My Grandpa had a Massive Stroke
- Thread starter Jennifer
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Wow, been over a year since I updated this. 
Since the above happened (nothing happened to my mom btw but my grandpa does have a lady come over once a week now for 2 hours to help give him a shower and whatever my grandma forces the poor lady to do). This is the state's way of taking over an taking care of him. What a laugh!
Anyway, my mom had a nervous break down after all the bullshit that happened last year and since has gotten better and her, my dad and I go over there every Tuesday and Thursday to take him to physical therapy and get his blood work done (we also take him to any of his doctor appointments or if my grandma has an appointment I stay with my grandpa and pretty much babysit). My parents do the driving everywhere (except I take the bus down to them in the morning on Tues. and Thurs. but they drive me home at the end of the day).
I pretty much became his physical therapist. I went to all his physical therapy appointments and learned how to get him in and out of all the equipment and I praise him when he does a good job and push him where he needs improvement. The owner of the place who used to be his physical therapist taught me how to do everything and says that I do a great job and that I'm an honorary PT at their facility.
Even with all our hard work my grandpa seems to have hit his plateau (been almost 2 years since his stroke) and hasn't shown any signs of improvement in about a year. He does not exercise on his own at home at all other than the odd days when their gardener takes him for a walk around the block once a week at most. He doesn't really use his left hand and if anything his walking is getting worse because he just wont do the exercises for his left leg to make it stronger. All he does is watch TV in his chair and goes to bed. He used to golf and was a retired mechanic who loved tinkering with old cars. He's also forgotten the stories he used to tell to me about me as a child. I tell them to him now even though I don't really remember them, they're his stories I'm telling him.
We understand the extent of his brain damage now. Not only is there memory loss but also his ability to reason. It seems like he acts like a child with a mental disability. We have to be careful with what we say or do at all times because when he gets frustrated he is destructive with himself and has tried to harm other people through biting and hitting. Although if any of us had that happen he would be placed into a home immediately. There's no way I'm going to allow myself or my parents to be abused. It's been hard trying to accept and understand this new person and accept the fact that my real grandpa died the day he had his stroke. Got a little misty eyed typing that last sentence out.
Anyway, thanks for reading my update and for all the support you've all given me through the whole thing. It really means a lot to me.
Since the above happened (nothing happened to my mom btw but my grandpa does have a lady come over once a week now for 2 hours to help give him a shower and whatever my grandma forces the poor lady to do). This is the state's way of taking over an taking care of him. What a laugh!
Anyway, my mom had a nervous break down after all the bullshit that happened last year and since has gotten better and her, my dad and I go over there every Tuesday and Thursday to take him to physical therapy and get his blood work done (we also take him to any of his doctor appointments or if my grandma has an appointment I stay with my grandpa and pretty much babysit). My parents do the driving everywhere (except I take the bus down to them in the morning on Tues. and Thurs. but they drive me home at the end of the day).
I pretty much became his physical therapist. I went to all his physical therapy appointments and learned how to get him in and out of all the equipment and I praise him when he does a good job and push him where he needs improvement. The owner of the place who used to be his physical therapist taught me how to do everything and says that I do a great job and that I'm an honorary PT at their facility.
Even with all our hard work my grandpa seems to have hit his plateau (been almost 2 years since his stroke) and hasn't shown any signs of improvement in about a year. He does not exercise on his own at home at all other than the odd days when their gardener takes him for a walk around the block once a week at most. He doesn't really use his left hand and if anything his walking is getting worse because he just wont do the exercises for his left leg to make it stronger. All he does is watch TV in his chair and goes to bed. He used to golf and was a retired mechanic who loved tinkering with old cars. He's also forgotten the stories he used to tell to me about me as a child. I tell them to him now even though I don't really remember them, they're his stories I'm telling him.
We understand the extent of his brain damage now. Not only is there memory loss but also his ability to reason. It seems like he acts like a child with a mental disability. We have to be careful with what we say or do at all times because when he gets frustrated he is destructive with himself and has tried to harm other people through biting and hitting. Although if any of us had that happen he would be placed into a home immediately. There's no way I'm going to allow myself or my parents to be abused. It's been hard trying to accept and understand this new person and accept the fact that my real grandpa died the day he had his stroke. Got a little misty eyed typing that last sentence out.
Anyway, thanks for reading my update and for all the support you've all given me through the whole thing. It really means a lot to me.
I don't even know if anyone reads this anymore but it gives me a place to vent I guess.
My grandpa fell again last Friday. He falls on average two times a month really. Its been happening ever since we pretty much left him under the care of his wife and the lady who comes once a week to give him a shower. He always falls because he's trying to pick something up while standing even though there's a chair right there. And apparently my grandma is never in the room when it happens. Never once. How convenient... If you can't tell I've also lost all respect for my grandma ever since his stroke.
So since this last fall was kind of a "bad" fall he has a really hard time standing up on his own and hardly moves at all. So I've still been going to their house on Tuesday and today to do his PT for him while he lays down in the bed. My body is so sore from lifting him and lifting his leg to help stretch him and to assist during his exercises. We go for close to two straight hours.
I'm also tired of the constant flinching I do when it seems like he's getting frustrated and looks like he's going to lash out at me. It usually looks like he's going to hit me so I have to keep my distance. Yet with those leg exercises he could easily kick me so its hard to not just jump away and drop his leg (it hasn't happened but the thought is always there to just be ready for anything).
I'm just tired of all this. I'm sure I mentioned it already but I went from remission to clinical remission after starting to be one of his caregivers. If I go into a full blown flare from this after already being forced on Humira I'm not going to be happy and will definitely never step foot in that house ever again.
My grandpa fell again last Friday. He falls on average two times a month really. Its been happening ever since we pretty much left him under the care of his wife and the lady who comes once a week to give him a shower. He always falls because he's trying to pick something up while standing even though there's a chair right there. And apparently my grandma is never in the room when it happens. Never once. How convenient... If you can't tell I've also lost all respect for my grandma ever since his stroke.
So since this last fall was kind of a "bad" fall he has a really hard time standing up on his own and hardly moves at all. So I've still been going to their house on Tuesday and today to do his PT for him while he lays down in the bed. My body is so sore from lifting him and lifting his leg to help stretch him and to assist during his exercises. We go for close to two straight hours.
I'm also tired of the constant flinching I do when it seems like he's getting frustrated and looks like he's going to lash out at me. It usually looks like he's going to hit me so I have to keep my distance. Yet with those leg exercises he could easily kick me so its hard to not just jump away and drop his leg (it hasn't happened but the thought is always there to just be ready for anything).
I'm just tired of all this. I'm sure I mentioned it already but I went from remission to clinical remission after starting to be one of his caregivers. If I go into a full blown flare from this after already being forced on Humira I'm not going to be happy and will definitely never step foot in that house ever again.
DustyKat
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I don't wish to play devil's advocate Crabby but do you think the time has come for your Grandpa to enter into care?
Following a stroke you may get some improvement up to two years following the event but the further you move away from that initial catastrophic episode the less likely you will have significant improvement. If movement is to return to the paralysed side it will return to the leg first and the arm last. Many do not regain any functional use of the affected arm.
I notice you mentioned that the left side is the affected side. When a stroke affects the right side of the brain and in the frontal region, where your Grandpa's sounds like it is, impulsive behaviour is not uncommon so it is not surprising that he attempts to attend to tasks he not able to do. Another feature of damage to the frontal lobe is disinhibited behaviour, hence the aggression that manifests as biting or hitting.
I don't how old your Grandfather and his wife are and I am in no way making excuses for his wife but as your Grandfather ages so does she. Maybe she can't cope with the physical 24/7 demands anymore? Is she his sole carer aside from when you and your parent's are able to visit and the lady comes in once a week?
I don't know Crabby, it just sounds like the current situation isn't working for you, your parent's or his wife. :hug:
Dusty. xxx
Following a stroke you may get some improvement up to two years following the event but the further you move away from that initial catastrophic episode the less likely you will have significant improvement. If movement is to return to the paralysed side it will return to the leg first and the arm last. Many do not regain any functional use of the affected arm.
I notice you mentioned that the left side is the affected side. When a stroke affects the right side of the brain and in the frontal region, where your Grandpa's sounds like it is, impulsive behaviour is not uncommon so it is not surprising that he attempts to attend to tasks he not able to do. Another feature of damage to the frontal lobe is disinhibited behaviour, hence the aggression that manifests as biting or hitting.
I don't how old your Grandfather and his wife are and I am in no way making excuses for his wife but as your Grandfather ages so does she. Maybe she can't cope with the physical 24/7 demands anymore? Is she his sole carer aside from when you and your parent's are able to visit and the lady comes in once a week?
I don't know Crabby, it just sounds like the current situation isn't working for you, your parent's or his wife. :hug:
Dusty. xxx
Oh I know DustyKat and I appreciate you responding.
They are in their mid 70's. My grandma wouldn't be able to handle it if she were in her 20's. Its just not the type of person she is to be caring for other people (she barely managed to raise her own children, my mom's younger brother is about 15 years younger than her and she raised him, not my grandparents). My grandparents have 4 children and each one has their reasons for not helping (not that any of the reasons aren't valid but I know they take advantage of my parents and I being so near by and well caring).
We were told that he'd have to not be able to care for himself at all to be able to go into a home. Or he has to become violent or some other inappropriate behavior. Whether or not he goes into a home is up to his GP. I've written down multiple notes on my grandpa's behavior and he knows how many times he's fallen and my grandpa even screws up the questions his doctor asks him and his doctor just thinks he's making jokes. His doctor is total crap in my opinion and I keep telling my parents that yet they say there's nothing they can do about it. That that's the only doctor their insurance pays for. I know that's not true but I can't seem to change things no matter what I say. Its like my parents and grandma all have battered wives syndrome and are afraid to do anything but I don't understand why.
He does need to go into a home. Anyone who starts eyeing their own grandaughter in "that way" should be in a home. I only go to help my mom out since she has a heart condition and type 2 diabetes and I just don't want anything to happen to her. She'll keep going no matter what. When I stopped going last year she had a nervous break down and didn't talk to me for over a month and got really sick from her diabetes making her heart act up. I just feel like if I stop going then something really bad will happen to her.
I don't have any answers anymore. We're all just so tired.
He can move every single muscle on his left side. He's not paralyzed yet he says that he is and acts like he is unless he's told to move it. All I hear from him is, "I can't!" While he's doing what I asked him to do. It's sad but honestly I can't really handle the brain damage. It gets so frustrating.
They are in their mid 70's. My grandma wouldn't be able to handle it if she were in her 20's. Its just not the type of person she is to be caring for other people (she barely managed to raise her own children, my mom's younger brother is about 15 years younger than her and she raised him, not my grandparents). My grandparents have 4 children and each one has their reasons for not helping (not that any of the reasons aren't valid but I know they take advantage of my parents and I being so near by and well caring).
We were told that he'd have to not be able to care for himself at all to be able to go into a home. Or he has to become violent or some other inappropriate behavior. Whether or not he goes into a home is up to his GP. I've written down multiple notes on my grandpa's behavior and he knows how many times he's fallen and my grandpa even screws up the questions his doctor asks him and his doctor just thinks he's making jokes. His doctor is total crap in my opinion and I keep telling my parents that yet they say there's nothing they can do about it. That that's the only doctor their insurance pays for. I know that's not true but I can't seem to change things no matter what I say. Its like my parents and grandma all have battered wives syndrome and are afraid to do anything but I don't understand why.
He does need to go into a home. Anyone who starts eyeing their own grandaughter in "that way" should be in a home. I only go to help my mom out since she has a heart condition and type 2 diabetes and I just don't want anything to happen to her. She'll keep going no matter what. When I stopped going last year she had a nervous break down and didn't talk to me for over a month and got really sick from her diabetes making her heart act up. I just feel like if I stop going then something really bad will happen to her.
I don't have any answers anymore. We're all just so tired.
He can move every single muscle on his left side. He's not paralyzed yet he says that he is and acts like he is unless he's told to move it. All I hear from him is, "I can't!" While he's doing what I asked him to do. It's sad but honestly I can't really handle the brain damage. It gets so frustrating.
DustyKat
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It seems a pretty crazy system that you can only access care when a person reaches crisis point. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I think that time will come, he will be admitted to hospital either because of an illness he suffers or one that affects his wife and he has no one at home to care for him. They will decide he can't go home and the shame will be that choices will be taken out of your hands.
My heart breaks for you hun...:hug:...I know and understand it is so very hard to have to make the decision to put a loved one into care, they need to understand that what they have with their father and husband now is not quality time it is a job. They, and your, health will suffer, you will all come to resent him. It is far better that he receive 24 hour care and then the time you all do visit with him is spent with him, you can take him out if you so wish and really enjoy being with him. You will all regain your health and strength and be better for it and he will receive the advantages of it.
Thinking of you, :heart:
Dusty. xxx
Unfortunately, or fortunately, I think that time will come, he will be admitted to hospital either because of an illness he suffers or one that affects his wife and he has no one at home to care for him. They will decide he can't go home and the shame will be that choices will be taken out of your hands. My heart breaks for you hun...:hug:...I know and understand it is so very hard to have to make the decision to put a loved one into care, they need to understand that what they have with their father and husband now is not quality time it is a job. They, and your, health will suffer, you will all come to resent him. It is far better that he receive 24 hour care and then the time you all do visit with him is spent with him, you can take him out if you so wish and really enjoy being with him. You will all regain your health and strength and be better for it and he will receive the advantages of it.
Thinking of you, :heart:
Dusty. xxx
Wanted to update this.
I'm still doing PT every Tuesday and Thursday for a couple hours. I'm no longer lifting him though. My MRI results came back and I have 3 bulging disks in my back (mid and neck, never had an MRI on my lower back but changes are I have another one as it feels the same in my lower back). So no lifting for me anymore and I'll be going back to physical therapy for myself soon. Just waiting for a call back from the referral.
My dad is doing all the lifting for me (since he lost his job earlier last year and is around all the time now) yet for some reason I'm still the only one who knows his exercise routine so I'm teaching my dad how to use all the machines at the physical therapy facility.
Eventually it will turn into one time a week and then not at all. There's no time frame though. My grandpa breathes heavily now just walking 10 feet and is barely able to do PT. Eventually his heart will give out but we have no idea when. Right now we're just keeping him "comfortable" as my mom calls it.
I'm still doing PT every Tuesday and Thursday for a couple hours. I'm no longer lifting him though. My MRI results came back and I have 3 bulging disks in my back (mid and neck, never had an MRI on my lower back but changes are I have another one as it feels the same in my lower back). So no lifting for me anymore and I'll be going back to physical therapy for myself soon. Just waiting for a call back from the referral.
My dad is doing all the lifting for me (since he lost his job earlier last year and is around all the time now) yet for some reason I'm still the only one who knows his exercise routine so I'm teaching my dad how to use all the machines at the physical therapy facility.
Eventually it will turn into one time a week and then not at all. There's no time frame though. My grandpa breathes heavily now just walking 10 feet and is barely able to do PT. Eventually his heart will give out but we have no idea when. Right now we're just keeping him "comfortable" as my mom calls it.
Karen
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Big hugs and lots of love coming your way Jennifer ... I am also praying that all is going well with your family ... Please when you get a chance do update us !!! :hug:
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Wow, what a nightmare. In 4 short pages, I feel like I've just read an entire book, where no one and nothing is as it seems, and with more plot and emotional twists and turns than a roller coaster. You certainly have a way with words.
The side story, where the new members and guests chastise the forum administrators was especially unique.
I am so sorry Jennifer. Having to deal with all this on top of everything else. I don't know how you do it.
The side story, where the new members and guests chastise the forum administrators was especially unique.
I am so sorry Jennifer. Having to deal with all this on top of everything else. I don't know how you do it.
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My grandpa went to the cardiologist today and was told that he went from stage 3 congestive heart failure to stage 4 (final stage/most severe). His medications have been adjusted again but its still unknown how much time he has left (he wasn't given a time frame). He's also been using oxygen at night recently as well. Even chewing his food makes him winded.
I'm still doing PT for him but not much. Mainly stretching (even stretching makes him winded so I have to move him limbs for him, not great on my back) and tossing a ball back and forth. Was going to tap a balloon back and forth with him (an easy exercise we used to do right after his stroke) but for some reason my grandma threw them all out which is odd cause she's a hoarder and doesn't throw stuff away. She actually recommended tossing the giant yoga ball back and forth instead. :yrolleyes:
My uncle (their oldest son) is going to be moving in with them. Not really to help out but because he can't work and is running out of money. He doesn't get along with either of them (or anyone really) so him moving in may very well push my grandpa over the edge. I'm pretty sure they all know that yet none of them seem to care.
Sorry to ramble but that's the most recent update.
I'm still doing PT for him but not much. Mainly stretching (even stretching makes him winded so I have to move him limbs for him, not great on my back) and tossing a ball back and forth. Was going to tap a balloon back and forth with him (an easy exercise we used to do right after his stroke) but for some reason my grandma threw them all out which is odd cause she's a hoarder and doesn't throw stuff away. She actually recommended tossing the giant yoga ball back and forth instead. :yrolleyes:
My uncle (their oldest son) is going to be moving in with them. Not really to help out but because he can't work and is running out of money. He doesn't get along with either of them (or anyone really) so him moving in may very well push my grandpa over the edge. I'm pretty sure they all know that yet none of them seem to care.
Sorry to ramble but that's the most recent update.
Rough ass day today if I ever had one through this whole experience.
I went to go do some minor PT and help him get his blood work done and have an x-ray done of his lungs. When I get there I go back to his room to help him up and me and my grandpa can hear my grandma telling my parents about a conversation she had with him earlier. My grandpa said to her, "I feel like I'm dying." She responded with, "then go ahead and die already!" She laughed as she told that story. I told my grandpa that that's messed up that she said that and he agreed. He said that she's been mean to him lately.
So today he said he was too tired to walk and would prefer to use the wheel chair. I said that was fine and went and got it for him. It's clear to me that he does need it because just transferring from one seat to another put him into a wheezing fit. So I'm wheeling him to the bathroom and my grandma sees him in it and starts yelling at him. Says that he can walk just fine and that he's pulling my leg and using me. I told her calmly that he needs it now. Then she goes off barking about how she can't push him around in that. I told her that we'll figure something out.
Getting him in and out of the car today was really rough. He was like a fish out of water trying to breathe. It was awful to watch really. Tugging at heart strings that I thought were long gone. We got his blood work done then went and got his x-rays done. The x-rays are to see how bad things really are and possibly get a time frame on how much time he has left really since he has stage 4 congestive heart failure. Then we took him to the beach and got him some food even though he wasn't hungry and still felt full from food he ate over 4 hours ago (he's a diabetic and has to eat something every couple hours).
When we got him home I helped him into bed and hooked him up to his oxygen. Then rearranged his room. Put the commode near his bed so he wont have to walk to the bathroom if he can't (the commode apparently had to be cleaned out because my grandma didn't clean it after he used it last, she just put a lid on it that is supposed to control odor, which it did for I dunno how many months). Pushed the bed over a bit to make more room for the wheel chair to get around since he'll be using it for a while.
Then my grandma started in again about how she can't push him around in the wheel chair. I told her that that's why we rearranged his room so he wouldn't have to go to far from his bed, chair or to the toilet. Its a temporary solution until they can get more help. She yelled at me again and said, "well I'm not pushing him around in that. It's NOT in my vocabulary!" What? Vocabulary? I get the point but this is your husband. I know you're probably not physically able to, so get some help already. My back is falling apart and you've sucked the very life force out of me with every word that came out of your mouth today (I didn't say any of that but I'm thinking it and feeling it).
Both my grandma and my uncle who's moving in with them soon think that my grandpa would do and feel so much better if he exercised more, walked more etc. They don't understand that in his condition, he just can't. His lungs are filling with fluid and his body doesn't have the oxygen it needs to help him move around. We aren't babying him. We've been taking care of him ever since his stroke and know how he's doing more than they do (plus we go with him to his doctor appointments and talk to his doctors which neither of them do).
He can barely swallow food properly that I saw today. He never had that issue before. He was coughing and partially choking on his pastrami sandwich and choked on his water multiple times today. Dunno if he needs a thickener for his drinks now since he's having trouble swallowing.
Sorry to vent out my long rough day in just a few paragraphs. Basically he's dying but we don't know how long he has left.
I went to go do some minor PT and help him get his blood work done and have an x-ray done of his lungs. When I get there I go back to his room to help him up and me and my grandpa can hear my grandma telling my parents about a conversation she had with him earlier. My grandpa said to her, "I feel like I'm dying." She responded with, "then go ahead and die already!" She laughed as she told that story. I told my grandpa that that's messed up that she said that and he agreed. He said that she's been mean to him lately.
So today he said he was too tired to walk and would prefer to use the wheel chair. I said that was fine and went and got it for him. It's clear to me that he does need it because just transferring from one seat to another put him into a wheezing fit. So I'm wheeling him to the bathroom and my grandma sees him in it and starts yelling at him. Says that he can walk just fine and that he's pulling my leg and using me. I told her calmly that he needs it now. Then she goes off barking about how she can't push him around in that. I told her that we'll figure something out.
Getting him in and out of the car today was really rough. He was like a fish out of water trying to breathe. It was awful to watch really. Tugging at heart strings that I thought were long gone. We got his blood work done then went and got his x-rays done. The x-rays are to see how bad things really are and possibly get a time frame on how much time he has left really since he has stage 4 congestive heart failure. Then we took him to the beach and got him some food even though he wasn't hungry and still felt full from food he ate over 4 hours ago (he's a diabetic and has to eat something every couple hours).
When we got him home I helped him into bed and hooked him up to his oxygen. Then rearranged his room. Put the commode near his bed so he wont have to walk to the bathroom if he can't (the commode apparently had to be cleaned out because my grandma didn't clean it after he used it last, she just put a lid on it that is supposed to control odor, which it did for I dunno how many months). Pushed the bed over a bit to make more room for the wheel chair to get around since he'll be using it for a while.
Then my grandma started in again about how she can't push him around in the wheel chair. I told her that that's why we rearranged his room so he wouldn't have to go to far from his bed, chair or to the toilet. Its a temporary solution until they can get more help. She yelled at me again and said, "well I'm not pushing him around in that. It's NOT in my vocabulary!" What? Vocabulary? I get the point but this is your husband. I know you're probably not physically able to, so get some help already. My back is falling apart and you've sucked the very life force out of me with every word that came out of your mouth today (I didn't say any of that but I'm thinking it and feeling it).
Both my grandma and my uncle who's moving in with them soon think that my grandpa would do and feel so much better if he exercised more, walked more etc. They don't understand that in his condition, he just can't. His lungs are filling with fluid and his body doesn't have the oxygen it needs to help him move around. We aren't babying him. We've been taking care of him ever since his stroke and know how he's doing more than they do (plus we go with him to his doctor appointments and talk to his doctors which neither of them do).
He can barely swallow food properly that I saw today. He never had that issue before. He was coughing and partially choking on his pastrami sandwich and choked on his water multiple times today. Dunno if he needs a thickener for his drinks now since he's having trouble swallowing.
Sorry to vent out my long rough day in just a few paragraphs. Basically he's dying but we don't know how long he has left.
His cardiologist says he's back in stage 3 heart failure (getting better) and that when his heart is more stable from the new meds he's on then he will be a candidate for getting a pacemaker put in.
I thought we were getting closer to having an end to this but it appears it will continue for much much longer. Anyone who hasn't read this thread all the way through may think I'm a horrible person for wishing this would just end.
I thought we were getting closer to having an end to this but it appears it will continue for much much longer. Anyone who hasn't read this thread all the way through may think I'm a horrible person for wishing this would just end.
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Jennifer I am so sorry to read this about your grandpa, it saddens me greatly to hear of another's suffering and I can completely understand why you would want it to end, I told my mum it would be the best present she could give me if she closed her eyes and let herself go, she had cancer all over which she had only found out about, she died 2 days later after my 40th birthday. I just didn't want her to hurt anymore . My heart goes out to you watching you grandpa and having to put up with the horrendous attitude of your grandma, God bless you. :ghug:
. My heart goes out to you watching you grandpa and having to put up with the horrendous attitude of your grandma, God bless you. :ghug:
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No, everyone in my family has already signed DNR (do not recessitate) orders, and are in full agreement of our desires to go as quickly and peacefully as possible.
At the age of 76, Albert Einstein refused life saving surgery, saying, "I have done my share. It is time to go. I shall do so eloquently." He died the next day, having worked right up to the very day he died. I hope I die as well.
You're not a horrible person. There is nothing wrong with wanting peace for your grandfather.
So we found out today that my grandpa might have pancreatic cancer. He had a ultrasound of his liver where they noticed something odd on the pancreas so went in for an ultrasound for the pancreas where they found and mass and his GP thinks it may be cancer. So now we're waiting for the insurance to approve a biopsy to find out for sure. Dunno when that's going to happen.
He just had a pacemaker put in on the 22nd of July so he could live longer yet if he has cancer then, well this just sucks.
My grandma gave hardly any reaction. I think she made a weird face and shrugged her shoulders? What a bitch. Then later she tells my mom something the lines of, "If anything happens to you then there wont be anyone to take care of me."
He just had a pacemaker put in on the 22nd of July so he could live longer yet if he has cancer then, well this just sucks.
My grandma gave hardly any reaction. I think she made a weird face and shrugged her shoulders? What a bitch. Then later she tells my mom something the lines of, "If anything happens to you then there wont be anyone to take care of me."
Cat-a-Tonic
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Aw Jen. I'm so sorry. I hope it's not cancer. That would be devastating! Don't even listen to your grandma, it sounds like she's just out to get attention. I swear some people never grow up even when they get old. Take care of yourself. Big hugs!
I'm so sorry. I hope it's not cancer. That would be devastating! Don't even listen to your grandma, it sounds like she's just out to get attention. I swear some people never grow up even when they get old. Take care of yourself. Big hugs!No cancer was found. The doctor will do CT scans periodically to check if the mass is growing or not.
Grandpa had a seizure this morning. Neither my uncle nor my grandma called 911. My grandma just kept calling my parent's house until they answered. My parents rushed over and took him to the hospital. The seizure was over (lasted a couple minutes) when they got there and my uncle went back to bed once they were there. He just saw his father shaking in bed with his eyes rolled into the back of his head and gasping for air and then just went back to bed.
My grandpa had some tests done and was given some seizure medication to pick up at the pharmacy and was referred to a Neurologist who he's supposed to see today (either seeing them now or they might have finished up by now). All I know is that he seems to be ok yet is very tired and was slurring his speech when my parents first saw him. I'll get an update later.
Who doesn't call 911? All she cares about is the cost of an ambulance.
Grandpa had a seizure this morning. Neither my uncle nor my grandma called 911. My grandma just kept calling my parent's house until they answered. My parents rushed over and took him to the hospital. The seizure was over (lasted a couple minutes) when they got there and my uncle went back to bed once they were there. He just saw his father shaking in bed with his eyes rolled into the back of his head and gasping for air and then just went back to bed.
My grandpa had some tests done and was given some seizure medication to pick up at the pharmacy and was referred to a Neurologist who he's supposed to see today (either seeing them now or they might have finished up by now). All I know is that he seems to be ok yet is very tired and was slurring his speech when my parents first saw him. I'll get an update later.
Who doesn't call 911? All she cares about is the cost of an ambulance.
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:hug::hug::hug::hug:
sending you hugs and prayers Jen.
sending you hugs and prayers Jen.
He had an EEG done to check his brain activity but so far I haven't heard the results or when he'll get them.
My mom thinks he may have had another seizure last week in the night as he lost control of his bowels. My mom said that when she went to pick him up to have blood work done he smelled really bad. Turns out my grandma didn't want to change the sheets in the middle of the night so she gave him a wet rag to wipe off with, changed his clothes and just put another pad under him. My grandpa said he had a hard time falling asleep after because he was all wet and cold. This is why he was taken out of the home he was originally in right after his stroke. They left him in his urine all night and now my grandma is doing the exact same thing.
My mom thinks he may have had another seizure last week in the night as he lost control of his bowels. My mom said that when she went to pick him up to have blood work done he smelled really bad. Turns out my grandma didn't want to change the sheets in the middle of the night so she gave him a wet rag to wipe off with, changed his clothes and just put another pad under him. My grandpa said he had a hard time falling asleep after because he was all wet and cold. This is why he was taken out of the home he was originally in right after his stroke. They left him in his urine all night and now my grandma is doing the exact same thing.
I am. He was in much better care when my parents and I were taking care of him 24/7 but none of us can do that anymore. I'm rarely over there helping out and when I do its just to clip his finger and toenails (apparently no one else will do it). I had to stop helping as much as I was because my back and hips were going out and I was in a lot of pain. Now my dad's back is starting to go out and he's worried that he's going to be next (meaning can't help anymore due to injury). I wish he could go back into a home. The only reason I can think of as to why no one is pushing for it is because of the cost and the fear that my grandparents might lose their house to pay for him to stay in a home.
Grandparents are still alive. They fight often (yelling usually) or the lovely one about not being able to see the urinal and being so upset that my grandpa threatened to throw himself onto the floor and did so right after. If I were still living there, things wouldn't be as bad for them but my life would be complete crap so fuck that.
As for me, I can no longer do any minor lifting at all. Last time was last Friday on my Grandma's birthday, we took them out to eat. At most now I'll clip his fingernails but that's it. It's possible that I may need back surgery at this point because something is pressing on a nerve so badly that my left leg goes completely numb in the night and when I wake up and move, it feels like I'm being branded with a hot poker on the surface of my thigh so I wake up my husband by screaming in pain. It also goes numb while standing, sitting, walking, any position but laying on my right side (which makes my back go numb, no winning here). Once my left leg has gone numb long enough it leaves lasting pain like some sort of welt in my thigh (it's doing it right now).
I'll be having an MRI on both my lumbar spine and my pelvis to see if they can find the cause. If nothing of note shows up in the MRI then I'll request another MRI for the middle of my back (since it also hurts and goes numb there, I've had an MRI there in the past which showed two bulging discs touching my spinal cord) because I do not want to just be sent to pain management. I don't want permanent nerve damage from this and hope that I don't already. So pain management or referral to Neuro surgeon depending on the MRI results. I'll let you know when I have the MRIs done or when they are.
As for me, I can no longer do any minor lifting at all. Last time was last Friday on my Grandma's birthday, we took them out to eat. At most now I'll clip his fingernails but that's it. It's possible that I may need back surgery at this point because something is pressing on a nerve so badly that my left leg goes completely numb in the night and when I wake up and move, it feels like I'm being branded with a hot poker on the surface of my thigh so I wake up my husband by screaming in pain. It also goes numb while standing, sitting, walking, any position but laying on my right side (which makes my back go numb, no winning here). Once my left leg has gone numb long enough it leaves lasting pain like some sort of welt in my thigh (it's doing it right now).
I'll be having an MRI on both my lumbar spine and my pelvis to see if they can find the cause. If nothing of note shows up in the MRI then I'll request another MRI for the middle of my back (since it also hurts and goes numb there, I've had an MRI there in the past which showed two bulging discs touching my spinal cord) because I do not want to just be sent to pain management. I don't want permanent nerve damage from this and hope that I don't already. So pain management or referral to Neuro surgeon depending on the MRI results. I'll let you know when I have the MRIs done or when they are.
Trysha
Well-known member
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- Aug 17, 2009
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- 6,206
Hello Jennifer
What a terrible ordeal you are going through- one thing at a time is enough for most but you have multiple trials to endure.
very sorry to hear of this and hope things will improve soon.
Hugs prayers and best wishes
Trysha
What a terrible ordeal you are going through- one thing at a time is enough for most but you have multiple trials to endure.
very sorry to hear of this and hope things will improve soon.
Hugs prayers and best wishes
Trysha
nogutsnoglory
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That's awful Jennifer I'm sorry to hear that! I don't know if you have tried Neurontin or not. My neurologist prescribed it for my nerve pain and tingling numbness in my extremities. I never took it because my liver is overloaded and it's not constant it comes and goes like a flare up. I hear good things about it though and maybe it can help alleviate some of your pain. I think it may also be used for depression so it can have other perks.
Oh, Gabapentin. I've taken that before and forget why I had to stop taking it exactly (might have been extreme dizzy spells but not certain) but it was very short lived. It was prescribed by my old GP for the numbness in my back that started a few months after I started lifting my grandpa years ago. My current GP also mentioned it but if it's an injury I'm dealing with then it's still not the way to go.
Grandpa fell again this morning. Dunno why I get a call hours later but whatever. He broke his left arm and hit his head. They won't operate on his arm because it needs screws and shit and he's too old with heart problems and on blood thinners. So it'll knit back together slowly and become even more useless than it was before. As for his head, unsure. Dunno if they ran a CT scan or anything to see if he has any bleeding going on inside. He's being kept in the hospital overnight. After that, I have no idea. He may be sent home, he may be forced into a home, I have no idea. I'm going down there shortly to see how he's doing. Just waiting for my ride.
nogutsnoglory
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Sorry you have to deal with this on top of everything else. Does he use a life alert? Or some variation of? I know my sister in laws grandma constantly falls and refuses to go into a home or where one because she doesn't want to feel old! I know they can be difficult but this may be necessary for him.
He lives with his wife and oldest son. They got to him right away. At most they are in another room.
All he did was get up to turn on a light so he could read a book while he sat on the toilet. Completely lost his balance (maybe his pants were around his ankles, I don't know, his son said he wasn't wearing a shirt so I'm confused, his story my be a lie ). He's back at home now and is being put on bed rest with no walking around (toilet only and only with help).
Today was a rough one, that's for sure. His brain damage definitely came through today. I was trying to help put his pants on partially while he was laying down so we could pull them up the rest of the way when he stood up but my grandma would not shut up, just kept barking orders for him to lift his leg and bend his knee so I could put his pants on. He flipped out and said he didn't want to lift his leg because of, "THIS!" Lifted both his legs high in the air and spread them as far as they would go. He flashed his wife (I don't think she's seen it in decades), daughter, granddaughter, son in law and a couple nurses. I had to force his legs down while everyone else averted their eyes. Definitely something that will never leave my fucking brain. :ybatty::awe::runaway::emot-monocle::facepalm:
There's more but good lord, that's enough. My body hurts all over from helping today.
All he did was get up to turn on a light so he could read a book while he sat on the toilet. Completely lost his balance (maybe his pants were around his ankles, I don't know, his son said he wasn't wearing a shirt so I'm confused, his story my be a lie
). He's back at home now and is being put on bed rest with no walking around (toilet only and only with help). Today was a rough one, that's for sure. His brain damage definitely came through today. I was trying to help put his pants on partially while he was laying down so we could pull them up the rest of the way when he stood up but my grandma would not shut up, just kept barking orders for him to lift his leg and bend his knee so I could put his pants on. He flipped out and said he didn't want to lift his leg because of, "THIS!" Lifted both his legs high in the air and spread them as far as they would go. He flashed his wife (I don't think she's seen it in decades), daughter, granddaughter, son in law and a couple nurses. I had to force his legs down while everyone else averted their eyes. Definitely something that will never leave my fucking brain. :ybatty::awe::runaway::emot-monocle::facepalm:
There's more but good lord, that's enough. My body hurts all over from helping today.
Rearranged my grandpa's room today to make it more efficient. Had my dad's help to move the furniture. Got to enjoy hearing my grandma complain about it over the phone to someone. He still isn't standing good at all. He's afraid he's going to fall so he keeps tensing up his left foot and pointing it inward and keeps trying to sit down rather than just let my dad hold him up. Couldn't clean him very well (urinated in the bed again). My grandma is making him not wear any pants to bed anymore so I had to try and clean him off and pull up his pants before he sat down. He hurt his broken arm because when he sat down too fast he plopped it right on my hand while I was finishing with his pants. Drives me nuts.
The news of the day, he's become violent again. Early this morning my uncle was trying to help him hold onto the urinal but my grandpa wasn't urinating for a long time. So my uncle suggested that maybe he didn't really need to go and my grandpa flipped out and yelled, "then get this out of my face!" Then threw the urinal against the wall, then punched my uncle in the arm. Had his face been closer I'm sure he would have been hit there instead.
So his appointment with his GP is on Wednesday where hopefully we'll go over being placed into a home and do more testing to see how extensive his bone cancer is. Hisx-ray not only showed a broken arm but also Paget's disease (bones that produce too quickly that are brittle and easy to break) and Multiple myeloma (bone cancer). I haven't told any of the other family members about it but my grandma might have by now, not sure though. I was told to keep quiet about it by my mom so not sure if I should tell his other daughter and son (my mom's sister and other brother). She said that they don't want others to worry until we know more from a bone scan. But I dunno, seems like something they should know. They're adults so I'm sure they would understand the need for more testing. I read that it's treated with chemo if you're under 70 (grandpa is like 78) but that you can live years after a diagnosis. Grandpa would most likely not get chemo.
I have my MRI tomorrow at 4:30 to check my lower spine to see what's causing my numbness and pain.
The news of the day, he's become violent again. Early this morning my uncle was trying to help him hold onto the urinal but my grandpa wasn't urinating for a long time. So my uncle suggested that maybe he didn't really need to go and my grandpa flipped out and yelled, "then get this out of my face!" Then threw the urinal against the wall, then punched my uncle in the arm. Had his face been closer I'm sure he would have been hit there instead.
So his appointment with his GP is on Wednesday where hopefully we'll go over being placed into a home and do more testing to see how extensive his bone cancer is. Hisx-ray not only showed a broken arm but also Paget's disease (bones that produce too quickly that are brittle and easy to break) and Multiple myeloma (bone cancer). I haven't told any of the other family members about it but my grandma might have by now, not sure though. I was told to keep quiet about it by my mom so not sure if I should tell his other daughter and son (my mom's sister and other brother). She said that they don't want others to worry until we know more from a bone scan. But I dunno, seems like something they should know. They're adults so I'm sure they would understand the need for more testing. I read that it's treated with chemo if you're under 70 (grandpa is like 78) but that you can live years after a diagnosis. Grandpa would most likely not get chemo.
I have my MRI tomorrow at 4:30 to check my lower spine to see what's causing my numbness and pain.
Was going to take him to the doctor today but something's happened to his brain. When my uncle and grandma came in to help him change his sheets etc, he became extremely violent and was throwing punches, the urinal and trying to bite my grandma. My grandma said she couldn't take it anymore and walked out of the room. So my grandpa was left in his bed full of urine (my uncle can't handle him on his own).
My mom called the doctor right away and told them what happened. The doctor cancelled the appointment for today and called in a prescription for Ativan to help sedate him. He already has a prescription for Xanax so I'm not sure how much that will do. Basically the doctor just said to keep him sedated at home. WTF? Why not send him to a care facility? Or push for them to switch insurances so he could be placed in one? This doctor is seriously fucking terrible but what do you expect from MedStop.
I'm going down there again to help clean up his bed and possible him if he's non violent. He's never hurt me but has threatened me in the past so I've kept my distance ever since. If things get out of hand I'll push for, if not call 911.
My mom called the doctor right away and told them what happened. The doctor cancelled the appointment for today and called in a prescription for Ativan to help sedate him. He already has a prescription for Xanax so I'm not sure how much that will do. Basically the doctor just said to keep him sedated at home. WTF? Why not send him to a care facility? Or push for them to switch insurances so he could be placed in one? This doctor is seriously fucking terrible but what do you expect from MedStop.
I'm going down there again to help clean up his bed and possible him if he's non violent. He's never hurt me but has threatened me in the past so I've kept my distance ever since. If things get out of hand I'll push for, if not call 911.
Cat-a-Tonic
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Aw Jenn, this sounds like such an awful situation, I'm so sorry to hear it. I agree that your grandpa's doctor sounds like he doesn't know what he's doing - and I hope you don't end up having to call 911. But, if you do, maybe at the hospital they could make the determination that your grandpa does indeed need to be in assisted living or a nursing home. The violence sounds just absolutely frightening. I'm in a somewhat similar situation in that my grandpa also really should be in a home or in assisted living due to his old age, poor health & being in a wheelchair, but I'm fortunate that he's all there mentally and hasn't ever been violent or anything like that. My situation with my grandpa is difficult enough and I can't imagine violence on top of it, so I really feel for you and I hope there is an answer soon for this terrible situation your family is in. Big hugs!
Well no one was attacked while I was there. The Ativan the doctor prescribed isn't even as strong as his Xanax and it's basically the same medication but can't be taken together. Not much of a sedative...
So when we got there my grandpa was almost completely naked with no cover on him, just laying in a bed filled with piss. It was worse than last time. He had a shirt still wrapped around his broken arm that was soaked with piss. My dad tried to get it off but grandpa became angry cause it hurt a lot. So I stepped in and assured him that I would go slow and do everything for him to get it off (short sleeve shirt only cut down the back but didn't cut the sleeve so it could go around his arm and fasten with a clasp, tie, anything, it was my grandma's creation, bet that felt awesome getting put on, no wonder he was punching at them). I slowly lifted his arm then realized I was touching a shirt that was once white and dry. This was not. Oh joy. Wish I had gloves on but it was too late at that point. While I was getting it off I noticed that he had a friction burn on his elbow and there was blood on the shirt, sheets and in the sling he's supposed to be wearing 24/7 for one week (he takes it off every night since he got out of the hospital).
Then I gave him a birdy/sponge bath in bed. When I was cleaning his broken arm side I put the large towel over his right arm and tucked in to, "keep him warm" but really just to make sure I had time to pull away in case he tried to hit me. Why am I the one doing it? Why does his granddaughter have to see his junk and wash that and his ass? My dad helped hold him in position and my mom brought me the warm water, soap and towels. Could I have done one of those jobs instead? I was wearing gloves but the urine soaked sheets under him made me gag real bad at one point. This is worse than the home he stayed in before he was sent home. Yet he doesn't complain like he did when he was in the home. I think his recent fall did more damage to his brain or maybe he had another stroke that caused him to fall, I don't know. He's just different now. Moved him into his wheel chair after that and put the shirt on him that my mom made that is open in the back with ties (we only tied the top one) and have the sleeve cut properly with velcro so the sleeve would close around his broken arm. Lotioned up his itchy red rashy looking back then tucked him in with a nice blanket.
Took him out of the room and into the living room while we went back and changed his bedding. My dad and I are still trying to figure out the best way to add the pads so the urine doesn't soak through everything. Aired out the room then took grandpa outside to get some fresh air. A friend of theirs from church came by and we all had a nice chat outside.
While we were bringing him back in he groped my grandma's inner thigh (high, if she didn't pull away and I hadn't moved the chair he would have full on reached up there). I told him to be nice and keep his hands to himself (in a playful manner) and he said something like, "I can if I want to, that's my girl. She's plump and ripe and......" I stopped listening. He's never spoken about her like that before.
After that took him back to his room. He tried going to the bathroom but still can't poop. My grandma is reluctant to give him a stool softener cause she doesn't want to deal with him shitting the bed. Well I'm sure a full blockage is much better so it'll perforate his bowel and wont have emergency surgery because he's a major bleeder and might die from sepsis. Great plan grandma. He was given a stool softener today finally so we'll see how things go. My grandma lied and said she gave it to him yesterday too but she finally admitted that she only did it today.
I'm also the only person icing his broken arm. It's supposed to be done 3-4 times a day for 15-20 minutes. I do it for 20 minutes. It's all black and blue and swelling up. It needs to be iced more and needs back into that sling.
Got him in bed after that and he fell asleep while I tried to get his stupid TV to work (he wanted it on), which never really did. So I tried to find a VHS tape for him to watch for when he woke up. Finally found one but then realized that his VHS is broken. Awesome. Time well spent. Then left.
Rough day.
So when we got there my grandpa was almost completely naked with no cover on him, just laying in a bed filled with piss. It was worse than last time. He had a shirt still wrapped around his broken arm that was soaked with piss. My dad tried to get it off but grandpa became angry cause it hurt a lot. So I stepped in and assured him that I would go slow and do everything for him to get it off (short sleeve shirt only cut down the back but didn't cut the sleeve so it could go around his arm and fasten with a clasp, tie, anything, it was my grandma's creation, bet that felt awesome getting put on, no wonder he was punching at them). I slowly lifted his arm then realized I was touching a shirt that was once white and dry. This was not. Oh joy. Wish I had gloves on but it was too late at that point. While I was getting it off I noticed that he had a friction burn on his elbow and there was blood on the shirt, sheets and in the sling he's supposed to be wearing 24/7 for one week (he takes it off every night since he got out of the hospital).
Then I gave him a birdy/sponge bath in bed. When I was cleaning his broken arm side I put the large towel over his right arm and tucked in to, "keep him warm" but really just to make sure I had time to pull away in case he tried to hit me. Why am I the one doing it? Why does his granddaughter have to see his junk and wash that and his ass? My dad helped hold him in position and my mom brought me the warm water, soap and towels. Could I have done one of those jobs instead? I was wearing gloves but the urine soaked sheets under him made me gag real bad at one point. This is worse than the home he stayed in before he was sent home. Yet he doesn't complain like he did when he was in the home. I think his recent fall did more damage to his brain or maybe he had another stroke that caused him to fall, I don't know. He's just different now. Moved him into his wheel chair after that and put the shirt on him that my mom made that is open in the back with ties (we only tied the top one) and have the sleeve cut properly with velcro so the sleeve would close around his broken arm. Lotioned up his itchy red rashy looking back then tucked him in with a nice blanket.
Took him out of the room and into the living room while we went back and changed his bedding. My dad and I are still trying to figure out the best way to add the pads so the urine doesn't soak through everything. Aired out the room then took grandpa outside to get some fresh air. A friend of theirs from church came by and we all had a nice chat outside.
While we were bringing him back in he groped my grandma's inner thigh (high, if she didn't pull away and I hadn't moved the chair he would have full on reached up there). I told him to be nice and keep his hands to himself (in a playful manner) and he said something like, "I can if I want to, that's my girl. She's plump and ripe and......" I stopped listening. He's never spoken about her like that before.
After that took him back to his room. He tried going to the bathroom but still can't poop. My grandma is reluctant to give him a stool softener cause she doesn't want to deal with him shitting the bed. Well I'm sure a full blockage is much better so it'll perforate his bowel and wont have emergency surgery because he's a major bleeder and might die from sepsis. Great plan grandma. He was given a stool softener today finally so we'll see how things go. My grandma lied and said she gave it to him yesterday too but she finally admitted that she only did it today.
I'm also the only person icing his broken arm. It's supposed to be done 3-4 times a day for 15-20 minutes. I do it for 20 minutes. It's all black and blue and swelling up. It needs to be iced more and needs back into that sling.
Got him in bed after that and he fell asleep while I tried to get his stupid TV to work (he wanted it on), which never really did. So I tried to find a VHS tape for him to watch for when he woke up. Finally found one but then realized that his VHS is broken. Awesome. Time well spent. Then left.
Rough day.
Cross-stitch gal
Moderator
I don't know how I would do in your situation. It's hard enough for me hearing how my grandparents are deteriorating from my folks, not alone seeing it. But, you've done the best you can when you're able to do it and you've done a wonderful job. Sending many hugs your way. :hug:
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My sister and I looked after my mum for a few years she had dementia it was pretty awful,she had all the stuff that goes with it,no need for details,but from your post he needs full time care,houses and family just can,t deal with it long term it needs the professionals.good luck
@ Axelfl3333 - My grandmother (my dad's mom) had dementia as well and was placed in a care facility because she was a danger to herself and others. Her insurance was clearly better than what my mom's parent's have. Plus she also had the inheritance from her husband after he passed away. The place she stayed in was really nice.
We're trying our best as a family to take care of my grandpa but we all believe that he needs to be in a 24 hour care facility. My parents go over there to change his bedding and clean him up every day, sometimes multiple times a day. He's on bed rest now and wets the bed. He rips off his diaper (in shreds and throws them everywhere). I go over there and help bathe him and change his bedding as well when I'm able but my parents never get a day off. It is too much for us. He was doing fairly well before his recent fall. He still tries to be abusive to my grandma and uncle by throwing objects at them but never hurts myself or my parents. His pretend biting scares me though. I fear that one day he'll really do it.
My grandma has too much money in her bank account to change insurances. She needs to take care of that but for some reason won't do what needs to be done. Next time I'm down there (could be tomorrow) I'm going to try and talk to her about it to see if she'll start doing what needs to be done.
Another factor is that I'm afraid that my mom might not want him in a care facility because of the bone cancer that was found. If he were to pass away soon then it may be best for him to stay in his own home and we would care for him until his time comes but if it's not that far along then we really need to push for a scare facility. I understand her thoughts and kind of feel the same way but couldn't we just take him home when that time comes near or would he think that the facility is his home by that time? I have no idea what's best. He has a doctor's appointment soon and we'll go over all of this then (hopefully).
He's having a hard time finding his left arm or knowing where it is since his last fall. My dad was touching his left arm and asked him if he could feel it. Grandpa said yes. My dad asked him to show him where he was touching him and my grandpa touched the left side of his abdomen. He seems to have gotten worse and is always tired, always sleeping. Still knows who we are but it's not looking good. He also isn't eating much and can't seem to go to the bathroom. I checked him yesterday after my birthday party to see if he had an obstruction. Pressed around like my doctors do in the right places and listened with a stethoscope to make sure I could hear his bowel sounds. If any part was silent then that would mean an obstruction and we'd have to take him to the ER. His belly isn't distended either so so far so good in that department I guess. My mom gave him an enema the other day so he could go and my grandma got made cause she had to clean up feces on top of the urine. She'll never get her priorities right. Someone needs to take over.
We're trying our best as a family to take care of my grandpa but we all believe that he needs to be in a 24 hour care facility. My parents go over there to change his bedding and clean him up every day, sometimes multiple times a day. He's on bed rest now and wets the bed. He rips off his diaper (in shreds and throws them everywhere). I go over there and help bathe him and change his bedding as well when I'm able but my parents never get a day off. It is too much for us. He was doing fairly well before his recent fall. He still tries to be abusive to my grandma and uncle by throwing objects at them but never hurts myself or my parents. His pretend biting scares me though. I fear that one day he'll really do it.
My grandma has too much money in her bank account to change insurances. She needs to take care of that but for some reason won't do what needs to be done. Next time I'm down there (could be tomorrow) I'm going to try and talk to her about it to see if she'll start doing what needs to be done.
Another factor is that I'm afraid that my mom might not want him in a care facility because of the bone cancer that was found. If he were to pass away soon then it may be best for him to stay in his own home and we would care for him until his time comes but if it's not that far along then we really need to push for a scare facility. I understand her thoughts and kind of feel the same way but couldn't we just take him home when that time comes near or would he think that the facility is his home by that time? I have no idea what's best. He has a doctor's appointment soon and we'll go over all of this then (hopefully).
He's having a hard time finding his left arm or knowing where it is since his last fall. My dad was touching his left arm and asked him if he could feel it. Grandpa said yes. My dad asked him to show him where he was touching him and my grandpa touched the left side of his abdomen. He seems to have gotten worse and is always tired, always sleeping. Still knows who we are but it's not looking good. He also isn't eating much and can't seem to go to the bathroom. I checked him yesterday after my birthday party to see if he had an obstruction. Pressed around like my doctors do in the right places and listened with a stethoscope to make sure I could hear his bowel sounds. If any part was silent then that would mean an obstruction and we'd have to take him to the ER. His belly isn't distended either so so far so good in that department I guess. My mom gave him an enema the other day so he could go and my grandma got made cause she had to clean up feces on top of the urine. She'll never get her priorities right. Someone needs to take over.
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Sometimes you,ve got to roll over and shout uncle!we had a house fire with my mum and one car needing a new interior ,but there only things they don,t really matter your families wellbeing is the important thing,you and your mum shouldn't,t be doing medical procedures that's for the professionals,at some time you,ll all understand that the best thing is full time care,it's never easy.
Cross-stitch gal
Moderator
Unfortunately, care for your elderly family can pretty much drain your wallet too. My aunt has cut costs for my grandparents by administering their medications herself rather than getting a visiting nurse to do it.
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i,ll never understand the american healthcare system!its plain wrong
It is frustrating.
My mom takes care of all of their medication. My grandma plays with the pills anyway. We found out recently that she's been taking my grandpa's pain medication. 10mg of Norco and sometimes she takes 2 at a time for her "tooth ache." If it's that bad then get to a dentist. It's not though, she's just a closet addict so that's something new we have to address now. Since she's so drugged up she may have ruined his chance to get into a home soon. There's a woman from their insurance company who needs to come by so she can talk about possible placement and asked if tomorrow was ok. My grandma told her over the phone, "no, maybe Friday? I don't know." So my mom is going to try getting a hold of her to see if she can come tomorrow still or on Thursday at least. Gonna be another long day.
When Home Health came by today my mom told me that my grandma said that sometimes grandpa hits her and then would laugh about it. She also spaced out a lot and didn't understand what they were saying to her. She's taking too many of his pills. She also keeps giving him a Norco even though he's not supposed to take it because he has dementia (doctors at the ER confirmed it yesterday, yes that's where I was yesterday and how we got Home Health to come over). Certain medications make them act out more.
Going over there tomorrow early in the morning to clean him up and help take him to his doctor appointment. The sooner he's in a home the better. Then I also won't have to see my grandma for a while.
My mom takes care of all of their medication. My grandma plays with the pills anyway. We found out recently that she's been taking my grandpa's pain medication. 10mg of Norco and sometimes she takes 2 at a time for her "tooth ache." If it's that bad then get to a dentist. It's not though, she's just a closet addict so that's something new we have to address now. Since she's so drugged up she may have ruined his chance to get into a home soon. There's a woman from their insurance company who needs to come by so she can talk about possible placement and asked if tomorrow was ok. My grandma told her over the phone, "no, maybe Friday? I don't know." So my mom is going to try getting a hold of her to see if she can come tomorrow still or on Thursday at least. Gonna be another long day.
When Home Health came by today my mom told me that my grandma said that sometimes grandpa hits her and then would laugh about it. She also spaced out a lot and didn't understand what they were saying to her. She's taking too many of his pills. She also keeps giving him a Norco even though he's not supposed to take it because he has dementia (doctors at the ER confirmed it yesterday, yes that's where I was yesterday and how we got Home Health to come over). Certain medications make them act out more.
Going over there tomorrow early in the morning to clean him up and help take him to his doctor appointment. The sooner he's in a home the better. Then I also won't have to see my grandma for a while.
Cross-stitch gal
Moderator
Hopefully for your family's sake your mom can get the insurance people over soon. Sending hugs you and your family's way. :ghug:
I need an EMG done (blood clots were ruled out, my numbness and pain is my nerves being affected by bulging and herniated discs in my back), nerve test to find which nerves are being affected. Test is scheduled for June 25th. I'm overjoyed with having to wait until then... With all this going on I'm not on the forum much cause I'm in pain and need to stay in certain positions to help prevent further nerve damage. I'm on the cancellation list but it's a 2 hour test so I doubt that many people will cancel to let me get that test done sooner. Until June I'm just gonna have to deal. My posting on the forum will be limited that entire time.
theOcean
Moderator
I'm so sorry to hear about the dementia diagnosis.
My grandfather had alzheimer's. It's a really tough thing to watch. I hope he's able to get into a home soon.
Cross-stitch gal
Moderator
Sure hope you can get in before the 25th Jennifer. But, we'll understand you not being able to be on the forum much in the meantime. We'll sure miss you though. Please take care of yourself. :hug:
One of my grandparent's neighbors called the cops a few nights ago because my grandpa was yelling for a long time with no answer. Dunno why my uncle didn't get up in a timely manner to help. Possibly knocked out with sleep medication and my grandma's hearing aids broke years ago (didn't want to spend money for new ones and doesn't like to hear either I guess). So a social worker came by the next day and said that my grandma needs to spend down immediately so they can go on Medicaid and so he can be placed into a home otherwise she may face criminal charges and the house and any other assets may be taken away to help pay for his care in a home.
That was a few days ago and to my knowledge she hasn't spent a dime since.
That was a few days ago and to my knowledge she hasn't spent a dime since.
Cross-stitch gal
Moderator
All I can say is, that my family has been going through some of the exact things you are with my grandparents. Only thing is that they haven't needed to spend down like yours. I hope your family can get things resolved soon. Let me know if you need to talk. :hug:
Cat-a-Tonic
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I wasn't sure what spend down meant so I just googled it. So if I understood correctly from my googling, Jenn, they told your grandma to basically start spending money so that your grandpa can qualify for medicaid? And she's essentially refusing to do so? I wonder if you could have someone come in and evaluate her mental status - that and the refusing to fix her hearing aid thing, is that just how she always is or could you have her declared incompetent and put them both in a home? Just thinking out loud. It sounds like a really horrible situation that just keeps finding new ways to become freshly horrible all over again. I hope a solution comes along soon.
Yes it means spend the money they have so they can qualify for Medicaid. They also have to sell one of their cars (my grandpa's Ford Ranchero that he was fixing up before his stroke).
She's always been this way. Both my uncles think they should both go into a home. All I know is that my grandma doesn't want to live alone. Well you won't be alone in a home. She's stated that she doesn't want to be in one and mentioned my husband and I moving in with her once my grandpa is in a home. Fuck no. I'm not sure how her mental status could be evaluated to see if she isn't competent enough. If it's anything like what they did to evaluate my grandpa, then she'd pass no problem.
She's always been this way. Both my uncles think they should both go into a home. All I know is that my grandma doesn't want to live alone. Well you won't be alone in a home.
She's stated that she doesn't want to be in one and mentioned my husband and I moving in with her once my grandpa is in a home. Fuck no. I'm not sure how her mental status could be evaluated to see if she isn't competent enough. If it's anything like what they did to evaluate my grandpa, then she'd pass no problem.
Cat-a-Tonic
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What kind of evaluation did they do on your grandpa to test his mental status? I remember when my grandpa collapsed after a dialysis treatment gone wrong (they apparently took too much fluid out of him), the paramedics tried to gauge his mental status and they asked him one question, which was, "What's your name?" And my grandpa looked down his nose at them and said rather condescendingly, "YOU can call me JUDGE." The paramedics looked puzzled, and my grandma had to tell them, "Oh, he isn't mentally altered, he really is a judge!" In hindsight it's kind of funny. Even when he's collapsing on the floor like that, my grandpa is unshakeable - he maintains his grumpy attitude, his snark, his need to be respected, and his disdain for other people. But I could see how the "What's your name?" test could be passed really easily if that's the only thing they ask after an event like that. I think when my grandpa had his cardiac arrest, they defibrillated him multiple times and he came back to life on the 7th shock and immediately regained consciousness, and at that point they maybe asked him 3 questions (I think it was, what year is it, who is president, and what's your name). So yeah, that type of question being answered successfully just tells you that the person is alive and at least minimally aware of reality, but it doesn't gauge any more than that. Fortunately my grandpa's mental status is fine, he has no brain damage, but it sounds like they could have easily missed it if he did have some damage.
Sorry, that was a ramble. Good luck making your grandma spend the money... maybe turn the TV on to the home shopping network and then "lose" the remote?
But I could see how the "What's your name?" test could be passed really easily if that's the only thing they ask after an event like that. I think when my grandpa had his cardiac arrest, they defibrillated him multiple times and he came back to life on the 7th shock and immediately regained consciousness, and at that point they maybe asked him 3 questions (I think it was, what year is it, who is president, and what's your name). So yeah, that type of question being answered successfully just tells you that the person is alive and at least minimally aware of reality, but it doesn't gauge any more than that. Fortunately my grandpa's mental status is fine, he has no brain damage, but it sounds like they could have easily missed it if he did have some damage.Sorry, that was a ramble. Good luck making your grandma spend the money... maybe turn the TV on to the home shopping network and then "lose" the remote?
I could just break everything.
They asked him his name, if he knew where he was, what the date was, the day if he didn't know that, the month if he didn't know that along with the year, who the president is, they mentioned 3 easy to remember words that were right in the room like pencil, shoe and paper then asked him a few questions after then asked him to repeat the words he was supposed to remember. They also asked him when his birthday is along with his wife's birthday. It was all simple stuff like that. My grandpa fails it now and doesn't take the questions seriously at all and just screws around. My grandma would easily pass. She just makes stupid decisions and isn't taking this seriously and I think my mom needs to be more firm with her than she's been because my mom is the only one my grandma seems to listen to. I told my mom to just take her shopping and my dad and I will take care of grandpa. You could blow all that money in a day which is what Social Services wants them to do as long as everything they purchase is needed to help improve their care etc.
They asked him his name, if he knew where he was, what the date was, the day if he didn't know that, the month if he didn't know that along with the year, who the president is, they mentioned 3 easy to remember words that were right in the room like pencil, shoe and paper then asked him a few questions after then asked him to repeat the words he was supposed to remember. They also asked him when his birthday is along with his wife's birthday. It was all simple stuff like that. My grandpa fails it now and doesn't take the questions seriously at all and just screws around. My grandma would easily pass. She just makes stupid decisions and isn't taking this seriously and I think my mom needs to be more firm with her than she's been because my mom is the only one my grandma seems to listen to. I told my mom to just take her shopping and my dad and I will take care of grandpa. You could blow all that money in a day which is what Social Services wants them to do as long as everything they purchase is needed to help improve their care etc.
Cat-a-Tonic
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Hah, you and breaking everything. I still remember our facebook conversation where you wanted to throw the TV I was giving away down the stairs and break it in many interesting ways.
So they could potentially blow the money all in one day and it has to be on items related to your grandparents' care - perhaps you could convince your grandma to blow all the money on one big-ticket item like one of those rascal scooter things or whatever? (Or could your grandpa do too much damage driving around on one of those things?) At least then that would be over and done with and you all could move on to whatever the next step is in the process.
So they could potentially blow the money all in one day and it has to be on items related to your grandparents' care - perhaps you could convince your grandma to blow all the money on one big-ticket item like one of those rascal scooter things or whatever? (Or could your grandpa do too much damage driving around on one of those things?) At least then that would be over and done with and you all could move on to whatever the next step is in the process.
Cross-stitch gal
Moderator
You could see if there's any clothes that they're wearing out that they might need. Anymore, it seems like clothes and shoes are getting more and more expensive. I'm afraid though, my family did that with my granny and she didn't realize that the nightgowns were hers (because her mind isn't all there anymore). So, she gave all the new ones to goodwill and kept the old ones with holes in them.
The things they need to purchase are caskets for them both which will be around $8,000 alone. They also need a new fridge, washing machine and wall heater. They could also purchase a new car and get rid of the other two. There are tons of things they could buy, it's more of a matter of doing it. If she gave me her credit card, I'd blow it in a day.
I don't think you can make legal decisions for someone who is mentally competent. Social Services will be fine with just throwing her ass in jail and taking all their stuff.
My grandpa would not be able to drive a scooter. Bad things would happen. First thing he'd do is slam his way down the hallway to the front door and leave and get stuck somewhere, then fall out or something dumb.
I don't think you can make legal decisions for someone who is mentally competent. Social Services will be fine with just throwing her ass in jail and taking all their stuff.
My grandpa would not be able to drive a scooter. Bad things would happen. First thing he'd do is slam his way down the hallway to the front door and leave and get stuck somewhere, then fall out or something dumb.
Grandpa was taken away this morning. My mom called 911 because he was threatening to kill her in all sorts of colorful ways. They were instructed to call 911 if he ever lashes out at people again and no one wanted to get close enough to get hit by him the way my grandma tends to. He hit her just the other day and yelled and screamed all night long. He's been doing this off an on but it's become too much to handle and he's a danger to himself and others. So my mom made a B line for the phone and the paramedics came and took him to the hospital.
He'll likely be put on a 72 hour hold at the hospital and then taken somewhere. My parents saw their lawyer yesterday and the lawyer said he'll likely go into a psychiatric facility rather than a home. There is one nearby but it's mainly for criminals and those who can care for themselves so he'll likely be going somewhere hours away from here.
I haven't talked to my parents yet, just my grandma and she sounded very relieved. I am too but as I type this I feel this odd choking sensation. Dunno if I'm happy that it's over or fear that this is the end or something else. I don't feel good. All that work ends in... this. He was supposed to get better, not lose his mind.
He'll likely be put on a 72 hour hold at the hospital and then taken somewhere. My parents saw their lawyer yesterday and the lawyer said he'll likely go into a psychiatric facility rather than a home. There is one nearby but it's mainly for criminals and those who can care for themselves so he'll likely be going somewhere hours away from here.
I haven't talked to my parents yet, just my grandma and she sounded very relieved. I am too but as I type this I feel this odd choking sensation. Dunno if I'm happy that it's over or fear that this is the end or something else. I don't feel good. All that work ends in... this. He was supposed to get better, not lose his mind.
nogutsnoglory
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It's an awful situation to be in so I think you can forgive yourself for any kind of emotional or physical reaction you have, elated, sad or mad or some combo. There is no right answer in how to deal with these things. I hope you and your family will be well as you figure out the best solution.
Cross-stitch gal
Moderator
Oh Jennifer!!! I'm afraid that I have no advice. But, do want you to know how sorry I am. Plus, I also want to send lots of hugs your way. :hug:
Plus, I also want to send lots of hugs your way. :hug:
DustyKat
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I am so very sorry to hear about your Grandpa Crabby. MEGA hugs to you! :ghug: And I am sorry I am late to a lot of this.
It sounds like your Grandpa has dementia. The test they gave him was a mini mental/cognitive skills test. Delerium can have the same or similar symptoms but that is usually acute onset due to infection and once treated it resolves. Knowing it and knowing the consequences of it doesn't make it any easier though, especially when that next step to care is taken.
I just wish I knew your system so I could be of more help to you.
In my thoughts. :heart:
Dusty. xxx
It sounds like your Grandpa has dementia. The test they gave him was a mini mental/cognitive skills test.
Delerium can have the same or similar symptoms but that is usually acute onset due to infection and once treated it resolves. Knowing it and knowing the consequences of it doesn't make it any easier though, especially when that next step to care is taken. I just wish I knew your system so I could be of more help to you.
In my thoughts. :heart:
Dusty. xxx
He does have dementia but he was supposed to see his Neurologist again (appointment was months away from now) to find out if it was caused by scar tissue from the strokes or from Alzheimer's (that's what we were told last time he went to the hospital when he started having seizures). Looks like that's not going to happen though.
Thank you all for your thoughts and well wishes. I appreciate it.
Thank you all for your thoughts and well wishes. I appreciate it.
DustyKat
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I don't imagine at this point it will make a difference aside from a purely diagnostic standpoint, Alzheimer's type dementia versus Vascular dementia.
I hope they are able to put a decent plan in place for your Grandpa and your family Crabby. :ghug:
Dusty. xxx
I hope they are able to put a decent plan in place for your Grandpa and your family Crabby. :ghug:
Dusty. xxx
Cat-a-Tonic
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Big hugs, Jenn. I think NGNG said it best - whatever you're feeling, it's okay to feel that way. This is kind of a mini-grief in a way, you're grieving what was supposed to happen (he was supposed to get better but didn't). So whatever you're feeling, anger or sadness or confusion or relief, just know that it's okay to feel all of that and don't beat yourself up for having conflicted feelings about any of this. I know it was a lot of work and stress for you and I'm sorry this was the conclusion to all of that. Hopefully now your family can move on a little bit, and you can take care of yourself a bit more.
Grandpa was released from the hospital today and placed into a boarding house in another city (about a half hour away). My mom gave me the address and phone number but I don't really have plans on calling (don't have a car to visit either so I'd only go if my parents did). Plus you're not supposed to contact them for a couple weeks from what I heard so they can get used to their new surroundings yet this location may be temporary until there's an opening somewhere else.
Yesterday he had been calling my grandma from the hospital telling her in an angry voice over and over, "You got your wish... they did a procedure on me and now I'm paralyzed and can't walk, you got your wish." Then he started beating himself in the head with the phone (no procedures were done on him). It was eventually taken away from him. So with all that, I don't know how he'll do at the boarding house especially if there aren't any rails on the bed...
My grandma refused to pack a bag of clothes for him and just went to bed instead. I understand her not wanting to deal with him especially after he punched her face yet it puts more work on my parents to get his things together. Grandma is just done with it all.
Yesterday he had been calling my grandma from the hospital telling her in an angry voice over and over, "You got your wish... they did a procedure on me and now I'm paralyzed and can't walk, you got your wish." Then he started beating himself in the head with the phone (no procedures were done on him). It was eventually taken away from him. So with all that, I don't know how he'll do at the boarding house especially if there aren't any rails on the bed...
My grandma refused to pack a bag of clothes for him and just went to bed instead. I understand her not wanting to deal with him especially after he punched her face yet it puts more work on my parents to get his things together. Grandma is just done with it all.
My grandmother (dad's mom) was in one before she passed away. It was a large house with many rooms rented out to the elderly. They got their pills, meals and could go from room to room as they pleased to watch TV or whatever. My grandmother couldn't walk or speak yet my grandpa tends to try to get out of bed and can't walk but loves to scream and yell and be violent so I don't know how good he'll do there. You have to be certified to run one. They have a fair amount of staff in there helping out as well. Kind of like a miniature old folks home.
My grandpa is now on Hospice. A bit late I think. He's declining VERY fast. He can't eat and can barely drink anything. I visited him yesterday and he slept the whole time and we couldn't wake him up. I saw him today on Easter and he was constantly yelling jibberish and would randomly say out there things on repeat ("I die I die I die... la la la... etc) and randomly burst out cursing like a case of Tourettes. It was actually pretty terrifying especially when he would open his mouth all the way and just YELL. Not even words, just the most terrible sound. We don't think that he'll last much longer. My grandma refused to visit him.
Cross-stitch gal
Moderator
Oh my goodness Jennifer!!!! I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Sending you lots of hugs...
Cat-a-Tonic
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I'm so sorry, Jenn. Big hugs to you and your family.
I'm sorry to hear that DougUte. It's been a roller coaster ride for us of him getting better, then not so good, then good again to slowly becoming someone else and then just completely downhill. It's really hard and I'm sorry that her father, her, you and your family went through that. *HUGS*
It's been a roller coaster ride for us of him getting better, then not so good, then good again to slowly becoming someone else and then just completely downhill. It's really hard and I'm sorry that her father, her, you and your family went through that. *HUGS*My Grandpa passed away the other day around 2:00 am. The funeral is next Tuesday. I don't really have anything to write or share right now and I've had a hard time going online at all so my activity on the forum is going to be a bit spotty, this is the first time I've logged on since.
