I feel bad for venting to my coworker

[Cat-a-Tonic]

This isn't really venting, but it's about how I vented to someone and feel bad about it now. I have this co-worker whose desk is near mine, and I found out he has Ulcerative Colitis, although he said it doesn't usually bother him very much now. But he's been through the wringer in the past so I feel okay asking his advice and telling him about what I'm going through and when I'm having a bad day I'll vent at him a little bit.

So yesterday, I was feeling really crappy and he was telling me it'll be okay and to keep my chin up and all that. Then he said that he won't be in the office for a few weeks because he's having surgery - it turns out he has cancer! I feel so bad, I've been telling him about the stuff I've been going through and he's been going through worse and has just been holding it all in. What do I do? In the past, he's brought me chocolates (he even found out what my "safe" chocolates are!) on days when I was feeling really bad. I want to send him a card, but that doesn't seem like enough, and I can't think of a good gift or gesture. How do you say "sorry I unloaded my problems on you when you were having bigger problems"?

 

[bushydougie]

I am sure he wont have thought anything bad of you. Sometimes when you are going through a really bad experience it helps to help someone else and take your mind off it. Don't feel bad Cat you weren't to know. Do do something for him though. I think a card is a good start with some little gift to lift his spirits. I'm sure you'll know of something he likes to get him. Remember you're going through a bad time too.
Take care
Sam

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Thanks Sam. I had a thought that maybe I'd decorate his desk with origami animals so he'd have something fun to come back to when he gets back to work. I know how to make horses & swans and I've been meaning to learn how to make other animals, so I guess now's the time to try! And I will definitely send him a card too with a nice thank-you note expressing how much I appreciate him listening to me complain about my grumpy guts.

 

[MisB]

Sometimes it's simple gestures that mean so much. Having just spent a lot of time in the hospital without one phone call or card from my work, you'd be surprised how much it means just to know someone is there. Card, phone call, small gift, just an honest show of concern goes a long way. Another thing that works is some kind of dinner delivery when he gets home from the hospital. Single or married with family, food deliveries after a hospital stay is usually welcome, depending on how close you are. Main thing is don't stress yourself too much. For whatever reason he chose not to tell you and you can't be responsible for something you don't know. So take it easy on yourself.

 

[ameslouise]

I am sure he didn't mind you unloading on him - he understands. And if he wanted you to know about the surgery beforehand, he would have told you. Don't beat yourself up!

I think a nice gesture would be to make a donation to the CCFA on his behalf.

- Amy

 

[kenny]

I think just doing anything for him would be appreciated. The card. Or even just looking him in the eye and saying thanks for being a friend and you appreciate it.

 

[dreamintwilight]

I agree with what everyone has said so far. You shouldn't feel bad at all for venting. If he went out of his way to get you "safe" chocolates, he obviously seems to care about your situation and well-being, and thus probably doesn't mind the venting. I think the card is definitely a good idea with a heartfelt thank you. I agree with MisB and Kenny, any little gesture will be appreciated, even more so when it's not not really expected It's nice to know people are thinking about you.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Thanks everyone for your responses. Nobody else at work even seemed to know why my co-worker is gone, so it seems I'm one of the only ones he even told about his cancer, which does make me feel better that he trusted me with that information. I definitely will send him a card and probably some delicious treats as well. I was thinking about decorating his desk for when he gets back, but if he didn't want a lot of people to know about his cancer, maybe that's not a good idea after all.

 

[D Bergy]

Some people just do not discuss there medical problems with others. I do not bring up my condition, unless I am asked directly about it. That is probably the way the coworker is. It is just the way he operates. He probably does not like sympathy, but I am sure he would like to know that someone cares.

Being he did confide in you, does mean he has some trust as far as you are concerned. I am sure any gesture on your part would be appreciated.

I hope things turn out for him.

Dan

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Okay, so this is insane. My co-worker that I wrote about in this thread is still off work and recuperating from his cancer surgery. But just today, I came into work, and a different co-worker said that he's got cancer and will soon be having surgery! This is freaking me out, there are only about 40 people in the whole office, what are the odds that two of them have cancer at the same time? Different types of cancer, but still - it's making me wonder if there's something in the water here! Neither of them are very old, both are in their mid-50s I think. Ack, this just freaks me out!

 

[silver]

Eeep....though i'm not the biggest fan of statistics, they do say that 1 in 3 people will have some form of cancer in their lives and if they're around the same age...

It's probably just coincidence

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Well, co-worker #1 (the one that I started this thread about) was back today at work for just a short time. I had written a note in the "from the group" card and I had contributed some money as well, but I had also wanted to do something that was just from me instead of from the group. So I left my own get-well card on his desk and I made some origami horses that I put on his desk as well. He said he really appreciated it and it really cheered him up! So that makes me feel good, although he's already left work for the day, so he's still obviously in some pain. Still, it was good to see him and good to know that my little gesture cheered him up.

Coworker #2 (the co-worker who was just diagnosed with cancer last week) is going to be out starting later this week for his surgery. So now I have to figure out what to do for him - he's got a bird phobia that I sometimes tease him about (it's all in fun, he laughs about it too because he knows it sounds silly to be afraid of birds), so I'm thinking of putting some origami birds on his desk.

 

[Dallies]

Hi Cat, how talented you must be. I went in to support a teacher a couple of months ago with a very naughty year 9 class (14 year olds) I looked on my shoulder and I saw a little origami crane. I picked it up and thought ah how sweet. A girl came over to me and told me she had made it for me, "for luck." I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop making origami and get on with her work!!!

It really made my day and was probably the most thoughtful and lovely thing I could wish for.


I can't even make a paper aeroplane!!!!! :ywow:

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Dallies, I'm not really that talented - I can only make horses and cranes! I've been meaning to learn more origami than that, but haven't gotten around to it so far. I think I might try to learn how to make other birds, so I can make a variety for co-worker #2.

 

[Crohns1992]

Hi there cat.

I'm not sure bit maybe he needed something to take his mind off the cancer. Cancer is very scary (i wouldn't know, just an idea) as we all would be.

And thinking of your problems instead of his own is kind and might keep his mind off what is happening to him. And as he has a similar condition to you to begin with, and for him to help you like he has is the kindest thing I have ever heard of.

All the best

 

[silver]

I'm glad he liked it Cat it's so sweet of you to do that for them, not many do! The bird idea is good let us know what he thinks of it!