overwhelmed by fresh diagnosis... (long winded)
Hi BecDoll,
Sorry to hear you are suffering.
I'm afraid I totally know how that 'lost' feeling tastes.
Not fun, but you can and will work your way past it.
For me, the key is to realize that yes, as of now you feel this way,
and maybe think you will always feel this way...
but it is helpful to realize that you will not necessarily always feel this way.
My guess is that you will move through these feelings and get to a different place in your own good time.
I have learned that Crohn's is a context.
It affects every aspect of our lives.
Not just our physical experience, but also our thoughts and feelings.
It is into our time, relationships, job, hobbies, finances, sleep, everything.
There is nowhere to hide.
Even in times when the pain and bowel distress give us a break,
we can be riddled with fear, weakness and insecurities.
It can often seem like a nightmare from which we cannot wake up.
But there is another side.
We will be challenged to sort our minds and find our strength.
We gain a new appreciation for the good moments.
We are more grateful than ever for even our smallest blessings.
When Crohn's corners us, we are left no option but to transcend.
When it pushes us to the edge, we get a chance to prove our true character and strength.
Yes, "It is all just so hard to deal with."
Nods all-around from your fellow Crohnnies.
But:
We are stronger than we believe.
You can and will endure.
You will learn more about the disease and life and yourself.
Be gentle with yourself for now, it is very early in a looong journey.
It may sound silly now, but there are opportunities to grow and rise and shine.
When I am laying on the floor moaning, holding my belly and begging for mercy...
I just cannot see how I can continue to live like this...
when it feels like rats are gnawing on my guts nonstop, night and day...
I cannot see in this moment, how I could ever survive to the next moment.
When the pain and bleeding stop my clock, and I'm 'doing hard time'...
nothing and noone can help me, the way my own resolve can.
The more we survive, the more we can survive.
We keep marching onward, toward the promise of better days.
Tomorrow is promised to noone.
We won't always wake up today.
Many others did not wake up today.
Any good we find today is a bonus.
Down to the smallest, all these glorious miracles around us are precious gifts.
We're gone tomorrow.
Sooner or later, we all fall down, and dust blows away.
Let's find a way to appreciate today.
And just maybe, we can share today again tomorrow.
Despite all these illusions, it's all we ever have.
It's all anyone ever has...
I'll second what Kelly said:
the oldschool approach was 'step-up', where as the cutting edge new approach to Crohn's flareups is 'step-down',
which means to start with stronger drugs to get a flare under some kinda control, and then taper to less severe drugs as ongoing maintenance.
The goal is always to obtain and maintain remission, to regain quality of life.
No matter how bad it gets, and how impossible it all can seem, try to take consolation that it could always be worse.
I shudder to realize, it can always be worse.
There are good people who are sicker than me, who stay cheerful and positive.
There is nothing I admire, like a survivor.
let's keep our fingers crossed for better days,
hang tough,
Walt
ps we learn to 'make hay when the sun shines',
we gotta make our good moments count!