Well, I will try to make this as brief as possible although it may be a bit long, please forgive me for that.
I believe I have had some form of crohn's since I was at least 13 yrs old, however I was just diagnosed in JAN of 2012, at the age of 33.
A brief description of what brought on the flare that got my crohn's flaring and making itself very well known.
Feb '11-my best friend, more of my brother than a friend, got sick, bi-lateral pneumonia and H1N1 swine flu. He fought in ICU for 63 days before finally sucombing to the stress on his lungs. I never thought in a million years that anything like that would have occurred, let alone with the outcome that has come to pass. Theres obviously alot of stuff that occurred in that period that was beyond stressful.
After his passing, I took care of his fiance, as the 3 of us were best friends and she had noone really to help her, plus I looked after her while he was in the ICU. After about 2 months she initiated a relationship that broke the friendship boundary. I struggled with this as well but knew if anything, at least he knew I would take care of her, and I know he would not be upset. However, the fact that we were best friends, he confieded in me alot, and certain things that I felt were a tremendous stress on him.
I had now somewhat stepped into his shoes and as life began to somewhat resume to some level or normalcy I began to feel the stress as she could not go back to work, eventually losing her job, and a slew of other little problems and things following. I was slowly going broke, and then she found a job that was much better paying, so I felt things were on the mend, well, she couldn't hack it, and for w/e reason had to quit. Not too long after she had left me for a guy she met at her best friends, moms funeral, to which I did not go, as I had to work, to support us... I work from sun up to sundown in tv/film industry. The months leading up to her leaving I was slowly shedding weight, but I thought that this was due to the stress etc... but even she noticed that I was starting to get excessively thin. I am 5'6" and was 145-160lbs summer-winter weights, at the time she left me I was down to a bout 126 lbs, at the moment I pretty much hover 114-118 lbs.
The reason I brought up these two events is because within less than a year I think i went through some of the more traumatic experiences of my life, and thats not to say that I have not experienced rough times, my 3 yr old brother drowned in our pool when I was 8 and I was supposed to be watching him. I could go on, but I'll just say, that was at 8 and I have definitely had my unfair share of ****** experiences.
So, as she left me, at the time, I was having lots of stomach cramping, waking up every 2 hours to have really extremely "child birth" like bowel movements that would leave me wiped out where I could barely walk. I had also had fistulas in the past and one of them was definitely becoming active again, or it was a new one.
So, shortly after she left in jan'12 I was diagnosed with crohn's, and the next month I had my appendix removed in an emergency surgery, during which they discovered 8ft of the large intestine i believe, that they wanted to remove upon exploratory surgery, to which my parents opted against.
A month or 2 after that surgery, I had a flare which began as a 103 fever, and upon being checked in, I ended up spending a week in the hospital, and 5 days with no food or liquid, boy that sucked. So, since then, I have tried 6mp, humira, I am on remicade at the moment, however, honestly, nothing has ever seemed to help, or work, and now it seems that it is getting worse. I have become dependant on norco, as it is the only thing that literally gives me relief from everything, the pain, nausea, u name it, it helps it. I know some people disagree, which is fine, but, when I feel like I do, it is the only thing that I can turn to, to an extent, but even that can only work for so long. I am not sure I would still be here, had it not been for them, and I still contemplate whether or not it is worth it to continue to be tortured with this disease. My most recent visit to the doc, when I told her that I feel like it is worse, the pain, the cramping, the nausea, the b/m's, and her response was that at this point I might require surgery, as the numbers from my test regarding inflamation, have been on the decrease over the past 3 months, so the damage must be due to long term scarring which is ir-repairable. I have felt that surgery was coming, however, I am just scared that it will just come back and attack healthy part of the intestine once all the bad stuff is cut out.
I know there are people out there, that are dealing with alot worse, but I must say, that after losing my 2 best friends, and the manner in which that all went down, I really do not socialize, and have become very much an introvert, due to the crohn's but also due to those events a couple years ago. It is hard to let go of, as all the things in life that I aspired for, were things that my buddy and I would always include the other in any plans or business ideas or you name it, we were partners in crime, partners for life, he was my right hand man, and I was his. Now that he is gone, as well as her, I really find myself not wanting to deal with people. He and I were so much alike that we very much knew each other and we also really understood each other. In certain situations we wouldn't even need to talk to know what the other was thinking. I truly feel as if I am enduring this alone. I do have a family that is awsome and supportive, that I do live with, it really is just not the same. Most friends I do have really don't get that the reason I stay home unless I have to work, is because I am always so exhausted, I am constantly in and out of the bathroom and not to mention the smell of my movements is so rancid in the last 4 yrs it is unbearably toxic, plus after a movement, I am usually so beat up, I barely have enough energy to plop myself in bed. Anyhow, I think I am done ranting, I just have felt like venting or getting this off my chest, and I can't tell you how many times I have written this draft and then just never posted it, sat up late at night, just staring at the screen, wondering if its even worth posting? is it even going to make me feel better..... but **** it. Thanks for reading it if you did, sorry for the long drawn out story.... Take care everyone
By the way, you know the crazy scary ****** up thing, is I still think about her and miss her. :tear:
I believe I have had some form of crohn's since I was at least 13 yrs old, however I was just diagnosed in JAN of 2012, at the age of 33.
A brief description of what brought on the flare that got my crohn's flaring and making itself very well known.
Feb '11-my best friend, more of my brother than a friend, got sick, bi-lateral pneumonia and H1N1 swine flu. He fought in ICU for 63 days before finally sucombing to the stress on his lungs. I never thought in a million years that anything like that would have occurred, let alone with the outcome that has come to pass. Theres obviously alot of stuff that occurred in that period that was beyond stressful.
After his passing, I took care of his fiance, as the 3 of us were best friends and she had noone really to help her, plus I looked after her while he was in the ICU. After about 2 months she initiated a relationship that broke the friendship boundary. I struggled with this as well but knew if anything, at least he knew I would take care of her, and I know he would not be upset. However, the fact that we were best friends, he confieded in me alot, and certain things that I felt were a tremendous stress on him.
I had now somewhat stepped into his shoes and as life began to somewhat resume to some level or normalcy I began to feel the stress as she could not go back to work, eventually losing her job, and a slew of other little problems and things following. I was slowly going broke, and then she found a job that was much better paying, so I felt things were on the mend, well, she couldn't hack it, and for w/e reason had to quit. Not too long after she had left me for a guy she met at her best friends, moms funeral, to which I did not go, as I had to work, to support us... I work from sun up to sundown in tv/film industry. The months leading up to her leaving I was slowly shedding weight, but I thought that this was due to the stress etc... but even she noticed that I was starting to get excessively thin. I am 5'6" and was 145-160lbs summer-winter weights, at the time she left me I was down to a bout 126 lbs, at the moment I pretty much hover 114-118 lbs.
The reason I brought up these two events is because within less than a year I think i went through some of the more traumatic experiences of my life, and thats not to say that I have not experienced rough times, my 3 yr old brother drowned in our pool when I was 8 and I was supposed to be watching him. I could go on, but I'll just say, that was at 8 and I have definitely had my unfair share of ****** experiences.
So, as she left me, at the time, I was having lots of stomach cramping, waking up every 2 hours to have really extremely "child birth" like bowel movements that would leave me wiped out where I could barely walk. I had also had fistulas in the past and one of them was definitely becoming active again, or it was a new one.
So, shortly after she left in jan'12 I was diagnosed with crohn's, and the next month I had my appendix removed in an emergency surgery, during which they discovered 8ft of the large intestine i believe, that they wanted to remove upon exploratory surgery, to which my parents opted against.
A month or 2 after that surgery, I had a flare which began as a 103 fever, and upon being checked in, I ended up spending a week in the hospital, and 5 days with no food or liquid, boy that sucked. So, since then, I have tried 6mp, humira, I am on remicade at the moment, however, honestly, nothing has ever seemed to help, or work, and now it seems that it is getting worse. I have become dependant on norco, as it is the only thing that literally gives me relief from everything, the pain, nausea, u name it, it helps it. I know some people disagree, which is fine, but, when I feel like I do, it is the only thing that I can turn to, to an extent, but even that can only work for so long. I am not sure I would still be here, had it not been for them, and I still contemplate whether or not it is worth it to continue to be tortured with this disease. My most recent visit to the doc, when I told her that I feel like it is worse, the pain, the cramping, the nausea, the b/m's, and her response was that at this point I might require surgery, as the numbers from my test regarding inflamation, have been on the decrease over the past 3 months, so the damage must be due to long term scarring which is ir-repairable. I have felt that surgery was coming, however, I am just scared that it will just come back and attack healthy part of the intestine once all the bad stuff is cut out.
I know there are people out there, that are dealing with alot worse, but I must say, that after losing my 2 best friends, and the manner in which that all went down, I really do not socialize, and have become very much an introvert, due to the crohn's but also due to those events a couple years ago. It is hard to let go of, as all the things in life that I aspired for, were things that my buddy and I would always include the other in any plans or business ideas or you name it, we were partners in crime, partners for life, he was my right hand man, and I was his. Now that he is gone, as well as her, I really find myself not wanting to deal with people. He and I were so much alike that we very much knew each other and we also really understood each other. In certain situations we wouldn't even need to talk to know what the other was thinking. I truly feel as if I am enduring this alone. I do have a family that is awsome and supportive, that I do live with, it really is just not the same. Most friends I do have really don't get that the reason I stay home unless I have to work, is because I am always so exhausted, I am constantly in and out of the bathroom and not to mention the smell of my movements is so rancid in the last 4 yrs it is unbearably toxic, plus after a movement, I am usually so beat up, I barely have enough energy to plop myself in bed. Anyhow, I think I am done ranting, I just have felt like venting or getting this off my chest, and I can't tell you how many times I have written this draft and then just never posted it, sat up late at night, just staring at the screen, wondering if its even worth posting? is it even going to make me feel better..... but **** it. Thanks for reading it if you did, sorry for the long drawn out story.... Take care everyone
By the way, you know the crazy scary ****** up thing, is I still think about her and miss her. :tear:
