Excuse me while I rant.....

[Mumof4]

Matt hasn't been too good lately, although hopefully he is improving over the last few days. He has been off school three times since term started in September, a couple of days the first two times and a week the latest. He had a hospital admission and a scope during his last absence from school and once we realised he would be off for more than a day or two we requested a package of work to ensure he did not fall behind. He completed this and took it in with him on his return. We had informed the school he was in hospital and I receieved a telephone call from the deputy head of his year expressing concern about him. You can imagine my surprise therefore to receive a letter this week from the same deputy head saying that his attendance at school is not satisfactory and she will be monitoring it over the next six weeks!!!!!!

Matt is now reallty worried that he will be moved down from the A stream even though he has worked so hard to keep up, as they were told last year that if their grades or attendance were not satisfactory that would happen.

I am spitting fire! This kid has had a really tough time and has worked steadily to keep up despite being in a great deal of pain. What part of "My son has crohns, a lifelong medical condition which will unfortunately effect his attendance" does this stupid woman not understand? And how the hell can he get to school when he is in hospital?

It is half term, which is just as well as i would probably lose it if I spoke to her now :mad2: however she will be getting a very polite but direct phone call next week. Dumb ass.....

And breathe , rant over, thank you for listening

 

[Clash]

It really makes you wonder, doesn't it? I mean these people make decisions involving our kids everyday. Then something like this happens and you think....ummmm Hello anyone home in that educated brain of yours! LOL

Hope you get is all worked out soon and it doesn't stress Matt out!

 

[Tesscorm]

Rant well deserved! :voodoo: People can be incredibly stupid.

Have you had a meeting with the school? Prior to being diagnosed my son missed quite a bit of school too, once he was diagnosed in May, I set up a meeting with Stephen, the principal, his teachers and in a guidance counselor. I explained what it meant to have crohns, his treatment and asked how he could be brought up to date with his school work as final exams were imminent. The school was very accommodating and each teacher worked with him individually. He still had to write the exams but, as someone else here said, they taught him the meat and skipped the potatoes!

But, there's always 'one' bad apple! :ymad: Stephen was in two different phys.ed. classes and both these teachers were well aware that he was on the school hockey and soccer teams and enjoyed athletics (so would not be asking to be excused without reason). One teacher was great, but in the other's class, the final mark included a 7k run. Stephen told the teacher that the daily long distance training was causing some pain right at his TI, the teacher's answer was 'no pain, no gain'! :ymad: I was going to call and blast that teacher but... Stephen asked me not to, said the teacher wasn't 'forcing him', that he liked the teacher and he just didn't understand. I didn't call but still really wanted to! :voodoo: :voodoo:

Dusty once posted information on how to deal with your child's school, suggested information to share with the school, etc. Have a look through the 'Valuable Resources' thread (near the top of the parent's forum); hopefully, her post is there.

Good luck! :ghug:

 

[my little penguin]

Our gi's office provided a good letter outlining crohn's , how the school should provide work , and other stuff including not pentalizing DS for abcenses including being able to do school sports etc,.
I would request a meeting with the school and get a letter from the Gi explaining .

 

[DustyKat]

Bloody school! Grrrrrrrrr. :hug:

Since you are in Northern Ireland I would contact Crohn's and Colitis in the UK and seek their advice about where you stand on the disability front. They also have an excellent brochure that can be handed out to teachers and staff...

http://www.nacc.org.uk/downloads/factsheets/TeachersCanHelp.pdf

It may also be worthwhile going to the website of your government Education Department as you should find a policy there on students with disabilities. Armed with this information I would then arrange a meeting with the Principal, her deputy and his teachers and lay it on the line. Ask them what their expectations are and then tell them what you expect from them and what you don't expect from them.

Go in with a cool head and look that says...you mean business! :lol: You control the meeting and at the end open the meeting up for questions. Even though my children's school was always fully on board and I kept them informed at all times I must admit that I was surprised that until I sat them all down and essentially educated them about Crohn's and how it impacted on my daughter's day to day functioning just how little had sunk in up until that point! :yfrown: Suffice it to say they weren't left guessing! :lol:

Good luck!

Dusty. xxx

 

[crohnsinct]

OMGosh...hell hath no fury huh? I totally understand your feeling but any chance this letter was one automatically spit out by the attendance system and mailed in error? I have had situations like that before. I second the CCF brochure. I gave that to all of my daughters teachers and after that they felt soooo bad for her and couldn't do enough for us. Good Luck!

 

[paddyj]

I feel your son's anxiety about school. I don't know about the educational system in the UK, but in the US, students with medical conditions that may impact our schooling are able to get a 504 educational plan. It is similar to a student with a learning disability but with other advantages. Since having a 504, my absences can not be held against me, I am able to use the bathroom anytime, I can go and rest,especially after my Remicade treatments and if need be, they will provide home-schooling. I would look into seeing if your school might have something in place for students. It has helped alleviate my anxiety especially when we have other things to worry about. Good Luck with everything.

 

[Sascot]

I don't blame you at all for wanting to have a rant. I am having a bit of a rant at the moment as well :lol: Obviously schools must have some kids that play truant all the time, but if they know someone has a medical reason for being off then it's hardly fair to blame them for not making it in all the time.
Just one thing to keep in mind - some schools do have automatic letters that have to get sent out when a specific thing happens. For example, if we take our kids out of school for a holiday (happens alot with shift workers), even if the school knows and says that is fine, they still have to send a pre-printed letter out saying that this is unauthorised leave and it isn't recommended.
Also I believe there are standard letters that have to be sent out if attendance falls below a certain level. Might be worth checking whether the school had any choice in sending out that letter.

 

[MicroByte]

I am so sorry you and your family have to endure this, it's not like you have anything else going in, right? I feel your frustration as its just one more thing on top of a heap of stuff your family is already having to contend with.

Hang in there and hopefully you can find a way to relieve this additionally anxiety...

 

[jmckinley]

Rant away! I would be ranting also! Our school does have a computer system that generates letters automatically on absence. Maybe this is the case. If not, I would certainly educate the school on IBD. The brochure and/or a letter from the GI's office sound like a plan. We did this at the beginning of the school year. It's very frustrating when they don't understand IBD involves SO much more than a stomach ache!

 

[Ands]

My son's school has been very understanding so far. However, they operate a 'stamp' system, where you get given a stamp if on time for lessons, good work etc. then at the end of each term those with maximin stamps get rewarded or enter into prize draws etc. my son said to me he will never get max stamps due to his crohns (days off ill, hospital appointments etc) and therefore he feels as though he is being punished for being ill! It all seems so unfair for such brave youngsters to have to grow up like this. X

 

[afidz]

I don't have kids so it is hard to understand your frustration, just keep your head up stick to your grounds and fight for your son. I hope all works out

 

[my little penguin]

We have a similar ticket system for on tme work etc.

I sent an email to the teacher explaining DS 's heart break over it since he is always out.
Within two days he came home smiling .the Teacher had given him 30 secret tickets for being so brave all the time. She just didn't think about abscences.

 

[Patricia56]

mm... is it possible that the letter you got is a "form" letter that is sent out automatically by someone in the office when you reach a certain number of absences? If so, the letter might carry the deputy's name but the deputy does't necessarily know that the letter was sent.

Don't know if that's the case but since things don't seem to make much sense it made me wonder. Just a thought.

I would document conversations with the school, if you have the time, with brief letters confirming what was discussed. And definitely get something from the doctor for school.

Hope he gets feeliing great soon.

 

[DustyKat]

My son's school has been very understanding so far. However, they operate a 'stamp' system, where you get given a stamp if on time for lessons, good work etc. then at the end of each term those with maximin stamps get rewarded or enter into prize draws etc. my son said to me he will never get max stamps due to his crohns (days off ill, hospital appointments etc) and therefore he feels as though he is being punished for being ill! It all seems so unfair for such brave youngsters to have to grow up like this. X

A tad off topic in way but I just couldn't pass this up! :lol:

OMG! We had a passport system like this when my kids were in primary school and it was the bane of my life!!!

My kids weren't sick back then so there was no problem with it from that aspect but the whole system became a behaviour modification program. UGH! I didn't mind if the teachers used it as a way to provide incentive and keep control of the kids that needed it but of course the kids that always behaved were then over looked.

If I told the Principal once I told him a hundred times the system sucked! He was never left guessing about how I felt and when Matt finally left primary I was never so glad to leave that poxy passport behind! See how scarred I am from it?!?! I am still venting! :lol:

Dusty. xxx

 

[Mumof4]

Hi, sorry I haven't been on the forum for a few days, but wanted to say thank you so much for all your replies. Matt was diagnosed over a year ago and we have had a number of meetings with the school Dusty that leaflet you recommended is the exact one I took to them and it was copied to every teacher. Things were great for a while with just a few blips, but we did have to go back to them a few times when teachers treated him unfairly. His technology teacher was the worst, his sister was very I'll with crohns and despite being familiar with it he would say stuff to Matt such as "I don't believe you have crohns, my sister is almost dead from it ". That resulted in an official complaint. I spoke to said teacher on parents evening some months later and he went from he doesn't look sick to he hasn't looked well at all recently within five minutes. I sat on my hands, tagged him as a nutter and gave him the whole we really want to work with you for Matt to achieve his potential, he is getting A grades in all subjects but yours how do we work together to chsnge that". It was a hard thing to do but had the desired effect with the meeting ending well and matts grade going up. We also had the lovely librarian, who although informed of his diagnosis would say to him "there is always something wrong with you isn't there".

We have learnt that the world is full of cruel idiots some days, and have taught Matt that he really should pity people who are so ignorant, rather than feel hurt by their comments. Also not to sweat the small stuff as he is unfortunately always going to come across such people in life as well as those who are informed and kind.

I am hoping as some of you have said that this is an automatically generated letter and the person concerned who signed it did not have tine to read it or did not make the connection. I will find out on Monday when I give them a call.

Thanks again for all your wonderful support. X

 

[DustyKat]

There always has be one or two doesn't there, Grrrrrrr, made all the more frustrating and hurtful when they are a teacher and in a position to know better.

Good luck with the phone call, I hope more than anything it sets your mind at ease...
:goodluck:

Your boy is blessed to have a Mum that is such a wonderful advocate.

Dusty. xxx

 

[kimmidwife]

Good luck on Monday! When caitlyn went to her new school this year we kept getting phone calls about I excused absences and they had a policy about only going to the bathroom once a day! Even though I talked to them about it they kept giving her an issue that is why we are now home schooling and she is so much happier!

 

[Mumof4]

Well I made the phone call today. It was not an automatically generated letter. I spoke to the person who signed it and she started out saying they had to send them to keep themselves right. She then stated that she had "hmmned and hahed about sending it" so clearly she had a choice. I reminded her of his diagnosis but she remembered speaking to me when he was in hospital. I asked was there not an exception for kids with a known medical condition or disability. I told her how upset Matt was and that he was worried he would be moved down from the A stream. She said we shouldn't be upset and not worry as long as his grades stayed up he would not be moved down. She again. Repeated they had to keep themselves right but apologised for sending it and said that she would continue to monitor his attendance. I thanked her and said that was fair enough but she needed to realise that all the monitoring I the world would not affect his attendance. He could be sick every day of the monitoring period or not at all. I assured her that we did all we could to get him to school and pointed out that his absence impacted significantly at home as if he was off school I had to be off work to care for him so it was not something we did lightly. Anyway I feel I made my point and even if they do send more letters or an educational welfare officer turns up at the door about his attendance I know it is justified.

 

[Tesscorm]

I'm so glad the conversation went well! These kids really do worry about the school they miss and what they need is support from the teachers and school, not pressures or implications that they are slacking off!

 

[Crohn's Mom]

Happy to hear the conversation went well, and more happy to hear that it sounds like you stood your ground while still being "respectful" of their "rules" ! WTG