Depressed today Bah!

[catfud]

I feel really depressed today, I thought things where picking up and getting better but as always just as you think you are making some progress CD comes and rams it's size 22 boot up your ass.

It's just one of those days where it's a bit much and I you need to let it out a little.

I'm frustrated with taking meds that don't really seem to fix anything yet give you countless side effects (age old story i know). Take this med take that med feel a bit better feel crap again get bogged down with side effects blah blah blah blah same old. Why does it take so long to get remission and even then how long does that ever last. I'm so tired of holding my head up high and fighting today. I feel like I wanna cry and I know I'm not sad about anything it's just my body messing with my mood. I'll feel fine one minute crap the next. fine crap fine crap fine crap. I feel like a yoyo.

I want to tell the people around me but I know they just don't really care so what is the point. I don't want people to see me as 'that depressive guy that brings everyone down' but I can't help it I don't want this, Its not like I chose to be like this. My friends keep asking me to come out with them but I'm never well enough and I really want to go, they are understanding but I feel like pulling my hair out.

I need a holiday from this body.

/end vent

 

[MINI Cooper]

omg, I couldn't have written about my own self better right now.
I'm feeling EXACTLY the same! I think we're on the same meds, too.
All these side effects, wondering if I'm ever going to get into remission,
feeling good and bad from second to second...I totally hear you.

 

[catfud]

Good to hear someone else is in the same situation. I really do feel like im bouncing off the walls right now. My mood and body just keeps shooting from one extreme to the other!

 

[catfud]

reading back on my second post not good to hear you are in the same situation cass but nice to relate to someone. You get what I mean

Thanks for your post pen everything you said makes total sense and thats the mindset i try to approach things but today was just a bit too much.

Theres a degree of frustration that I can't control this, like you say you just do what you can when you can. I think somedays I have a hard time accepting this. I just want a bit of stability right now rather than being all over the place. I will be off my pred in about 4 weeks so hopefully that will be one less thing putting me out of wack.

Thanks for the hugs and I hope you get good results pen!

 

[Babe123]

aww duckie keep your chin up.. i know its harder said than done. i know how you feel about not going out with your friends.. i think myn are starting to disown me now cos i never go out .. but all they do is go out drinking.

ive realised that youve just gotta take one day at a time

*hug*
x

 

[kello82]

i think that getting off the pred should def help you feel more like yourself. the second by second mood changes suck horribly ive only been on it for a week and already the tiniest thing is cause for a meltdown.

i feel for you with the friends situation too. it feels like being completely torn in 2....yes i want to go out and spend time with people, but no my body just wants to stay in bed.
and theres no way to make them understand that because they have the luxury of feeling good and being able to do what they want!
i am seeing my bf less and less becasue i just dont even feel like driving and being away from my own bathroom. lol and he only lives 10 mins away!! (he doesnt drive yet, so its all up to me grr). yet he gets annoyed at this? come on.
im not meaning to vent on your thread here, im just trying to agree how hard it is to have to deal with not feeling good and already your own dissapointment at not being able to have fun, and then other people on top of it who cant understand at ALL where youre coming from.
you said that today was just too much for you and i think thats totally reasonable. were all allowed to have our days where we have trouble accepting the crappiness. i think that this is even necessary, because it makes us want better for ourselves! if we were totally ok with feeling bad all the time, thats no good either.
its a fine line. i have trouble finding it myself lol

 

[catfud]

Hehe its ok I don't mind others venting in my thread. Yeah my ex just didn't get it she was always going on about how I was always making her feel depressed and saying "oh your always ill" yeah I am, imagine how i feel. She couldn't understand why I could spend time with her on her own but not if she was with friends or family. And thought that I just didn't want to be around her! Well at least I don't have to put up with her anymore! One less dead weight and my time is my own. Just sucks when you want to have a little fun to pick yourself up from all the crap and your body just goes NO.

I'm supposed to being going out with a friend tomorrow night they know im not well so need to take it easy but it was just getting out for a bit. But I'm really not up to it and so dissappointed. But thats just the way it is... body needs downtime and health comes first.

Thanks for your posts peeps, been a rough day.