How do you deal with school teachers?

[Irene3]

Even though my daughter hasn't been diagnosed with crohns or colitis, I've let her teachers know I'm stressed that she may have a bowel disease, as I have crohns. I've let her have a few days off, after which, they asked me if I'm 'not coping' getting her to school in the morning. So I explained that I have crohns, and Jas has severe stomach pains, and told them I'd bring a doctors certificate if I let her have days off. Her pedi appointment is the 31st of November, and I told her I can't keep letting her have days off until then, but, if she has really bad stomach aches, go to sick bay. This morning, Jas tells me, that her teacher just tells her 'you'll be right', after I have clearly expressed my concerns to her, and doesn't let her go to sick bay. I told her to just say, my mummy told me to go to sick bay if her stomach is really sore, but I was very unhappy when she told me this. I made it clear to her teacher, and sick bay teacher, that I'm very concerned, and its like they don't take me seriously. Once a sickbay teacher told her to just sit for a minute, didn't let her go to sick bay, then go back to class. My heart aches thinking she just sits there, in pain, and she's told 'you'll be right'!
Do any of you mums out there have issues such as these. And if so, how do you cope with them. Because I wanted to just speak to her teacher again this morning, but I felt that as is I hate saying I have crohns blah blah, the pain can get severe, so if jas has pain, take it seriously.,..blah blah, because when she tells me she's sore, I'll just end up in tears while I'm still upset, when talking about my concerns for jas. how do you mums cope in these situations???

 

[Farmwife]

Well in the USA my mom had to take it to the the Head Principle and demand a meeting with all the teachers involved. She brought medical letters from the doctors and info on how severe my brother's asthma was. Then she chewed the teachers out in FRONT of the Principle. My mom always said the teachers treated my brother different after that. Maybe not because they believed my brother but because they didn't want to look bad again to the principle. Just a thought!

 

[Jmrogers4]

I as well brought it to the principal and the teachers and the school nurse. I brought documentation about crohn's and basically had a hissy fit and told them I needed to be informed or called anytime he came to the nurse's office with a tummy ache. His Dad has Crohn's so we were burying our heads in the sand and hoping it was just regular old childhood tummy aches. But after I threw my fit they did contact me, he was allowed to lay in the nurses office or I could come pick him up at least it gave me a chance to talk to him about how bad his pain was, what was going on and if he did need to come home. It also gave us more information to give to the doctor when we brought him in because it was happening nearly everyday. It allowed us to get a quick diagnosis and on meds so more damage was not being done while we waited. It makes me so mad when they brush our concerns under the rug. :mad2: This is a serious disease!

 

[Sascot]

Have to say I've been really lucky with both my son's and daughter's teachers. They are very understanding when either of them are in pain and struggling with school.
I agree it's worth getting the principle and the teacher in the same room and explaining what your son needs and how he's suffering. Good luck!

 

[dannysmom]

I agree with the principal meeting suggestion. We had to do this too. Teachers act differently when they know the principal is on your side. Having a doctor's note would be helpful ... and once you have this the school must follow the doctor's orders. We've had a gym teacher tell my older son with a severe back disability that he needed to "toughen up" ... my husband was not too happy with this.

 

[Irene3]

Thank you...after the pedi gi appointment, I'll take them a certificate stateing she has bowel problems and that should help. A regular gp certificate should be fine though. I told her teacher at the beginning of this year about my crohns, then months later explained it to other teachers, then today, I went and saw her do swimming, told the teacher she has a tummy ache, and she again shrugged it off. So I told her (again) I have crohns, I thought you knew( though I should have reminded her I specifically told you that), and she said she didn't know and she'll let me know if it gets worse. So all good I hope, she will actually send her to sickbay if she's in pain. If not, I will speak to the principal, and ask that they call me if and when she's got a stomach ache. The letter from the pedi should help. Thanks for the advice.

 

[Patricia56]

Hi Irene3,

You sound really frustrated and worried.

My son was 10 when he was diagnosed. He missed a lot of school because he stayed home feeling bad and often I brought him home if he said his tummy was hurting. He ended up missing almost half of that school year.

This was not good for him in my opinion.

He fell far behind in his schooling.

His friends lost interest in hanging out with him at school since he was always gone from school.

My son came to see himself as someone who couldn't handle tummy aches and the problems that come with having Crohn's since he didn't stay at school or go to school when he felt bad - even though he was actually able to go, even if all he did was sit at his desk.

And he came to expect that he should get special treatment because he has Crohn's since he got to leave school when he felt bad, etc.

I think I should not have kept him home, brought him home or insisted on special treatment at school because it sent the unintended message to him that Crohn's is going to prevent him from having a normal life. The logical next thought is - I'm always going to be sick so why try to be successful at anything?

I think we should treat our children as if they can do all the things "normal" kids can do - even when they don't feel so great or are having a bad day. Obviously this doesn't apply when they are very ill but when they're able to get up and go to school - that's what they should do. If they're able to swim - that's what they should do, to the extent they are able. If they need to take a break, they take a break and then they get back in the pool if they are able.

I cannot believe I am writing this next part because I did NOT believe it when my son was younger. But I do now.

Teachers are actually pretty good judges of when a child is too sick to do their work or do an activity. They deal with many children all day long. I know there are exceptions to this but in this case you may want to think about letting the teachers decide rather than you undercut their authority and put your daughter in the position of defying their authority on your instruction.

I really hope that they figure out what is wrong right away and find something to help your daughter feel better.

 

[my little penguin]

I agree ( I think AZMom said it on here).
I was the mean mom.
DS has to go to school unless he is vomiting or has a fever .
He knows he can rest at the nurses office and then go back to class.
We do not pick him up.
He is to a avoid the nurse's office while on remicade unless he really needs it to avoid getting normal sick.
He is permitted to just put his head down if he needs to.
He also swims through stomach pain( swim team - age 8)
He gets out sometimes mid lap , he walks the length of the pool if needed but still swims.
He will have this for life . It is what it is .
Granted severe crying stomach pain where he can't move is different and we would be taking him to the er. But mommy my stomach hurts and I can still play video games well... School it is.
We still have a note at the school from the doc with what the Gi feels he may need at school.
Good luck with the ped .

 

[Jmrogers4]

I guess I should clarify what I was trying to say. If Jack feels bad enough to go to the nurses I want to know but in reality he has missed about 7 days of school due to his crohn's in the past 3 years. Is the pain so bad you can't stand up straight, are you spending more time in the bathroom then out and of course do you have a fever = home or trip to the doctor. We have always talked to him about this is not an excuse not to do your best in school, sports or whatever. He has played football, baseball (including tournament games) and song at his choir events and only once has had to leave in the middle at a choir event when his instructor and I watched the color drain from his face (we both hand signaled him it was okay to sneak away) He came back for the next song and "gutted" through it. My point was that if he is feeling bad enough to be visiting the nurse's office or excused from activities I need to know that he is asking, to see if we do need a trip to the GI or I just need to have a talk with him about not using this to take advantage of the system.

 

[Patricia56]

Jmrogers4 -

My post was not meant to be critical of anyone and I apologize if it came across that way.

All the best

 

[Jmrogers4]

No worries. I agree that they need to live as normal as possible and yes there are going to be days were you just don't feel like doing things (don't we all have those days) just don't use Crohn's as in excuse to get out of something you don't want to do. However if there is truly something going on it needs to be brought to our attention, thus the meeting with the principal, teachers, etc. as I don't believe a lot of them know what it can entail or even what it is.
It's a hard choice whether to keep them home or not and an ongoing discussion. I tell Jack that only he knows how bad he is feeling and is it truly bad enough to stay home. Luckily we have not had too many of those days.

 

[Farmwife]

Leave it to Dusty to say it BETTER than ALL of us put together!:rosette2:

 

[Irene3]

Thank you all for your replies. I agree with you Dusty.

As far as letting her have days off- she hasn't had no where near a half or even quarter year off in total. Her stomach issues as of late are much worse, and I still make her go to school most days. She's as pale as can be, and it obvious she's in pain at times, and what concerned me, is the way her pain was shrugged off yesterday. Now I'm guessing (without trying to be critical myself, as one of you wrote), that the parents who take such a 'firm' stand , haven't had crohns the selfs. I, in the first few years of my crohns, without diagnosis, webt through a LOT of pain. I mean regular ovstructions, and still got up and pushed through it, going to work, everything. The result, was 70cm of stricturing, bowel perforations, and was told by doctors (after having an illeostomy), that I should relax when in pain, or it makes crohns worse.

To think, my daughter can even be in 1 quarter as bad a pain as that.... Well I'm sorry but I will not simply be a 'mean mum'! I do encourage her to go to School, the first three years, she missed almost no days. However, when she's at school, in pain, and my concerns for her, which have been clearly stated, are completely disregarded by her teacher, sick bay ect., I will not just shrug that off and tell her 'too bad Jas', because I've lived what it is, to ignore crohns pain, and it dosnt need to be at a stage when you can't move as one of you wrote. I was doing everything completely unaware of abscesses ect throughout my bowels, and if I had of rested more, and wanted more second opinions early on, I wouldn't have needed an emergency surgeries at the stage of 'cant move, I'm in so much pain'.

One of the earlier comments, was I'm an advocate for my daughters pain. I agree! And even if she's a teenager, and I know she's not well, I will voice my concerns rather then simply shrugging them off, and believing that her teachers are the best judge on how well my daughter is!

I'll follow your advice to a t Dusty. Xoxo

 

[Farmwife]

Irene3 your beyond a great mom!

Not many people can understand the true pain someone else is really going through. As many tears as I shed for my 3 yr. old girl's pain, I myself have yet to experience something so bad.

I'm sad both you have to go through this but at least she has a dear mom that REAL UNDERSTANDS!!!:hug:

 

[dannysmom]

Irene, your plan sounds good and I hope you get help for your daughter. The school should help with a plan so that your daughter can do work from home when needed so she will not fall behind.

 

[Irene3]

Thank you all so much xoxoxo

 

[Twiggy930]

Hi Irene,

I am sorry to hear that your daughter has been feeling unwell and even more sorry to hear that school has not been sympathetic. FWIW I just wanted to let you know that I have found the whole when to go to school and when to stay home debate one of the hardest things to deal with my son having this disease. Prior to my son being diagnosed I had a rule that they had to either have a fever, be bleeding (from some catastrophic injury) or be vomiting before they could come home. Obviously I had to rethink this rule when my son was diagnosed. For a while I worried that he was coming home for every little tummy ache but I soon realized that, as he missed more and more school, he desperately wanted to go and was not just overplaying his illness. He has at times missed a tremendous amount of school (missed at least half of his grade 5 year). In my opinion if he is in lots of pain he won't get much out of school anyway.

Now, as things have calmed down a bit, he is going to school most days but I still let him stay home if he says he is feeling bad and this happens about once a week. I encourage him to push through and go if he can but some days he just can't and that is ok with me. I have let him be the judge of when he can go and when he needs to stay home and I am now confident that he is only choosing to stay home when he really feels bad as he really wants to go to school. On the days he stays home I let him watch tv and play video/computer games as I find these things distract him from how he is feeling and make the time he feels ill pass faster. I have also found that the distraction lessens the pain a bit.

:hang:

 

[jmckinley]

Irene,

Sounds like you have a plan.

I also went to the principal armed with a diagnosis letter from the GI including things he needed (like a bottle of water in class, books at home, etc) and tons of information about the effects of Crohn's. People don't realize how it is not just stomach pain, but lack of concentration, fatigue, and so much more! We were lucky because the principal forwarded all of this information to his teachers. Also, she sat down with Ryan and told him she "had his back". If a teacher didn't help him or if he was having a stressful time, he was to walk out of class and straight to her office. He did so well knowing he had someone on his side. She even shadowed him to every class one day just to see what he went through.

We were also blessed because Ryan's 8th grade science teacher also had Crohn's so he had someone to talk to at school.

I don't suppose you have something equivalent to our 504 plans? Once you have an official diagnosis, maybe there is a requirement of the school to accomodate your needs.

 

[Irene3]

Jmckinley.....I don't know about an equivalent to a 504 plan here in AU. If however her school work was suffering, or if she needs to miss many more days, ill just ask the teacher to give me homework sheets/ or whatever she feels Jas needs to do. She had missed 20 days when I spoke to a lady from the school office, and has had 3 days off since. But that's all year pretty much, only 4 or so to go in the school year here, and her report was fine. (Grade paper). So ye...I'll serif there is a need to get work for home for her, and by the beginning of next year, hopefully ill know for sure what's wrong with her bowels, and I'll go by that too. But I'll speak to the principal after the GI app, and let him know.

Thanks again everyone xoxo