Dating...

[Snatch250]

Is nearly next to impossible for me. Firstly, I work nights. 5pm to 5am. So then I sleep during the day. Wake up at 2pm, hit the gym from 3-4pm and then head to work again. My days off are spend doing all the day time things I couldnt get done while working.

I dont go to clubs or bars. While getting laid would be nice, I have it set in my head that if they will go home with me from the bar, it means they have already gone home with everyone else. Plus, the last thing I need on my list of health issues, is an std.

When I do find a girl that seems into me, and vise versa, things get awkward fast. Im not a shy guy at all. In fact, Im quite the opposite. I say exactly what I think and how Im feeling. I am brutal honest, and most people cant handle it.

But explaining to a girl that I have to pass my gas when I have too, or else my guts will cramp up and throw me into a horrible fit of cramping pain, is not easy. They dont understand that holding it for any period longer then 5 min will take me down for hours. Try having a nice quiet dinner out, or watching a movie sitting side by side. Meeting her friends is like social suicide. And should it ever even get to sex, well lets just hope and pray that I have no gas during Go time.

I dont even have to spell out how embarrassing that is!

Its very frustrating. I dont want to be single forever. I know Im only 23, but being alone all the time sucks. I moved away from all my friends and family for work. You can only spend so much time in front of a computer screen.

I am LONELY. While having a steady relationship might not even be a good idea given how much I work, having some female attention is always nice.

Anyways...I kinda feel better now, if only for a little while.

 

[jed]

I have it set in my head that if they will go home with me from the bar, it means they have already gone home with everyone else.

nice way to think snatch, i like it.

as for answers to your worries, how many cliche's would you like to hear?

as for advice i can offer, you seem like a good lookin guy, your literate, and you have a kick arse scar. and someday a chick will come along who can appreciate all that and not be annoyed by the gas. my wife is completely oblivious to my side affects now (that yummy lookin toilet bowl..... i dont get to enjoy letting my gas go in public, to dangerous that it will have more than just gas!).

things work out in time.

 

[rosie]

((hug))

 

[Kev]

I think, regardless of health, age, gender.. and even working odd hours, dating is extremely complex.. if you are after something specific. You know, the "missing" piece.. I, personally, don't think it works that way.. first off, your schedule.. that is one hurdle.. It may sound idiotic, or desperate, but have you considered any of the online dating sites. The reason... it isn't timeline dependant. And don't try to find the 'perfect' match.. just try to meet various nice people.. See what happens.. see who hiccups at your work schedule? Or who doesn't.. Same goes for the crohns.. One thing I will toss out here. You say you are 'brutally' honest.. well, I've always been honest (manic about it), but I've avoided being brutal... How? I warn folks who get close to me that I will answer any question they ask, and that it will always be the whole truth.. BUT that they need to be careful what they ask.. AND I don't go voicing any of my 'honest' opinions unless asked.. it gives me an 'honest' out, and prevents me from using honesty as a weapon... the way some people do.. hide behind it and use words to hurt in the guise of honesty. I can't stand people who do it..

 

[ladyB]

Snatch, is it the farting they get scared of or just CD in general?

Be careful with your emotions. The guy before my 'prince charming' was an *ss. I was upfront about everything from date two. He ended up telling me he couldn't 'handle' my disease after one and a half years.

Stop looking and she'll find you or start looking in the right places.

Prissy girls, they can't handle a fart, not that we have normal farts...lol

 

[Babe123]

if a girl loves you then she will take you for who you are. you usually find someone when you least expect it.

if a girl cant handle your condition then she isnt worth it. it can be scary.. when i first got ill my boyfriend was scared.. probably more than i was but he stood by me.. he could have scarperd.

if a girl truly likes you she will stick with you no matter what.. youve jsut got to wait for the right one to come along
xx

 

[drew_wymore]

I know this sounds cheesy but seriously try out something like Craigslist. I have had good experiences there. The initial bit is very much anonymous so you're free to say whatever you need to say, "I fart, I work a weird schedule, I have Crohns disease" etc and its not like somebody will be able to really ridicule you for it. If someone responds then hey at least they know what they're getting into.

I have taken advantage of both the Casual Encounters section (with proper protection and discussion prior to the act) as well as the Strictly Platonic section. Each has provided what I was looking for at the time and I managed to meet some really cool girls, the Casual Encounters girl was actually really cool and we got along great but such as it was .. it was a "Casual Encounter".

My dad, who's 57 actually had really good success with eHarmony and met his now wife on there, and I had to admit they are perfect for each other. So the chemistry matching does work.

Don't get too down on yourself though. As has already been said, when the right girl comes along you'll know. I personally am very honest about any contacts I make through the online dating sites about my illness because if someone can't handle someone who has an illness then I don't need them in my life anyways.

 

[Snatch250]

Thanks for the replies. Kev, you said it better then I do. Thats pretty much how I do things myself. Dont ask, and I wont tell you. Ask me though and youll get the bare truth and nothing more. Lies hurt more then the truth does, but the truth hurts right now. Lies come back and hurt you later.

Its not like I go around farting left and right. I am as covert as possible, but as Im sure you guys know, when you gotta do what you gotta do...you go do it!

I have tried the online dating thing. Im still on a site or two, but Im not really serious about it. Just click around and see what happens. Im not actually looking for a perfect girl or anything. Not even looking for a girlfriend. Just lonely, and its hard to find a date here and there.

 

[s.a.m.]

Is nearly next to impossible for me.

I agree with this...but I also agree with the advice others have given. Snatch250, it says you are in Canada, you could also try plentyoffish (online dating site) I've tried it, as well as some of my friends, its alright.

 

[Creepy Lurker]

Maybe I'm just odd, but I'm perfectly happy being single :tongue:

 

[Snatch250]

I tried plently of fish, I tried some other places as well. The majority of people that get in touch with me are webcam girls looking to make some more money. No thanks.

Im as honest as I can be because thats what I want in return. I know that level of honesty is usually too much for people, but thats just how I do things. I cant really help it.

 

[Creepy Lurker]

Leave it to creepy to come out with something like that LOL. Are you happier or just not able to say how you really feel. Besides, people who find genuine love live longer and healthier lives. Being kind and getting responses goes along way.

I think being too honest can overstep being a brute! I know I have been married 3 times, not bragging, just left some guys that are too much into themselves and not carrying for others. You get what you put out, plain and simple!

Having good friends is shown to extend your life as well. I think it's easier to make a good friend than to find 'genuine' love. I just look at my (divorced) parents to know which I prefer. :tongue:

 

[hippie4lyfe]

http://www.okcupid.com is a really great site.

so is http://www.glee.com

 

[BWS1982]

I met my gf of almost 4 years on Yahoo personals, and it was awkward at first. I was convinced to try it by a friend after heartbreak, and my gf was bored at work one day. Our paths crossed, and now we're here.

I'd say get to know her and if it's cool with you, mention you have Crohns, but don't go into too much detail, yet. Perhaps gauge her reaction to just knowing it's Crohns and what that means (explain the general info if necessary), and see how far the info can go as time goes, perhaps that's one strategy.

Carefull of the online sites, many of both genders are in it for hidden infidelity, I met a good few who seemed too good to be true, and then they fade off into oblivion and through a bit of research and talking with other users, it was known that many are in a relationship, not happy, and want to 'take a gander at the other fish', so to say. The problem is you won't know they're doing this, and then one day they are never heard from again when you're supposed to meet up or something. I guess I understand it's a safer way to see if there's something better without leaving your current something first, but it's very wrong.

 

[Snatch250]

Thanks for all the replies. Ive tried the online dating thing before. Im on a site or two but not for anything serious. Just kinda for fun.

I do have some interesting news though. Long ago, there was a girl I hated. Like 6 years ago or so. Recently, she looked me up via facebook, added me to msn, and we have been catching up for about a month. Hours and hours of conversations have been had. Turns out, neither of us can remember why we didnt get along. We have an incredible amount of things in common, and we seem to get along really well.

Anyways, she lives about a 11 hour drive away. We decided we should get together and see how things go. She booked her plane tickets yesterday. She will be here for a few days on a mini-vacation/huge date with me.

Im not nervous. I never am. But this is somewhat uncharted territory for me. Its been so long since Ive been in these waters that Im not sure what to do.

She will be here from the 18th to the 22nd. I know its kinda weird, and its a long stay considering we have not really talked in the last 6 years. But hey, you only live once. Im really into big risks. I invest risky, I race motocross, I skydive, whitewater raft...

This is like that for me. Unknown and kinda scary. Im willing to try though. With that long of a stay, she will be getting the full treatment of me. Constant bathroom stops, constant gas, and some super powerful pain killers. I guess there is no better test to see how someone will react to something when you take all escape options away. lol

This is gonna be interesting.

 

[hippie4lyfe]

BWS did you pay for yahoo personals? I signed up for it but it seemed to not have any options that were free for messaging.

 

[BWS1982]

It was $20/month back when I did pay, now I think it's $30, but yes, to message I had to pay for one month, but I only did that when I found a few girls who were interested, otherwise I wouldn't have chanced it with my money. They let you do "icebreakers" which shows a canned statement being sent, something basic like "hey cutie, how ya doing?" or something, those are free to use.

 

[MaskdMarvl]

Snatch, is it the farting they get scared of or just CD in general?

Be careful with your emotions. The guy before my 'prince charming' was an *ss. I was upfront about everything from date two. He ended up telling me he couldn't 'handle' my disease after one and a half years.

Stop looking and she'll find you or start looking in the right places.

Prissy girls, they can't handle a fart, not that we have normal farts...lol

Im with a prissy girl, and I sing her bedtime stories from my arse. :ylol2: Your right its not normal. :ybatty:

 

[Snatch250]

It does make things tough. Specially if I flare up or just generally feel like ****. I dont need sympathy or hugs. I dont need someone trying to pamper me. I want to just relax and not have to explain myself to anyone.

Thats almost impossible with 99 percent of the girls Ive met.

 

[hippie4lyfe]

eh that aint free. http://www.okcupid.com and http://www.plentyoffish.com are 100% free.

 

[BWS1982]

I don't regret my Yahoo Personals choice though, I'd pay 10 times that if I could still meet my current gf I met there almost 4 years ago.

Browse around it, if you see one you like Hippie, it's still free to browse, send icebreakers, join as many as you can for free, only pay if it'll be worth it. Never know where your guy is.

 

[Joe]

.

 

[Isla]

I can relate to 250's circumstances. I was the same way at his age. It was only 2 years ago that I stopped taking huge risks (as I was usually at the losing end of those failed ventures.)

I also wanted to say I am brutally honest myself (though I have a clinical reason for it) and for what it is worth I thought I wouldn't want to ever rid myself of this particular quirk let alone it even being possible to change that about me. While I can't get rid of this completely nor would I want to - I have been learning how to use a very basic filter (it only works 20% of the time, but.) Though I am doubting your "honesty" has made it almost impossible to lead a functional life as it has done to my life - still I can relate.

As for dating - you are still young and still have plenty of time for love and losses - heck that is what life is made up of. I wouldn't give up any of my experiences, but the most important lesson I have learned is to always make myself happy and NEVER let your happiness depend on another person.

So in closing - I agree with Creepy. I am quite happy being single!

 

[hippie4lyfe]

thanks BWS, ill keep looking, but im glad yahoo worked out well for you.

 

[Agent X20]

but the most important lesson I have learned is to always make myself happy and NEVER let your happiness depend on another person.

... how true is that! As well as being married three times, I've also spent a number of years on my own and came to the same conclusion.
Regarding finding a partner.. my own personal experience is that if look you don't find (not the right one, anyway). The right one creeps up on you while you're not looking!

 

[soupdragon69]

Hmmm this is an interesting thread you started Snatch....

I havent been too well (yet again) so havent been around much but just saw this and thought I would post my thoughts.

As many of you know I am getting married next year (we have decided November 09) and I met Duncan online. I had been doing the online dating thing for about a year. Was very fed up. All I seemed to meet were guys who were only after one thing, who could talk online but not face to face, were married or not looking for a serious relationship.

I made it clear from the outset I was looking for a serious relationship and not to "muck about". I had some nice comments. One guy even came back to me about 6mths down the line and said he was surprised I wasnt married yet and another was 20yrs ahead of me and I didnt want that for me.

I had given it about a 2mth break then decided to check out the site again for a little while. After a few weeks I felt it was just the same old faces. Then out of the blue Duncan contacted me. We hit it off from the start. Talked for hours on the phone and online. Went out for our first date 10 days later and he asked me the very next day on the phone if I would marry him (he lives 90mins away). I said yes immediately - it feels right, its like we have known each other for years.... I spent last week up at his house with his teenage sons and we all got on really well. They are happy we are together knowing their dad has been on his own for several years bringing them up.

As has been said here already - it creeps up on you when you least expect it! I always believed there was someone out there for everyone but I could just never manage to meet mine! I turn 40 next march and get married in november. Nothing could be more perfect for me. My father said "you have had your fair share of offers over the years and said no. If you have said yes you have obviously found him at last". I think that sums it up.

Duncan is my soulmate, kindred spirit and my partner for the rest of my days. As for the Crohns aspect. He came with me for my last remicade infusion. He has seen me in pain and exhausted recently. He asks me at each mealtime what I fancy and what I can eat and makes it for me! He had a stomach upset all last week due to a change of diet (diabetic) and he said he couldnt understand how I could cope with running to the loo and all the pain day in day out when I flare but he knows more what I feel and go through now as a result even though he has been understanding from the word go. He spent so much time farting we both ended up crying with laughter at one point. I went out and bought him all the bits I use when my tail end is sore from running to the loo and he said yesterday he didnt think they would help but was surprised at how much better he felt lol

There are those out there who will run a mile Snatch but remember if they do they are shallow and not worth knowing!

Internet dating can work. I am the 6th person where I work to find someone and either marry or live with them. There is someone out there for you snatch - you will see......

 

[Snatch250]

Wow. lots of replies here. Seems all the threads I start turn into hot topics! Thats good though.


So I had this girl come stay with my for my days off. She left yesterday. We had a good time. Besides spending all the money I dont have, we did get along really well.

We went shopping, and to the gun range, movies, water park, shopping some more, out for dinner. We made out own dinners. We had lots of sex, sleep, and fun.

Its not what I want. I dont know why, but its just not what Im looking for. I dont know what Im looking for, but it just wasnt right.

She didnt care that I farted all the time. Didnt mind that I had to crap about 50 more times then she did. Seemed really cool with the whole thing. But for some reason, I just didnt get that connected feeling.

I told her I wasnt looking and she is fine with that.

So I guess Im gonna keep not looking for someone else. lol.



Im gonna try the online thing some more. See what happens.