Finding love with crohns

[sicknerd21]

My name is Ray I was told I have crohns at the age of 14, it was hard to take in. I did the pill and Doctor thing to I was 16 then I just stop treatment. I dated here and there never getting to close to the girl. Then I met Lily we were in love the first time we met eyes. A year and a half in to the relationship she stopped having sex with me because some days I couldn't do anything (because of the pain). So that ended when she started cheating on me when she went to college. Two years went by without any women hitting on me flirting with me and some just didn't talk to me. I met Casey when I went to school. It was great she cared about me and for me. looked up info on my crohns. But after seven months she couldn't take it anymore. since then I've been single. I start talking with someone and my stomach makes a noise, and I have to tell her what I got. That's when the deal is off and she stops talking to me or walks away. Will I ever fine love?

 

[Angrybird]

Hello Ray and welcome to the forum.

I am sorry to hear that you have had such disappointing experiences, this goes to show such immaturity and lack of character on the girls behalf Just know it is certainly possible to find love with crohn's - I have a lovely husband whom I met a little over a year after my diagnosis and he has been there for me through all the nasties this disease can come up with, there is someone out there for you too.

Out of interest why did you stop treatment at 16? Are you on anything now and how are things with the tum?

AB
xx

 

[sicknerd21]

I stopped treatment because I don't want to deal with pills and all that stuff. and no I take not thing.

 

[IAmTheWalrus]

I stopped treatment because I don't want to deal with pills and all that stuff. and no I take not thing.

That's a dangerous mindset to have. Untreated Crohn's can do serious damage, talk to your doctor, or even your parents, tell them how you feel.

 

[sicknerd21]

they all know, they don't like it but i'm 21 they can't anything about it. and in away I guess i'm tired of fighting.

 

[Dukeis]

Is your Crohn's active?

 

[Price]

I'm in pretty much the same situation as you sicknerd, especially on the girls front (where I have arguably even worse luck!). Having people leave you when it gets rough is pretty annoying.

How have you been without taking the meds?

 

[sicknerd21]

My crohns is very active. I have my days, I have zero energy and I'm going to the bathroom 4 times a day.

 

[Price]

Yeah I'm not a doctor but I think there's pills for that!

I'd definitely go back to the doctors and see what options you have at the moment. You never know they might not put you on pills at all, but it's definitely worth going if you want to feel better.

To deal with the tiredness and lack of energy I do not recommend caffeine at all. How's your diet?

 

[Dukeis]

That is a very dangerous thing you are doing. Is there anyone you can confide in that can help you. A friend, doctor or Pastor that may be able to just listen and help you work through things.

 

[acheallova]

With lack of energy and fatigue, have you at least had your vitamin levels tested. There are over the counter supplements you can take to help a little like vit d3 5000iu daily, vit b12 or b complex daily and iron.

Welcome to the community, btw.
I do hope things start looking up for you. From a ladies perspective, I'd say lack of education and compassion is their attitude. Not actually listening to you. For some, this is a difficult disease to accept, and to find a significant other to support you can be challenging. But, rest assured, there is someone out there for you that will be understanding, empathetic, supportive and loving no matter what!

Keep your head up, stay positive and strong!
Keep us updated on if you see a doc and how it goes. - hugs-

 

[sicknerd21]

My diet is what ever I want to eat. And having people to help me or talk to at home, no one gets what i'm going though.

 

[Angrybird]

I totally agree about getting to a doc to get your vitamin levels checked and things looked at and some treatment started. Leaving this disease to carry on in an active state can only lead to some serious problems at some point down the line.

 

[sicknerd21]

Ik I should get it looked at but I have no energy to fight this disease anymore

 

[Price]

My diet is what ever I want to eat. And having people to help me or talk to at home, no one gets what i'm going though.

Yeah it's difficult for other people to understand our disease. I remember being suggested "Well you should get some more sleep!" as for why I was so tired through school. You're gonna spend your whole life having people who don't understand unfortunately, but there are some who do (like us or people who've been around other people with crohns).

As for the diet part I feel like if you're going completely off meds then you should really fix up your diet. Find ways to incorporate as many vitamins into your diet as possible while being aware of any foods that could cause you discomfort. For example I eat a lot of seeds and greens when I can to try get as many vitamins needed without taking a multi-vitamin tablet. If you're going to avoid the doctors you need to be doing as much as possible to try get well or you could end up with some pretty big problems. Heck most of us get big problems even with the pills!

 

[Angrybird]

The way you are feeling could in part be down to a vitamin deficiency, also how do you feel about councelling? I have seen others here who have done this and it can really help and if there was a local crohn's group near you would this be something you would like to attend so you could also meet others in person who have this disease?

 

[acheallova]

Well Ray, my dear...
You have come to the right place. We are wonderful b/c we DO understand. Please feel free to look around, laugh, cry, support or ask anything. This is a great community as we are more like a family on here, always here for ya.
Unfortunately, it may be hard for your family to understand b/c they too may be uneducated and not have the initiative to get educated so they can be supportive. Also, they may be in denial of your diagnosis.
I was also going to suggest counseling or therapy. Even looking in your area for a support group.
You must stay strong and keep positive as it will help you on your journey!
Good luck!! Muah- hugs-

 

[sicknerd21]

Thank you guys. I will think about all of this.

 

[Price]

Aye, whatever you do you can always post here. Hope you get well soon

 

[muppet]

With all due respect, sicknerd, a lot of the time "fighting this disease" just means taking some pills twice a day. How hard is that? Is it some sort of pride issue that keeps you from wanting to take your meds? It sounds like your pills were working for you until you stopped taking them.

I stopped treatment for a long time, too, when I was younger. I was fed up with taking pills and watching my diet, so I stopped. I've got a permanent, inoperable externally draining fistula for my trouble, and I'm lucky that's all I got.

It sounds like you're having more than your share of depression to go wtih your Crohn's. Have you considered talking to your doctor about treating that as well? My teen daughter also has severe depression and she just takes a tiny Celexa every morning and her energy and mood are fantastic again, which really helps with dealing with her other issues. She's been on 6MP with great success now for over a year and hardly worries about her Crohn's anymore, except to watch what she eats and make sure she's on her pills. That's not really "fighting" it's just life.

You'd certainly have better luck with girls (and a whole host of other things) if you weren't dealing with the gut issues day and night. For most of us this just means a little medicine. I think your self pity is what's ruining your life right now, not your Crohn's. I've been there, done that. If you want to talk about it, this is a good place. We all get it. A lot of us have been where you are.

 

[sicknerd21]

Muppet I don't want to worry if I took my pills today and watch what I eat because I can't eat a lot if I do watch my diet (and that is from my Doctor not me). I hate having this fucking disease running every second of my life. Do you know how nice it is eating Hot wings when ever you want them? I would rather live a short life having fun with my friends, over living a long life doing almost thing. Off my meds I been having more fun then when I was on them. And the depression shit was just one bad day, that you saw one time.

 

[muppet]

I think you're being a little melodramatic. If you miss a pill, you miss a pill. It's still better than not treating your disease.

A short life of pain and suffering over a long life of "doing nothing"? You mean avoiding hot wings most of the time? It's not like you're eating them consequence free right now, are you?

I'm not trying to be nasty here, honestly, as it's usually not my style, but I think you need a wake-up call. You're young, you're pissed off that you have Crohn's, and you're blowing things more than a little out of proportion w.r.t. the burden of medication. There are people here who just can't stay out of the hospital, whose kids are too weak to get out of bed. You're on a tear because pills are a bother. Some perspective would help you a great deal.

I take 4 pills a day. Doing so means I don't have to be hunched over the toilet in pain 5 times a day and I don't crap my pants while I'm hanging out with my friends. It's just not a big deal. When things get worse I add more meds, and rarely, I end up in the hospital for a couple days. I get away with so little treatment because I watch my diet like a hawk. Occasionally I make an exception and have some pizza, some wings, or go out for beers, and it works out fine. You seem to be angry that you can't live the college age lifestyle and get away with it with your disease. Fair enough, that sucks, but you're making decisions about potentially, the next 50-70 years of your life based on how things are for you right now and that's not just dangerous and unhealthy it's really foolish and short-sighted.

I'm being blunt because you seem to want to ignore reality and you need a dose of it. Crohn's doesn't CARE that you don't want to take meds. Crohn's doesn't CARE that you're angry at it. It'll riddle you with holes and tear out your guts just the same if you ignore it. You have the luxury of responding to pills, and many here on this site would love to be in that position. I hope me being frank won't put you off this site, it's a great resource, but c'mon man, it's time to grow up a little here.

 

[sicknerd21]

um Muppet you said there are kids or people out there who are in and out and to weak to get out of bed. I am that kid with or without meds. I don't take well with any meds they put me on get worse all the time or I becoming very angry and people hate me. This whole thing isn't about pills I can gave a fuck about them. I started this thing because woman would give me shit (no point attended) about me giving me a choice. one person made a comment about my meds and I answer. then I have you giving me "a reality check", I face reality every fucking day when I look at the scars all over my stomach. I don't need a reality check.

 

[Price]

The whole living a fun but short life thing is a bit strange. Surely you'd like to live a longer and fun life? Just because you have crohns doesn't mean you can't have fun. I know it's great eating hot wings, in fact I still ate them when I was ill, I just knew that later on I'd be off to unleash hell upon my toilet. Think of it this way, if the pills work for you you can still do these things albeit with a little preparation.

Think at my worst I was taking about 15 pills a day without painkillers. Really the only annoying part about it was getting them out to take at lunch. If I could've taken pills that I knew worked for me I'd definitely take them. You'll only realise what you're missing out on by doing this when you get more time with crohns under your belt.

 

[KWalker]

sicknerd21- Take the advice people are giving you here. We've all been there and we know what you're going through. Nobody can make you go on medication and at the end of the day it is up to you whether you take them or not, but leaving crohn's untreated isn't risking something happening, it's risking how soon something will happen, because it will.

I stopped medicine in 2010, personally choice. I've paid for it with two surgeries at the end of 2011. Now, if I want to stay medication free (which I do, and is my choice) than I've decided to make significant diet changes starting in the new year so I can avoid medication, but my guess is that even with the symptoms you've listed, you're in a worse place than I am and need something atleast for short term so you can work on diet for the long run, if you want to come off medicine.

It's definitely not easy dealing with crohns through diet. There's no cheating, and by cheating you risk throwing the whole diet down the drain because that one food could send you over the edge. I personally think saying hot wings alone as an argument alone isn't a very smart one because hot wings aren't even good for a "healthy" person let alone somebody with digestive issues.

 

[muppet]

Pulling the sick card doesn't help you win arguments here, man. I have all the sympathy in the world for you, or for anybody else on this site suffering with IBD. It's a shit-sandwich, and no doubt about it, but it's not a trump card to win arguments here.

If you want advice on treatments you can get all sorts of good information here. Maybe your GI was just a lousy GI. If you're going out drinking and eating wings and ignoring meds, then you certainly are not the kid who can't get out of bed that I'm talking about. Tired, fatigued, wiped out? Sure. Bed-bound, it doesn't sound like you are.

With treatment you may have a lot less worry about embarrassing sounds, accidents, etc, and you would likely be less depressed and frustrated, which would help with the girls, which would make you feel even better. Is your family unsupportive, or just upset you're not taking care of yourself?

I've had Crohn's 30 years. My daughter for 11 years. I've passed blood clots the size of your fist. This crap sucks, there's no denying it. But getting all pissed off, crawling under a rock, and refusing to address your disease can't possibly make it any better, and you definitely know this.

Everybody here is all about helping. If you want to talk about what treatments you've tried and how they've worked, you will definitely get a lot of feedback about what you might try instead, what you might talk to doctors about, and how you might be able to make some compromises in your diet to help the meds work better.

The alternative is to decline until you can't even go out with your friends anymore and possibly can't even swallow those hot wings you like, and without any treatment of any kind and a devil-may-care attitude about your general health, that may happen a lot sooner than you think it will.

 

[misspeeps]

My name is Ray I was told I have crohns at the age of 14, it was hard to take in. I did the pill and Doctor thing to I was 16 then I just stop treatment. I dated here and there never getting to close to the girl. Then I met Lily we were in love the first time we met eyes. A year and a half in to the relationship she stopped having sex with me because some days I couldn't do anything (because of the pain). So that ended when she started cheating on me when she went to college. Two years went by without any women hitting on me flirting with me and some just didn't talk to me. I met Casey when I went to school. It was great she cared about me and for me. looked up info on my crohns. But after seven months she couldn't take it anymore. since then I've been single. I start talking with someone and my stomach makes a noise, and I have to tell her what I got. That's when the deal is off and she stops talking to me or walks away. Will I ever fine love?

You will find love. I dont believe whats happened to you is because of crohns- if the girls werent strong enough to support you thats on THEM not you or crohns. Its certainly not an excuse to cheat, relationships need to be based on more than sex so thats her issue not yours.

You will find love, it will happen and when it does, and that girl treats you the way you deserve to be treated..your worry will be a thing of the past. I promise x

 

[misspeeps]

Muppet I don't want to worry if I took my pills today and watch what I eat because I can't eat a lot if I do watch my diet (and that is from my Doctor not me). I hate having this fucking disease running every second of my life. Do you know how nice it is eating Hot wings when ever you want them? I would rather live a short life having fun with my friends, over living a long life doing almost thing. Off my meds I been having more fun then when I was on them. And the depression shit was just one bad day, that you saw one time.

For me the hot wings wouldn't be worth it lol maybe an indian takeaway? lol. I have too much to live for to just settle for being ill all the time. I know you say you would rather live a 'short life having fun' but hun it doesnt sound like your having any fun to me? You sound really stressed and low- and Im telling you I know how that feels. Theres nothing wrong with going on some meds- Ive had this problem for 11 years and they STILL havent found out the right treatment but im still going, im still battling and I WILL get there.

This board is good to vent but sometimes you also just have to accept the help xxx

 

[JDTM]

Hey Ray -- greetings from a fellow Rhode Islander.

You've had Crohn's for longer than I've had it, and you were diagnosed at a much younger age than I was. It was hard enough for me, so I can't imagine what it was like to be diagnosed at your age.

This is gonna sound cliched as hell, but hear me out: You'll definitely find love again, but first, you gotta learn to love yourself. (Jesus tapdancing Christ, I can't believe I'm actually typing this... but it's true man!) You sound like you're not in a very good place, probably because you're depressed and because you're feeling lousy, and that probably has to do with Crohn's. In my experience, these things go hand-in-hand. You gotta learn to actually care about yourself and try to get yourself into a better place, and I don't just mean for the Crohn's (although that could be a big part of it). Finding a treatment that works for you is part of it... figuring out what sort of lifestyle is good for you is part of it... getting into a more positive state-of-mind is a part of it... it all kind of ties together. Look at the meds in my signature -- some of it is for Crohn's, some of it is for depression/OCD, there are supplements for vitamins that I tend to be deficient in -- I'm just trying to make myself feel good.

And you know what? It's working! It's not perfect, I still have off days and occasionally I get bummed, but overall? I'm WAY better than I was. When I was first diagnosed I was despondent and hopeless, I felt tired all the time, and I worried about all the things I thought I'd never be able to accomplish, all the places I'd never go, all the food I wouldn't be able to eat... and as it turns out, I got better, slowly but surely. I stayed on my meds, sought out help (not just from doctors but from friends, family, therapists, you name it), and just tried to make myself feel better overall. It's weird man, I'm not some sort of health guru or anything, I don't adhere to a super strict diet, but I have tried to figure out what actually works for me and sticking with what DOES work. Sure, I can't eat buffalo wings all the time. But I'm feeling better enough that I can indulge occasionally and have a couple and it doesn't hurt me. I couldn't do that 9 months ago, that's for sure; for now, I'll take what I can get!

Anyways, you do what you gotta do. I sincerely hope you start feeling better soon. I encourage you to see a doctor if at all possible, and work on getting yourself to a better place. Again, I know it sounds cliched, but having Crohn's and having the ability to live your life don't have to be mutually exclusive. Keep your head up.

 

[LondonSnow]

Some people have to put on a pair of glasses every morning. Others have body image issues and refuse to leave the house until they've spent an hour doing themselves up. Hell, in modern society we all have odd routines and dependancies just to make it by.

We feel naked and less functional without mobiles when we're out. When did that happen? Why do some people NEED to have gum on them at all times to feel complete?

People with hayfever have to take antihistamines everyday for half the year. People with peanut allergies often carry Epipens just so they don't accidentally die. People with straightforward blood pressure abnormalities take drugs everyday just as a preventative measure.

I mean, I do get it. You want to feel like a complete functional unit with no external dependancies. You want to be able to get up in the mornings and go to sleep and not feel that pressure to do something so mundane just to stay alive and healthy, like you could find yourself stranded on an island a la Lost and get by with the bare minimum nature has to offer. I get it.

And it can be inconvenient at times. Sometimes I realise I've gone to bed without taking my last dose and it takes me half an hour to pull my lazy butt out of bed to zombie over to my drawer. But like glasses (which I wear), you really do just adjust in the end. You'll always wish you didn't have that little routine, sure, you'll wish that dependancy didn't exist, but when you're in the mode 20/20 vision and a little effort feels a hell of a lot better than short sightedness and intact pride.

You're not some spectacularly freaky little Crohn's kid just because you need to pop a couple of pills a day. Get a box of Tic Tacs, empty it out, and in the mornings take your first dose and carry the rest of that day's doses with you in that box.

I started Asacol and my stomach stopped making sounds within a week. I was shitting normally. Drugs work mate, honestly.

 

[sicknerd21]

Update: Went to my Doctor for the first time in years. I am healthy and in good shape. I am taking meds don't know which ones yet have to meet with me again, cause I don't have good history with meds. He also wants me to add to my workout. thought I would past this update to you guys.

Thank you
Raymond

 

[sid]

I can understand your problem Ray and I feel sad for you. Dont loose hope man...these gals dont deserve you...cause you are special and will need a special person. BTw dont avoid medicines..especially if its not under control.

 

[Angrybird]

Thanks for the update, I am pleased you have been to see the doc. Please keep us updated on those meds and how you get on.

AB
xx

 

[TattooedCrohn]

Hey sicknerd, Your story is a heavy one. And I feel for you. I was actually dumped while in the hospital when I found out I had Crohn's. My life shattered right there. And I am still in the shock of it beacuse it happened on 12/3 and on 12/7 I was released from the hospital for the second time. I am a hyper and energetic punk. Running trails with my pitbull and working two jobs. I live to work and have a good time. But now I am getting stuck with pain. I lost weight and speed. My mind is all over the place at times from the meds, and it pisses me off. Who am I now? I'll tell you, I am me just living differently. Everyday has been a struggle, a fight, a battle, a war since I found out. But I am learning from people who have been at their war for years and years. And I think to myself this may go on for a while. So learn all you can and stay strong. You can think of it as a curse or a blessing, for me everyday is a good day to be alive. And as far as the ladies go, dont rush it. There are billions of woman out there and I bet there is one out there who is going to be the greatest thing thats ever happened to you, but you cant have a better half if you dont take care of your half. Thanks for hearing me out. I hope this helped, even in a slight way. Right there with you sicknerd. Take care.

 

[acheallova]

Oh oh my dear sicknerd21,
Patience is a virtue. One day when you least expect it, treated crohns or not, the right woman will be in front of you. Accepting you for who you are and what you represent, not what you have. Not like this is contagious, but possible hereditary component ( but cross that bridge when it comes.)
Shoot, we didn't ask for this, hell no one asks to get AIDS from a blood transfusion, diabetes from genetics, HBP from genetics or high cholesterol from mom n dad- but we can sure as hell stand up for what we want in life. Life is only what we make it, no better, no worse.
So why not just take everything above into consideration, so you'll be ready when that someone walks your way. Thoughts, prayers n support going your way hun. Muah! - hugs-

 

[sneezey]

I eat hot wings all the time. I eat Thai and Indian twice or more a week. I'll even have popcorn once in a while. How? I took the time to go through a number of options, and find the one that put me in remission. Maybe you haven't gotten the right treatment yet, and maybe you haven't gotten the right doctor yet. But if you don't care about you, how can you ask anyone else to?

The decision is yours. But I don't think you'll find love without working on your health.