- Joined
- Feb 21, 2011
- Messages
- 450
I am stoopid!
Imagine my squeals of surprise to find that rubbing one's torso (in the correct direction of course) and drinking tea (but not green tea) would cure me of my ills. And, if only I could have realized sooner that lutein, and putin in my diet were the real problems behind my suffering. Ah, but I'm thick-headed. I hardly even dare mention my deep shame in finding out that the so-called medicine (a loosely used term) I've been taking, is actually part of a well organized medical and scientific conspiracy to keep me ill. Shocking, but true.
If only I hadn't wasted all those years figuring out what I can safely stuff into my gullet, only to find it's all illegal. I regret the error of my ways, I was younger then. And what's even worse, I fritted away a good part of my life doing those engineering degrees, when they are in fact obscuring my sight of the real truth - that removing stress from my life, and believing in blind faith, is the true path to healing. I am slow, I admit it.
What a heart stopping shock I recently had to see that an issue of "holistic bowel daily" (which comes out monthly) had shed a piercing new light upon my condition. Yes it's true, 41% of the 23 people surveyed felt 12% better after sitting under an electromagnetically correct structure whilst humming show tunes, with their left thumb up their jacksie. How did I miss this issue?
And so, upon realizing my tragic stupidity, I must now away to consume a putin free, sugar free, mary free, fibrofull organic air biscuit, while facing due north in the wind removing pose, and thinking of bejewelled unicorns dancing in a row to the soulful music of Justin Beatup.
Farewell my yet to be enlightened brethren, I must ascend with my new-found knowledge and necessarily superior attitude. But worry not! I shall of course frequently return to nag and pester you endlessly (for your own heathen good) with the wondrous magic that hath healed me, using knowledge plucked from the freshly dried pages of 'over-the-back-fence weekly' where the real truth may be discovered for a small coin.
Peace be with you humble peasants, for I have seen the light shining brightly from my own derriere, and it is a fine thing to behold.
Imagine my squeals of surprise to find that rubbing one's torso (in the correct direction of course) and drinking tea (but not green tea) would cure me of my ills. And, if only I could have realized sooner that lutein, and putin in my diet were the real problems behind my suffering. Ah, but I'm thick-headed. I hardly even dare mention my deep shame in finding out that the so-called medicine (a loosely used term) I've been taking, is actually part of a well organized medical and scientific conspiracy to keep me ill. Shocking, but true.
If only I hadn't wasted all those years figuring out what I can safely stuff into my gullet, only to find it's all illegal. I regret the error of my ways, I was younger then. And what's even worse, I fritted away a good part of my life doing those engineering degrees, when they are in fact obscuring my sight of the real truth - that removing stress from my life, and believing in blind faith, is the true path to healing. I am slow, I admit it.
What a heart stopping shock I recently had to see that an issue of "holistic bowel daily" (which comes out monthly) had shed a piercing new light upon my condition. Yes it's true, 41% of the 23 people surveyed felt 12% better after sitting under an electromagnetically correct structure whilst humming show tunes, with their left thumb up their jacksie. How did I miss this issue?
And so, upon realizing my tragic stupidity, I must now away to consume a putin free, sugar free, mary free, fibrofull organic air biscuit, while facing due north in the wind removing pose, and thinking of bejewelled unicorns dancing in a row to the soulful music of Justin Beatup.
Farewell my yet to be enlightened brethren, I must ascend with my new-found knowledge and necessarily superior attitude. But worry not! I shall of course frequently return to nag and pester you endlessly (for your own heathen good) with the wondrous magic that hath healed me, using knowledge plucked from the freshly dried pages of 'over-the-back-fence weekly' where the real truth may be discovered for a small coin.
Peace be with you humble peasants, for I have seen the light shining brightly from my own derriere, and it is a fine thing to behold.
