Depression

[Bubbly]

Hi, havent been on for a while for one reason or another but thought it was time to seek some advice from other parents!

!4 year old son, who as per previous post, hates school and wants to leave and be home schooled, currently keeps a diary of his thoughts. When we visited the physcologist the other week he had put in his diary 'wish i was dead life isnt worth living!' this as you can imagine came as a huge shock to us all. She spoke to him on his own then requested a meeting with myself (mum) and dad the following week, without son. So we went last week and met with her, and spoke about him, and again in his diary is written 'i hate my life, i just want to kill myself!' she isnt surprised about him feeling this way, but has currently advised us not to leave him on his own and to try and talk to him about it, to try and work out if he is just saying it, or he has a plan on how to do it, read anything etc! All this is very upsetting for us all. I have tried to speak to him but he just doesnt want to talk to me about it. Yesterday he wrote 'trying to work out how to end it all, had enough!'.

He does have an appointment next week with his consultant and counsellor, and we have been told, any concerns to ring her straight away.

Myself and hubby are due to go out Saturday night to a black tie event, both the boys are due to stay with my brother and his family, they have 3 boys similar ages to mine! Currently i dont feel like going out at all, and have spoken to him about the weekend, and he says he doesnt want to stay away overnight, wants to be at home. So major thinking tonight to work out a plan. My brother cant come here as its his sons 18th birthday saturday, and they are all going out for a meal and taking our along also, think it will be too much for mine!

Not sure if infliximab is causing this, or it is just how he really feels, and he is totally crying out for help, and frustrated with this horrible illness. Diagnosed nearly 2 years ago, had surgery, steroids, currently on infliximab, missed approx 1 year of school and currently doing mornings only, but he still hates it, feels he doesnt fit in at all, and feels a failure.

All i can say is that it is heart breaking seeing my son like this, and i am in tears most days over his whole situation :depressed::depressed:

Not sure if anti-depression medication would help him, it hasnt been mentioned yet, and yes i do have concerns over it. All i want is to have my cheeky happy 14 year old back, not much to ask is it!

 

[araceli]

Hello. I am so sorry that you are going thru this. It breaks my heart because I have kids your son's age. It is a very difficult time for teenagers by it self, but on top of everything to have to deal with a disease, makes it worst. My kids get sad only once in a while, so I don't have experience with depression. I know is a hard decision about anti-depression meds, but in my case I will give it a try. Infliximab does not cause depression in my daughter but prednisone makes her sad, everybody has different reactions. I really hope that you find a way to make your kid feel better soon. Sending big Hugs and Support your way.

 

[Tesscorm]

I am so sorry you, your son and family are all dealing with these issues! I wish I had some good advice for you! I can well imagine you just want your boy back!!! :ghug:

I remember your son's problems with school but, sorry, don't remember why he is only doing half days?? Is his crohns not under control yet? Has there been any thought or discussion as to a change in treatment if the current one isn't working??

I'm sure, after being away from school for so long, he's lost some of the connection with his friends and the social aspects of school... but, if he were feeling well, it would probably be a bit easier for him to cope and gradually get back to a school routine (social and otherwise). :ghug:

Is he well enough to participate in an activity he likes or would like to try? Something not too physically demanding - photography, learning a musical instrument, etc. (I once even heard a radio station promoting DJ lessons...). It may distract him and shift his focus onto something more positive and he may make some new friends who don't have any preconceptions re his illness (ie that he's been away, that he's missed this or that, etc. or asking how he is, etc.), simply new friends moving on from this point???

Also, check on his vitamin levels!!!! Deficiencies can certainly affect your emotional wellbeing! I don't have lots of knowledge re which vitamins to check but I'm going to tag David ... he will be able to advise you better re the vitamins/minerals.

Lots of hugs... :ghug: :ghug:

 

[Farmwife]

What meds is he on?

He has said none of this out loud to you? Does he know that his journal is being read?

 

[DanceMom]

I like the idea of focusing on a hobby. There have been days that A felt crummy and dance was the only thing that got her up and moving. Maybe he has a hobby you can help him pursue or maybe he would like to try something new and exciting. Sometimes just getting out of the house and doing things gets us out of our funk.

 

[Mehita]

I like the idea of a hobby or project that he can work towards too. Something to distract him and a goal to reach? Or something he's been wanting to do like visit a theme park or redecorate his bedroom?

I know when my son is feeling down, he spends a lot of time with our dog. Just sits there and pets her.

 

[crohnsinct]

I am so sorry you, your son and family are having to face this.

My cousin took his life when he was 14 and my daughter's friend took his life last spring. It is an awful thing. I know you don't feel this way right now, but you are so lucky he is expressing these feelings even if just in a journal and what a great mom that you have put a professional in his life!

Personally I wouldn't go to the event. I know it is disppointing but these kids have to do so many things they don't want to do and if he is asking to stay at home maybe listening to his feelings may make him feel valued and show you appreciate how many things he is forced to do daily. Maybe the evening alone together will give you time to talk.

I totally agree with helping him find an activity/hobby that he could enjoy and maybe even feel like a success at. So much of depression comes from feeling like a failure, not worthy, not capable etc. If he could find something he is good at or somewhere he "belongs" then maybe his thinking will turn around.

Volunteering has been very effective at helping people with depression. Maybe he could help at a pet shelter, senior center etc.?

Do you have a faith community with a youth group? I know ours is so great at welcoming the kids with no expectations placed on them and meeting them where they are at.

Praying things get better soon for you all.

 

[xmdmom]

I'm very sorry your son is so depressed. While ideas like getting a hobby may be helpful down the road, it sounds like his depression could be quite serious and he needs something more right now. In the U.S., a child who was depressed, considering suicide and had a plan would be hospitalized for treatment of depression. It's not clear how depressed your son is and that really is the psychologist's job to determine. I am really surprised that the psychologist wanted you to find out if he had a plan-- that's something that I'd think s/he would ask him directly. You wrote "we have been told, any concerns to ring her straight away." I would call today and let her know what he wrote in his journal yesterday. I would definitely not leave him alone.

Sending big hugs to him and you and the rest of the family.

 

[Sascot]

Sorry to hear your son isn't very happy. I can understand how feeling ill can really make you feel depressed. Sorry I don't have any great advice, just wanted to send some support.

 

[stacey1982]

I'm so sorry to hear what u are going throu. I really don't know what to advice but wanted to send my love to you and your family. Xx

 

[David]

Wow, that's so tough My heart goes out to you and your entire family.

Also, check on his vitamin levels!!!! Deficiencies can certainly affect your emotional wellbeing! I don't have lots of knowledge re which vitamins to check but I'm going to tag David ... he will be able to advise you better re the vitamins/minerals.

SO many things can cause depressive feelings but when it comes to Crohn's disease, I feel vitamin B12, vitamin D, and magnesium MUST be monitored to ensure they are at proper levels as each can lead to severe mood problems. More often than not it is a combination of things but properly supplementing if there is a deficiency can make a huge difference.

If you choose to have these checked, get the actual numbers and share them with us.

I wish you well.

 

[D Bergy]

Try omega 3 fatty acids such as are in Fish Oil and Krill Oil.

I developed depression as a teen and lived with it into my forties. When treating my Crohn's with Krill Oil my depression disappeared for the first time ever. It is still gone several years later as long as I take the Krill Oil.

This is not always the cause of depression but it is one cause.

Good Luck.

Dan.

 

[upsetmom]

:ghug::ghug::ghug:..My thoughts are with you and your family.

 

[Ands]

Bubbly my thoughts are with you all. I hope you are getting the support you need so badly.

Xxxx

 

[Bubbly]

Just wanted to thankyou all for your kind words, support and advice through this horrible time for us all.

We had to go out yesterday for a family meeting, and normally we would have left him at home, however this time, we made him come, much to his dismay, he didnt want to come, he said it is a waste of his time, would rather be at home, hubby ended up getting cross with him, being firm basically and telling him he was coming and that was that!! So even more stressful for him! He sat quietly while we had our meeting, he was in the lounge while we sat in the sun room, my brother asked why we had bought he and why didnt we leave him at home, he was sensible and would have been fine! dont think he quite understands the seriousness of the situation!!

Currently he is on azathioprine 75mg, cacium chew D3, mutilvitamin and iron tablet, and the infliximab, which is 4 week since his last one, so another 4 weeks before the next one.

He really should be in school full time, but he struggles with everything at school, and he is shattered when he comes home. Originally the hospital said we had to push him back, increase his time every week, however since the depression has arised, they have advised to stick to mornings only, then after half term start increasing it, he only has this week then next week then its half term.

He has done one big hobbie, Lego!! He builds models, and currently repainting lego mini figures, makes films which he uploads onto you tube, spends hours chatting to people on line and redesigning his sets.

The other thing we are looking into is a dog, currently thinking about a labrador or a springbat, cross between basset hound and a springer, apparently excellent with children, easy to train, and very loyal, found a breeder for both, however no pups until July, so looking for homes in September! The breeder does feel this breed would be perfect, in fact either type, so will talk to her further.

He has gone to school this morning, will collect him at lunchtime and i do try to talk to him, when its just me and him, and tried to talk about his diary, which he wants us to read, and leaves it in a special place when he had written in it, the last entry was that he doesnt no why he bothers writing in it, as we dont do anything about it or talk about it! We have tried to talk to him, but he just doesnt want to talk about it. As for trying to ask about his thoughts about how he would end things, this again was met with silence and that he didnt want to talk about it. This i feel should be spoken with the specialists.

We are obviously deeply concerned and will be contacting hospital again today to talk to them and seek advice from them.

Thankyou once again for all your support x

 

[Brian'sMom]

Since he has stated that he wants you to read his diary and puts it in a place for you to look at it easily,but won't talk to you- What about writing to him in his diary? I'm no expert in this area at all!!! But maybe reaching out to him on his platform? And him saying, why do I write in this, no one does anything- Maybe express how much you love him and want to help him in the diary. Just an idea
Also, do you have a faith...church you attend? Maybe the priest/pastor etc would have some good words and give some strength in the feelings he's battling. Some depression meds make young people feel suicidal, so be careful there.
I send support your way, this must be so very difficult.

 

[Niks]

This is so hard, but I think that Brian'sMom, may be on the right track. He clearly feels that it is easier to write down his feelings (so many of us do!)

Maybe you could get a book for you to write in to 'talk' to him about his feelings and how between you all you can help him.

Good luck! (((hugs))) xx :ghug:

 

[DustyKat]

Oh Bubbly, my heart goes out to you...:ghug:

My daughter went through a very difficult period in her last year of school, she was about two and half years post diagnosis at the time. She was in remission at the time, although does have issues associated with surgery, but if the disease can pull someone down like it did for Sarah when in remission I can well see how heartbreaking it must be for your boy. It is such a vicious cycle for him.

For my daughter she did go to counselling and although she said it didn't help I saw a difference in her. I think the opportunity to speak to someone that is totally removed from Crohn's in all aspects is helpful, by removed from it I mean family, doctors and so on. I think your child then doesn't see what is being said to them is being said by someone that has a vested interest in them. Does that make sense? Like...you're just saying that because you are my Mum...that sort of thing.

I haven't noticed any issues with my son as such but he is a very, very quiet boy. Having said that there have been a couple of occasions when communication with him has been downright impossible and I have actually emailed him my thoughts and concerns from the loungeroom while he is in his bedroom!

I must admit though that perhaps the reason Matt has been much more even with his emotions isn't just down to who he is but that he has a sister that knows exactly what he been through. I didn't think I would find anything positive about having two kids with Crohn's but the way it has brought them together is a blessing.

Lastly, two things I would like to mention. Firstly, I agree with David in looking into deficiencies. Secondly, if at any time I felt my children needed additional help to get through a difficult period and that help came in the form of a pill I would have gone that way without hesitation.

Oh, and I think the dog is a brilliant idea! I know it is a little way off yet but perhaps it is something to prepare for and make it more of a reality in the meantime. I know for my kids having their pets around made no end of difference.

In my thoughts, :heart:

Dusty. xxx

 

[ChampsMom]

Hey Bubbly...

So sorry to hear your son is going through this... I have a couple of thoughts regarding what you are going through...

1) I have 3 boys and a few years ago son number 2 (who was 9 at the time) was really struggling (much to do with my ex) and he too stated he wish he had never been born. I had been searching for "affordable" therapy at the time and quickly changed it to therapy with the goal of working out everything else afterwards - so the first big "way to go Mum" :banana: is that you already have him in therapy. My son keeps a journal now also, and I do not read it, but his therapist does - sounds like yours does the same? It is a great outlet for them to be able to put down how they are feeling. Not sure if it is possible with him, but you might check with his therapist on having him add a "Gratitude List" to his journal. So every time he writes in his journal he needs to write at least ONE thing for which he is grateful. Then after a bit have him increase to 2 things, 3, etc... With the goal for him to start focusing on what he is grateful for verse what is bothering him.

2) If homeschooling is an option I say go for it. I'm unsure if the schools in the UK will send in instructors like they do with our education system here. We have what they call Home and Hospital Instruction Programs (different schools may have different names, but they fall under 504 Plans which are disability law that govern students with disabilities - and Crohn's falls into that category). Alex' health improved *so* much after coming out of school. He was 14 when I finally pulled him and he's been homeschooled ever since (he is now 16).

3) This is my go to site for drug reactions/side effects: http://www.drugs.com/sfx/infliximab-side-effects.html For infliximab see Psychiatric effects at the bottom of the page - you just might be on to something!

4) I believe you are so right and your gut instant is right in not leaving him home alone or overnight IF he doesn't want to be there with out you... A Mother's intuition (IMHO) is a gift from God... I wouldn't let anyone try to convince you otherwise.

You are in my prayers!! :ghug:

 

[Bubbly]

Thankyou again for all the support and advice. Which we are looking into all suggestions currently.

The good news is that he does seem brighter, singing, laughing and much happier, also appreciate this can be short term, so we are very much keeping a close eye on him.

We have gone on a waiting list for a 'Springbat' pup, not due to be born until July, so wont be with us until September. Fingers crossed we manage to get one, quite a long list so will wait and see.

We decided to go out Saturday and son went to my brothers house, and out in a family group for nephews 18th birthday, this was a tough decision to make for us, but my sister in-law reassured me he would be fine with them, she is good with him and she has 2 boys who are autistic, and has fought every step of the way to get them the help they have needed over the years, so she is supportive. Son had a great time, lots of laughs apparently, and when we picked him up this morning, he chatted away non stop about the evening, so we think we made the right decision, and i think we all needed a break from the whole situation, and i think it did that, took his mind of things and enjoyed himself, thats all we ask and hope for.

Hospital on Thursday for consultant overview on infliximab, plus full bloods being done, then to see the physicatrist, so busy morning and we are also just in the process of sorting out an appointment to see the school counsellor, so i think everything is going in the right direction, but as already said, will keep a very close eye on him, as we all know they constantly have ups and downs.

School have been great, really helping him along the way, and communicating with us all on what to do for the best, and they also have a very good medical centre. Currently we are not looking into home schooling, as currently we dont think this is the right thing for him, not do the proffesionals, but again that may well change.

Fingers crossed for a good week for him and the smile returns to his face once again this week

 

[Niks]

So glad to hear he is feeling brighter! Sounds like he had fun with his Aunt and cousins too

Thanks for the update, good luck on Thursday, will be thinking of you! xx

 

[Mehita]

Even though the wait for a puppy is long, that might be a good thing. Give him something to look forward to... wish there was a puppy emoticon!

 

[CarolinAlaska]

I'm sorry your son has been struggling. We've been there with Jaedyn. Her seizure meds triggered suicidal ideation (may have also been connected to vitamin deficiencies - it was preCrohn's). She gets pretty anxious at times and school was a big trigger for that. Currently homeschooling is helping tremendously. I hope you find something that works for you, and if it is one of his meds, I hope you can figure out and change whichever one it is...

 

[Patricia56]

You've received lots of sound advice.

While it is good that there is lots of talking happening, I would say, having stood in your shoes so closely that I have heard death breathing down the back of my neck in an ER, that you take your son's statements about wanting to end his life at face value.

If he does not "really" mean them then he needs to understand that he must communicate about his feelings in a different way. Until he does so his statements about suicide will be taken at face value and he will be treated as someone who is in fact having suicidal ideation.

If he does mean them then the seriousness of those thoughts and feelings of despair must be addressed straightforwardly and honestly. That means that he must make a commitment to you that he will tell you or another trusted adult immediately should he decide on a plan to kill himself. For now, he will not be left home alone or alone with other siblings/children. There should be an adult present at all times in my opinion. And I mean present, not out in the backyard doing yard work or just running out to the store or even busy doing work on the computer and not paying attention to what's going on.

Until you feel absolutely certain of your ground, you should lock up ALL medications including OTC ones like diphenhydramine. A locked fishing tackle box can be an easy temporary solution. Remove all guns or other weapons from the home and the home of close relatives that he may be visiting like his uncle, and remove any other "easy" and relatively painless methods that he might use to kill himself.

If I am frightening you well that may not be a bad thing. I know of two other boys with Crohn's who attempted suicide and nearly succeeded. These feelings and thoughts will not just magically go away. Compassionately acknowledging them and insisting on treating them seriously is key. Also important is not making it into a huge scene full of drama. Matter of fact honesty is what you are aiming for.

I would not push too hard about increasing his school day if it is stressing him. I would strongly discourage you from homeschooling. Isolation feeds depression and, having homeschooled my kids for 2 years, I can tell you that it is in fact isolating once they get to be teens. He needs to be around other kids, to have normal expectations within reason regarding school attendance, etc. If he can't handle the whole day then half days. But going EVERY single day is essential. I would tie all his privileges to his school attendance because that is where he needs to be during the day. Not sitting at home dwelling on his negative feelings and thoughts. No video games, etc. the day he doesn't go to school; no video games, etc. the weekend of any week that he fails to go to school at least 4 days that week. That sort of thing.

Since your son did so well with his uncle and family, perhaps more time spent with them would also be good for his spirits, get him "out" of himself and his usual way of thinking/doing.

There are lots of physical things that can contribute to the development of depression in people with Crohn's. The vitamin and mineral deficiencies mentioned are definitely something to look into.

Keep in mind that most of the serotonin made by the body is made in the gut so any disruption to the health of the gut can set someone up for the onset of depressive symptoms. Serotonin plays a major role in our brain chemistry. Many of the antidepressants on the market are intended to increase serotonin levels in the brain. Particularly if there is any family history of mood disorders, this may have triggered more intense depressive symptoms than some people might have had.

I would also suggest that you ask your doctor if they would test him for an error in the genes that process folic acid into l-methylfolate. l-methylfolate is the final derivative of folic acid and is the only form of folic acid that crosses the blood brain barrier. Some people have errors in the genes that control the metabolizing of folic acid and their bodies are only 30% effective at processing this essential vitamin. There is now a test that can identify these genetic defects so that supplementation with Deplin (a prescription medical food) can be started to insure brain health.

The test is the MTHFR test and here's a link to some information about it. This information does not address more recent findings that suggest a link between mental illness and MTHFR mutations. I can get you some info on that if you are interested.

http://labtestsonline.org/understanding/analytes/mthfr/tab/test

Here's a link to the Deplin website which has more information on reasons to take Deplin, how it works, etc. Here in the US you do need a prescription to get it.

http://www.deplin.com/

I hope his mood continues to improve.

 

[Sascot]

Glad things are a little bit better - hope they continue to improve! Good luck with all the appointments coming up.

 

[Jane and Nick]

Sounds like your being very proactive, keep up the good work! It's SO hard to see our little ones sad. They have worries and concerns and emotional and physical hurts way past their young years.
Fabulous idea about the dog !

 

[Bubbly]

Thankyou once again for all the good advice, lots to do and a long way to go.

He has been to school today and also stayed for lunch, which is also new for him, so slightly longer day, only by an hour but still a big step for him. When i picked him up, he was smiling away and chatted all the way home, said he had had a good morning and went with friends to lunch, and did boy stuff afterwards. So something positive.

Hopefully this will continue slowly and i will be keeping a very close eye on him at all times.

Thankyou all once again x

 

[Twiggy930]

So glad to hear that today was a good day! I hope it continues for a good long time.

 

[Niks]

Great news! A smile is worth so much! Hopefully he is starting to enjoy school, sounds like he has lots of friends xxx

 

[Bubbly]

Well, after a good Monday we have a rubbish Tuesday! He said he didnt feel well this morning, but i sent him to school, bad mum!! And surprise surprise i had a call from school at 9.15 to see if i could collect him!

He did look rubbish bless him, complaining of feeling very hot and dizzy and sore tummy, so took him home. I think he has bad constipation, very swollen tummy so gave him some movicol when we got home, and he has been but still swollen, and he has gone cold!

Hospital Thursday, which i am pleased about, come at the right time for him, which makes a change! Hopefully he has a good nights sleep and feels better in the morning x

 

[Tesscorm]

Aww, I'm sorry he had a bad day! I hope it passes and he's feeling better tomorrow!! And, hopefully, Thursday will bring some answers/guidance! :ghug: