Not sure how to respond

[dreamintwilight]

So, really...I feel like a bum to have 2 vents this week about stupid stuff, but what can ya do? Guess I'm emotional this week! :thumbdown:

I posted a status on Facebook yesterday about enjoying a smoothie yesterday and one of my best friends who I haven't talked to in a while responds with "You are always talking about eating yummy food. It makes me jealous."

It really bothered me to hear the last part of the statement. Now, bless her heart, she doesn't really realize what she's saying. But I think that in itself is what bothers me. It's as if she thinks I can eat whatever I want. Hahaha! And she's JEALOUS of what I can eat?? If she only knew my annoyance at my current lack of diet. It just is really frustrating. I don't see what there is to be jealous about.

I just don't know if I should say anything. What I want to say is "you should be grateful for the option to eat whatever you want." But I know she'll probably just feel bad and I don't want her to feel bad, but just wish she would really think about what she was saying before she says it. She's been struggling to lose wait, and good for her she has lost a good amount already! I don't know...I know this is not at all what she meant, but it felt like "I have it so much worse off than you." I don't think she realizes I struggle just as much as she probably does with deciding what to eat, but our consequences are different - she gains weight and I could potentially end up in the ER w/ another blockage. :hallo2:

I feel if I choose to say nothing it's going to bother me and might come out in a negative way later if a similar comment is said again. So, how can I tell her how I feel in a nice and constructive way?

 

[MapleLeafGirl]

I get that a lot too from people. Usually it's "wow it must be so nice not to have to worry about your weight". Or one time when I was complaining to some friends about not being able to keep weight on and they were like "wish I had that problem" followed by an eye roll. People just don't get it and I am working on a way to respond myself.

I am thinking of something like (in a nice voice). "I can understand why you would think that, but there's more to it than that. Unfortunately my body doesn't work the way it should and I have to worry about things like blockages and nutritional deficiencies. It's a really complicated disease and I can explain more if you are interested"

 

[kello82]

what i do in situations like that is use my sarcasm.

i say something sarcastic and silly like "HAY! ill trade my smoothie for your fun college life deal!?"
and make it something funny, but at the same time a hint of truth will be felt and maybe she will stop and think about it again.

and then sometimes i am just flat out with it, i remember this one friend put their status "sometimes life is not worth living" and i was like omg you have GOT to be kidding me, so i just said "FALSE!!!!"

lol but he is not really a good friend and i dont care hahahah

but either way, you should say something marisa

 

[dreamintwilight]

Yeah, i agree with needing to say something. I know actually all these emotions are built up form a previous post she made several weeks ago that I tried using the sarcasm/hint of truth thing with.

She posted her status as something like "Why can't I eat whatever I want and be skinny?" And I responded with "Why can't I eat whatever I want and not have Crohn's?" I never got a response back, haha. And I think her response on my status was the straw that broke the camel's back. Obviously passive aggressive didn't work, haha!

 

[dreamintwilight]

Well, I sent her a private message. We'll see how it goes! Thanks for input ladies!

 

[dreamintwilight]

Yeah Joan - it's easy for people to say the grass is greener on the other side (I know I'm guilty of that too). She really is the nicest person I know though, so I know she wasn't trying to be hurtful and another reason I wanted her to know how I felt. She's not the kind of person to say hurtful things. She was just being, as you said, ignorant. Perhaps she forgot I had Crohn's. Hahaha. It's easy to get caught up in the superficial stuff, I know, and I don't down play that it's been hard for her to keep weight off. I suppose I just ask she put the same thought into my situation I don't think it's too much to ask.

 

[shazamataz]

Hey Marisa, I saw that on your post and also thought 'She has NO idea!!!' So, you made something yummy to eat? Good for you! I hope it went down well and didn't make you feel sick!

It is frustrating when people don't seem to 'get it'. I also get the odd comment about being lucky to be so skinny and I'm like 'I need to put on 6 kg and can't!!! I have to buy clothes in the kids department for goodness sake!'

I guess people have their own issues and we just have to understand that and get on with dealing with our own? I also get comments about how great it must be to be single and it makes me feel like slapping people! I am nearly 40 and the chances of me having a family now are almost nil - people just don't get it!!!

Oooh, I've just had a vent too!!

 

[dreamintwilight]

Haha, Sharon! That actually makes me feel better that I wasn't being ridiculous for having those initial thoughts. I think it would be easier for me to brush off ignorant comments like that from people who don't really know me or I don't have a close relationship with, but I guess maybe I thought she wouldn't be silly enough to say something like that. But I was very nice in how I told her how it made me feel and just told her the point wasn't to make her feel bad or anything. I just wanted her to realize that though I'm not always complaining this Crohn's business is really hard and annoying! And that she's got so many good things going on in her life she should be grateful and not jealous! Hopefully she understands.

 

[Entchen]

Hey Marisa: Sorry for more annoyances this week. (Sigh!) You are so good at being positive and lighthearted that I bet you found a way to express your concerns in a non-threatening way.

My comment about what she said is: People who need to lose weight have *tons* of yummy food options (including great smoothies). Take it from one of the people in this group whose weight keeps going UP as the symptoms get worse. There are lots of wonderful, colourful, tasty food choices out there. It's her choice if she wants to stick to the boring stuff.
Am totally in agreement with the jealousy angle re. the source of her comments.

Cheers,
Kelly

 

[katiesue1506]

You know its funny. I think these things just kinda creep up on you and you don't realize how much it would affect you. I've had someone at work make a simple comment about food like in your situation and I just got so internally mad that I just didn't say anything because my reaction to the comment took me so off guard.

I think I've toughened myself to the blatantly rude comments, that the ones that aren't so rude and are just wrongly put seem to make me more easily heated because they catch me off guard.

 

[dreamintwilight]

Thanks, Kelly! I completely agree about boring diet. Healthy doesn't have to mean boring! I think we've all managed to get somewhat creative with low-residue diet!

Katie - I think I am the same way about those types of comments. That's exactly what it was. I was caught completely off guard by it! I mean I had heard other people's stories about these types of things happening to them, but I just wasn't as prepared as I thought, haha!

 

[semicolon306]

People sometimes forget that we are different and take silly stuff for granted, like foods and activities. I do not blame them for it, since they have NO idea what we go through.

Not that I wish bad on ANYONE, but if any of these people EVER break their leg. I am going to run around them and do jumping jacks - then smile and ask, so how does it feel - LMPO.

 

[dreamintwilight]

People sometimes forget that we are different and take silly stuff for granted, like foods and activities. I do not blame them for it, since they have NO idea what we go through.

Not that I wish bad on ANYONE, but if any of these people EVER break their leg. I am going to run around them and do jumping jacks - then smile and ask, so how does it feel - LMPO.

Haha, Semicolon! Hope I never break my leg around you. ;-) Oh, and thanks for friending me on FB. I was trying to figure out what your username was on here. Now I know!

 

[semicolon306]

welcome, and if you break your leg, I will take care of you. Being a medic I have good meds and I will even get you a smoothie

 

[ameslouise]

Marisa - Did your friend ever reply to your message???

 

[ataloss]

I think it's great that you messaged her and told her how you felt. Too often I have let things go and not said anything but the anger still builds inside. People dont get crohn's or what you are going through and I dont think there is anything wrong with helping to remind/educate them.

Some people would do anything to be thin (except develop a healthy diet and exercise program, lol) so they are jealous of those it seems to come "naturally" too. If they for a second understood that alot of people with cd/uc are thin due to living in the bathroom they would rethink their comments. On a different thread on a different topic someone said "what's the point of being thin if you are not healthy"........and people like your friend just werent thinking like that. But it is so true. I bet you would give up your crohn's in an instant if you could trade it in for being 25 pounds overweight and having that be the only issue you had to deal with, you know??

I hope she sends you back a reply.

 

[dreamintwilight]

OH yeah. Forgot to update this She responded and took it very well. She apologized and said she didn't really think about what she was saying and had no clue what I must be going through. I didn't want her to feel bad, but I'm glad she understood where I was coming from.

Antonella - That's exactly the kind of reasoning I mentioned in my message to her about how I felt. I know she exercises and watches her diet and I told her that. I said "you're active, healthy, and about to graduate with a Master's degree! Don't be jealous. Be proud!" Those are all things I wish I could say I have. I would trade for those in a second if I could.

I think she got my point. Some people focus on clothing size as an indicator of health and that's not always the case. I'm 105 lbs, but my stamina SUCKS, haha. She could probably out run me! Haha.

 

[ataloss]

I am so glad that it worked out between you two! Sometimes it really pays to bring your concerns to the open.

 

[dreamintwilight]

I agree, Antonella!

BTW, so good to see a face! Where is your picture taken?

 

[ataloss]

The picture was taken on Biehl (sp?) street in Nashville......it was close to the end of an amazing cross country road trip that I went on last year....awesome experience