How to Tell Someone You're Dating You Have Crohn's

[CrohnsChicago]

So when I was diagnosed with Crohn's earlier this year, I was so embarrassed that I gave up dating and any involvement with men. I didn't feel very attractive and I was afraid of what they would think of me if I told them what I have.

Well I have begun to take a chance again at getting to know someone and I am starting to feel a real connection towards them. However, I also find myself kind of hesitant to be physical with this person. They are aware something is up because I was mid-flare during a date this week and in a bit of discomfort/tired and as I was about to say I had Crohn's I freaked out and instead told them I just had an "autoimmune disorder" that "sometimes takes the energy out of me temporarily". He seemed fine with that explanation.

But at what point do you tell someone you are dating that you have Crohn's and what is the best way to tell them? We have been on 5 great dates and have not been sexually active yet. I would like to but am really nervous about this as I have never been in this situation since diagnosed. And I'm still kind of afraid of how the news will be received by a potential mate.

Any advice???

 

[KMoose]

Well, if you already told him you have an autoimmune disorder, I'd say you're halfway there!

I got lucky in the fact that my boyfriend happens to be a nurse, so discussing medical issues really wasn't a problem for him, but even if that weren't the case, I would just be honest with this person, for many reasons:

I don't know about you, but holding something in like that would stress me out a lot, and stress seems to just worsen everything, which really just gets you in an awful cycle of worrying about hiding your condition.

I've only been diagnosed for a year, and so far, be it friends, family, or boyfriend, most people are understanding, especially if you embrace your condition and show no fear! If you portray yourself as awkward with the situation, it can only make others awkward too, so just stand tall, and be honest, and hope for the best. And I hate to use the age old saying, but... if the guy reallllllly can't handle it, then clearly there are other, more accepting fish in the sea.

Good luck!

 

[karj]

I agree with KMoose - the stress of it all will ex. your Crohn's and so better off getting it out there - you will feel so much the better for it. Good luck, let us know how it goes

 

[Houghy]

I agree with all posters. From a mans point of view I have received nothing but kindness from people I have told about my crohns. I've had it for 10 years so have told a few friends and others about it in my time. If he is not willing to accept you have a condition you don't want and certainly didn't ask for, is he really worth your time and effort. From his reaction to your telling him about your auto immune disease, he sounds like he will be fine with it.

 

[Rachel]

I think you should tell the guy and be open with him. Having Crohn's is nothing to be ashamed about. I blog about it all the time and decided to embrace having an autoimmune disease. Once you tell him, he will be able to understand you better. The right guy will accept you for you and the fact that you have Crohn's.

 

[EthanPSU]

Yo girl I gots sumtin to say to you. If what im bout to say gon be a prob for you, den I dont think we wer ment to be in da first place. I gots crohns disease, lets just say its a damn stomach issue. Dont be scurred tho, if really wont affect our relationship, it just sometin i gots to deal with in my life and wanted to tell yu befor we took dis any further.

 

[ChrisJue]

I dated for 2 weeks was getting on well then I thought its time to tell my girlfriend at the time I had Crohns and a Colostomy as it happened I was worrying over nothing as she accepted it and we've been married now since 1979 with 3 lovely grown up children. At the time before I told her I thought what if she dosn't accept it i'll lose her but then I thought she can't be the girl for me if she dosn't accept it so I built up the courage and told her best thing I've ever done. Good Luck CrohnsChicago

 

[nogutsnoglory]

I usually start out with saying im a health nut (hence I don't eat most things) and eventually say I have stomach issues and finally overtime get to crohns.