- Joined
- Mar 29, 2008
- Messages
- 861
I came home this morning after work and was jumped on by my wife and then her mother jumped in too. I'm posting from a library basically because it's now the only place I'm allowed to post from. Apparently I'm disgusting lazy scum who doesn't do anything but make messes for other people to clean up.
I got the ultimatum of 'do more' or I'll be kicked out of my home and divorced. I'm in the beautiful situation where I'm completely helpless to defend myself or voice any opinions. I have been for a while really. My wife's mother pretty much has complete power and authority over me and complete control over my wife. Since I work night shift and I'm always sleeping, working, or running errands my wife and her mother and law spend all their time alone together with plenty of time for blaming me for everything while I can't defend myself. They spend a bunch of times together and they're mother-daughter so I'm really the perfect target out of the 3 of us. So basically my wife hates me now too. I've become the scapegoat for everything difficult about our situation.
What it really boils down to is that my mother in law was put in charge of day care so that I could go to work, my wife can go to school, I can sleep, and my wife can study. This was the big advantage of living together that we were fed. But.. my mother in law lived off of her husband's work and still does. When she left him and moved to the states where we are she tried to work and soon quit each job. Then we moved. Now she lives off a combination of me and her ex-husband. She gets half of his royalty checks (he's a writer) and I pay her bills and buy the large majority of the food and other neccesities. The deal was that she would take her half of the money from selling their old house, pay the down payment on a house for the 4 of us in columbia, I'd pay the bills, and she'd work in the form of child care. Sounds fair enough right?
So we get here in later spring before my wife goes to school and very quickly instead of it being a home shared by the 4 of us it's her house and we are being supported by her because we live in it. Ignore the fact that I pay for almost everything. She spent her last 20 years playing gardener and bird watcher. Once she's free of those pesky 3 months of trying to find and work a job she returns to that. She has no real interest in babysitting while we try go out for a couple hours once or twice a week for some couple time. We have to strategically catch her between trips. Frankly it seemed like she was just staying out of the house to avoid the babysitting.
Apparently she's not good with babies. We were kind of surprised. She just could never console my son. If he started crying she couldn't for the life of her figure out how to get him to stop. So she just resorted to shoving a pacifier in his mouth and stuff. That became a bit of a battle trying to get her to treat our child the way we would like without offending her majesty. Now that he's 5 months old she won't hold him for anything. Sometimes when he's wailing like crazy but if she can put him down somewhere she does. That's about opposite of what my wife has been pushing as the policy of care for our child. It's really frustrating because I have to get up and console him for her all the time while I'm sleeping. The sad part is that usually all he wants is to go outside and look at the trees and the cars and things. Step out the door and the crying stops like you flipped a switch. She just refuses to do that. She makes up so many silly excuses it's ridiculous. Instead she cleans (regardless of if it's needed) and watches sports and such.
Anyway, she's furious because she thought it our little arrangement was going to be an easy life playing with a happy giggly baby for a few hours a day. It's not easy though. Why she didn't understand that I don't know. Regardless, she's pissed. REALLY pissed. She doesn't want to take care of him. We've absolutely ruined her life of leisure. She only gets to go to maybe 1 movie or concert a week. It's terrible.
Back to me though.. my wife and her mother have now decided that all their hard work and the difficulties of caring for the baby are my fault. I'm scum for leaving an empty soda bottle on the table over night when I rush out of the house for work. I'm scum for not scrubbing the toilet, mopping and vaccuming all the floors each week, etc. I'm especially scum because I spend an hour or maybe 2 on this forum before bed. I'm supposed to be taking care of my son literally every moment that I'm home and not asleep. That's in addition to all this cleaning and all these errands that I'm supposed to be doing. Somehow it works out in their heads that I can do all of it and take away all their problems. Forget the fact that I support 4 people on a single salary and the very day I get threatened with being divorced and made homeless I was in the middle of trying to arrange things and prepare for a job interview so that I can help aleviate my wife's recent panic over our lack of money.
Just forget everything I do because literally according to my wife and her mother all I do is make messes for them to clean up with my damn 1 or 2 dishes per day (and if I get some fries on my way to work to avoid the dishes I'm even worse for wasting money). They want me to 'do more' when there's no more I can do damn it. I'm already at my limit.
Basically you can expect my posts here to practically stop because if I'm for a single moment caught using the computer or generally not having a baby in one hand and a mop in the other I'm going to be divorced, have my child kept from me, made homeless, forced to pay alamony, pay child support, have no vehicle to get to work with, and probably have my bank account emptied too. Of course I'll get no warning of this. It'll just be sprung on me a month or so from now when the judgement is made on if I'm worthy.
:angry-banghead:
I got the ultimatum of 'do more' or I'll be kicked out of my home and divorced. I'm in the beautiful situation where I'm completely helpless to defend myself or voice any opinions. I have been for a while really. My wife's mother pretty much has complete power and authority over me and complete control over my wife. Since I work night shift and I'm always sleeping, working, or running errands my wife and her mother and law spend all their time alone together with plenty of time for blaming me for everything while I can't defend myself. They spend a bunch of times together and they're mother-daughter so I'm really the perfect target out of the 3 of us. So basically my wife hates me now too. I've become the scapegoat for everything difficult about our situation.
What it really boils down to is that my mother in law was put in charge of day care so that I could go to work, my wife can go to school, I can sleep, and my wife can study. This was the big advantage of living together that we were fed. But.. my mother in law lived off of her husband's work and still does. When she left him and moved to the states where we are she tried to work and soon quit each job. Then we moved. Now she lives off a combination of me and her ex-husband. She gets half of his royalty checks (he's a writer) and I pay her bills and buy the large majority of the food and other neccesities. The deal was that she would take her half of the money from selling their old house, pay the down payment on a house for the 4 of us in columbia, I'd pay the bills, and she'd work in the form of child care. Sounds fair enough right?
So we get here in later spring before my wife goes to school and very quickly instead of it being a home shared by the 4 of us it's her house and we are being supported by her because we live in it. Ignore the fact that I pay for almost everything. She spent her last 20 years playing gardener and bird watcher. Once she's free of those pesky 3 months of trying to find and work a job she returns to that. She has no real interest in babysitting while we try go out for a couple hours once or twice a week for some couple time. We have to strategically catch her between trips. Frankly it seemed like she was just staying out of the house to avoid the babysitting.
Apparently she's not good with babies. We were kind of surprised. She just could never console my son. If he started crying she couldn't for the life of her figure out how to get him to stop. So she just resorted to shoving a pacifier in his mouth and stuff. That became a bit of a battle trying to get her to treat our child the way we would like without offending her majesty. Now that he's 5 months old she won't hold him for anything. Sometimes when he's wailing like crazy but if she can put him down somewhere she does. That's about opposite of what my wife has been pushing as the policy of care for our child. It's really frustrating because I have to get up and console him for her all the time while I'm sleeping. The sad part is that usually all he wants is to go outside and look at the trees and the cars and things. Step out the door and the crying stops like you flipped a switch. She just refuses to do that. She makes up so many silly excuses it's ridiculous. Instead she cleans (regardless of if it's needed) and watches sports and such.
Anyway, she's furious because she thought it our little arrangement was going to be an easy life playing with a happy giggly baby for a few hours a day. It's not easy though. Why she didn't understand that I don't know. Regardless, she's pissed. REALLY pissed. She doesn't want to take care of him. We've absolutely ruined her life of leisure. She only gets to go to maybe 1 movie or concert a week. It's terrible.
Back to me though.. my wife and her mother have now decided that all their hard work and the difficulties of caring for the baby are my fault. I'm scum for leaving an empty soda bottle on the table over night when I rush out of the house for work. I'm scum for not scrubbing the toilet, mopping and vaccuming all the floors each week, etc. I'm especially scum because I spend an hour or maybe 2 on this forum before bed. I'm supposed to be taking care of my son literally every moment that I'm home and not asleep. That's in addition to all this cleaning and all these errands that I'm supposed to be doing. Somehow it works out in their heads that I can do all of it and take away all their problems. Forget the fact that I support 4 people on a single salary and the very day I get threatened with being divorced and made homeless I was in the middle of trying to arrange things and prepare for a job interview so that I can help aleviate my wife's recent panic over our lack of money.
Just forget everything I do because literally according to my wife and her mother all I do is make messes for them to clean up with my damn 1 or 2 dishes per day (and if I get some fries on my way to work to avoid the dishes I'm even worse for wasting money). They want me to 'do more' when there's no more I can do damn it. I'm already at my limit.
Basically you can expect my posts here to practically stop because if I'm for a single moment caught using the computer or generally not having a baby in one hand and a mop in the other I'm going to be divorced, have my child kept from me, made homeless, forced to pay alamony, pay child support, have no vehicle to get to work with, and probably have my bank account emptied too. Of course I'll get no warning of this. It'll just be sprung on me a month or so from now when the judgement is made on if I'm worthy.
:angry-banghead:
