I lost insurance in June when I turned 23 and immediately before that I failed Humira and was taken off. I had no other options so went down the avenue of getting into a study. I met with the study doctor multiple times and he was always short but nothing over the top. I unfortunately had been on a high dose of prednisone for a while due to a bad flare up of Uveitis that was damaging my ocular nerve so when it came time to have the colonoscopy to see if I was in a current Crohn's flare (you have to be active to be accepted into the study) my GI tract was clean. When I woke up from anesthesia and found out I started crying because the study was my last hope for getting medical treatment. The doctor walked in on me crying, shrugged his shoulders and made some offhand comment about how I should be happy because I'm not sick and walked off.
Fast forward to today. I've been sick for several months. I've lost ten pounds in the last month alone because I can't keep any food down. I haven't had anything even resembling a solid BM in months. Any time I eat at all I either vomit or I spend all day back and forth to the bathroom. I'm not eating and I'm exhausted and I'm desperate. I've almost checked myself into the hospital but even with my new insurance I can't afford it. I'm waiting to get in with a new GI who takes my insurance and get back on medication (I have always been on one immunosuppressant or another since diagnosis in 2012). I contacted the man who does all of the processing for the study and asked to be rescreened to see if I qualify now because I am just physically at the end of my rope. I am so sick I can hardly work. I'm desperate.
So I go in today for the full workup again and after all of the tests and blood work and paperwork I'm taken down to see the study doctor. After an hour of waiting he finally comes in and tells me I'm not right for this study. He cut me off constantly, talked down to me like I was stupid, and kept repeating the question "what makes you think this is a Crohn's flare?" I told him my symptoms and he said "yes, but you had those before and you were fine. Have you ever thought that maybe you just have irritable bowel?" I was on antianxiety meds but had to come off them when I lost insurance. He implied, in no uncertain terms, that maybe that's all it is. Maybe it's all in my head. After all, I wasn't sick in August when he did the colonoscopy.
What he failed to mention was that I also stopped my immunosuppressants at the same time, stopped seeing all of my doctors, and have been under extreme amounts of stress over the whole "no insurance" thing. And when he did the procedure I was on 60 mg of prednisone to save my vision. I've never felt so belittled by a doctor. I left feeling like a fraud. Like I'm not sick enough. Like I was wasting everyone's time. I cried the entire drive home and only now, hours later, did I decide to look up reviews on him.
Turns out he does this to so many other patients. So many other Crohn's and Colitis patients have been made to feel embarrassed and ashamed and unworthy during their most difficult moments because of this man. So I decided to let it all out to you fine folks in hopes and to write down here what I was too ashamed and afraid to say to him.
You're right. I don't know for a fact that it's a Crohn's flare. That's what you get paid to figure out. One clean colonoscopy after a dozen hamburger meat colonoscopies spread over six years does not make it all in my head. I do have anxiety and yes, I need to go back on my medication, but anxiety is not the cause of my symptoms. Anxiety is only exacerbating my very real Crohn's Disease. Anxiety doesn't cause my immune system to attack my GI tract, my joints, and my eyes. I deal with enough people in my day to day life who discount what I go through because I don't "look sick". I don't need a medical professional to add to that. Do your job and leave your condescending thoughts at the door.
Thank you for letting me vent. I feel so much better already.
Fast forward to today. I've been sick for several months. I've lost ten pounds in the last month alone because I can't keep any food down. I haven't had anything even resembling a solid BM in months. Any time I eat at all I either vomit or I spend all day back and forth to the bathroom. I'm not eating and I'm exhausted and I'm desperate. I've almost checked myself into the hospital but even with my new insurance I can't afford it. I'm waiting to get in with a new GI who takes my insurance and get back on medication (I have always been on one immunosuppressant or another since diagnosis in 2012). I contacted the man who does all of the processing for the study and asked to be rescreened to see if I qualify now because I am just physically at the end of my rope. I am so sick I can hardly work. I'm desperate.
So I go in today for the full workup again and after all of the tests and blood work and paperwork I'm taken down to see the study doctor. After an hour of waiting he finally comes in and tells me I'm not right for this study. He cut me off constantly, talked down to me like I was stupid, and kept repeating the question "what makes you think this is a Crohn's flare?" I told him my symptoms and he said "yes, but you had those before and you were fine. Have you ever thought that maybe you just have irritable bowel?" I was on antianxiety meds but had to come off them when I lost insurance. He implied, in no uncertain terms, that maybe that's all it is. Maybe it's all in my head. After all, I wasn't sick in August when he did the colonoscopy.
What he failed to mention was that I also stopped my immunosuppressants at the same time, stopped seeing all of my doctors, and have been under extreme amounts of stress over the whole "no insurance" thing. And when he did the procedure I was on 60 mg of prednisone to save my vision. I've never felt so belittled by a doctor. I left feeling like a fraud. Like I'm not sick enough. Like I was wasting everyone's time. I cried the entire drive home and only now, hours later, did I decide to look up reviews on him.
Turns out he does this to so many other patients. So many other Crohn's and Colitis patients have been made to feel embarrassed and ashamed and unworthy during their most difficult moments because of this man. So I decided to let it all out to you fine folks in hopes and to write down here what I was too ashamed and afraid to say to him.
You're right. I don't know for a fact that it's a Crohn's flare. That's what you get paid to figure out. One clean colonoscopy after a dozen hamburger meat colonoscopies spread over six years does not make it all in my head. I do have anxiety and yes, I need to go back on my medication, but anxiety is not the cause of my symptoms. Anxiety is only exacerbating my very real Crohn's Disease. Anxiety doesn't cause my immune system to attack my GI tract, my joints, and my eyes. I deal with enough people in my day to day life who discount what I go through because I don't "look sick". I don't need a medical professional to add to that. Do your job and leave your condescending thoughts at the door.
Thank you for letting me vent. I feel so much better already.
