Has anyone experienced severe depression and loneliness with your illness?

[Flower_unopened]

Hi there,

I'm new to the forum as I decided to register and reach out to people who know what IBD is and won't call it IBS! Lol Sorry that was a jab at a Senior Nurse who didn't know the difference between IBD and IBS! Lol

Anyway, since a very young child I have had severe gastro problems from top to bottom. Fast forward many years of being fobbed off with IBS and reflux, I started passing large amounts of blood, pus, mucus with the most unimaginable pain when doing so to the point of literally groaning and screaming on the toilet. I've given birth twice (sons are 5 and 10 years old) and I would much rather go through childbirth! The passage of blood etc started at 5am when it woke me up with severe pain in December 2015.

Anyway, since December 2015 and having to deal with constant diarherra, nausea, vomiting, passage of blood, mucus, pus, diarherra, joint swelling and pain, constant daily migraines, and swollen lymph nodes (in addition to a few life traumas) I find myself completely lonely- friends don't care- and incredibly depressed.

I am literally homebound and try and get out as much as I can but my joint problems present a lot of problems.

I finished my fourth therapy of high dose steroids a month ago and I'm still 2 stone over weight (from being skinny with this illness) and with terrible oedema all over my body, noticeably my hands, feet and abdo.

I feel ugly, fat, my family have completely abandoned me since my diagnosis in March 2016 (my mother has UC and a perm colostomy whom I nursed for 10 years), I'm in constant pain and feel empty and a complete shell of myself.

My friends used to take the mick out of me by calling me 'Miss Popular' as I used to talk and know every one. Now I'm just emotionless with pain, loneliness, no support and it makes me feel like life isn't worth living.

My current consultant is useless and doesn't listen to me despite being in and out of hospital with flares, fever, tachycardia and severe pain. So I've put in a transfer to a more specialist hospital.

Since getting this illness, I've lost my family, friends, job, career, money, children (ex is refusing me contact so I'm having to now go through the family courts)- I've lost everything and it makes me think that I'm a bad person that no one wants to be there for me like I have been there unconditionally for everyone else.

Has anyone suffering crippling depression as a result of this illness? Has anyone found themselves so lonely with no support whatsoever?

My only social outings are to see my doctor or Hospital Consultant and I just feel pathetic and lost and more overly, trapped at home due to chronic pain in all my joints, abdo pain, constant toilet trips (my body gives me 5 seconds warning), all body lymph node swelling and pain. I do try and go out for walks but when my knees or hips seize up and I've 10 mins from home, I have no one to help me.

I feel completely abandoned by everyone when I was always there to help and support others- I still am.

I just hope I'm not alone in this.

 

[ronroush7]

Welcome. You have come to a great support system. I am sorry you have been treated like this especially by family. Feel free to come here always.

 

[Flower_unopened]

Thank you

 

[ronroush7]

You are welcome.

 

[Beach]

Yes, it really it a terrible disease in so many different ways. My IBD has caused me to be isolated as it progressed and became worse. I guess to ramble and relay a bit about my story, as I suppose it can be humorous in some respects. I was constantly seeing doctors looking for help with the condition. My family kept pushing for these visits. They felt someone out there would have a solution. it got the point that i said I've had enough to the family. The doctors don't have answers for me, but since you do not believe me, I need you to see and talk with the doctors with me. So for awhile we had family doctor visits, which could be odd to say the least. One doctor for god knows why decided I needed a finger rectal exam during one of the group doctor visits. He showed everyone his poopy finger. Weird duck. I remember another doctor decided that since my father was with me, he needed to bring another doctor with him to the meting. it was 4 people in a tiny room.

At one point my father mentioned to a doctor asking if it would help if I saw a psychological counselor. The doctor thought it a good idea. I agreed, saying it couldn't hurt.

I began seeing the counselor and the meetings went better than I expected. It was like hiring a friend that I could tell all about my terrible IBD condition. There was only one problem with my hired friend though. She suffered from alzheimer I suspect and gave me homework. She kept forgetting I had an IBD condition making it terribly difficult to leave the home. (I'm healthier now but at one point leaving the house away from the toilet was a big deal.) Since I was becoming more and more isolated she wanted me to get out into the public. She would ask that I visit malls, talk with people and at our next meeting tell her about what I learned. Or eat out and chat with those at the bar. Things along those lines. All good idea for those with a healthy gut, but not really possible for me and my condition at the time. So not wanting to be a complete fibber over my homework, and making no progress with my protests over not being able to leave the house due to my stomach illness, I began visiting internet chat boards, holding discussions, and as chat boards go often interesting unusual discussions not typically found in face to face talks. I would factually relay the talks with my counselor, which as can imagine often surprised her at what people said.

Anyway, enough about me, I hope you find solutions with improving your stomach condition and with that are able to regain some of your previous life. Good luck with the medical establishment and best of luck overall.

 

[EvieBaby]

I'm so sorry you're feeling so low. I've suffered with depression on and off for many years. This illness can be very isolating, and especially because it involves 'toilet trouble' a lot of people don't want to talk about it.

I'm extremely lucky that I now have a fabulous network of friends who understand and don't mind if I spend the evening in the bathroom or have to cancel last minute.

At first I felt very isolated but over time I've learned that this is who I am now and if people can't deal with it then that's their problem. People here are wonderful though and if you need anyone to talk to please feel free to message me xxx

 

[JenS]

Yes, I've dealt with loneliness and depression. I've been on Zoloft for a number of years. It helps but some days I still get down.