Crohn - Can´t go further anymore

[Imagine]

Crohn - Can´t go further anymore

Hi to everybody,

Greetings from central Europe. The night is very dark outside right now and I know or I can imagine what all of you came or are coming through and I always admire people who can find even in the darkest situation a little beam of light and to go further stronger than ever.

But I just can´t live anymore like I live until now and I don´t know what to do now. This Crohn disease took everything from me, firstly diagnosed only as appendix issue 8 years ago - taking it out - being without any medicine for 2 years - then having almost life-taking flare resulting to realization that I still have appendix (while I lost 40 kg) and that I have Crohn. I lost almost all of my friends (since no one is capable of understanding what Crohn really means), I lost my good job but mainly I lost the possibility of having kids due to the badly done operation and its subsequent events. Today my love broke up with me because I accidentally found out that she was cheating me with her ex-boy friend. I bought a flat for us two months ago and I did my absolutely best to bring nice feelings to our relationship but now it is like pure awakening leaving me without any motivation, any will and any signs of being happy in the future. I know that much worse things are happening every second but I just can´t help myself to not feel absolutely exhausted, emotionally killed, betrayed and really unhappy. My only family member (Mom) is so sick too.

I can´t imagine to live my life without kids. I think life has no purpose if we don´t live our lifes with and for someone.

These my thoughts are not about me thinking about ending my life but about one desperate man seeking for understanding, empathy and help.

Please what helped you in your life to carry over of such situation? Where do you get the motivation?

Thank you in advance for any replies and I am sorry for pouring my heart here.

May all of you be happy and healthy.

Zet

 

[Irene3]

Welcome to the forum

Hello Zet. So glad you found this forum, as it can provide you with much support and information, on everything from crohns research, medications, diets and fitness. Have a look at all the sub forums, read some stories in the 'my story' section, and look into the medications your taking, and maybe some you Havnt tried.
If your thinking of committing scuiside, I strongly urge you to seek some help. Maybe therapy, or it could even be severe medical depression, as our stomachs produce seratonin, and a lot of people with ibd just don't produce the right amount, at regular intervals. So that alone can make even the smallest issues seem depressing, where as clearly your going through a lot right now.
This is going to sound easier said then done, but maybe find some positives to focus on. You said you just bought a place, that's great. Give your self goals with your crohns, try diets ect, maybe some antidepressants, and know, that remission is possible for everyone.
Excepting you have a chronic illness needs to be your first step in my opinion. It helps to read others stories, and to understand that illnesses are part of everyday life, for many. At least it's not terminal.
As regards not having children, I can understand that must feel terrible, but if you meet someone later in life, she may already be a single parent, or you could always look at adoption/artificial insemination, ect, so it dosnt mean you'll never have children.
With being antisocial, I think you'll see on the threads here, that a lot of people with ibd go through times like those, partly because at times the illness can make it hard to be social, but also the depression that comes with it, and the stress of not wanting to use friends toilets ect, so the embarassment of it all. You can meet many lovely people on here, and even try an online social/dating network or something, if your feeling so lonely.
I hope this forum provides you much hope and support, and hope to see some positive updates.
Do you have a GI (gastroentorologist)? You should trial different medications, and if your so low on energy, please have your GP (general doctor) do a blood test, including inflammation markets b12 and iron. Most with crohns are b12 deficient, and you literally can not be happy, if you don't have enough. And iron...well no energy or motivation. Vit d is important and a good fish oil capsule a day, helps so many peoples symptoms.
So, your goals....1. GP, blood test, get federal to a GI if you Havnt got one 2. Reasearch medications, write all relative information down to speak to a GI about. 3. see a GI 4.begin a food and symptoms diary (keep track of how many bowel movements, how long after eating, medications, etc, this alone can help many stay on top of symptoms and go into remission.5 research diets and try different things6maybe begin yoga or something to motivate you a bit 7 search out web sites where you could potentially meet people when your feeling a bit better.
So there, plenty to live for. Take care, and feel free to vent in the vent subforum, or ask any general questions. The people on here are wonderful, and there's much information to research.
Best wishes .... Irene

 

[David]

Hi Zet,

The good news is you're no longer alone, you've found us And we're here for you 24 hour a day, 7 days a week. And we understand. All too well.

And you know what? It can and does get better. Yes, there's the bad days, bad weeks, and even bad months. But there's good ones too.

I can imagine that not being able to father a child must be heartbreaking. But there's always the option of adoption and new technological breakthroughs are coming about every day that may change your options.

It does get better. Open your heart to that possibility.

*hugs*

 

[handle]

Hi Zet,
Thanks for sharing your story.
The emotional side of life can be as painful as the physical. Both need to be nurtured. For now, you can only battle on each day at a time. As you make it through each day you will find that things become more acceptable, if not easier. There are good times ahead for you, and it is a journey you can take on your own, with help from all who are connected to you. People will appear for you.
The earth needs you to grow with it - hang in there. Keep communicating in any way you choose.

Good luck.

 

[tots]

Hey Zet-
I am very sorry you are going through such a hard time! I know it feels like no one understands how you feel! But, "here" we all do. At one time or another we have felt like you do. I just had a especially hard time last week. My husband who I started dating at 16 still dosent get it in the sense if he cant see it how can he tell if its real? I turned to this site
for understanding and knowedge. See how other people are coping- what meds they are trying and in what combos.

Some days you may come to this site more than other days - may or may not leave a post.
But, it will offer you hope and understanding and acceptance.

Please take care of yourself! And please let us here know how you are doing!

 

[Angrybird]

Hello Zet and welcome. I am so sorry that you have been having such a hard time of things, as already mentioned whilst it doesn't seem like it at the moment things can get better, just take it one day at a time and know we are here for you :hug:

 

[Sybil Vane]

Hi Zet,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm with everyone else in the fact that you don't need to be able to physically have children in order to have a child in your life. Don't give up hope, even though it's all too easy to do. I had a really rough summer and I was extremely depressed. I had a serious operation and almost didn't make it last summer, and now when I hear birds chirping or feel the heat of the sun, I'm right back to that moment when I'm trying to get better and failing. I'm determined to take my favorite season back and not have it connected to such a horrible period in my life. It's taken me awhile, though, to get the determination back. Having a girlfriend betray you like that on top of everything else is a double-whammy. Please take care of yourself and post often when you need support!

 

[Imagine]

Thank you

Dear all,

thank you deeply from my heart for your every word supporting me in this probably lifelong battle. I know that much harder things might come but when one have to face such situation it is pure experience. I just don´t want you to take me as the one who always complains but I am really down. I cant sleep, cant get rid of pain, cant find any motivation and cant see any bright point in the future. Difficult operation is coming soon, current medicines do not work anymore and I am missing my exgirlfriend so much. For last four years I used all my energy for fighting this disease and for making my girlfriend happy as much as possible. Now she is gone with someone else and when realizing how fooled by her I was for almost two years my heart stops beating. I don´t have some friends who simply understand. I know that it happens but how can anyone suppose me to have enough energy for finding someone else who can tolerate this disease while there´s fact that I can´t have own kid. It is like a puzzle which cannot be solved. I am convinced that fighting Crohn depends on caregivers who loves you. Fighting alone is a hard point and that´s it where I am now.
I know and I can see it from threads in this forum that many, many of you had or have the similar or worse experience. I am glad that this forum exists.

Thank you very much. You are all wonderful people.

Zet

 

[Diannacostello]

Pray to or Jesus he is or way out of all

 

[archie]

Hi zet sorry about your situation and I hope you find a way out of it very soon. On a practical level do you have a local crohns society in your country? Where you have the possibility to meet other people who are similar to yourself? I know you can't see this now but you are better off without your girlfriend you need solid people around you and you can maybe look at this as a chance to find someone new in the future that will be there for you and you don't have to put up any false pretences. You sound young and although your in a dark place now you will get better but with help. You need to get on the correct treatment plan and possibly some counselling or antidepressants to help you for a bit. Good luck and I hope you can gain both practical and emotional support from this forum

 

[handle]

Hi Zet,
Good advice from Archie.
Think of it like this - now you only have to concentrate on yourself. Be selfish and find ways to make your inner self happy. Sounds like you have not done that in a long time. It's not a good idea to waste energy trying to make someone else happy, especially when you are so ill. I think your ex actually made your illness worse, like drinking poison wine! It happens, and you have to move away from that pain and that situation. Let someone else drink that poison, and feel sorry for them! Take care of yourself now. The puzzle doesn't need to be solved.
Good luck and keep posting.

 

[Bld]

Hi Zet

I am so sorry you are going through such a tough time at the moment. John Lennon once said "Everything will be okay in the end. If it is not yet okay, it is not yet the end". I think this is such a good thing to believe. I'd suggest you set yourself small goals and allow yourself to enjoy reaching them. It doesn't matter how small they are, even if it is sitting outside in the sun for five minutes. Don't give yourself a hard time, this illness is not your fault.

Take care x

 

[maria]

Well, you are here to help someone else out. To touch someones heart. God loves you and wants the best for you. There is someone special out there just for you. That will stick by your side.. You just have to be patient and ask god to send her your direction. There are ways to having children. With todays technology.. Pretty much anything is possible. Sometimes even if your not the biological parent you can create a bond so strong blood means nothing. This is a bump in the road for you. Just be strong!! Be strong and don't give up. Climb over that bump. Just remember this is just temporary.. Keep that in your mind... There are great things to come.

 

[Linnylou]

Hi Zet,
So sorry to hear you are really depressed. That doesn't make things any easier for sure. I certainly agree with the other member who called your ex, poisonous wine. Gosh is that true. Throughout my long years I have had a lot of poisonous wine and I can assure you that once you change the parameters of whom you associate and put effort into, you will increase the positive, loving people that surrond you. Although I have a beautiful, bio child that just turned 19. I have also been a foster mother to several and am currently a step mother to four beautiful children that I certainly call my own. It is not the biology that determines whether the children in your life love you, it is the love and effort that you put ino that relationship. All my "children" think of me as mom. That is one of my largest gifts.

Fear not, you will meet the right lady and have many different ways of becoming a parent-

XOXOXO
Linny