Dating a guy with crohns

[OMGdidnotknow]

Hello
I didn't know where to go, so I came here. I started seeing a guy who was very honest with me and told me he had crohns. He has had it since he was a teenager. I didn't know what crohns was so I looked it up. Honestly I thought, "oh good someone I wouldn't be ashamed of farting around" but as we continue to talk I notice that when he has a flare up he disappears. He is very kind and loving and the time that we are together the sex is amazing. But how can I let him know that he can be around me no matter what? I don't want him to think that the only time I want to see him is when he is doing good. Am I being too pushy?

 

[Sophabulous]

Hi there!

Welcome and can I say it's very refreshing to see this post? I was with my other half for 9 years before I was diagnosed and even so it has been tough. The fact that you are here speaks volumes in my opinion.

I have seen other posts from the other way around regarding a new relationship but this is a first for me in my 10 months or so of being here every day.

My honest opinion? Tell him you have read up on his condition and joined a support forum to ask questions and gain a better insight into what he goes through.

If it were me that would be a really touching gesture and show you are truly interested. I'm sure it's really not this easy but I can only speak from being on the other side....if he's withdrawing ask if there's anything he needs and offer to just listen and keep him company for a while?

I've completely cut myself off from friends for long periods because I didn't want to bother them or didn't want to appear needy when I've been poorly. If you pre-empt that happening and let him know you're there and happy to do whatever then you've done all you can do.

If you can keep him in regular contact with you even through the rough times then that will go a long way. It's certainly much easier than withdrawing for weeks and then trying to re-integrate when feeling better. People sometimes just don't get that in that gap you might have been housebound, or going to work even if that means gong straight to bed when you get home. There's really no scale of how much this effects each person.

This can be more isolating than people realise and it can be very hard to re-establish a friendship or any relationship after weeks or months of radio silence. If you can, try to keep that contact without putting conditions on it. I don't know how severe his disease is but like I said it effects everyone differently regardless.

There's always people online here if you need a vent or explanation for something!

I hope that is of some help x

 

[ronroush7]

Just let him know you love him and you want to be there in both the good times and the bad.

 

[OMGdidnotknow]

thamks so much for the good advice. I don't know how he would feel about me posting on this forum. Maybe as things progress I will tell him, but for now I just needed somewhere to vent, and understand, before I jump to conclusions and move on, and end up losing someone great.

 

[OMGdidnotknow]

Hi there!

Welcome and can I say it's very refreshing to see this post? I was with my other half for 9 years before I was diagnosed and even so it has been tough. The fact that you are here speaks volumes in my opinion.

I have seen other posts from the other way around regarding a new relationship but this is a first for me in my 10 months or so of being here every day.

My honest opinion? Tell him you have read up on his condition and joined a support forum to ask questions and gain a better insight into what he goes through.

If it were me that would be a really touching gesture and show you are truly interested. I'm sure it's really not this easy but I can only speak from being on the other side....if he's withdrawing ask if there's anything he needs and offer to just listen and keep him company for a while?

I've completely cut myself off from friends for long periods because I didn't want to bother them or didn't want to appear needy when I've been poorly. If you pre-empt that happening and let him know you're there and happy to do whatever then you've done all you can do.

If you can keep him in regular contact with you even through the rough times then that will go a long way. It's certainly much easier than withdrawing for weeks and then trying to re-integrate when feeling better. People sometimes just don't get that in that gap you might have been housebound, or going to work even if that means gong straight to bed when you get home. There's really no scale of how much this effects each person.

This can be more isolating than people realise and it can be very hard to re-establish a friendship or any relationship after weeks or months of radio silence. If you can, try to keep that contact without putting conditions on it. I don't know how severe his disease is but like I said it effects everyone differently regardless.

There's always people online here if you need a vent or explanation for something!
Y
I hope that is of some help x

Thanks so much this was very helpful. It's a shame that more money is not ear marked to cure this disease

 

[OMGdidnotknow]

Just let him know you love him and you want to be there in both the good times and the bad.

Thanks for the info.

 

[my little penguin]

As a mom of a Crohns kid (Ds was 7 at dx and now is 13)
It great that you are becoming informed
Maybe ask him what helps him during a flare
Just a heating pad
Favorite food or drink
Just watching a favorite movie at home
Or plain rest
Most of the time it's trips to the bathroom and pain with very little appetite
So he may not be able to focus on the couple side of things or want someone feeling sorry for him

If says food xyz bring it over and leave if that's what he needs
If he wants company stay
Just ask what he likes or needs to help him through a flare


Everyone is different

 

[OMGdidnotknow]

Thanks, he has had the flu and a flare, very high temp, just got out the hospital and back on medication. Very sad