Coming out to a date

[nogutsnoglory]

I have posted on this in the past but it seems to be an issue I can't stop worrying about. When dating when and how do you come about CD. I don't want ppl to be scared that it's contagious or that I'll die or grossed out because of the diarrhea and scars.

Maybe I say something 3 dates in? I also don't want to invest time with someone who is that shallow.

 

[PsychoJane]

It really depends I'd say. Sometimes I would mention it quickly, like even on the first date depending of the conversation you get. These questions are "askable" on first date but the conversation must be directed toward that end which is where it is a bit harder cause well, it gets a bit more serious when we talk health and such. I would generally talk about my illness because my date always had someone close to them who had been seriously ill in the past and then I could just refer to that...¸

The 3 dates limit don't seem exagerate. I have found people were not usually scared by the Crohn diagnosis... except if it was not a first time for them though...

 

[Mountaingem]

Well I haven't dated in forever, I got married at 22 so I have limited experience lol. But it seems that maybe around the time you decide to get physically intimate with someone might be the right time. By then you know whether or not you want the relationship to go somewhere more, and you're past the embarassment phase of dating.

I tried hiding Crohn's from my future husband back in the day, but I ended up having a sudden and violent flare when I was with him and needed to go to the hospital. So he got a front row seat to what life with Crohn's could be like with me.

His mother actually didn't think he could handle it but he's been fantastic and we've been married for 18 years. I always say Crohn's can bring out the best or worst in those around you, and at least it prevents us from wasting time with shallow people, like you've said.

After a guy dumped me like yesterday's trash when he found out I had Crohn's a friend gave me a card with a quote that said "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

Hang in there, the right person will love you, Crohn's and all, because you're a good person.

I hope this helps you feel better about the whole thing.

 

[Cross-stitch gal]

I haven't dated in forever either, got married at 21. Don't remember exactly when I told my husband. But, I'm pretty sure it was when I happened to start flaring while we were dating at one point. Agree though that it depends on the person, questions being asked and all.

However, I was 18 when I was first diagnosed with UC. Never told my ex even when we were dating or supposedly promised. He was in the Navy and hardly ever home and I didn't have any symptoms when he was here anyway. After we split he was talking to my sister and she happened to spill the beans. He asked her what UC was and being my sister, she didn't know. So, she told him that she didn't know and thought maybe it bloats me. Scared him half to death! Needless to say, she agreed that I would be the one to tell my husband. Thankfully it was left to me to share the news

Good luck on your decision and hope all will go well for you! Take care.

 

[SuzInVa]

That's a tough question, and one I don't think there's any hard and fast "rule" for. I have leukemia, I was diagnosed when I was 30. My ex and I split up when I was 38 and when I started dating again, I had the same conundrum. And the best I can tell you is that it was different for everyone. Some, I told right off the bat, some I waited a little while. I think it's something you definitely have to be honest about sooner rather than later. Obviously, you don't want to scare anyone off but you also don't want to get in too deep with someone only to have them running away screaming :lol: That may happen down the road anyway, as well. People think they're ok with it and find out they're not after all. Such is life. But, most relationships don't work out and end for other reasons.

I think you'll know, in your gut, when it's the right time. I think that after 3 or 4 dates, you kind of know whether the relationship might get serious. If, however, you're just dating to have fun and not looking for a relationship, then I don't know that you need to mention it at all.

I know, not much help, sorry about that. Don't stress too much, though. For as many dates I had after my divorce, I think only one wasn't ok with the leukemia. The rest were surprisingly ok with it.

 

[EthanPSU]

What I did when I started dating my ex about a year or so ago was that I told her I had a secret about myself like the second date and turned it into a sort or fun game, like I gave her clues and stuff and it was a fun convo, then when I told her she was really understanding because her one friend has it. But she didn't know that much about it so I explained it and it was just a thing in the background while we were together.