Feeling scared & depressed

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I've been feeling a lot more pain than usual the past couple of days, and today I am feeling really awful. No vomiting so far, but lots of nausea and tons of d, pain, cramping, and just feeling generally miserable. I'm upset because I had been feeling okay for awhile, still had been having some d and some pain, but I hadn't had a proper flare in a little while. I was just getting used to feeling semi-okay and now I get hit with this. I am so sick of being sick.

I'm scared and depressed because I'm afraid for my job. My workplace has done so many layoffs already due to the economy, and each time there were layoffs I just barely managed to keep my job (my department used to have 10 people; now there are just two of us). I am so afraid that if I call in sick too many times, I'm going to lose my job and then I'll probably lose my house because my income is the only stable one. My husband works too but he's freelance so his income fluctuates and he can't support both of us and a mortgage on his pay. So it's basically all on me to somehow keep my job and be sick and still allow myself the occasional sick day to try to rest and recover somewhat. I'm afraid I'm not juggling all this very well and it's really depressing. I don't really know what to do. I don't even have a proper diagnosis yet so I am not even on any meds. I feel like I'm falling apart.

Thanks for reading this, and please let me know if anyone has any advice as to how to juggle being sick and still holding down a job without getting fired for using too much sick time or for being seen as a weak link. Or at least how to cope with being sick and still working full-time. Thanks again everyone, you have all been such a wonderful support and I really appreciate all of you.

 

[Crohn's 35]

Sorry Cat, all this stress probably isnt helping your gut either. It is not fair, and you have every right to feel scared. I was the bread winner at one time with a 4 year old and ended up being alone and in the hospital alot. I was on mother's allowance for 3 years because my dx took so long and then surgery, which was a blessing for 7 years. I was scared, no one in my life, no income, and my family lived far from me. Don't ask me how I made because I still to this day wonder. You need to be on something and that would help your job security. You should go see your doctor, see what he thinks about a short taper of Prednisone, just to get out of pain, or until a dx, just my thoughts. Big hugs, talk it out with your husband, things will work out....they always do.

 

[Dexky]

I thought this was good advice when you gave it...

Another thing I can suggest is to NOT keep it all bottled up inside. If you're mad, get mad, and if you're sad, let yourself cry, and if you're in pain, let it show. Don't mask it for the benefit of others.

I obviously don't know anything about your workplace. Have you talked to your supers about what's going on? I don't see how you can keep working when you feel that bad. Maybe you should get some legal advice before talking to your bosses. I'm sure you have legal rights. If you know those rights going in, it may at least make them think twice before letting you go.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Thanks Jettalady. I will call my GI's office tomorrow morning and ask if they can put me on pred. I have a GI appointment next month so I'll ask if they can get me in sooner than that.

I guess I'm so worried because I've always been the responsible one. My parents are always telling me that they're so thankful that I'm so responsible. I work hard and I get my bills paid. But that might be in jeopardy now. My brother, my only sibling, has always been the flaky irresponsible one. He just joined the military and it sounds like he's doing well so far. So it's something of a role reversal, with him being more mature and me falling apart like this. And that scares me, I have never felt so out-of-control in my life and I really hate this! Thanks for giving me some hope, I know it'll work out, it's just scary not knowing how it'll work out.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Dexky: I am not bottling it up, I am sitting here crying. My husband keeps telling me I should go to bed and get some rest, but I feel more nauseous when I lay down, so for now I'm sitting at the computer and crying and trying to get it together.

And yes, the powers-that-be at work know what's going on with me, and my boss frequently stops by my desk to ask how I'm feeling. They have been pretty sympathetic so far, but given the state of the economy and the fact that my company seems to do layoffs fairly regularly, I'm just so scared that I'll be on the chopping block next because I'm not always 100% and call in sick more than my normal healthy co-workers (legally, I'm sure they won't tell me that and they'll just say my job has been eliminated if it comes down to that). I'll do some research on what my legal rights are - not sure exactly what laws would apply since I technically don't have a diagnosis yet. Not sure if that makes a difference or not.

 

[Lisa5326]

Sorry you are going through so much stress Cat! I think you are still responsible, this is something you can't control. Vent all you need, I love this place for that (even though I haven't been around for awhile) and to escape and think about something else for awhile.

Is your job the type that you could 'work at home' some days? This is something that I am very thankful to be able to do when I just can't move out of bed...

Take care, a candlelit bath with music might be in order!

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Thanks Lisa. Unfortunately no, I am not able to work from home, I need to physically be at my office to answer the phone, receive faxes, etc. I would love to find the kind of job where I can work from home, but for now that's not an option.

Thanks for your suggestion of taking a bath, but I cannot do that. The last time I was feeling this poorly, I took a hot bath and it made me feel worse and I vomited immediately afterwards. The heat of the bath water, even if it's just lukewarm, doesn't do well with me when I'm feeling like this. And I did just vomit so I don't want to bring on any more of that right now. I tried lying down in bed and that lasted for a whole 3 minutes or so and then I was back up and on the toilet. I slept about 1 hour last night and it's looking like tonight is going to be a similar situation... guess I'll be calling in to work tomorrow too. This sucks. Thanks for listening to my vent.

 

[Regular Joe]

Hey cat

Wow I feel for you. Have you tried any soothing music, or music you like to listen to? Right now it sounds like you need a distraction and some relaxation. You're the captain right now and your in choppy waters, I don't know anything better to say than that. If you want to get out of the turbulance, and I'm sure you do, the action you'll need to take must steer you away from fretting. I know it's hard. But only you can steer out of this storm to a calmer sea. By fretting and obsessing, you're fighting against yourself.

Crohns does this because it plays out the same way you are playing out. You (we) are often at "war" or struggling with ourselves because that is exactly what our bodies are doing. The disease pits our body against itself.

You won't lose your job right now or in the next few hours that you need rest, right? Then you need to send the damn "watchman" (worry) home. Fire the "guard" or whatever you have to do. Worry and stress don't have to be in the driver's seat right now, but only you can kick them out.

I really do feel your pain. I understand what you're going through emotionally and probably physically too. Sometimes I'm my own worst enemy.

Call somebody that has a good ear if you can find one.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Hi Joe, thanks for your reply. It's about 1 AM now and my husband is sleeping and I don't know where my headphones are, so listening to music is out. I am watching some episodes of one of my favorite shows, with the volume way down. It's been a pretty good distraction and I even managed to fall asleep for about an hour, but then I woke right back up. I do feel slightly better after my nap. But I can't fall back asleep now, just can't get comfortable. I really am trying to relax and not think about my guts, and it is helping a little bit.

No, I won't lose my job in the next few hours or days. It's just been a concern of mine since even before I became sick. Here's the timeline: August 2009, most of my department is laid off. For the next couple of months I am under massive stress and guilt because of it. And in October 2009 I have my first flare. So layoff concerns and job stress has been sort of tied into my illness from the beginning. And now that I'm using sick days more and more, it just builds up the worry and stress about that stuff. I will do everything I can to push that out of my mind, at least until I'm out of this flare.

I will take your advice and call my good friend who also has crohn's, she is a good listener and is so sweet. Unfortunately for her, she actually did just lose her job a couple of weeks ago when her workplace closed. Maybe that's why I'm worried about job stuff, because she and I are so much alike.

Thanks again for your reply and for understanding. It's so nice to have the support of everyone here when I'm going through a bad time like this. You guys are the best!

 

[Dexky]

Aw Cat, I don't know anything of the physical pain you all go through. I see you are still logged in here so I know you've had a long night. Sometimes I feel presumptuous to comment on any of these threads outside of Your Story where I am truly just a voice of welcome. Beyond that I really hope to be a good listener. I do want to post something just to let you all know I am listening and I do care. I'm sorry for what you are going through. I wish I had some words of wisdom to help but I don't. If it helps to talk about, or post about it I should say, just know that I'll be here.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Thanks Dexky, it really does help just to know somebody else is listening, even if you have no words of advice or don't know what this pain is like yourself. Don't worry about feeling presumptuous. We're all from unique situations here, whether we have the disease ourselves, or whether we likely have it but don't have a diagnosis yet, like me, or whether we're here to support a family member, like you. I appreciate everyone's perspective and thoughts, even if we're from opposite sides of the illness.

It has been a long night, I tried again to lie down in bed but got nauseous again, so I've mostly been sitting on the couch and watching TV and dozing off here and there. I think I've gotten maybe 2 or 3 hours of sleep in several increments. I'm just counting the minutes now until I can call my GI's office to see if I could possibly be seen today. Wish me luck!

 

[Dexky]

It continues to amaze me the discrepancies in getting dxed. I hope you can get in and get some solid answers. Good luck!

 

[Barbie]

AWWWWW honey big big big big hugs. It's so awful when you feel like this, nothing makes sense and everything feels so wrong. I get so frustrated with people sometimes who haven't got anything like this they have to battle against and just take a sick day for the sake of it when people like you and me constantly worry about being off work and are fighting to be there.

I've been off sick for 5 weeks now and although I am very lucky I get full pay its only for a while and the problem with this disease is that it's so unpredictable and you never know when you need it. Some of my colleagues have said...milk it don't come back till your ready...lol although the second half is good advice I don't think they realise I dont need to "lay it on" and I wish I could sometimes! I'm just not that kind of person and I don't think anyone with this disease could be. I too am worried about my mortgage I've bought alone too and Im worried about surviving with all the bills etc when full pay goes to half pay.. and all the time your relying on doctors to get their arses in gear and help you!!!!

Honey your not alone. I really hope you get somewhere with your GI today. If I've learnt anything over the years its unfortunatley sometimes we can become a number and although you may feel and not have the energy we have to make sure we are a name NOT a number. Keep bothering them. They have to help you. Don't ever feel like you don't have the right for answers. It's your body and it's your life and no one should have anything but complete respect for you that you want to get better and back to work when there are other people out there who are lucky enough not to understand who are well enough to work but cant be bothered.

Please don't feel alone, there has to be a ligh at the end of this tunnel somewhere. You got to do whats right for you. Sometimes I make a list "What do I want?" in situations like this and try to work out how I can make it happen and who could help? It's just an idea x x probably a pathetic one lol cos everyone is different. But when your all jumbled in your head its hard to sort out the postive thoughts from the negative ones?

Hope your day gets better x x x

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Thanks! It really is frustrating not having a diagnosis. My blood tests, colonoscopy and biopsies all came back "normal" but obviously things are not normal! It's like banging my head against a wall when I keep having tests and none of them show a bleeping thing. I really hope my GI can get me on a pred taper or something like that. Thanks again for your replies and for thinking of me!

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Thanks Barbie, your idea of a list is interesting. My list of what I want would be: I want to be seen by my GI today, and I want him to give me a pred taper or something like that to take care of this flare, and I want him to schedule my next test ASAP so I can hopefully get a diagnosis. Oh and did I mention I want a diagnosis! I want this flare to end and I want to feel human again. I want my husband and family to understand and I want to be able to do more fun things rather than sit at home worrying about everything. Wow, that list was longer than I thought it'd be!

Thanks again for your reply, it is nice to hear from someone who's also fighting to stay employed in the face of this illness. From your post in the "my story" section, you sound like an incredibly strong person and I know you'll get through this. Here's hoping you are well enough to go back to work soon. Hugs!

 

[Barbie]

bless you x x Wow see it worked now you need that in front of the phone when you speak to your GI don't settle for anything less ....I know how hard that is especially over the phone and in my experience they always say something that throws me off balance and then I dont get out what I want to say!! I do it all the time and I really annoy myself!!!! It is very very difficult to do. But you can do it x x x and I guess you can always be REALLY annoying lol and call them straight back afterwards and say you forgot to ask something!!! Im not usually the type of person who would do that either but recently I've become so desperate I know I'd have too!! Dont be a NUMBER!!! xxx

 

[Dexky]

Cat, I see you're getting some good advice now. Way to go Barb!!! I agree with the list suggestion for anything but especially when talking to doctors. Go get 'em Cat!!

 

[Barbie]

Go Cat go Cat go Cat!!! (Barbie is jumping up and down in protest!!!) lol x x You can do it!!

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I'm definitely taking initiative and not just being a number. It's 6 AM here and my GI's office doesn't open until 8 AM, but I just called them anyway and it turns out there's an answering service. So the lady I spoke to is going to page my GI's office and let them know I'm having a bad flare and need to be seen today if possible. If I don't hear back by 8 AM, I'm calling again, and again... I just have to get in today, I can't take another sleepless night like this!

Somewhat off-subject, but here's a question for everybody: If I absolutely can't get in to my GI today, do you think I would be prescribed pred if I went to the emergency room or the urgent care clinic instead of my GI's office? Or would they just give me some anti-diarrheals or something like that and send me on my way?

 

[Barbie]

Wow I didn't realise it was so early!! Its beautiful here today in sunny England :0) and lunchtime - but not that lunchtime means anything really at the moment!! I think that is a fantastic idea I don't know how it works compared to the UK but I have been prescribed pred to dissolve before and gargle with when I had crohns in my throat by my mates in the Accident and Emergency Dept. I guess it just depends but its fantastic your thinking of back up plans - like you say you cant go on the way you are. So anything is worth a try. Also sorry the "ER" could speak to your GI on the phone for him to authorise it too if they eren't sure on which dose to gve you? I doubt they would just give you anti diarrheals here so would hope it wouldn't be much different where you are.

Do anything you have to Cat, I'm sure whichever route you go down you will get some sort of result today. Do you have GP's there? As perhaps your GI if he cant see you today could prescibe over the phone and you could collect it from your GP? I don't know how it works where you are but thats what I would do if I was here!!

fingers crossed for you xxx

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Barbie: Yes, it is early here, although it doesn't feel like it to me since I've been up most of the night!

I do have a GP but he seems pretty clueless about what's going on with me. When I had my first flare, I went to urgent care and they told me it was viral gastroenteritis. When I had my second flare, I went to my GP and he said it was probably just weird but that I had viral gastroenteritis again (?!). My third flare, my GP was on vacation so I saw a different GP and she was the one who first mentioned the possibility of crohn's, and she referred me to a GI. So if I do see my GP, I'm kind of hoping he's off today so I can see the other GP in his office who seems more knowledgeable.

Here's my tentative plan: Do everything I can to see my GI today. If I can't see him, then I'll do everything I can to speak to him on the phone and tell him what's going on. If he can't see me, I'll ask him about if I should just go to urgent care or my GP and once I'm seen there, they can call my GI back and confer regarding pred doses. (Not sure if you have urgent care clinics in England, but it's like a mini-ER - the last time I was there, the nurse said they handle "everything but heart attacks and births" - I prefer urgent care to the emergency room because it usually doesn't cost as much.)

Thanks again for all your help and kind words. Enjoy your beautiful sunny lunchtime!

 

[Barbie]

Yes we have what are called walk in centres here or city care clinics sounds like the same thing as your urgent care! Well done sounds like a really good plan. Hopefully you will be able to post later to say the plan worked out and your off to have a wonderful sleep :0) x x thinking of you xx

 

[Crohn's 35]

Cat, I cant believe you are still suffering. Most ER will put you on Pred, it is the first thing most do even without a dx. It is a wonder drug for many and many dx's. You really need to get out of pain and that uncomfortable feeling. All I know is in Canada walkin clinic will not prescribe pain meds. It could be different in you case, I dunno. Even if you cant get over the counter tylenol with codeine it will help some of the pain. Sorry not too much help. ((hugs)) hope you get relief soon! Keep us posted ok?

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I will keep everyone posted. It's quarter after 7 AM here and my GI's office opens at 8, and urgent care opens at 9. So hopefully within the next couple of hours I'll at least know if I can see my GI or not.

Pen, when you say walk-in clinics will not prescribe pain meds, does that include pred or not? I have avoided being on pred so far so I don't know if they classify it as a pain med or as a steroid (or both?). And as for Tylenol, I'm not sure if it's sold around here with codeine in it - I don't think I've ever seen it with codeine here. Regular tylenol gives me bad stomachaches for days if I take it on an empty stomach, and I'm sure not in any state to eat anything right now, so that is probably out.

 

[Crohn's 35]

Sorry I meant pain control as in Percocet, Oxycontin, or even Tylenol #3. Too many people developing addictions and be dependent on them. Only our family physicians can prescribe them or our Gi's. It is early here too, sunny for the first time in over a week.

So sorry you are suffering. We are here for ya ok.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Oh, okay, thanks for clearing that up. I think I can deal with the pain if I could just get the other aspects of the flare (d, nausea, etc) under control. So pred sounds like the way to go, and after I'm on pred for a little while and if find I still need pain meds, I'll go to my GP or GI for that.

Thanks for all your support and for caring. I'll post again after I've been to the doctor.

 

[crohnicaly stinky]

Cat,

Sorry you are going through this rough patch. Here is something I hope helps.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkIfTjYwOBo

I hope you get a DX. I don't think there is any reason you couldn't go on a month of prednisone while they are figuring things out. Oh and don't worry about your job and mortgage and all of that, when you get on some meds you should be able to work just fine. So don't stress on that, it's going to work out.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Update: It sounds like my GI isn't in today, and his nurse was supposed to call me back but didn't. So I called my GP's office, and my GP is all booked up this morning, but they said they can get me in with another doctor in his office, so I'm going in at 9:45 (it's 9 AM now, so hooray!). This is not the same doctor I saw the last time my GP was busy, so this is an entirely new doctor - hopefully he or she knows what they're doing and can prescribe me a pred taper. I'm just so relieved I get to see a doctor in the morning and don't have to wait for afternoon or tomorrow, even if it's not my GI. I presume this GP can always call my GI to consult, so this should work out well.

 

[Barbie]

Well done cat! Good luck - it's just typically when you need them they are not ther isn't it!!! hope it goes really well for you, take your list and stand your ground!! xx

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Well, I just got back from the doctor and it was a joke. The GP I saw was pretty much convinced from the get-go that I have IBS and not IBD. Then he asked if I have high anxiety and tried to write me a prescription for zoloft. I told him, no zoloft, and I want to try a pred taper! He said okay, he would write me a prescription of pred if I also first try an IBS medicine. Ugh, whatever.

So I'm trying this IBS medicine called dicyclomine, and he also gave me some lotomil, which is an anti-diarrhea med. At first he just wanted me to take Immodium, which I had tried in the past with no luck. Immodium is just too weak to control my d so maybe the lotomil will work a little better. He also wrote me a prescription for a sleeping aid (trazadone) and of course the pred.

He basically did say that if the IBS medicine doesn't work then it's not IBS, and if the pred does work then it's not IBS, so at least I got him to admit that much. I'm going to see my regular GP in a week or two and I'll see my GI next month, so hopefully by then I'll have ruled out this IBS nonsense! I guess it's something we all hear at least once.

 

[crohnicaly stinky]

Cat,

Sorry it didn't go better. How are you going to know what is working with so many things at once? Are you taking the ibs med and the pred at the same time? That's what I get from your post.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

No, sorry if I was unclear. I was instructed to take just the IBS meds for a few days, then try just the lotomil for a few days, then just the pred. So I'm not taking all of them at once.

 

[Crohn's 35]

Glad you are done, but dont be surprised if the antispasmotic doesnt work, my gi swears I have IBS with crohns and it doesnt work, at least for me. Zoloft, so not nice, it is not in your head, you get anxious when you are ill... hope what he gave you helps. Cholestyramine or Questran works for some. Bananas and applesauce will help bind you too. Keep us updated ok?

 

[Barbie]

Aww Cat well it sounds like a stressful visit but not ALL bad as although he tried to get away with it he gave you what you needed .... the pred. Well done you sould be so proud of yourself. So do as he says and see if the ibs stuff works and then you have got your pred and at least again it will be clear in your mind your going on it for the right reasons and hopefully whatever happens again you will be reassured exactly what is going on. At least you do have the pred on standby. Hang in there be strong and most of all you are not going mad at all all you want is to feel better....its not much to ask.

Take good care of yourself xx

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Pen, I've just started taking the anti-spasmodic IBS meds, but so far they don't seem to be doing much of anything for me either. And yes, it was a little insulting when he offered me the Zoloft - who in this situation wouldn't be at least a little depressed? But I'd rather avoid the Zoloft and treat the gut problems, and the rest will feel better when my guts feel better. My husband went to the appointment with me and he asked the doc if there was anything non-medication that I could do to relieve depression and anxiety, so the doctor printed out a few pages of suggestions. I read it on the way home in the car, and it was so stupid! It's full of incredibly vague suggestions like "try to avoid stress" and "do something fun". Well, that's very helpful. Not.

Barbie, I am very proud of myself for putting my foot down and demanding the pred. I'm usually a pretty meek and shy person so it's not in my nature to demand things, but I know pred is something I really needed to try. Thanks for being my cheerleader!

 

[Regular Joe]

Cat..

Don't let him BS you with a vague "I thnk it's IBS". Before he prescribes IBS medicine, he needs to tell you why based on specific modified Rome II or Rome III diagnostic guidelines. IBS is a specific diagnosis, not vague or general. If he/she doesn't understand what you're asking, then they are not doctors that can help you. IBS is an organic disorder, and stands in and of itself, its not a melting pot.

Check out this link: http://www.clevelandclinicmeded.com...nt/gastroenterology/irritable-bowel-syndrome/

 

[Barbie]

Cat... ditto you know why is it always easier to give advice then take your own! LOL I think I might need to have a read through our rant before my appointment on monday! I worry too much what people think a lot of the time so I fail to be assertive enough. It's only recently I've become so desperate I know I have to stand up for myself now!! You have helped me in your frustration to take my own advice a bit more honey. so ta for that x x I'm glad you did get somewhere x x

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Thanks Joe. That's a very interesting link. Under the "diarrhea" heading, it states that "Nocturnal diarrhea, bloody stools, dehydration, or weight loss are not features of IBS." Well, I've had 3 of those 4 - everything except the blood (I have had the ocassional fissure, but no blood coming from the intestines themselves, so maybe you could say I've had 3.5 out of those 4). So I think that particular doctor just wasn't very good - I know I mentioned the weight loss to him, and I told him that I had been up most of the previous night with lots of d. I don't think I mentioned that I get easily dehydrated, but he should have seen in my file that I've had to have IV rehydration several times in the past year. So yeah, I think he was just a bad doctor.

I feel a bit better today physically (I managed to sleep most of the night and I even made it in to work today!), and I feel better mentally too because I talked to my GI and he wants to do more tests to try to get me a proper diagnosis - he isn't jumping on the IBS bandwagon, thank goodness. He even asked me about my weight loss and if I've managed to gain any weight back (I haven't). I just feel better after talking to him and knowing he's not going to write me off as having IBS.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Barbie: I'll be your cheerleader now! You can do it, be assertive! Stand up for yourself! Go Barbie Go!

 

[Dexky]

Cat, I hope you're still doing better. Do you have the GI tests scheduled?

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

I'm still in a fair amount of pain but I feel mostly human again, so yeah, I am feeling somewhat better. I talked to my GI today, he wants to schedule an upper GI endoscopy. He said he'd have his nurse call me to schedule it but so far I haven't heard back. I am pretty sure they're closed on the weekends so I will hopefully hear back on Monday about scheduling that.

 

[Crohn's 35]

I have had an Endoscopy, my first dx and one last year. Piece of cake. Let us know when it is scheduled.

 

[Barbie]

Hi Cat x x Have you started the pred then is that why your feeling much better??? You sound a lot more positive and happier Im so pleased for ya :0) xx Thanks I may need some cheerleaders soon lol Im wasting away! decisions decisions, my fault cos I cant decide what to do for the best now!! Dont you just hate that?! really hope your feeling heeps better! xx

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Pen: Did you have sedation when you had the endoscopy? Was it the same "twilight" sedation they give you when you have a colonoscopy? I liked the twilight sedation, from what I could tell it knocked me out and I don't remember a thing from my colonoscopy.

Barbie: No, I haven't gotten to the pred yet. I'm still on the IBS medicine, the doc said to try it for 3 days. Well it's day 3 and I'm still having d and pain, and the doc said that if this med doesn't work then I probably don't have IBS. I am feeling somewhat better mostly because I've been able to sleep the past couple of nights thanks to some stellar sleeping pills that the doc gave me (Trazodone, which is apparently kind of an old-school sleeping pill - I got it because I specifically asked for something that won't cause me to do weird stuff like drive or cook and not remember, like what that Ambien stuff does, and also because I wanted something that wasn't habit-forming).

I'm so sorry to hear that you're still doing poorly, Barbie. Wish there was something I could say to make you feel better! I'll still be your cheerleader, and I know you'll be able to get through this. You can do anything, you climbed a mountain for crying out loud! When I read your story, you became like a super hero to me - I wish I had the guts to follow my dreams like you do. No pun intended, ha ha. Seriously, if anybody can get through this tough time, you can. Go Barbie Go! You can do it!!

 

[Barbie]

Thanks cat x x maybe il get some pink poms poms and take them with me as a lucky charm! LOL only joking. thanks thats real sweet of you. I think as long as we all keep talking to each other and supporting on here we can do anything! xxx Hope the pred works then when you start it x x x x This site is really going to give me something to do on nights when I get back to work in the quiet hours :0) x x :shantel:

 

[Crohn's 35]

Hey Cat, well the last endoscopic I had, I was almost completely out and a forget drug, no discomfort at all. It really depends on how far down they need to go. My initial dx was not a nice one, no sedation no nothing but they went as low as possible and shot a barium into as far as they could go and watch is follow the path. It was very loopy and watching it was the only thing that didnt make me go nuts. I never want that test again but today mostly eveyone is put out. Ask your Gi ok ,everyone is different.

 

[crohnicaly stinky]

I had a colonoscopy and endoscopy at the same time, well actually one then the other but during the same event. Simultaneous would probably no pt be good lol! . They put me out with, OK my brain is refusing to access my memory, but it's the same drug Michael Jackson overdosed on. It's really a great drug because you wake up and you are very quickly alert with no drowsy feeling. I was walking out of the hospital 15 minutes after I woke up, and I think I could have driven even.

Hope you're feeling better today Cat!

 

[FasttimesNY]

I thought this was good advice when you gave it...

Another thing I can suggest is to NOT keep it all bottled up inside. If you're mad, get mad, and if you're sad, let yourself cry, and if you're in pain, let it show. Don't mask it for the benefit of others.

I obviously don't know anything about your workplace. Have you talked to your supers about what's going on? I don't see how you can keep working when you feel that bad. Maybe you should get some legal advice before talking to your bosses. I'm sure you have legal rights. If you know those rights going in, it may at least make them think twice before letting you go.

nice one bro. totally agree on you

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Thanks everyone for your replies. After a couple of days where I was starting to feel like I'm coming out of this flare, I had a bad morning today. But fortunately, today is the day that I'm supposed to switch to prescription #2 (the first one, the IBS medicine, didn't seem to do much of anything, so I finally get to move on to meds that have more of a chance of working - most of why I had been feeling somewhat better was because of the sleeping pills they gave me, as I hadn't been able to sleep in this flare until I took a sleeping pill). So I took the Lotomil (anti-diarrhea med) this morning, and thankfully it seems to work and it kicked in quickly. I went from having watery d every few minutes to having significantly less frequent d. I'm still having pain, weakness, light-headedness, etc but I can still work when I'm having those, and I'm not nauseous or anything, so I'm going to attempt to go to work today. Wish me luck!

Barbie, good luck with your appointment today! It's morning here so it might be afternoon where you are, so maybe I should say I hope your appointment went well! Whatever the case, I'm thinking of you and cheering you on!

Pen, I will talk to my GI. I realized that I think the reason he wants to do the endoscopy is because it can take biopsies, which the pill cam can't do. My GI is very big on biopsies - he took a bunch when I had my colonoscopy, and it was really discouraging when they all came back "normal." I just wish I could get a dx already!

 

[Crohn's 35]

:hang: Cat, not a bad thing to have biopsies but they can be missed, getting the exact location is hard. I am not a fan of pill cams, too many people having them surgically removed, and getting stuck. If a gi suspects narrowing that is not a good idea. Endoscopies can be useful, I had barium shoot thru to the end. Doesnt sound like he is doing it that way. It was how I found my dx.

I know you want to find an answer, so you can start to feel well, I hope it is NOT Crohns for your sake but knowing helps get some relief down the road. Good luck, let us know, I am curious too. Been too long!

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Pen: I haven't yet heard back from my GI's office to schedule the endoscopy, and now I'm kind of hoping they forget to call me back. I have an office visit scheduled with my GI in July, and I want to ask him about the various types of upper endoscopy. Not sure if he was planning on doing barium, and I read in another thread something about balloons or double balloons (not sure exactly what that is), so I want to do some research myself into the various things that can be done on endoscopy and then write down pages of questions so I can ask him all about it when I see him in July. (This is assuming that I feel relatively okay until then and don't call his office in tears again asking for my appointment to be bumped up.)