I miss my spouse!

[Tessa314]

I have been with my husband for 8 years now married for 4 and feel so blessed to love him so much! I have always known he has crohns colitis and, pilonidal disease. For the last 2 years he has had issue after issue with doctors, health flare ups, pain and exhaustion. It's this issue that I'm having a horrible time with, we have been blessed with having a one year old baby and I feel like I'm a single parent sometimes and I feel awful saying he is so exhausted owhen he's home that I have to do everything bath bed bottle and then Make dinner and Try to keep the house clean and have a full time job during the day. I feel as though I'm complaining but I'd hate saying this to him as I know how awful he feels and how he wants to feel better and I get that I just feel so alone once we have dinner he's asleep within 10 minutes and I have barely spoken to him, I miss my husband! We barely get to interact with each other during the week, I don't remember the last time he said he had a good day and it wasn't about doctors, stomachs pains, exhaustion and I hate seeing him this way he is only 34, and he's enduring his life and not living it! Weekends are spent staying close to home as he is to tired or afraid of urgency to go for a walk. I am finding it so hard to always be the positive counterpart if I've had a bad day I feel I can't ever express it as I know he's down and has had a bad day and I don't want our son to have a negative environment with BOTH parents being grumpy! I have never posted on a forum before and I just need to get it out there I feel I'm drowning and doing it with a smile!

 

[ronroush7]

Hi. I am sorry for what this disease is doing. Sending support your way.

 

[scottsma]

Hi Tessa and welcome.Just to let you know that you can vent to us and share your worries also.We're a poor substitute for a sharing relationship,but there are people on the forum who understand 100% what you're going through.There will be someone along soon who will share their own experiences with you.Sending hugs your way.

 

[NJZen]

Tessa thanks for your post. I know how trying it is. I work a lot of hours through fatigue, so often have little left in the tank when I am home.

Two thoughts.

You are allowed to be frustrated, moody, angry, or defeated from time to time. The child can experience some negativity from time to time, as long as he/she receives positivity as well. My mother was a great shelterer of all things that would upset or harm me, that left me ill prepared for the real world. We may be sick, but most of us don't like people walking on eggshells around us. When my SO expresses *occasional* frustration, it sometimes gives me a little kick to find a bit extra in the tank. If you don't ever act anything but supportive, how is he even going to know how dissatisfied you are? You are allowed to have needs, and I believe many of us Crohnies can dig a bit deeper when we need to.

Have a discussion with him, see if there are a few simple tasks he can take care of regularly, even if it is something simple like loading the dishwasher. Crohn's and fatigue often come hand in hand. We know, we adapt, we do what we can. It takes me most of a day to mow the lawn, as I do a section, come in to rest, and repeat until it is done. Of ten physical exertion tends to trigger some internal spasms, but the Dicyclomine has helped that some. Honestly I don't know the extent of his condition, fatigue or not he should be able to sit up for a half hour and talk before going to bed at the very least. I know that sounds harsh but from my own experience it sounds like he is at a point where he has given into his disease. I think most of us have been there, and for me I needed a reason other than myself to push harder, I needed some honesty and a little kick in the butt.