Feeling Guilty

[RissaIUP2016]

Does anyone else feel guilty and like a burden to their family, friends and significant other.. I feel like CD runs my life. I am never feeling "good" I always feel sick one way or another. I feel like I'm always upset about something, or having issues. I just hate living with the fact that this affects everyone around me. I feel like things are tense in my relationship and I just need advice on how to make everyone feel better.

 

[SarahBear]

Hi, Marissa!

I think most of us feel the way you described at times. I know I do.

Are your partner and friends supportive and knowledgable about Crohn's? Usually when there are issues like this, the best thing to do is explain. A lot of our symptoms (fatigue, joint pain, etc.) can seem unrelated and trivial to someone who doesn't fully understand the disease and how it works - so if you have those issues, they're likely to think you're exaggerating or just complaining. The obvious symptoms like pain, nausea, diarrhea, etc. are easy to underestimate (honestly, most people would probably assume you're lying if you tell them you use the restroom twenty times in one day or have such severe stomach cramps it feels like there are knives sticking out of your body, but those things really can and do happen to us) so make sure you're being very clear on that. Stress how you're feeling and how CD causes that. Communication really is key. I know some of these things can be awkward to talk about. Is that an issue?

As for you, hang on to the fact that it will get better. I see that you've just been diagnosed in October, so you're probably still coming to terms with your CD. We're all here for you to help in any way we can. :hug:

Are you feeling any better since you began treatment? Do you know the location and severity of your CD? Are you still taking the Prednisone?

 

[RissaIUP2016]

I am completely comfortable talking about it to my friends, family and boyfriend. I just don't know if they fully understand.. I don't think I full understand myself. It's so much to handle on top of starting college and all the changes with that. I feel like I don't know enough about it, and I read online and think that I will never feel better. My boyfriend and I started dating 2 weeks after I was diagnosed, but we were really good friends before that. He always made sure I was okay, he stayed with me while I drank the prep for my colonoscopy, and he even slept on my hard dorm room floor with no pillows and blankets to make sure i felt okay when we wern't even dating. Now i think its stressing him out because he hates seeing me in pain and feeling sick all the time.

The only thing I can really eat without getting pains is ramen. I don't go to the bathroom as much anymore, and I'm not as tired as before either. I am supposed to be getting another prescription for the Prednisone, i go see my doctor today at 3. and I was supposed to be getting put on Humira too so I'm not sure when that will be. I will find out, and let all of you know. He never really told me where its located or how bad, but the papers from my colonoscopy there were ulcers in three different places. I feel better when i first start the predisone, but when i decrease it i get miserable again.

 

[SarahBear]

I'm so sorry. It's awful timing - dealing with a diagnosis while starting college sounds so difficult.

I'm worried that you're only able to eat Ramen. There are pretty much no nutrients in those. Can you handle a nutrient drink like Ensure to try to balance things out?

It's great that you have no problems discussing your symptoms! A lot of people are too embarrassed to reach out for support, and end up feeling more alone. I hate to see that happen to anyone. It's awful that your boyfriend is so upset, but it's fantastic that he's so caring and supportive! Hopefully things will improve once you get started on Humira and things get under control.

Hopefully the forum will help you learn more and feel better about your diagnosis. I know it's made a big difference for me - just being able to talk to people who really understand is invaluable.

:hug: I hope things get better soon!

 

[Amber82]

Sounds like your boyfriend really cares about you! Thats a good man! Dont try so hard to figure this out because every site is differnt and it just get more confusing and scary. The way your body handles it compaird to someone else can be way differnt. I know its easy to say then do because I got hooked on looking things up. But I had to stop. Maybe just talk to your family and boyfriend and see what they say I bet they would rather worry about you then not Take care and feel better!

 

[RissaIUP2016]

Thank you so much! :dog:

He's a sweetheart, and I am so thankful he is so helpful. He keeps telling me that the Humira will make me feel better and just tries to keep positive for me.

When I am at school I get those Naked smoothie drinks and have those for a snack so I can get some nutrients, and I can eat applesauce, and my mom has me on lots of viamins to help also. I do try and eat other things, but sometimes its not so pretty afterwards.. haha.

 

[JDTM]

Hi Marissa!

Definitely have been there myself. It's not uncommon for Crohn's flare-ups and depression to go hand-in-hand, so I'm not surprised that you feel like you are somehow a burden (even though you are not!). I felt the same way. It took me a while to get both my CD and my depression under control (again, probably related), but you will surely get back to a sense of normalcy soon. Humira may help you quite a bit, but if it doesn't work right away or if it's not the right treatment for you, don't lose hope! As far as getting your feelings under control: everyone is different, but I certainly found a lot of value in going to a therapist, and I now I'm taking an antidepressant (something I managed to avoid for over a decade). That said, I feel much better now, and I'm sure you'll get there. Remember, you have NO REASON to feel guilty about this sort of thing. It's not something that you chose to bring on yourself! Keep that in mind, honestly -- it makes a world of difference, I swear.

Also, keep in mind that you are probably stressed about starting college as well, which doesn't help matters much. I was super stressed about my job when I was first diagnosed, and I know that didn't help me think all that rationally.

 

[RissaIUP2016]

I feel like everything is falling apart.. my relationship just seems to be going down hill.. the beginning was fine, and now, its "too much to handle" I thought he understood..

 

[SarahBear]

I'm sorry, Marissa.

Have you two sat down and had an honest, open discussion about things? It might help to stress the fact that you won't be feeling this way all the time - it's a just very difficult time for you right now.

 

[RissaIUP2016]

We are on break for school right now, and we still have a little over a week until we go back. All we can do is text, and I get upset over it because I thought he was better than what I'm getting now. I understand its stressful, cause its bad on me.. but I didnt think it would make things like this. He said its not just my CD but everything else that has been going on with school, and family issues.. kinda walking on egg shells all the time now. I just wanna work things out, but then I feel like giving up and moving on would be easier.

 

[SarahBear]

Maybe you two could take a little break until you get back to school and can better discuss things?

It's really hard to feel like something you can't even control is pushing someone you care about away. I'm very sorry you have to deal with that.

 

[Amber82]

Awww girl I'm so sorry! I really hope y'all can figure things out! But try to let this break happen. As hard as it is your body doesnt need more stress. I recently broke up/kicked out my ex of 13yrs been dating since high school. It was horribal! I was sick for weeks! I really dont want you to go thru that! This sounds funny but what got me out of my funk was a hypnotist! I didnt know if it would work but at that point if he made me bark like a dog and I felt better then bark I would lol! He even helped with my self-esteem. I felt broken because of the Crohns, ADD, and I'm Dyslexic. Crazy trifecta lol! He had a way of rewireing my thoughts to the point that I didnt cry for a week after the first time going and after 5 time I havent cried since! Trust me if I do get back to that down mood funk feeling, I'm going back! I tried going to a therapist but it just made me more upset! I'm not saying that hypnosis will work for everyone but if your not afraid to bark why not give it a try! You dont even have to add another pill to the list. I really hope you feel better soon! I'm sending lots of good happy sunny thoughts your way! I'm hear if you need me