How do you stop worrying?

[Tesscorm]

Hi everyone,

I would love to know how you all 'control' your worries over your kids!! My son has done so very well since his diagnosis - other than a couple of minor glitches, no symptoms, has been able to eat all foods without problem, gained all his weight back plus some, lots of energy, etc., etc. YET I feel like I'm always just waiting for the other shoe to drop! If I notice he's gone into the bathroom a few times in an evening, I'm asking him 'is everything ok'; if he has an argument with his girlfriend or us (parents), I'm worried about his stress level; being a teenage boy, he doesn't follow the 'healthy' diet I wish he would, so I worry about what he's eating or not eating and get frustrated/worried because he's not worried about it; and, just now, called home and my daughter said he's sleeping - my first thought was 'OMG, is the fatigue back?!' :yfaint: (although, realistically, he was probably didn't go to bed till 2 or 3 am and was up at 10am). (Pathetic, isn't it!!! :ymad

I hate feeling this way and although I'm fairly good at not 'harassing' him and he's very patient, I know he's sometimes a bit tired by my 'is everything okay'? questions. And I also don't want to make him start feeling that the 'other shoe is about to drop'.

Do you all feel the same way? How do you deal with this constant, niggling worry all the time?
:confused2:

 

[Crohn's Mom]

Simply put Tess....we don't ! :ybatty:
I don't think there's one parent here, or anywhere, (that's worthy of being a parent anyhow) that will say any different. It doesn't matter if they have a chronic illness or not, we never stop worrying.

And pathetic ?? Absolutely NOT! You're a thoughtful, and loving, and kind, and compassionate mom that would lay down her life for her son. There could never be anything pathetic about it! :ghug:

If it makes you feel better, I am right there in this boat with you. Gabrielle has been fighting off what I think is a cold for the last two weeks since her last injection. Now she is sleeping ALOT too; and by a lot i mean by teenager standards (she too stays up all night LOL). She's achy in her back and bones again, and a little cramping in the right side about 4 inches or so from her stoma site. She feels like she has a fever off and on, but she doesn't. Then this morning I went in to say goodbye to her and she was sleeping on the floor. When I asked why, she said because it's too hot up there on the bed and much cooler on the floor. Normally I wouldn't think anything, but in her case, the only time I ever see her complain about being sweaty and hot at night is when she is sick. I have been telling myself for days that this is just me over reacting and she's "fine", and if she wasn't then she would tell me, right ?? Then last night she says, "Mom, I don't think the Cimzia worked so well this last time". ARggh. She too gets so aggravated when I ask too much about little things and "are you ok". I try, like you to keep it to a minimum, but it's so so hard to do. And now I find myself trying to decide, every second of the day, if I should ring her GI nurse and touch base with them because I think she's extra tired.
So...NO your not alone ! And if your pathetic, then so am I.and I don't believe either one of us are .. not for a second!!

big big hugs for you!!
:ghug::ghug:
~T~

 

[madasins mommy]

i agree with crohns mom, WE DONT! i dont have the teenager problems YET. she is only 3 right now but I worry constantly as you do. even when she is running around playing one minute and then wants to go to bed early...or when she gets a belly ache or one bad diaper....i worry sick. we cant help it. we love them!! WORRYING IS OUR JOB!!!! i dicipline her then question myself on it...did i stress her...i would be miserable too...its not her fault....it is hard....but they give us the strength to give back to them! i wish you and your son the absolute best!

 

[DustyKat]

Do you all feel the same way?

Bloody oath we do! and yeah, you don't stop worrying hun but I think the difference is you don't sweat the small stuff any more, well I certainly don't...:lol:.

The issues we face with our children go so far beyond the normal child/teenage stuff that it pales by comparison. I have often thought about my level of worry and concern to the point that I think I should change my middle name to Worry! I know if my kids didn't have CD I would worry about other things, sure, most likely not to the extent that I do now but worry nonetheless. Even within the scope of the disease I worry about one thing only to have it replaced by what seems to a bigger and better worry! :eek2: it never ends!

I don't think I will ever shake the habit of having Crohns pop into head every time the kids say they feel unwell or have a pain or ache somewhere. Then I go into overdrive analysing every piece of information I receive. I have also developed an ability to look at my children without actually looking at them and processing that information at lightning speed......a bit like the Terminator...:ybiggrin: Oh and as to the enquiries as to how they are, well isn't that like a minefield! It's a hair trigger between getting it right and the utter disaster of the incredulous look that says you are a raving lunatic and them saying...I'm going to my room. It's at that point you say...Bugger, should have kept my mouth shut!

It does get better though. During times of illness it remains as vigilant as ever but as they settle into their new normal you do worry less. It will likely remain that the last thing you think of every night and the first thought of the morning is your child and CD but then you do go through large parts of the day not thinking about it and actually surprise yourself when you realise it!

:hang: Mum, you're doing fab!!!

Dusty. xxxxxxxx

PS. We have a Worried Club, you'll find it here, :wink:

 

[dannysmom]

Ditto to all of the above
It is good that we try not to say everything or ask everything that is in our heads .... but it is still in our heads. I thought I handled the stress of it all pretty well ... did most of my crying in the mornings, kept my job, kept food in the house, etc. But I have come down with so many weird health problems since Danny has been sick that I think are mostly triggered by stress. The latest is Graves disease, and nobody else in the family ever had thyroid problems.
I recently started to exercise again. I went more than 2 years without doing anything and said, when Danny is better I will exercise. Now I just want ot make sure I stay as healthy as possible to care for him.

 

[izzi'smom]

Ditto to all of the above
It is good that we try not to say everything or ask everything that is in our heads .... but it is still in our heads. I thought I handled the stress of it all pretty well ... did most of my crying in the mornings, kept my job, kept food in the house, etc. But I have come down with so many weird health problems since Danny has been sick that I think are mostly triggered by stress. The latest is Graves disease, and nobody else in the family ever had thyroid problems.
I recently started to exercise again. I went more than 2 years without doing anything and said, when Danny is better I will exercise. Now I just want ot make sure I stay as healthy as possible to care for him.

Graves is autoimmune, and linked to Crohn's this way. Thyroid disease in general is also, as is diabetes (juvi onset I believe) and psoriasis.

I thought we had no IBD either, but we have plenty of autoimmune stuff.

Funny, I have psoraisis, and I realized that it and dd's CC were linked when the same drugs were recommended for the two of us

From what I am told the disease isn't triggered by stress but exacerbated by it.

OP - I don't control my worry either! DD tells me I "have too many answers" (in other words, "leave me alone, mom"!) LOL! I guess Dusty said it best, though...we get used to out new normal!

 

[Tesscorm]

Thank you so much!!! You really did understand!! And put a smile on my face! :rosette2:

OMG, you have all related EXACTLY how I am feeling. LOL :ybatty: Perhaps the Teen Forum needs a support subforum to discuss how to deal with their over-the-top, worried parents!

It really sucks, doesn't it? :mad2: It sucks having that little knot in your stomach that never goes away and immediately tightens until you can't breathe as soon as the smallest thing goes wrong! I hate knowing that every night he has to insert his NG tube and sleep hooked up to the pump, that he has to watch his diet, his stress, etc. ALWAYS. I hate not knowing if the next thing he eats, the next supplement, the antibiotic, vaccine, ... will be his next trigger! I hate now worrying about my daughter, wondering when, if she will also be diagnosed with this one day! Ugghhh! (As if just having two teenagers and a husband wasn't enough to deal with!!! LOL) I guess it will get easier as time goes on and we learn to deal with this illness...

Enough of this 'woe is me'... Thank you so much, I was feeling pretty ticked off at myself and sad for immediately overreacting and worrying because 'OMG, the end is near! Stephen had a NAP'! :ywow: And you all put it into perspective. I guess its okay to lose it every once in a while...

So, if, every once in a while, I am a pathetic, neurotic, anxious mom , at least I know I'm not alone! :ghug:


(Tracy, I so hope your daughter is feeling better!!! I know she's leaving for university very soon and I really, really hope nothing interferes with that! And that you're able to let her go without added worry.)


P.S. By the way, love the 'Worried Parent' subforum! I'm sure I'll find my way there soon enough!

 

[Brian'sMom]

I pray...and pray...and pray. I am a control...get it taken care of...fix it...kind of mom. This crohn's has done a wham job on me. I had my biggest trouble last Dec/Jan. With the help of the parents here on this forum...and my husband...and my son (who has the crohn's!!), I've gotten to a point of accepting. It has changed him in some very admirable ways and it has changed this control thing I clung onto. I've learned to trust and be patient. One thing I can do is be there for him when he needs me and back off when he wants me to back off. (He made me throw out my 'poop diary'!) I can't control this disease, so bugging everyone in Heaven to help my son has become my task that I can control! I have premature baby problems and had a baby die at 18 weeks (gestational), and I think this crohn's thing has been far harder to deal with. My husband says; Each day at a time...look at the small picture not the big scary one!
We have each other...that's HUGE!!!

 

[Dexky]

I've just come to accept the worry as a part of me that will never go away, like the crohns itself. As I've said on many occasions, w/o the meds and labs and doc appts, EJ would have long since forgotten he has crohns but I have never, will never forget. But, like Dusty says, there are (increasingly so) periods of love, laughter, friendship when it is put on the back burner for a time. Reading and music(playing it and listening to it) also helps fill time that otherwise might be spent dwelling on what-ifs.

Kathy, I like your husband's take...focus on the immediate problem and leave tomorrow's possibilities alone!!

 

[Tesscorm]

I do think that's great advice too! My husband tells me the same thing... 'let's just be grateful Stephen's doing well now and we'll worry about tomorrow when it happens'. Unfortunately, like Dusty, when I finally wrap my head around one problem, my 'radar' immediately flashes another that needs to be overcome! And, like Kathy, I've always 'solved' the problems - I've always believed and taught my kids, if there's a will, there's a way... really has been tough to accept - that I just can't fix this for him. :yfrown:

Having said that, I am an optimistic person and usually saner than I was yesterday when Stephen 'konked out' for a bit (as teens often do)... (don't know why, yesterday, it just seemed overwhelming - not his 'nap', it was the totally unnecessary but immediate alarm bells in my head AGAIN). But, as you all have, I am beginning to accept that this worry will never really be far away and I'll have to make that 'okay'. (He's even at a friend's cottage for the weekend and, other than some 'twinges', I've not really worried! Haven't even seriously thought about texting him... but can you imagine his reaction if I texted 'poops ok, hon?' oo: OMG, LOL!! We'd be way beyond the rolling eyes! :ymad: )

One good thing to come from this, is that I am NOT letting any more good moments pass by. It's so easy to not have time, to be tired, to prioritize 'errands' and, before you know it, days has passed, your children have grown (or grown away)! I've learned that you just never know what tomorrow will bring and that you absolutely must enjoy each happy moment. illowfight: It's too bad that it takes an illness to remind us that pleasures are right in front of us every day and we often overlook them! :rosette2: But, better late, than never - I'm enjoying them ALL now and I'm betting everyone on this forum is too! And, perhaps, this is will be a valuable lesson we can pass on to our children! :sun:

Thanks again everyone... I really appreciated all your comments, they all hit so close to home! It truly was like you had all been there with me.