How to talk with a new Dr. when I have a Bad Attitude

[jac521]

I need to change Drs. I have found a new Dr. and hope to get an appointment soon as I have been in bad pain.

I am so frustrated, angry and have a real bad and cynical attitude when it comes to Drs., GI Drs. in particular. I have been going through some old records I have and biopsy results and I just start to get very, very mad!!
I feel like I have been on a merry go ground for years, as I'm sure many of you have.

My question is how do I talk to a new Dr. without all my anger, frustration, bad attitude, etc. coming through? I am the type of person that says what is on my mind, and I don't think that it is a good thing when it comes to dealing with these GI Drs.

I am angry with them and at the same time scared of them.

Your thoughts are appreciated.

 

[muppet]

Personally, I think frank is best. Tell 'em you're pissed off, and why. If you go in sweet and saccharine, they may not respond in the manner that you're hoping for because they'll be missing half the picture: that you're terribly frustrated with your progress and want a new angle.

Make it clear that you're not angry with them, personally, if you feel the need to (they should already know this), but I wouldn't try to bottle anything up.

 

[jac521]

Thanks Muppett.

 

[jac521]

Ron -

I have been laughing hysterically reading your comment!!!!

You summed it up so well!!

Thanks a bunch - I needed a good laugh!!!

jac

 

[SarahBear]

I think muppet pretty much called it. Just let them know honestly how you're feeling and that you have had bad experiences with doctors before. It's important that they know, especially since the stress of it can affect your treatment. Just try to be openminded, as well - if you go in expecting them to let you down, it's likely you'll find something wrong. Remind yourself that this is a new doctor and you have no reason to doubt them yet.

:hug: I hope it works out!

 

[rygon]

I think its the mannerisms that put people on edge, rather than what you say. I agree that you need to be honest, but if you go in their all big chested, ranting and raving he will straight away recoil and want to get rid of you as soon as possible rather than help.

Write down your worries and questions you want answering before hand so you have an agenda to follow.

Keep calm and remember that it is a different GI, give him time to prove themself rather than fobbing them off straight away. He is the expert, but it s your life so you will both have to come to an agreement. It may not be what you wanted, nor what they wanted 100% but its a good place to start.

 

[xX_LittleMissValentine_Xx]

I agree with Rygon, fair enough tell them that you are frustrated and feel like you haven't been getting anywhere, but it is a new doctor, so its a chance for a fresh start and you need them on your side!
Good luck!

 

[PVail]

I think this is a common experience for all of us here. Been here so many times . The GI doesnt find enough or anything yet you are in pain all day all night. They give you drugs that are for a diagnosed condition but wont write it down.
Your doctor on the other hand gives a big sigh when we walk in , he privatley thinking , OOOh god not another bowel thing IBS IBS IBS he thinks . A quick pretend read of your notes and gives you a perscription for a different named peppermint tablet. That will do it . OH and ill give them a ring or I will write to your GI and I will find out whats happening NOT !
Tell them you have had bad experiences with doctors giving you the run around. You want to know will you be taken seriously and will steps be taken to help you with a fixed time frame . You want names and times . tell him to get on the phone and se if he can get you seen soon . Dont leave with out a date . Take a history of your illness , right up to date . Tell him what you do diet wise and anything else you have done to try and help .
Be positive but firm. Sorry but dont be blagged of with lame excuses. What do they think we do the months and weeks between these appointments .

Peter

 

[muppet]

I think accusing all doctors of poking blindly in the dark with IBS is a bit over top. There are definitely good and bad GIs, and the bad ones are all over the place. It takes awhile sometimes to get to a good one. With socialized medicine, sometimes, maybe you get stuck with a lemon and can't switch, and that shouldn't happen to anyone.

I'm not saying you should growl at the new doctor and treat him as if he's to blame, but neither do I think you should go in with a big smile and hope he discovers your suffering through a thorough review of your notes. Tell him, right up front: look, this stuff is pissing me off, here's why.

 

[rygon]

The thing is, if you go in there demanding things off people, they put up their defences straight away (nobody likes being told what to do). Rather than say "I want.." use the words "what do you think about.."

Tell them of your concerns (dont tar them all with the same brush) and it would be worth saying you feel frightened when you go to the doctors, but would like to get over the fear. You know it will take time to build up some trust and it allows him to understand if you have an outburst (although acting aggressive is always a no no).

Just remember that crohns is still a trial and error type of treatment untl you find one that works. You cannot expect to take some medicine and be normal again, you may have to help by diet etc.

You may not be on Remicade, but their website has some excellent advice on talking to your doctors. It would be worth reading it and seeing if you can take anything from it
http://www.remicade.com/crohns-disease/managing-treatment

 

[muppet]

Telling them you are frustrated and exasperated is not demanding anything. Maybe this is a cultural thing, you UK people are too polite.

 

[rygon]

No but saying I want this happening and I want it done now is. I do agree with saying how frustrated you are. I just think things get done better when both parties are discussing, rather than arguing and shouting

I think you are right, we are quite reserved and dont like showing our feelings. Stiff upper lip and all that

 

[jac521]

Thanks Everyone.

Yikes - I can't believe it. I called the new Drs. office early this a.m. to make an appt. I told them that I have bad pain in my left side, that I have strictures and they had a cancellation today!! So I go there in a few hrs. which I guess is good cause I won't have much time to brood and get more uptight.

They did ask who my others Drs. have been and they asked me why I wanted to change Drs., which I wasn't prepared for.

Thanks again everyone. I'll let you know how it goes.

jc521

 

[xX_LittleMissValentine_Xx]

Maybe this is a cultural thing, you UK people are too polite.

Nothing wrong with that!

 

[UnXmas]

I have developed bad feelings towards doctor also. With me it's mostly fear of being mistreated or not believed. I cry really easily which makes it really difficult because I'm often in tears when a doctor does something that reminds me of past bad experiences.

Going in and telling them exactly how you feel straight away would not always be the best approach. For one thing appointments are kept to a tight time limit, so it's tricky to get accross all your issues when the doctor is watching the clock. I think you really just have to judge each situation individually. If you feel yourself getting angry, explain why, but if it seems to be going ok there may be no need, or it may be something you can discuss in later appointments.

If you really get into difficulties you may be able to write a letter or e-mail to a doctor, or take in a written account of how you've been treated in the past, how it makes you feel, etc. for the doctor to read on his/her own time.

Seeing a new doctor for the first time is usually the hardest, so finding one you get on with and sticking with them should help. I always get worked up in the days leading up to seeing anyone new. When I got my diagnosis I made the decision that I would try to cut down on the number of new referals and tests and limit my appointments to the current doctors I knew I was alright with unless something came up which really demanded seeing someone new.

I also found that many doctors seem to write things about the patient's attitude and behaviour in their medical records, which can then influence how other doctors who read the records perceive them. In this way a patient can develop negative reputations or acquire labels. Asking for copies of your medical record means you can keep a check on whether this is happening.

Having someone with you may really help too. If your emotions run high they may be able to explain it to the doctor in a more rational way, or, if you are angry and it's effecting your perception of what the doctor is saying, a friend or family memeber may help you understand it from another perspective.

I try not to be biassed and assume all doctors are the same. It's difficult after multiple bad experiences, but I try to recognise that I shouldn't be prejudiced against one proffesional based on bad experiences with others.

 

[muppet]

It sounds like your docs are on the ball, so that's good.

There's no reason to hold your cards close to your chest when dealing with good doctors. Open and honest communication is the ONLY way you're going to get the treatment you need and want. If you feel that you have to be guarded with your doctor, you have a poor doctor.

 

[jac521]

muppet said:

There's no reason to hold your cards close to your chest when dealing with good doctors. Open and honest communication is the ONLY way you're going to get the treatment you need and want. If you feel that you have to be guarded with your doctor, you have a poor doctor.



Muppet - That is exactly how I feel with my current Dr. that I have be guarded and if I speak up or question something he is ordering or doing he gets very defensive. I hope this new Dr. is more open to talk with and communicate with.

 

[Ya noy]

My husband was at his doctor's office today, complaing about having to stay on prednisone another week, ranting and raving nonstop, and when he finally stopped to take a breath, his doctor actually said to him: "You're a real pain in the a__, aren't you?"

That was enough to push my husband right over the edge, but for some reason all I could think of was, between all the testosterone and prednisone, the concentration of steroids in that office was getting pretty thick.

The hospital's already assigned new doctor to his case.

 

[tiloah]

This disease can be extremely difficult to diagnose and to manage. It's important to remember there is a difference between your frustration with the disease itself and with the people who are treating you for it.

It can also be difficult to find a doctor who you can work well with. But there ARE good doctors out there if you are willing to look and give them a chance. As others have said, the way someone says something can oftentimes be more important than what they're saying. As a patient, you have a right to your experience and to voice your concerns and change your management if you are unhappy with it. Good luck.

 

[tiloah]

My husband was at his doctor's office today, complaing about having to stay on prednisone another week, ranting and raving nonstop, and when he finally stopped to take a breath, his doctor actually said to him: "You're a real pain in the a__, aren't you?"

That was enough to push my husband right over the edge, but for some reason all I could think of was, between all the testosterone and prednisone, the concentration of steroids in that office was getting pretty thick.

The hospital's already assigned new doctor to his case.

Wow, how insensitive on the doctor's part, especially if the doctor knew your husband was on steroids.

 

[PVail]

Ok so i go in and ask for treatment that I believe |I need because I have been running around for three years in pain and discomfort . My doctors I believe are not willing to follow through wit treatment . i have been told even though my condition has changed that they will only treat symptoms as they have not been able to pin point the direct cause of my illness.
Each time I go to a new doctor they look at this a say the same . I am amazed how they can evaluate my condition without even examining me. This is why Im angry . They will however give me a much stronger pain killer for this invisible condition which has effectively ruined my career and social life and nearly my job and marriage too .
I would love to have this condition looked at professionally by a doctor how is willing to follow through to get to the bottom of it not just , well its not cancer so your lucky.
I like many other people have a bad day most days , sleep little ,battle with diets and struggle to hold down our jobs. I think we or I have a right to be a bit demanding,.

 

[ron50]

When I was very young I was dxed with a serious lung complaint,bronciextasis. The treatment in those days was two drops of creosote in a glass of milk. In fact I was born with a hiatus hernia,the bubbling they could hear in my chest was my stomach resting on my lungs.Strike one.
I had a swelling in my lower left abdomen. Went to a doctor. Was told it was a blowout ,a partial hernia loose some weight and it will be fine. I asked for a scope. What don't you understand about too fat.no scope,just lose weight. Strike two.
New doctor nine months later. You have a loose loop of bowel come back in three mos ,it will be fine.Strike three.
Went back in three weeks and demanded a scope . Doc agreed ,just to calm my paranoia,his words not mine.
Gi could not get the scope past my colon ca. Emergency surgery next evening. Stage 3 c cc into 6 lymph nodes. Followed up with 48 sessions of chemotherapy.
I have survived to 62 despite doctors ,not because of them. It now takes a hell of of a lot for me to respect them,any of them. They have the power to ruin your life . I would love to have a doctor who I totally trusted and respected. Ron.

 

[jac521]

Ron said: They have the power to ruin your life . I would love to have a doctor who I totally trusted and respected. Ron.[/QUOTE]

Ditto Ron - I have become so jaded regarding Drs. that I don't think it is possible to have one that I trusted.

I am going to my PCP today. I am really angry. I am getting nowhere with these GI Drs. I was up all last night with nausea and pain. All the GI Drs. want to do is expensive tests and won't address my symptoms. I just underwent a Endoscopy Ultrasound after having a colonoscopy and endoscopy. Rack up more big bills for nothing. My problem is my small bowel.

I am spewing venom, if I thought my attitude was bad before, it is really bad now. The Endoscopy Ultrasound that I underwent last week was the end for me and this so called Crohn's specialist. I fired him.

I am raging mad and will probably go into my PCP's and spew venom about GI Drs., when I need to hold my tongue or I will probably alienate him. All Drs. do is cover for one another.

 

[muppet]

If you're willing to travel for appointments, Dr. Karasik in Hartford, CT is excellent. I went through 8 GI doctors (or so) to get to him. I'm insanely particular.

If you go as far north as Boston, you may do even better, but I have no non-pediatric recommendations up there.

 

[jac521]

Muppet: Thanks. But I can't travel to CT.

I just fired a Crohn's specialist and went to another GI. All he could say was that the Dr. I had been going was a "Crohn's specialist and the best there is in this area". He kept asking me if I was sure I wanted to change Drs. It got to the point that I finally said to him "if you don't want me as a patient, come out and tell me". He responded "if I didn't think I could handle you, I would tell you, I wouldn't do that to you". He is at a different hospital than the Crohn's specialist and they are not in the same network. I don't understand why he reacted the way he did.

He also kept saying that I had been to "quite a few Drs."

Your thoughts are appreciated.

jac521