Dark thoughts

[Jajabinks]

Hello everyone,

This year has been really difficult for me. I developed arthritis as many of you know and it has been life changing in a bad way. It's in my spine and buttock bones and my energy levels have been impacted severely. I'm known to be a very high spirited person and everyone loved me for that but this chronic pain has taken away my identity and life as I knew and loved it. I started Humira 2 weeks ago but no changes yet. This morning I woke up feeling like I should give up on life. I'm so scared of the future with this illness. I'm tired of feeling pain and my son seeing my suffer.

 

[Clash]

I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling. I know when C is flaring his joints pain becomes debilitating. I hope the Humira quickly gives you the relief you need and deserve! HUGS

 

[Maya142]

Hang in there Jajabinks. AS is the worst. It probably will take Humira more time to kick in, and you may even need weekly shots. Try to be patient, I know how difficult it is when you're in so much pain. Sending HUGS!

 

[mish2575]

I know how you feel, I was sure I could do it all. . . now I hope to get through the day.

It gets easier as you get a handle on your symptoms. it wont get easy, just easier.


Have you been seeing a therapist? This is a lot of new emotions and issues you are dealing with, nevermind pain. There are therapists who specialize in cronic illnesses.

 

[KayleighMeek]

I also have arthritis that is independent of flares it is really upsetting especially when you are told when your crohns is under control so will the arthritis. It's hard some days to carry on and I really wish the humira works soon for you but like maya said it can take a bit longer to work. Hang in there and sending you gentle hugs

 

[Jajabinks]

Thank you everyone. Im still dealing with these thoughts. I think I've fought so much in my life that I have no more fight in me. Nothing has ever come easy for me. Then, I built a family and I thought the worse was over and I could finally enjoy life a little. Soon after giving birth, maybe two years (on my sons birthday) the cat scan showed inflammation in my TI in 2011. Doctor brushed it off and so did I and I continued on being supermom. 2012 came and bad abdominal pain started again. I was diagnosed with H Pylori, treated it and pain stopped. 2013 got pain again and went for a colonoscopy; feb 2013 I was diagnosed with Crohns. November 2013 my flare was horrible, that's when I developed this awful spondylitis. I just feel so defeated, I have no control of my life anymore and the direction it's heading.

 

[ria75]

I've been there and I feel for you. Hang in there and talk to your doctor about different treatment options, or, if they are blowing you off, get a new doctor right away. I didn't have AS, but had RA associated with my Crohn's - "lost" several years of my life feeling like you're describing. Surgery ended up being the answer for me, and I've been in full remission for several years now. Please find a doctor that cares enough to listen and help you.

 

[my little penguin]

One thing that has helped my son he has JSpA -
Therabath -paraffin wax.
You can dip paper strips and apply it to backs knees heels etc...
It takes DS pain from a 5-6 down to a zero within 10 minutes and lasts a few hours-
We now do this 3 times a day.
He is also on humira plus Mtx .

 

[HellPatrol]

Don't give up!
I didn't even have a reason to keep on fighting, only the hope that I would someday have one. You do have one.

I know this piece of sheep can take away things that are part of your identity, but don't let it win.
I think that it can make you less autonomous (the ability to provide for yourself), but it should not (you shouldn't let it) take away your independence (thoughts/criteria), nor should it make you feel resentment and take away your integrity.

I am convinced that only through your integrity and keeping an independent mind (not accepting stupid criticism, prejudice, etc - knowing what's right for you) will you be able to, once you regain some autonomy, make the right decisions and live a fulfilling life. At whatever pace you can.
Please don't let it drag you to the dark zone of resentment, and have it drain whatever energy you might have with these thoughts.

It sucks, it hurts, but don't let it take all of you. :smile:

 

[mish2575]

I hear where Hell is coming from. I am generally a very easy going, up beat person but even I get so close to depression at times feeling so sick of being sick. Its hard to remember the good things.

I haven't done it but I've heard its good for your mental health to write down 1-3 good things you experienced at the end of each day. It ends your day on a positive note and keeps things in perspective when all you FEEL is pain.