This is a hard story. I have be diagnosed with crohns about 7 months ago all though I have has symptoms for last 2 years. My partner tells me I'm lazy ect. And when I'm in pain I'm faking it for attention. I'm on mercaptopurine tablets now witch are still not yet working. I feel tired all the time and I know they are my kids but I'm getting up in the night with them and then at 6 when they wake up while my partner sleeps till 9 am.. It's hard to make her understand and when I say something I'm using the illness as excuse. . Do I accept my relationship is over or can someone advise me how to get it into her head.
Help with crohns
- Thread starter howard48
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Help Support Crohn's Disease Forum:
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I'm sorry to see your having such a hard time "/
Relationships can be tricky things can't they.
Breaking up is never an easy choice, especially when there are children involved.
It can be really tricky for others to understand the struggles of a crohnic illness. The constant pain, the aches all over your body, the extra energy even the most basic of tasks take to complete, the constant tiredness, the feeling that things are on top of you. All of these things are hard to grasp if you don't live with them yourself.
My partner is very understanding, but he admits it's hard for him to picture how I'm feeling, how things are affecting me emotionally, because he's never been there himself. I'm lucky I've got someone who wants to understand all they can and he has always wanted to look after me.
However, some people just aren't that understanding, either because they simply can't grasp it, or because they don't want to be, or because things don't look as bad as they are making it harder for them to see.
Does your partner go to your appointments with you? This could be a good way to show her what's going on.. Or maybe get her to read through the forum so she can see what we deal with?
Perhaps looking into some joint counselling may help, just so that you can get your feelings out in a safe environment with someone to mediate which might help to control the situation.
Sadly, if she's not going to support you and she continues to put you down, then it may be time to consider the parting of ways. Being in a house with so much stress and tension won't do your health any good and it won't be good for your children either. Good luck
Relationships can be tricky things can't they.
Breaking up is never an easy choice, especially when there are children involved.
It can be really tricky for others to understand the struggles of a crohnic illness. The constant pain, the aches all over your body, the extra energy even the most basic of tasks take to complete, the constant tiredness, the feeling that things are on top of you. All of these things are hard to grasp if you don't live with them yourself.
My partner is very understanding, but he admits it's hard for him to picture how I'm feeling, how things are affecting me emotionally, because he's never been there himself. I'm lucky I've got someone who wants to understand all they can and he has always wanted to look after me.
However, some people just aren't that understanding, either because they simply can't grasp it, or because they don't want to be, or because things don't look as bad as they are making it harder for them to see.
Does your partner go to your appointments with you? This could be a good way to show her what's going on.. Or maybe get her to read through the forum so she can see what we deal with?
Perhaps looking into some joint counselling may help, just so that you can get your feelings out in a safe environment with someone to mediate which might help to control the situation.
Sadly, if she's not going to support you and she continues to put you down, then it may be time to consider the parting of ways. Being in a house with so much stress and tension won't do your health any good and it won't be good for your children either. Good luck
Well I have asked her to come to appointments and read through the forums and symptoms of crohns but it's like she doesn't care. In 2010 I have a collapsed lung with fluid on the lung and was told that it's my own fault and no sympathy cos I bought it on by smoking. I love her and the kids more then anything in world.. but it seems like she doesn't care. Maybe it's me. Maybe she is keeping everything in and might just be scared
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Hmmm. That's a pretty harsh way to look at things... If it was me, I think I would find a way to get the kids out of the house (baby sitter?) and spend an evening together, just you two to give you chance to talk. Let her know that her attitude is really bothering you and that although you love your children, it is hard on you having to get up with them every night when she doesn't. Tell her that your happy to do what you can, but that she needs to share in the load.. Either you do one night and she does the next, or you get up then she does then you etc. See if you can get her to open up a little.. Maybe there's something stopping her from being more involved, maybe she's scared to look at the research on crohns because she doesn't want to see how bad things are? Maybe it's something to do with her background? I'm not making excuses for her, but maybe it's something you could try to work out with her.
I really do hope you can work.something out
I really do hope you can work.something out
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I am sorry to hear that you are suffering with a relationship. That is a really hard one. I wish I had some magic advice or a wand to fix everything...but I don't. I do know that you need to take care of you, and stress won't help (either way). Have you even been or could you be very blunt and just ask her why she doesn't seem to care?
I don't know if this will help at all, but I do know you're not alone! There are some wonderful folks on this forum and a ton of resources.
jill
I don't know if this will help at all, but I do know you're not alone! There are some wonderful folks on this forum and a ton of resources.
jill
Quick update yesterday I was in so much pain I couldn't get up until 8 am. My partner had to watch the kids. I know this is bad but I was looking through her texts and saw a text to her sister who I see more then my partner I think she is the problem with the relationship but who knows. Anyway the text was saying I'm ill and she can't look at my self pitty face. And the fact I was sleep until 8. Her sisters reply was lazy *#$@.. Make him get his own flat......
