I really don't know what to do

[ThrashtillDeath]

Hi
I'm really having a tough time with this disease.
I have never been so depressed, i've got all sorts of thoughts running thorugh my head, including suicide.
My life is pain, all I see for my future is pain, I can't live like this.
Everyday i'm in pain with my stomach, building up to the day I have to go to the toilet, then theres extreme pain and more pain after.

I'm not on any medications and I feel like no one understands what I have. I feel like the nurses don't know how bad it is. Waiting for months for med's. I struggle day to day.

This really is not like me, i'm 16 i've always loved life, I love my music and have always worked hard at it. I've been dealing with this for a year, and the past month or so I'm struggling to deal with it.
Help

 

[ThrashtillDeath]

Hi Pen, thank you for replying. I was on Azathioprine for about 2 weeks but I had my first blood test and my white cell count had dropped so i've been taken of them. I just had another blood test today and was due to see the doctor tomorrow but due to college i'm having to change the appointment. My mom is supportive, I just broke down in tears talking to her, she does her best to understand but she dosen't, because she isn't living it.

What is emerge and what are these pain medications you mentioned?

Thank you for replying, it means alot.

 

[ThrashtillDeath]

There is a college counsellor but i'm not to sure about talking to him/her. I'm going to try and talk to a counsellor at the hospital .

 

[El_Guapo1976]

Thrash

Your story brought a tear to my eye as I know exactly what you're going through. You've basically described me at your age.

The pain can be agonising, I know. I too, have often thought about killing myself, especially when I was your age. The thing that held me back, and stll does on some nights, is the thought of the effect it would have on my family. I love them too damn much to destroy the rest of their lives like that.

You're only 16 and you have your whole life ahead of you. From what you say I don't think you are at the stage yet with your Crohn's that your life is a lost cause. There is a VERY good chance the Docs will manage to get it under control with the Meds. You have to be patient and keep taking it one day at a time. If you have close friends, confide in them. It does help.

What you must always remember about this disease is that it is so damn unpredictable. You might spend 3 years in pain and then 5 years without, or vice versa. Don't quit the fight before you've even thrown a punch.

Wish you all the very best.

 

[ThrashtillDeath]

Thrash

Your story brought a tear to my eye as I know exactly what you're going through. You've basically described me at your age.

The pain can be agonising, I know. I too, have often thought about killing myself, especially when I was your age. The thing that held me back, and stll does on some nights, is the thought of the effect it would have on my family. I love them too damn much to destroy the rest of their lives like that.

You're only 16 and you have your whole life ahead of you. From what you say I don't think you are at the stage yet with your Crohn's that your life is a lost cause. There is a VERY good chance the Docs will manage to get it under control with the Meds. You have to be patient and keep taking it one day at a time. If you have close friends, confide in them. It does help.

What you must always remember about this disease is that it is so damn unpredictable. You might spend 3 years in pain and then 5 years without, or vice versa. Don't quit the fight before you've even thrown a punch.

Wish you all the very best.

Thanks alot, that post means alot.
Suicide is something i've always been against, but when the pain gets bad you can't help it creeping into your head. I have to much to live for, my family, music but at times like these you lose control of your mind. Hopefully I can talk to someone about dealing with this. I'm new to the disease and still need to learn how to cope.

 

[El_Guapo1976]

That's what we're all here for mate. Believe me, there is NOTHING you can say or experience that at least ONE of us cannot relate to. There's always someone who understands on here.

I think the best gift I can give you is honesty. Life can be very tough with this...but it can also be relatively easy. Mine was incredibly tough, but you've only just started walking your path into manhood, and you don't yet know where your path leads.

Cramps are a bitch. And if the Crohn's is bad, they're something you'll have to learn to live with. You might be horrified at the thought of that, but I think you may surprise yourself as to how well you adapt and cope.

I think you're going to be surprised at just how strong your character proves to be as a result of this.

Gotta sign off as need to work tomorrow lol. Keep us updated on your progress, and feel free to email me,PM me, whatever, if you ever just want to rant, moan, talk about the effect it has on girls, whatever. It might be good for me to lean on you a little bit too..

All the best.




Gotta go to bed now..work tomorrow! Argh!

Hope to speak to you again soon.

 

[ThrashtillDeath]

:thumleft: thanks for the kind words

 

[Guest]

hiya Thrash.. aww my heart goes out to you. this disease can really bring us to our knees, both physically and mentally. i know how you're feeling right now - it is years since i was where you are with it all now, but once there - you never forget.

i agree with Pen in that maybe now is the time to put your body first, and college second, as without an improvement in your health & quality of life, college is going to be a real struggle for you.

in your shoes, i would get the soonest appointment possible with a GI, and be prepared to try different meds until you find one which calms things down - and it will happen. don't be put off by one treatment not being right for you.

hang on in there, talk to people - your parents, friends, and yes counsellors if you feel comfortable doing so. talk to us - read through some past threads in here... and never ever give up hope. Crohns is with us forever, but thankfully there are times when it doesn't remind us of its presence, and life can actually feel good again.

 

[teeny5]

I too went through a stage of depression...I just had to learn to not let the disease over come me and find things to take my mind off of it. Thank God for Nintendo!

Feel free to vent or ask questions here. It helps to have support from those who understand what you are going through. Hope you feel better soon. It will get better, just got to get through this rough patch.

If you feel really bad you should go to the emergency room or urgent care. I had to do that to get some meds before. Waiting for my next dr. appointment was not an option...had to get something quick. Do what you need to make yourself feel better. College will be there later. Your health is more important.

 

[butt-eze]

Thrash. Please just hang around here whenever you are feeling down. We will all work to help you feel understood and not alone in your disease. Please let us know more about your situation. There are many other medications besides azathioprine. If you're in that much pain you should definitely push for prednisone. Prednisone is the best way to start to quench your flare.

As far as suicide. Many of us have gotten to that point where we want to give up. However, all of us have survived those extreme lows. We adopt you as a new member and therefore won't let you out of our sight...welcome!

Tell us more: Where are you from, what kind of music are you into, where do you go to school?

 

[ThrashtillDeath]

Thanks for the comments. I'm from the UK, I listen to thrash metal mainly along with other types of music. College is just local round here

 

[kromom1]

Thrash - Hang in there. It will get better. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right drug/combination of drugs that will work for you, but you need to get in to see a doctor ASAP, like everyone is saying. As far as helping your mom understand what you are going through, you may have her check out this forum too. Maybe reading through it herself will help. Good luck.

Lisa

 

[Kittee]

You need to get on some pred to help you feel better until they find a more "extended" treatment plan for you.

Trust me on that. I felt like you did until a good round of Pred.

 

[butt-eze]

So, is college much like high school in the states? I'm just asking because if it's optional I would suggest you take a break from your studies. The less stress in your life the better.

 

[Creepy Lurker]

College is the bit in between highschool and University.

I was seventeen and at college when I was diagnosed. It's not a lot of fun, but when you find medication that works, things get much better.