unfairly divided. We don't have nasty fights, but we do argue. To be totally honest, I think he does leave most of the work to me. Being a teacher, I am off for the summer, but that's still no excuse. While I was working he left a lot of the chores to me.

The Ugly- I had my hair hi-lighted. I have a lot of natural red in my hair, but I decided to try blond. Scott and just about everyone else likes it. My dad and sister are telling me it's ugly. I'm self-conscious now.

The situation with Randy could get ugly. He and Scott used to be friends, but lately he's been finding a lot of fault with him. Randy is a nice brother and guy in general, but he has a temper, and can run his mouth off at the wrong times. How do I tell him to butt out, without making things worse?

 

[Jer's Girl]

I don't really have any advice Andi- I just wanted you to know someone was listening! It is bad when you feel like you are caught between two people you love.

As far as the hair goes, here is a funny thing my friend said to me. We were talking about how I have been self conscious about my weight gain this year, and some people have been rude, but my husband Jer really likes me good and curvy, so that helps. I said, "we'll he is the one who has to see me naked so his opinion is the one that matters most."

She said, "Well your sister might see you naked, but so what. What's she going to do? See you naked and not want to have sex with you? Thats a good thing!"

That just cracked me up. She was right. It kind of goes along with my new favorite saying. Other peoples opinions are none of my business.

Plus, I bet it looks cute! People are just afraid of change. Family especially.

 

[Nyx]

I just wanted to put my two cents in here...

"those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter."

Just a thought...

 

[AndiGirl]

I wish I didn't care so much about what others think. I've tried working on that many times. I've always been a pleaser. I think some of it stems from the fact that before I married Scott, I dated a man who was abusive. He didn't get physical, but he was verbally abusive and had a terrible temper. At one point in our relationship, I almost said, "Yes," to his proposal. God was looking out for me.

I've always hated tension and confrontation. I've always been a peacemaker. I know this flare-up may have been brought on by some of the stress that I've been under. I think my MIL likes to stir the pot. I guess I just need to toughen up and get more of a backbone. I'm also very hard on myself.

 

[fromthegut]

Hi.. I wasn't able to read your full psoting. what I do want to say is I am in the same boat. And venting does seem to work.
I am in a new realtionship and well let's jsut day that fooling around sure can stir thigns up.Feels good while it alsts but oh.. the pain after wards. It is all about balance and more balance.
I've really noticed an icnrease in gas and thus fore poan., I am wodnering what is goign on. It seems that beaon is about my besst firned. it doesn't help taht there is enourmous stress goign on in the apartment building I am in. A lot of ugly emotions going onw tih the workers and supers and elgal stuff and fire inpectors and when I am sick I sjtu want peace !!!!!!! and that is the elat I am getting. Oh and the thign I disliek the msot about beign sick.. is the loneliness. It is so lonely.

 

[margie]

Andi,
I am so sorry that you are still going through all of these problems, and I am glad that you will be MIL free soon. That will relieve some of the pressure on you. As far as the Randy and Scott thing, I can only tell you what I would do, and if it was my brother and I loved him dearly like you do, I would just talk to him calmly and rationally and tell him that he needs to mind his own business and that what happens between you and Scott needs to stay there and that all of the meddling is just causing more problems. He will hopefully understand.
You on the other hand, need to take care of yourself, because all of this stress in your life is definitely not helping your Crohn's at all and I am worried about you. Please try and get some rest from all of the stress with the family.

Vent away anytime,
Hugs,

 

[Ari]

Hi Andi,

I'm sorry to hear you're flaring atm. I know that drinking coke and apple cider vinegar can help a lot with nausea and acid reflux. I put a shot of vinegar in a glass of water (I like mine fizzy) and drink it when I have problems and it prevents crystalline as well so your kidneys should be a lot happier too.

It's so difficult to give good advice when you're an outsider. Randy is your big brother - you will always be his little sis, and therefore he's probably overprotective. I hope you and Scot work things out and perhaps give each other a bit of slack. A holiday away from it all would be nice, going somewhere beachy down south would definitely help to recharge the batteries and put things in perspective. However, you are in a flare and probably can't afford it right now considering all the bills you have to pay.

Andi, I bet your hair looks great!!! Forget about what your father said. Think what would happen if you dyed it green/pink, put a stud in your tongue or a ring in your nose and tattooed your eyelids. Would they like it???

Take good care of yourself!!!

Me.x

 

[SarahAnne]

Andi, you sound like me once upon a time. I think I felt a need to please everyone because I couldn't control my body and be happy myself. I hate to give advice to people I don't know about situations I'm not in, but to mimic what everyone else said, it's probably best to calmly talk to Randy. Help him understand that stress (like the arguing) really has a negative effect on your Crohn's. Hopefully, he cares about you and your health more than arguing with your significant other.

I would just let the hair thing go. It really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about the way you do your hair, or dress, etc. You are the one who has to live with it. I would just tell your dad and sister, that you didn't color your hair for them so their opinion doesn't really matter. I got my nose pierced once and never heard the end of it from my dad and uncle. I finally told them it didn't matter WHY I did it, I wanted to, it was my body and my choice.

I really hope you are able to work everything out. It sounds like you have people in your life who care about you. Hopefully they can all get along because it is in your best interest.

 

[tiloah]

My goodness! You need to tell all your family members that if they don't have something nice/supportive to say they should just keep their traps shut! It sounds like you are really surrounded by a lot of negativity and it doesn't seem to be doing you any favors. If you can't get the people around you to stop being negative, at least ask them to keep it to themselves. I bet your hair looks beautiful, especially if you and your husband like it.

So glad to hear your mother in law is going to be out of there soon. Have you seen your GP or GI about this latest flare? It sounds like you should get some tests to see what needs to be done to get you back under control. I hope you feel better soon. Try to take it easy as much as you can.

 

[LOSTnut]

Well, if Randy cares for you tell him that the tension he creates is not helping, physically and emotionally. While he might get it out of his system, he is burdening you and you definitely don't need this right now.

As for the household and parental duties ... take care of the kids (I understand they are still pretty small?) and leave the vaccuming and cleaning alone when you don't feel like you can or want to do it. Remember, if you have to go to the hospital or get so bad that you cannot get out of bed it won't get done by YOU either.

Just my two cents .....

Hang in there, girl. If you don't help yourself, you cannot help anybody around you! :hug:

 

[SS410]

Andi! I just wanna give you a big hug!

Having to deal with everyone has to be so hard while going through a flare. Sending good, strong vibes your way!

 

[AndiGirl]

Aw thanks! I am scheduled to see my doctor tomorrow. The cramping, burning, nausea, and pain are taking a toll on me. I love the idea of going on a vacation. I know Scott would like to as well, so maybe we need to make that a goal for the year. I appreciate the advice regarding how to handle the negativity and the house work. I used to be a neat-nick, but I'm not going to stress so much over keeping an immaculate house. It's unrealistic with two babies.

Some of you may have read other posts where I've mentioned Randy. He also has CD, and without telling me in so many words, has suffered many peri-anal abscesses. He's had surgery, and setons. I can't relate to that part of CD yet. He is a divorced father of two children. I really love my nephew and niece. They are very cute, sweet, and fun to be around. I feel bad that they have such a kook for a mother. Randy married his wife when she was 19. She was, still is, very immature. She just wanted a ticket out of her house. Randy was several years older, and seemed to fit the bill at the time. When real life set in and there was work to be done, bills to pay, kids to take care of; she got bored and decided she didn't love Randy anymore. He worked for the U.S. Federal Government twice; once as a dental assistant for a Public Health Service Hospital, and also for the Department of Homeland Security. He's always been interested in law enforcement. He and our entire family, thought it would be best not to speak poorly of his ex-wife for the childrens' sake. We were completely shocked when she remarried about three months after the divorce, and then again a third time!

I know I've given a lot of information, but I needed some reminders as to why he may be acting the way he is. Besides being a protective big brother, I think Randy is still stuck in law enforcement mode. He sees the worst in people and tries to stay ahead of the game. Of course his own divorce doesn't help things. He not as trusting as we was before. He has been through some pretty nasty flare-ups with the CD, so he understands and can relate. I know he's trying to be helpful, but he has a knack for putting things so badly. I guess he gets that from our dad. They mean well, but diplomacy and eloquence of speech isn't one of their traits. I will talk to him and I will mention that his interference is stressing me out and causing my CD to flare-up. I also want to tell him to cool his jets a little. The tough talk, scrapper attitude, hot-head is getting old, and he needs to get over that. Maybe, I won't touch that topic. LOL!

All of your kinds words really made a difference in my day. I am thankful to have such wonderful and supportive friends.

 

[LOSTnut]

Vacation sounds good. I can really recommend Tucson!
Because of the heat here many excellent, top-rated resorts have really cheap rooms during that time. They slash prices down to $89 bucks in places .... probably something to think about. However, I admit, we do not have an ocean front.

What did the doctor say??

 

[AndiGirl]

Heike, I'm envious that you live in Arizona. I've seen many wonderful pictures of it, and heard terrific things about it, but that's the only state on the west coast that I haven't been to.

It looks like I'll be on Prednisone for a while. The doctor wants me to continue trying the medication for the reflux. If it doesn't work, he'll have me try other meds. Everything that I've tried so far, seems to cause a lot of cramping in my lower intestines. I think I will take some of Ari's advice. Adding Flagyl is the next step. Ugh! I have to take Zofran with that, or I'd be puking most of the day. My doctor wants to wait a while before doing an upper endoscopy. He thinks that the CD might have traveled north (stomach, maybe even esophagus), but I had pictures not too long ago. He doesn't want me over exposed to radiation. I do know that with my last upper endoscopy, I had black looking burn marks in my stomach. The doctor said they looked like watermelon seeds, and they were gastric errosions.

I had a short talk with Randy today. He apologized for stressing me out. He thought he was trying to help, and was disappointed that Scott is taking such a casual attitude about helping out around the house. He also said that he knows what it's like to feel sick, and have to keep going for the good of the family. He also said that in his case, since he is divorced, it is necessary. He feels that that Scott needs to step up a little more with the house work, and spend more time with his own mother. He thinks that I've been working too hard, especially when I'm not feeling well.

 

[tiloah]

Heike, I'm envious that you live in Arizona. I've seen many wonderful pictures of it, and heard terrific things about it, but that's the only state on the west coast that I haven't been to.

It looks like I'll be on Prednisone for a while. The doctor wants me to continue trying the medication for the reflux. If it doesn't work, he'll have me try other meds. Everything that I've tried so far, seems to cause a lot of cramping in my lower intestines. I think I will take some of Ari's advice. Adding Flagyl is the next step. Ugh! I have to take Zofran with that, or I'd be puking most of the day. My doctor wants to wait a while before doing an upper endoscopy. He thinks that the CD might have traveled north (stomach, maybe even esophagus), but I had pictures not too long ago. He doesn't want me over exposed to radiation. I do know that with my last upper endoscopy, I had black looking burn marks in my stomach. The doctor said they looked like watermelon seeds, and they were gastric errosions.

I had a short talk with Randy today. He apologized for stressing me out. He thought he was trying to help, and was disappointed that Scott is taking such a casual attitude about helping out around the house. He also said that he knows what it's like to feel sick, and have to keep going for the good of the family. He also said that in his case, since he is divorced, it is necessary. He feels that that Scott needs to step up a little more with the house work, and spend more time with his own mother. He thinks that I've been working too hard, especially when I'm not feeling well.

Prednisone to treat the reflux? Is that common or for cases where the upper GI might be inflamed? I have been suspecting the Prednisone has been giving me reflux I never had before. Sorry to hear you're on the evil drug though, hope you have minimal side effects.

As for Randy, he does have a point! Actually I think he is right about most of what he said, but that doesn't mean he has to be antagonistic about it. I'm glad to hear he apologized.

 

[AndiGirl]

Hi Diesanduhr! I am having my usual pains and flare-up in my terminal ileum, but I'm also having the horrid problems with acid reflux. I have inflammation in both spots, so my doc thinks the Prednisone will cover both. Like you, I'm wondering if the Prednisone doesn't cause more acid. I'm beginning to wonder if my body is made up of mostly acid. LOL!

I did tell Randy to let Scott and I work things out, and that the family doesn't need to get involved. I hope he got the message loud and clear. His hot-headed ways can cause problems.

 

[tiloah]

Hi Diesanduhr! I am having my usual pains and flare-up in my terminal ileum, but I'm also having the horrid problems with acid reflux. I have inflammation in both spots, so my doc thinks the Prednisone will cover both. Like you, I'm wondering if the Prednisone doesn't cause more acid. I'm beginning to wonder if my body is made up of mostly acid. LOL!

I did tell Randy to let Scott and I work things out, and that the family doesn't need to get involved. I hope he got the message loud and clear. His hot-headed ways can cause problems.

Haha. Well I hope it works for you. Sometimes I am convinced my body's favorite thing on earth is inflammation.

 

[LOSTnut]

Oh Andi, I am sorry that your physical problems persist. But, how wonderful to hear that Randy seems to understand where you are coming from and that his pesky interference is because he is very worried about you. What can I say ... big brothers!! :/

With regards to Scott: are you trying to hide in how much discomfort you are? Is he really aware how bad, weak, and depressed you are? I mean, could you have tried to be stronger than you actually are because your MIL is/was there? From previous posts of you I thought that Scott was very supportive so his current attitude seems a out of character. .....Just thinking out loud ....

As for AZ -- come on down, girl. I'd be happy to meet you and we have a bbq and talk shit

 

[AndiGirl]

I love the idea of leaving Alaska for a while and having a bbq to boot!

You must have read my mind. My MIL was on a day cruise with my parents. They went to Whittier, Alaska (about thirteen miles out of Anchorage), and took a boat to see the glaciers in Prince William Sound. My mother had invited Beverly, and I was so thankful for that. She was out of the house all day.

I think that now, I am the one with the problem. I unloaded on Scott this morning. I let him know that just last night, she tried to start trouble with her venomous mouth. I also let him know that I can't take her attitude towards me. I don't know why she hates me so much. He made the usual excuses and I said that her visits will be shorter, or I will camp out at my parents' home in Wasilla. I know that sounds immature, but if she insists on staying that long, and Scott won't tell her, "No," I'll do that.

I did let him know that while she was here, we all could have had a nice time together. Instead of helping out, like Scott had invisioned, she actually made things harder on me. I think that I did start out trying to do be strong and to do everything. Beverly had made it clear that, "She doesn't pick up after adults." I've come to learn that she doesn't help out with the house work.

As for Scott, I'm not even sure when things started getting tense. He has always been supportive, and very loving. According to Randy, he's noticed a change after Beth was born. That was when the relationship that I had with my MIL also turned sour. Scott insists on working nights. He said that he can spend some time with the kids in the morning before he goes to work. I don't mind that, but he's also been complaining about being tired and not getting enough sleep. The sitter came around 10:00. If he went to bed and went to sleep at 10 or even 11, he could easily get seven or more hours of sleep. He doesn't do that though. He'll watch t.v., or go shooting with his friends. I am a teacher, so I can only work days. Since working nights doesn't seem to be working for Scott, as he is still complaining of sleep deprivation, I suggested that he start working days. We'd be on roughly the same schedule. He didn't seem to go for that idea. When Randy found out about that he said, "Is he trying to run away from you guys?" Talk about jumping to conclusions! Oh the drama! I don't believe that he is, but he's trying to justify working nights, and it is becoming insane (doing the same thing over and over again, expecting to get different results). I think that we need to spend more time together. I told him just today, that we need to have a weekly date night. It cannot take back seat any longer.

 

[MumofOli]

Hi

My husband runs his own business and works all the time, day and night sometimes, and is always stressed about paying staff, taxes, etc. We regularly have a date night without kids, it's great, we talk and talk and talk about anything and everything because there seems to be days, because we are both busy people, that we just don't talk.

It'll work wonders!

Let us know how you get on.

Thinking of you.

Treena x

 

[LOSTnut]

Argghh, what is that saying: guests are like fish, they start to stink after 2 days .... or something to that effect. :ylol2: It is just sad, when relatives and friends go that way and become a burden.

Date night sounds like a plan and I hope it will work for you and Scott. I can imagine that probably the 2 small kids feel to him like you are no longer taking care of him (because you can't) like you might have done before. Again, just thinking out loud and based what you also said about the MIL.

I know my boyfriend was kinda mad when I was too sick to take care of the household and cater to him. He tried to hide it, but I could sense it. In the beginning I tried harder, which just got me back in the hospital until I stood up on my hindlegs and decided that my health is more important.

When is the first date night and are you planning it or will he?

 

[AndiGirl]

Here is the hair. . . The lighting makes it look light red. The highlights are blond, and look that way in normal lighting. I'll try to get a better picture, so you can really see the blond. You can see my chubby Prednisone face. I'm squinting because of the sun. I love the sun!!!

[/IMG]

 

[AndiGirl]

Here's just the hair. My expression in this picture was just too ugly!

 

[DougUte]

Andi, Things will start going better when the MIL is no longer visiting. I am so sorry that all this seems to have triggered a bad flare. Stress can do that to you. I am glad to read you told your brother to back off, but as I read this thread I could tell that he was worried about you. I have been there in a similar situation with my "Baby Sister", many years ago. Your Randy means well.

As for Scott - If you could get him to work days it probably would help, in many ways.

 

[AndiGirl]

This is a difficult situation for me because I can over think/ over feel things. My MIL has started many problems, but today, I felt prompted to have compassion for her. I am thankful that I haven't said anything spiteful to her. I want to have a clean conscious.

Ah brothers and sisters! I can never really stay angry at Randy. He's good hearted, even though he can be impulsive. Doug, I can understand you sister's concern. In my opinion, sometimes men underestimate their health issues. I urged Randy to go to the doctor when his digestive problems started kicking in. I'm glad he listened.

 

[Crohn's Mom]

Your hair looks gorgeous !

 

[DustyKat]

Wow, wow, wow, Andi what a fab pic and hair!!!

Lookin' good girl, :sun:
Dusty. xxxxxxxx

 

[MumofOli]

Wow - you look fantastic!

Hope everything starts to settle down soon for you.

Hugs

Treena x

 

[LOSTnut]

I am with your husband on the hair, it looks fabulous.

 

[ashley225]

I hope you're feeling better! Do not let anyone bring you down. We have so much to deal with as it is...don't let the little things bother you. We as a group are stronger than any one who wants to say or do hurtful things.

I am going through a flare right now too. Totally sucks. Anyone have any remedies on what to eat/not eat? I am newly diagnosed and I am trying to figure out what works. I am open to any advice.

 

[tiloah]

I love the hair, I think that's a great color on you! Very pretty.

 

[social me]

:ghug:Hi Andi, I saw your post and wanted to be there for you as you have been there for me. I am a cosmetologist and I can tell you from the pic that I think your hair is beautiful and soft looking.I love hilights in the summer they help give you a glow and knock a couple of years off your age. So I love them!! Just worry about making yourself happy. If you like it well then thats all that matters, don't let someones opinion take that from you. I am also a social worker and I would explain to your brother you love him and are glad he cares so much for you but at the same time you are a grown woman and the situation is between you and Scott. I would also try to stick with talking about other things with your brother, other topics so he doesnt focus on your relationship needs. Please understand this is just my personal opinion and I am sure whatever you do will be the best choice for you.
It has been hard, learning to live with Crohns and having to depend on others and not feeling as capable as you know you can be is very hard. Keep in mind Andi you are dealing with an illness and it is nothing you brought on yourself and it does get hard for the other person in your life to see you struggle. But I also know that tough times can make you break or they can make you stronger in your sense of self and in your relationships. You are in control no matter how weak you feel. You are a strong, caring woman and you need to remind yourself of that everyday.:rosette1: In the end things always work out for the best, but that doesn't mean the road trip was fun. I am here to listen anytime Andi. You are not alone. I am praying for you. Social me.:ghug:

 

[AndiGirl]

Thank you again for all the kind words and compliments. You know what? I rather like having lighter hair. LOL! I'm envious, Social Me! I think it would be terrific to be a cosmetologist. I have seven more years of teaching until I can retire. My kids will still be young, so I do plan on doing something else for a while before retiring completely. I started teaching young. I have actually played around with going to school for cosmetology, or to become a dental hygienist.

I have been close to Randy most of life and have shared a lot with him. I've pretty much kept my social and married life away from him. I think his, "Spidey Senses," are on overdrive because he had a nasty divorce, and the woman that he was friends with/ dating, started playing games with him. Poor guy! He's asked me for advice as far as relationships and dating go. I was the one who was single the longest in my family. Most of them were married well before the age of 24. I was the, "Old Maid," who got married at age 32. LOL! I guess he thinks I should be an expert on dating. I'm glad to be out of that. I remember the days of, "You're a cute girl, why are you still single? I know this nice man that works in my office. You really should meet my husband's brother." I am now hoping that I gave my brother good advice.

Your prayers are appreciated and reciprocated.

 

[Joleen23]

Hey Andi , hair looks great.
I was blond a few years back and am thinking bout doing it again. Change is good

 

[DustyKat]

Hey Andi,

Thinking about you hun.

Much love, :Karl:
Dusty. xxxxxxxx

 

[AndiGirl]

Thank you Joleen! I'm sure you looked terrific either way. It's kind of fun being a blond.

How are you Dusty? I hope you and yours are doing fine. I think I'm even more busy in the summer. These two babies are a full time job!

 

[DustyKat]

All's well here thanks Andi...

Busy, I reckon you wouldn't have time to scratch yourself with two little 'uns. I remember very what that was like...