Emotional Rollercoaster

[aubreyl88]

I was diagnosed in May of 2011 with Crohns Disease after a 10 day stay in the ICU. I feel like my relationship is suffering I am constantly breaking up with my boyfriend. During my hospital stay he was extremely mean and bitter the whole time I was in the hospital. I felt emotional abandoned and alone. I still feel that way, when I try to discuss how I feel he gets up set and turns it about him self (he has anxiety disorder). I feel like I need emotional and mental support from him. How can I talk to him about it? Is there someone I can talk to? I hate feeling alone. I feel even more alone because I am preparing for a Colonoscopy which is scheduled for Friday to see if my medication is working (I currently take 100mg of Aza). Ive been having dreams/ day dreams about them finding cancer. I am scared..
Also, Ive been hospitalized about once every month due to severe nausea, cramping, and dehydration (I think its from the Aza).. When that happens he goes into anxiety attacks. I cant be strong anymore, all the stress is getting to me I feel lost and alone. Any advice?

 

[Jennifer]

I don't know how long you two have been together but a lot of people can't handle the idea of a loved one being sick all the time for whatever reason. Some people on this forum have stated that their partner left them or that they grew apart and called it quits because the relationship wasn't worth the stress it was putting on their body. I fear that a relationship that lacks support, even a little bit of trying, even if they have issues of their own will likely fail but it would be for the better because stress is related to causing flare ups. The yo-yoing that your relationship is doing is contributing to your illness and not in a good way.

How was he mean towards you while you were in the hospital? Like what did he say?

I dated a couple of guys during my last two flares and the first one had to deal with me having a bowel resection. It was a long recovery because my surgical site got infected and I had to lay in bed most of the time. I saw my boyfriend less and less when he used to see me everyday. He would party and drink with mine and his friends and one day he admitted to cheating on me with one of his friends. He played it off saying he didn't do the who shabang with her but I'm no fool. From that point on our relationship dwindled and we broke up (funny I can't remember how it happened like who broke up with who?). I was 18 when we split and he was bipolar and with that comes anxiety and depression. This break up hurt a lot yet I survived.

My second long relationship after my resection when I was 20 lasted 5 years. But I still had medical problems and he would be mean about it saying, "you're always sick." Implying that I was lying or doing it on purpose. He didn't speak to me much when he sat in the ER with me. There was more to that relationship than him simply not being supportive of my illness but him not being supportive of me in general. I think if I were completely healthy, things would have been the same. I was never good enough and I constantly tried to change myself and the things I'd say and what I did and who I hung out with because I didn't want to make him made at me. He'd yell at me. Then years later he started pushing me. I feel that if I stayed he would have started hitting me. I left him and got accepted at a grad school much further away. This break up made me feel free as a bird.

Depression and anxiety come with a diagnosis of Crohn's so if you're with another person with a similar illness it can be hard to bring each other back up and its very easy to tear the other person down. My fiance is very supportive of me and my multitude of illnesses I have now. He also suffers from anxiety/panic disorder and depression. I feel though that if I did have another major flare, he would be as supportive as he could and would always be there for me. Him and I are very much alike and I think that's why we work so well with each other.

You need someone who's supportive of YOU never mind your illness. If you don't feel they could do that, then you're only bringing more stress onto yourself. You can't make someone care and that's really what it boils down to. You have to look out for you rather than thinking to yourself that he's only treating you poorly because he suffers from anxiety disorder. I have panic disorder and I'm still there for my fiance when he goes to the doctor or ER and I do not put him down or blame him for anything. It's not because I've had to deal with sickness my whole life either, its because I genuinely care about other people (I get mad a snap from time to time but not in a generally mean or hateful way).

Even though its the internet, we're all real people and we're all here for you so you'll never truly be alone.

 

[aubreyl88]

We have a son and everything happened so fast when I was hospitalized. We felt it was best for our son not to see me hooked up to blood, iv, and getting my blood drawn constantly (he's only 2) my boyfriend would argue and cause fights. He said that he doesn't want to be at the hospital and that he misses our son, I felt he blamed me. I never once told him to stay, I encouraged him to go. But he didn't want to.

 

[loosewheels]

Don't worry, some people just look for a reason to break up, your illness could just be the reason, this happens because those people are weak and fear failure. If a person truly loves you they will stay with you no matter what illness you have, you love the person, all of them, not bits of them or just on certain days when they are feeling healthy.My former wife & I grew apart, she wanted to eat so called normal food, while I had to stick to bland food, going out for days out or meals was not always fun, I needed to know where toilets were, did the restraunt serve food I could eat ? all these things needed to be thought of before we went out, in the end we just drifted apart. But now I'm with a really great girl who knows and accepts I have an illness, It does not bother her at all, she even had to take me to A&E 18 months ago when I became bad, she remained with me most of the day even taking time off work to be with me.
Should you split up, there will be another person who will accept you for the person you are, they will look beyond your illness, and see a normal person which you are.
Good luck.

 

[Jennifer]

We have a son and everything happened so fast when I was hospitalized. We felt it was best for our son not to see me hooked up to blood, iv, and getting my blood drawn constantly (he's only 2) my boyfriend would argue and cause fights. He said that he doesn't want to be at the hospital and that he misses our son, I felt he blamed me. I never once told him to stay, I encouraged him to go. But he didn't want to.

Is there no way for him to see you and your son on the same day? Or maybe have your son come and visit you on occasion? It is possible to get unhooked from the IV and walk about or sit in a chair for a short period. I don't think its right for YOU to not be able to see your son. Something can easily be worked out in that department. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for being sick. Its not your fault. Its no one's fault.

 

[tots]

You can't change all the cards you have been delt. So now the most important thing now is to find and surround yourself with compassionate people. That is the one thing you can control. If your boyfriend can't support you in this he will not change anytime soon. Find a support group, few of the places I have lived, the nearest Jewish center has a support grp for people with chronic illness.

Good Luck and get well soon!