How to support long distance boyfriend with Crohn's

[hmsteve]

Hello, my boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half now and for the past 2 months we've been dating long distance. He was diagnosed with Crohn's disease this past summer, and I really need advice on how to help and support him more. I feel as though I only stress him out and make it worse sometimes with dealing with my own problems without putting into perspective that whatever I am going through, he is going through worse. Any advice on how to help someone you love with Crohn's disease without overwhelming them/burning yourself out? Thank you

 

[ronroush7]

Let him know you are there for him.

 

[pnwgirl]

I am someone who lives part-time away from my fiancee which he is away at work. Here is what helps.

Check in daily. Listen to and validate his concerns. He needs you to support and listen to him - not offer unsolicited advice.

Ask him if he has groceries in his fridge. Order him delivery groceries from the nearest grocery store (like Safeway) or things he might need off Amazon. Send care packages and cards. Make time to facetime or skype. My fiancee bought me a heating pad when I was first diagnosed and it has brought me so much comfort.

 

[Tony H]

i find the best thing is someone to listen , just listen , don't give advice just support , sometimes we need to vent ,cry , give out , I know its hard not talking about your own worries and problems but it might just be me but sometimes I just wish I was only dealing with everyday stuff ,
with everyday stuff you can plan and see the finish line , with crohns/uc who knows ,
Thats just my opinion and I have a great wife who has put up with me through thick and thin for nearly 30 years , she has been my rock hopefully you can be his if its meant to be .

 

[ronroush7]

i find the best thing is someone to listen , just listen , don't give advice just support , sometimes we need to vent ,cry , give out , I know its hard not talking about your own worries and problems but it might just be me but sometimes I just wish I was only dealing with everyday stuff ,
with everyday stuff you can plan and see the finish line , with crohns/uc who knows ,
Thats just my opinion and I have a great wife who has put up with me through thick and thin for nearly 30 years , she has been my rock hopefully you can be his if its meant to be .

Amen

 

[caretothepeople]

Check out the CCFA. They have a lot of information on their website not just about Crohn's and the disease itself, but also lots of resources for finding support, including information on dating, intimacy, and loving someone with Crohn's.

May even be worth looking into seeing if they have a support group near you that you could attend. Sometimes it can be helpful to hear from other people who have been through the same thing and kept their relationships strong despite the ups and downs of this illness. Though I'm sure you'll also find plenty of great advice in the forums here too!

 

[scottsma]

I agree with all of the above posts.I know it is very difficult for you.I'm the crohnie in the family and my husband is amazing.I don't talk about it much because unless you have it,crohns can be so complex.Also we never discussed "toilet" issues as we didn't need to before.That's all changed now of course.He needs to know if I'm unwell, in case I need an emergency hospital visit sometime.Your fella's very lucky to have someone who cares enough to ask for advice on how care.You're doing very well in that department.Best wishes to you both.